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New And Improved Harry Potter

When a wonky potion wipes Harry's memory, he turns into a sly and clever dude. Forget his old self – now he's all about outsmarting everyone and shaking things up. With his wits sharp, he's not playing by the rules anymore. Harry's newfound attitude shakes up the school as he refuses to be controlled. Expect plenty of foul language, a touch of character criticism, and loads of sci-fi nods. Harry's not just any wizard—he's a bit of a jerk. Get ready for a wild ride as Harry spins his own story, outthinking folks left and right. ====== Disclaimer I do not assert any ownership over anything. J. K. Rowling owns everything.

Earthly_Writer · Livres et littérature
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105 Chs

Collision of Confusion

Our hero turned at the sound of his name. He was almost knocked off his feet when a brown-haired missile collided with him. "Ummm," was all he got out as he wrapped his arms around what appeared to be a girl his age. He was not at all put out by her chest snuggling up to his.

"Oh, Harry, I've been so worried. You've been gone for a week. Where have you been? Why did you leave? Is it the tournament? We will find a way. Is it Ron? He'll come around. No, wait, you don't know about that yet. Forget I said anything. Oh, Harry, why did you run?" the girl prattled in one breath as she pulled back and searched his face for injury.

Seeing the fading bruises and that he was in a hospital gown and pants, she figured he had been hurt, but was healing. She decided that he had been in the Hospital Wing and for some reason ran, but he needed medical help. So, she grabbed his hand and tugged and was quite surprised when he dug in his feet and peered at her through his still unwashed hair.

"I'm sorry, had a bit of an accident, and I'm all lost in the head. Who are you?" he said, not sure where to start in all those questions that made him have questions of his own. She was a cute girl with bushy hair and slightly large front teeth. Still she seem to know him really well. He did wonder just how well.

"Oh honestly, Harry, this is no time for jokes," the girl huffed, still trying to get him to move. She huffed and pulled, but he didn't budge, so she whirled around and folded her arms and stared at him curiously.

"Why does everyone keep saying that? Am I really that much of a prankster that I'd lie about something like this? I don't think I am, I don't feel the need go around embarrassing anyone," the amnesiac stated firmly as he planted his feet in a defiant stance.

"Well, no, you usually don't joke around about serious things," she conceded, glancing at his confused face.

Whispers started and that made him look around to try and see the faces of everyone who was gathered in a circle around him and this girl. He could tell from their height that they were kids and teen, but their faces were all a blur so he couldn't see the expressions.

He felt like a sideshow freak.

"What the hell are you people staring at?" he barked, making quite a few jump and hurry away. "Do I stop and listen to your private conversations? Wow, I must've really been an arsehole," he muttered, confused as to why they felt his was important enough to gawk at. If he had been an arsehole before, he didn't think he was one now. Little did he know the opposite was true.

"No, you don't," the girl stated as she twirled around and glared at the spectators. "Move along, this is none of your concern," she ordered as she grabbed the sleeve of his hospital gown and pulled him back to the stairs.

Gossip broke out, but the crowd dissipated.

"Wait, I'm not going back up there. That old man pillaged my mind!" Harry yelled as he jerked his arm away and started back towards the doors. He wasn't staying here if he could help it. He had lived on the streets for a week, he could do it longer. Though, he didn't seem to have his boots, 'Damn, that's going to make it more difficult,' he thought as he continued to try for freedom.

"Honestly, Harry, I am sure that Dumbledore was only trying to help," the still unintroduced girl said as she grabbed his arm and pulled him in the direction of the stairs… again.

"I said no, and he did it anyway. How is that okay with you?" he asked, once again yanking his arm free and backing away. "You're a girl, you should know better," he snapped as he wondered if this truly was his friend. How could that be if she thought it was okay to be violated in such a manner?

"He is your guardian while you're here," she said sternly, twirling around to look at him.

"So if he beats me, is that okay too?" our hero demanded, not sure how she could think this.

"Of course not, that's not at all the same thing," she huffed and then noticed they were getting a new crowd. She tugged on his gown once more, but he was unmovable. "Harry, stop being difficult and come back to the Hospital Wing, I'm sure there is a logical explanation for what happened."

"Yeah, that old man has a God complex," the dark-haired teen muttered, but didn't move an inch.

Just then Hagrid came into the building. "There ya are, 'arry, we've been lookin' all over fer ya," the giant man stated, coming up to the two arguing teens. He was very happy to see his little friend. He had started to become worried that Harry had met with a bad end.

"Oh my God, you're fucking huge," Harry said as his eyes got wide and he pushed himself into the wall as much as the unforgiving surface would let him. His eyes darted up and down the large room he was in.

To his right was the stairs, to his left was the door, but the huge man was in his way. If he moved forward and went through the crowd, maybe he could get out that way. He was calculating how to get to the doors, when the still unidentified girl broke his train of thoughts.

"Harry," the bushy-haired girl started tentatively, laying a hand on his arm. "Don't you remember Hagrid? He's one of you first friends," she stated with a very worried voice and look.

"'E doesn't remember?" the man with the shaggy beard said, leaning forward and looking at Harry with his beady eyes, making the wary boy sidle away from him, closer to the stairs.

"Oh Merlin, you really do have amnesia," Hermione gasps, putting her hands to her mouth in shock. "You have no clue as to who I am, do you?" When he shook his head and glared at her in a 'duh' way, she smiled and said, "My name is Hermione Granger. We have been best friends for four years."

"Right," he said with a nod, trying to remember her. The next voice he heard made him jump and try and get around the giant, who kept getting in his way. 'Damn, this guy is quick for someone his size,' he thought.

"Hagrid, be so kind as to escort Mr. Potter back to the Hospital Wing. He is very sick and should not be running about," McGonagall's voice said from the top of the stairs.

"Alright, Professor," the half-giant said as he closed a large hand around Harry's arm. "Come on, 'arry, let's get ya back," he said as he hauled the teen towards the stairs.

"I am not going back there!" the teen yelled at the top of his lungs as his magic exploded out of him, affecting everyone but the giant.

People stumbled back and a large circle of emptiness surrounded Harry and Hagrid. Some fell to the floor, and others slammed against the wall. None were hurt, but they were all staring at Harry with wide fearful eyes. It was a good thing he couldn't see their faces.

"Now, 'arry, that's not right, ya should jest listen to yer teachers," the unaffected man stated as he lifted the struggling teen over his broad shoulder and carried him up the stairs.

"No, that old man is going to rip apart my mind with some weird telepathic sci-fi contacts that make his eyes twinkle," Harry shouted and squirmed to get out of the firm grip of the giant arm keeping him pinned down. He kicked and hit the man, but none of it work, and the man's muscles caused his bare feet and fist to hurt.

"Harry, what are you talking about? Professor Dumbledore isn't a scientist, he's a wizard," Hermione asked as she followed the trio up the stairs.

"There is no such thing as magic," the struggling boy said loudly, making everyone in the hall gasp.

"Explain what you just did then," she stated firmly.

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