Twenty-Seven

"Athea I think that's all we have time for today. My next appointment is waiting for me. I do want to reiterate that I won't turn Ryan in if you can convince him to come with you one day. I know you may be worried about that." Pat says snapping me out of my haze. Out of the thoughts that I vividly remember running through my head that day.

"Okay. I really appreciate everything you do and all the help you have been for me."

"Also, Athea," Pat says making me stop in the middle of standing up to leave. " I don't think you like him per say. I think this may go to a deeper level. That's in my professional opinion. You know how you feel. I also think that seeing how you two interact would be helpful in seeing if my assumptions about the sexual attraction are there or if it's because you have Stockholm syndrome."

"Okay. I do need to go though. I need to get home and do some more of the manuscripts for work." I nod in understanding and seething on the inside. I do not have a case of Stockholm syndrome. I genuinely like Ryan. Yes, I should hate him for everything he's done but still. There's something about him I can't help but liking. It's like I suffocate without him and Monday was the first day I had felt like I was able to breathe in a long time. I felt free and alive.

I walk home in an angry tantrum and flop on the couch after I lock the door. I call Mack who doesn't answer then I call Ryan who picks the phone up on the third ring. Of course he would pick up on the third ring.

"Hey?" He sounded confused and worried about me calling. It was like he was trying to keep me from knowing what he was up to. I didn't like the secrecy but it also wasn't my place to know what he was doing. He's a grown man he can do what he wants.

"Is everything okay?" I ask. Now instead of wanting to vent I wanted to know if he was okay. Which for me is normal. My own mental health and issues take a backseat to those I care about. Ryan was no different even though he caused my mental health problems. It's ironic and I couldn't help but smirk at the irony of the situation.

"Why are you calling?" He was breathing heavily.

"I was calling to get you to come over but I guess your busy." My voice fell from worry to disappointment.

"I'm not done with my errands yet. I'll be there around one I think." I could see his nose scrunch up in thought. I could hear his concentration on keeping his breathing even. I could still tell he was breathing heavily because of the few times I caused him to do so.

"What's going on?" I ask. I could hear footsteps in the background and running. It might explain why he was out of breath but he is in the mafia so that's more likely the reason he is out of breath. Not because he was working out but probably because he was doing mafia business.

"Did you call Mack?" I hear him ask. It sounds like he was slowing down. He sounded like he didn't want to talk. I knew he probably didn't want to after his morning and he's busy-obviously- but it still hurts.

"Yeah. She didn't pick up." I said. I was starting to get upset.

"Oh. Listen I'm really busy."

"Yeah I can tell. Don't bother coming over tonight then." I hung the phone up before he could say anything and before I could break down into tears. I don't know why it was bothering me so much about him being too busy to talk to me and not wanting to stay but seeming to get mad at me for not wanting him to stay for safety reasons.

Instead of wallowing in loneliness and boredom I grab the bottle of wine from the kitchen and sit down. I take a swig of the wine and start editing the first manuscript. I was halfway through the last page when I tried to take another swig but the bottle was empty. I finish editing the manuscript and stand up to throw away the bottle when I hear a knock at the door. I didn't know if I was hearing things or if someone was actually there so I clumsily made my way over and look through the peep hole.

"Athea. It's me. Come on open up. It was just some family business errands I was having to take care of." He was wearing a flannel shirt with a t-shirt underneath it. I open the door and smile.

"Ryan. Hey! Come on in." I over exaggerate waving him in.

"Are you drunk?" He asks cracking a smile.

"No." I shake my head which made me dizzy.

"Okay. Let's get you to bed." He sighs the smile falling off his face. He knows better than anyone what happens when I'm drunk.

"No. I don't want to go to bed." I cross my arms and make a pouting angry face.

"Fine." He crosses his arms. "Then why have you been mad at me today?"

"I feel like you didn't want to hang around then when I said you couldn't it was like you were mad at me." I said turning from pouting to moping and the feeling of rejection was threatening to engulf me.

"Athea. I had errands to run. And no I wasn't mad that you didn't want me to stay. I get it. If you were the one that was wanted I'd want you to go somewhere else too. Now let's get you to bed." Ryan says and walks me to my room. He puts some clothes on me that are really soft and laid me down. He was really gentle about it. I fell asleep in no time.

I woke up to a throbbing head and dry mouth. I stand up when I notice a cup of water and aspirin sitting on my nightstand. Ryan must have put them there yesterday. Ryan! Oh shit!

I walk out of my room and see him standing in the kitchen drinking some coffee. "Hey."

"Good morning." He tips his head to me in acknowledgement. "Did you talk to Pat yesterday?"

"Yeah. Um.. she said that she wouldn't turn you in if you came to help me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I said. I didn't nod my head because I didn't want to start my headache again. "When do you want to come?"

"When do you think you'll be done?"

"Probably tomorrow. I already told her how I walked in your room that night because I didn't want to be alone."

"Wow. After that it was pretty domestic. Are you going to tell her about when you left?"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to start at your Uncles coming home party."

"I'll come." He says setting his mug down in finality.

"Okay. Cool. Let me get this manuscript in then." I walk back into my room and get dressed. I make sure I have everything and wait on him. He seemed awfully quiet today. "What's wrong?"

"I was pretty bad to you. Especially those first couple months." He sounded apologetic. It wasn't surprising because he's been apologetic since I let him in my life.

"Yeah but you made up for it by saving me from being raped and not killing me so there's that." I say refraining from shrugging like it was no big deal. It was a big deal to me and him both and we knew it.

"You have a point there." We started walking to my company and I walk inside dropping off the manuscript. "Hey Mark, I have two more left. I'll get those done tonight and give them to you tomorrow."

"Okay. Not a problem. I'll see you next week still right?"

"Yeah of course. Bye boss." I give him a half wave and walk out the building. Ryan walks to me immediately and when we get in the waiting room his leg starts bouncing.

"She's not going to tell right?" Ryan asks nervously.

"No. She said she wouldn't as long as your a help and not a hindrance."

"I don't know. Athea this seems like a bad idea." We hear the door open and I look at him.

"Too late now though. Come on." I grab his hand and squeeze.

We walk in together and sit down as Pat closes the door and goes to her desk. She sits down and looks at me then Ryan then looks back to me. "I see you brought a guest today?"

"Yeah. Um... he said he'd help me." I looked between the two. Ryan's nervous energy was rubbing off on me and making me nervous and I'm the one who has been coming here for a while.

"Okay. So.." Pat says suggestively.

"Oh shit. Um.. sorry. Pat this is Ryan. Ryan this is Pat my therapist." I introduce them and watch as the two of them stare at each other in silence studying one another as if the other was a threat.