Shattered

My ears rang as I watched them leave. Carey smiled apologetically before getting inside the car and driving off with her trackers. her words still echoing in my head like I was in a tunnel.

My mate, she had said. was here. Long ago. He was born here long ago.

My mate was here twenty years ago.

Twenty years ago.

Twenty years ago.

He was...

Did he...?

Was he...?

Can he... No, he can't be.

The person I was mated to was dead. He was dead. He was...

I laughed. It must be a joke. It's all a joke. Okay, I am laughing. Haha, you got me. Enough with the joke.

My mate was dead.

She was kidding, right? She was lying. He can't be dead. He isn't dead.

Was he...

Is he...

He can't be. He couldn't be.

Before I knew it, I was running into the forest while crying. I tripped multiple times but got up and continued running. Tripping didn't hurt as bad as knowing that my mate was not alive. Hearing that my mate was long presumed dead made my heart feel like it was ripped out of my chest and stomped on.

The pain made me feel suffocated. I couldn't breathe without him. Why was he presumed dead? Why was he... I continued into the forest and reached the meadow. Not the one I spent most of my days at but the one I always saw in my dreams. The one I met him at.

He was supposed to be here. But he wasn't.

He was supposed to wait for me here but he wasn't.

I screamed and cried for him to come back. I hadn't met him yet. He had met me when I was young, so where was he? why did he leave me? Why did he leave me unprotected for all this time?

He can't be gone when I didn't even know him. I cant only know him from dreams. I can't... Did he see me when I was and reject me because I was ugly and he didn't want his kids to be born ugly? Did he...

I apologized for always cursing and hating him for being away from me. I am sorry for always threatening to kill you when we meet, I was only angry at you for being so distant from me. I am sorry come back to me, please! I screamed out loud to him as my heart tore at me.

"Mother goddess, I'm sorry for always being bitchy towards you. I'm sorry for never praying to you. I'm sorry for blaming you for my mother's death. or for not giving me a father. I am sorry for everything that I've done, but please bring him back to me. Please!" I kneeled and cried as I bowed and kowtowed to the moon Goddess.

Marcus came out of the shadows and hugged me as I cried. But he wasn't the one I wanted to hold. He wasn't the one I wanted in my arms. He wasn't... the guardian, I remembered. "Lord guardian, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never... I never... I never thanked you... I'm sorry... I couldn't... I'm sorry.. please forgive me."

I apologized to the guardian, the Lord I've heard my mother pray to as she led me to the closet she hid me in the day of the attack.

"Shh! it's okay," Marcus said hugging me tighter and rubbing my back his voice was soothing. His scent peppermint scent was soothing. But he wasn't the one I wanted to hear. It wasn't the one I wanted. I don't know how long I may have cried but the pain in my chest was so unbearable. I don't know whether I cried myself to sleep or I fainted.

But I woke up on my bed with my heart still aching. My eyes were puffy and hurt. But a second of realization that I never going to meet my mate made all of that pain disappear. All that I was left with was a bigger gnawing hole on my chest and no will to do anything. I didn't feel like eating. I didn't feel like moving. I didn't feel like anything at all. It was like something inside of me was just dead.

But the hole in my chest wasn't. It ate at my insides and kept on squeezing my heart. every breath I took, punished me for breathing while my mate was dead. Every move I made, stabbed me for moving while my mate was gone. Dead.

I just woke up and stared at my ceiling. How long was I like that? I don't know. Nor did I care.

"Knock! Knock!" Someone knocked on my door and I just stared above. "Allison, it's Abigail, Can I come in?" She asked. I turned to the side of the open window and stared at the open window. Outside I could smell Marcus' Peppermint scent. Lynette's sweet chrysanthemum scent. Abigail's chocolate scent poked from beneath the door. Her minions' lavender and faint rose scent accompanied her too. She opened the door and walked in.

I didn't turn to face her as she walked in to know that she was walking in alone. I just heard only her walk into the room. "I heard from Marcus that Carey told you that your mate is probably dead."

My heart hurt as I heard the words again. I whined at the pain and tensed. But that wasn't even of help. I just gave the hole the chance to attack my stomach and diaphragm and it didn't waste time. It stabbed at them too.

"I'm sorry, I didn't pay too much attention to it. I thought Carey had the humility of holding assumptions until confirmed," She said sitting on the edge of the bed behind me.

She knew?

"YOU KNEW?!" I asked, feeling betrayed and... I turned to her even as my heart ached even worse as I moved. "Who else knows? Marcus? Mike? Was I the only one who didn't know?"

I asked over the pain that stabbed with every syllable I spoke. Tears rolled uncontrollably from my eyes.

"Ally," She said trying to touch me and I stepped back. "They don't know, only Carey and I know."

"When did you know? When I got here fifteen years ago? When I was born? When was it?"

"Ally."

"When did you know?!"

"When you collapsed earlier, we saw his mark momentarily on your shoulder." I checked my shoulders but didn't find any mark on them. "You can't see it. pretty much everything here related to Laurent, Diana, and Aury is buried. The Alpha has buried them under a lot of magic."

My heart sank as the thought of the only thing that could connect me to him was buried. The pain returned and I turned away from her and closed my eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to learn about Aury this way but, I want you to know that Carey is out there looking for Laurent because he is the only one who knows what happened to Aury. She won't come back unless she found him."

"Get out!" I told her.

I looked at her eyes as tears rolled down my eyes. She sighed and patted my shoulder. "Look, Ally, I'm sorry. Even after twenty years of Laurent's disappearance., I still get antsy when he gets mentioned."

"Get out!"

She left, and I spent the rest of the day crying and feeling all crappy. I thought one more time of my mother and the pain she must have gone through. I felt this tormented after only hearing about my mate. being supposedly dead. But what about my mother? She knew her mate. She had me with him and shortly after I was born and saw his lifeless body. But she raised me for five years.

I wanted to die, felt like dying. Was it why she cried every night? Was it why...

I closed my eyes and cried one more time. I'm sorry mom. I told her as I fought to get to my feet to do my tasks. Even though my heart was screaming at me and the hole in my chest tore everything inside me.