⑤

Pause Let Me Think_______________

The familiar reconcile door fills my sight. I stand up without any knife stuck in my chest or a hint of pain that should be there. Behind the hallway's windows is a blue sky I've seen before—the same shapes of clouds, the same hue of blue. Sohee looks at me, confused at first, but then she chuckles. "Oh, Sunbae, it's just you being nervous after all." Her cheeks relax. "It can't be helped. You have to make the best first impression on the girls, anyway. I can imagine the pressure."

I wish the problem were as simple as that, but the pressure is heavier than she knows. It's the kind of pressure where you die twice, then slowly gain your breath back, only to die again. That's what it seems like to me.

Sohee walks past me and opens the door. Noticing me standing idle, still mesmerized by this whole situation, she turns around invitingly, "Let's just get on with it."

Right, sure. I follow her blankly.

When I enter the room, it's the same scene: Mei looks at me with wide eyes, Shizuka is typing on her keyboard, Carrie's fingers are pushing buttons, and Claire is either sleeping on the desk or at least trying to.

I take a seat. The cushion feels like an ass this time.

"So? Who's he?" Shizuka asks again.

Sohee sighs. "First, I want you all to stop whatever you're doing and listen…"

The introduction replays, but I keep getting distracted. Don't blame me for trying to make sense of it all—YOLO isn't even real now. Sohee checks on me whenever I don't pay attention, whispering that I should make a mental note. I don't need to. I've seen all of this before. Time feels faster, like I'm watching a movie in fast-forward.

Finally, Claire bangs the door shut, and Carrie complains, talking behind the possible crime syndicate daughter's back. The only change this time is that they don't have to explain what Claire meant by "toilet," because I don't bother to ask.

Hold up...

Will that get me killed?

What does She want from me anyway?

Sohee tugs my sleeve. "Sunbae? You're spacing out again… Sunbae? Should we go to the nurse? You look really pale."

Just then, I realize I'm sweating. Despite that, I give Sohee a reassuring smile. "I'm okay." It's just that I'm thinking…

Can I die? Or will I have to experience the pain of dying again and again?

A look of concern crosses Sohee's face. Then she shakes it off, keeping it business-like, and turns to the girls. "So if everyone is all right, we should be able to start our recognition session now."

Recognition session. The last time I reached this point, I refused to be their tutor and walked out of the school. Then I met Life and Death, who claimed to be one, and they assassinated me. Sending me back here.

Now I remember. The nurse—or she called herself Death—said I could meet her at the school's infirmary. The Death who kissed me to lessen my pain is waiting there for my questions. Great, I have a million for her.

The girls look at me, ready for my answer.

Huh. I could answer the opposite of last time—"I guess I'd like to be your tutor"—but then what? Wait for one of the girls to notice I can't teach them, call me a fraud, and watch me squirm in chaos? Or maybe that wouldn't happen. Instead, when I have to leave the school, Life stabs me again because I've chosen something not to their liking.

But then again, She will stab me if I follow the last route, too.

If you realized, great! Life and Death are the bosses here. I have to ask what they want from me. I'm dying clueless now, and if only the word "dying" actually meant death, but dying by Her hand is to live again. I'm like that one part-timer who stands blankly, awaiting orders. What should I do now, boss? I need specifications from Her, who put me into this situation so suddenly, goddammit.

I stand up, confusing the girls, and say to Sohee, "I have to use the toilet."

Shizuka asks playfully, "We have two definitions of 'toilet' here."

"The one not Claire uses."

Shizuka tilts her head. "Hm, weird, as if you get it?"

Oh yeah, we've never talked about the toilet Claire used in this timeline. For me to reply to her like that makes it seem like I know their norms when I shouldn't. Will this get me killed? God, if only I knew what the fuck I'm supposed to do now.

She eyes me suspiciously but then brushes it off.

I give Sohee a look that says everything will be fine and tell her, "I'll be back shortly."

My mouth feels ticklish using the word "shortly"—a term of time when I'm absolutely confused about how time is supposed to work now.

Sohee nods. "I'll be waiting." Then I walk out of the room.

The hallway stretches along with loneliness. As I advance, there are no footsteps.

I stop, finding myself stuck—I don't know this school. I look around, and a ponytail girl comes into view. She's holding a pile of papers.

I stop her. "Excuse me, but where's the infirmary?"

The girl jumps a bit, startled by my approach, and then studies me from head to toe.

Ah, I see. This is an all-girls school, so seeing me could be a little weird. I feel younger in this body… so she must think I'm the same age as her. But my attire should give her enough dots to connect.

She asks, "You're a teacher?"

"Not exactly, but I guess I'm going to be equivalent to that."

"That's so. Wait, you came from that corridor…" Her eyes widen. "Ah, I'm sorry! You must be the new tutor."

She tries to bow, but when the papers shake, she pulls herself back slowly. "Er, what did you ask again? Oh, the infirmary? It's down on the first floor—just use those stairs over there and go right."

I bow slightly. "Thank you."

"No problem. Now if you'll excuse me."

She takes off, not looking back at me anymore. Which means she doesn't realize that something has fallen out of her skirt pocket. It's a box of playing cards.

I could shout to inform her—I do owe her—but let's get real here. I have a life-and-death matter to attend to—literally. The more time wasted, the more likely I'll get killed again.

I shrug off the guilt, use the stairs to climb down for five minutes (what a big school), and walk for another minute before finally standing in front of the infirmary door. If I recap what I've seen around the school, it's like a mansion with only your grandparents in it. Silence is ever-present. You could even hear your own footsteps and heartbeat as you walk down a corridor.