Hesitation

I sit at the kitchen table, my mind still foggy from the call I received. My mother looks at me, visibly exhausted from her long day of work. Léa is in the living room, absorbed in her homework. I know I need to talk to him, tell him what's going on. I take a deep breath.

-Mom I received an important call today

She looks up, intrigued. A call ? From whom?

-Of the Army. They have a mission for me. They offer a large sum of money in exchange.

Her face freezes, and she slowly sets down the cup of tea she was holding. "The army? Thomas, what are they talking about?"

I briefly explain to him Colonel Dupont's call, the two million dollars, and the need for someone discreet and reliable. As I speak, I see his face fall, fear and worry settling there.

-Thomas, it's dangerous. You know what happened to your father. You can't leave like that. What if... what if you don't come back?

I take her hand, trying to reassure her despite my own doubts. 

-Mom, I understand your concerns, but this mission is different. The colonel said it was a simple mission with no real danger. We will be well protected.

She stares at me, searching for a truth that I struggle to hide from her. 

-Are you sure of what you're saying?

I nod, forcing a reassuring smile. 

-Yes mom. I wouldn't leave if I thought there was real danger. But this sum is a chance for us to escape this poverty. With this money, we could live without worrying about money, Léa could go to a good school, you could stop working so hard.

She bites her lip, tears in her eyes. 

-I don't want to lose you, Thomas. I couldn't stand that.

I squeeze his hand a little tighter. 

-You won't lose me, I promise. This is a unique opportunity, Mom. For all of us. Trust me.

She nods slowly, tears flowing freely now. 

-Okay, Thomas. But be careful. Come back to us safe and sound.

I give him an encouraging smile, although my heart is heavy with guilt. I hate lying to him, but I don't see any other way. I have to do this for her, for Léa. I get up and go to my sister, ruffling her hair like I always do. She smiles at me, innocent and carefree, unaware of the heavy decisions being played out around her.

-Will you read me a story tonight?, asked my little sister 

-You've become so big yet you want me to read you a story, I said to him amused 

-Yes, she said to me

-Okay, what story do you want me to read to you?, I asked him 

-The story of the mermaid, she answered me excitedly 

That night, I couldn't sleep. I think about the mission, what the colonel told me, the potential risks that I minimized to reassure my mother. But above all, I thought about what this sum could do for us. 

In the morning, my decision is made. I'll call the colonel back and accept the mission.

Whatever it takes, I will not let my family live in these conditions another day.