Eleven- Death's Door

I'm cold... I wonder if this is what it feels like to die?

Did my mom actually kill me? Am I hated that much? I know I'm not the best child in the world but... I didn't wanna die like this.

It's painful.

I'm scared.

I'm all alone here.

Eli...

Does Eli miss me?

I miss him.

Does he want me to live?

....Do I want to live?

I don't know.

Life is painful and scary...

But it wasn't so bad with Eli. He was so sweet to me lately. His mom is so nice.

Alex is like my brother.

Is it ok if I want to live?

Am I allowed to want that?

I want to live.

I want to be happy.

I want to be happy no matter what.

All I see is white blur as I slowly move my heavy eyelids.

My stomach... it feels tingly, similar to my leg fell asleep tingly. It almost hurts.

My eye slowly focus and I stare at the unknown yet familiar hospital ceiling.

I'm alive... thank god.

I don't wanna die by a crazy mother.

Wait.

Am I happy to be alive?

I guess so. This is a new feeling.

I look to the right to see a nurse changing my iv bag unaware I woke up. I think of what the best thing to say to not startle her.

Dang, my mouth feels dry.

"E-excuse me," oh my god my voice cracked how embarrassing.

She turns around in surprise and gives me a huge smile "hello Ms. Maxwell, how are you feeling?"

"I feel ok... just tired and a bit weird"

"I'm glad, the numbness you're feeling is just to take away the pain, remember to take it easy ok? I'm going to go get the doctor and he's going to explain your situation."

"Thank you"

"Your welcome" she says before scurrying out the door in a rush.

I look down subconsciously at my stomach and see it wrapped in layers. Hey maybe if I'm lucky this will make me skinny.

I chuckle at my own joke.

My body feels so heavy.

I sigh and stare at the door waiting for it to open.

The door swings open and the doctor comes through. He has a a couple other doctors with him and they huddle in the back following behind him.

"Hello Ms. Maxwell, I'm doctor Robert Martinez and I was your primary doctor for the surgery. How are you feeling right now? What's your pain from one to ten?"

My brain is a little slow to catch up with what he's saying but I do my best to answer his questions.

Apparently I had lost a lot of blood and part of my liver, but it missed all the important things luckily enough.

Well I guess it's lucky.

Being stabbed wasn't though.

I have to stay here for two weeks before I'm allowed to go home because they suspect a blood infection from the knife.

Home?

I don't know where to go. I wonder if Mrs. Edison would let me stay with her just for a bit.

"Excuse me, Ms. Maxwell are you still listening?"

I snap out of my thought process and look at him. "Yes, sorry I'm listening"

"If you are feeling well enough, you do have a visitors. The Edison family stayed until you woke up, would you like for me to send them in?"

I feel so happy and scared at the same time to hear that. Is it ok to be happy?

"Yes send them in please," I smile fiddling with my thumbs.

"On a sidenote Ms. Maxwell, on behalf of me and the other doctors in the hospital we would like to apologize for everything," Dr. Martinez bows his head and so do the other doctors.

I see regret, sadness, awkwardness and relief all on there face.

Another tall doctor makes his way to the front and looks at me "Al- Ms. Maxwell.. we don't even know what to say, we would have never let him do that to you. You can count on all the hospital staff to take care of everything you might need ok?"

I smile a little at there kindness, I mean they have always been nice but... I probably should have depended on help a little sooner.

"Thank you everyone, I.. I just," I have trouble finding what I wanna say. " Thank you all for taking care of me, it's ok you all don't have to look so sad. I am ok." I smile at them and I see there faces light up a bit.

The doctors and nurse leave it at that and I take a deep breath to prepare me for seeing Elijah's face.

The door flings open so fast I jump and I see Elijah's worried face before he rushes over to hug me. He squeezes my shoulders careful not to press my stomach.

"Ali thank god you're ok! I don't know what I would do without you!" I feel him sniffle and feel a warm wet spot on my back. I hug him back and he looks at me with tears filling his eyes.

"Ali, baby, I love you so much." He kisses my head and put his forehead on my forehead, so we are close enough to feel each other's breath. I blush slightly just being this close to him.

"I'm ok Eli, I'm sorry to worry you."

"Don't be sorry don't say that... are you ok? I mean I know you're not but-"

"I'm fine Eli.. I know what you meant. I'm ok... thank you for staying with me."

"Of course princess!" I feel his hand pick up my hand and lay a soft kiss on the top.

"I would stay with you no matter how long it took" he gives me a soft smile and I feel tears roll down my cheeks.

"Eli... I-I am so sorry"

"About what princess?"

"That I'm your girlfriend... I-I just I love you, Elijah. But I feel like I just cause you so much stress and I-" I feel his hand over my mouth to stop me from talking.

"Baby, I love you too. There is no reason to apologize, I chose you. I want you. I don't care what comes our way I just want us to face it together ok? Sweetheart." I feel a kiss on my lips and somehow more tears come out.

"Thank you."

I sniffle a bit and blow my nose and then we hear a knock at the door for Elijah's family to come in. Me and Eli's eyes are both swollen from crying so much but somehow we are so happy.

They showed me with so much love I can't help but smile.

Is it ok to be this happy? Is it finally all over?

I love him so much... and he loves me.

That's all I really need.