CHAPTER 16. OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION

His face was pitifully convulsed, and tears welled in his eyes. Tangled in the embrace, our hearts were intertwined. 

While delicately wiping tears from his eyes, I placed his head on my chest and stroked his hairs gently. With every stroke, his hairs entangled with my fingers. 

No matter how I cajoled him, his tears still persisted, so I raised his head and placed a kiss on his forehead. 

He glared at me in bewilderment, and then stood up. He examined the room, and then lied on his bed. 

I covered him in the comfort of a warm blanket, and sat beside him. It was discernible from his demeanour that something distressed him. After accompanying and comforting him for an hour, I began to leave, but my steps were haltered by him. He held my right hand in his and cleared his throat in order to say something. 

"Hear me," he went on, in an agony of entreaty mingled with helplessness. 

I averted my gaze back towards him and sat beside him. He held my hand and brought it closer to his heart. In that moment, I felt every beat that his heart took. 

"I had a panic attack. That is why, everything is messed up. I would like to apologize to you that you had to see me at my worst", asserted Adrian. 

By observing the quandary that affected him, I anticipated that it was not just a 'panic attack' . It was apparent that there were several other things that bothered him which he didn't wish to speak of. It was coherent as I didn't want him to reminisce about any dilemma that wrecked him to this grave extent.

I placed his arms around my waist, and held him closer. While placing a kiss on his right cheek, I exclaimed, "Let's have dinner together. I will be making something different from the usual. Would you like to accompany me?"

He rubbed his eyes, and then returned a painful smile. It was arduous seeing him in that condition, but my resolve to help him wasn't meagre either. 

So, I went ahead  and used his groceries for cooking. Though he was brutally battered emotionally, he still stood up and helped me in the chores. 

Thereafter, we prepared the dining table, had our dinner and then began washing the dishes. There was an uncanny silence persisting throughout the evening. 

After fixing things and placing them to their original places, we rested on the couch. I was worn out by the work and the chores that I had handled, so I drifted towards him and sleep took over my heavy eyelids. 

After a while, I woke up as a result of something dripping on my face. I realized that I had been sleeping upon Adrian's lap and the thing that dripped on my face was his tears. I stood with abrupt force.

Then, I cupped his face in my hands, wiped his tears and inquired, "What is it?"

He just buried his head into my lap and dwelled into his melancholy alone. As an onlooker, it pained me, but there wasn't much that could have been done. 

Furthermore, I didn't wish to torment him. So, I just brushed his hair through my fingers, patted his head and waited for him to fall asleep. 

I left small kisses on his face and covered him with a blanket. In order to leave, I had to raise his head from my lap and place it on the pillow, but that would have disrupted his sleep. So, I sat there and fell asleep shortly.

In the morning, I woke up in the warm caress of his arms. I glanced over to his face, and found him glaring back at me. 

I caressed his cheek and curled my lips into a smile. Though it wasn't the usual one, he did return the smile. 

The expression, 'smiling through the pain' became apparent in his condition. 

Then, just when I was about to avert my gaze, he neared his face towards mine. My face witnessed his heavy warm breaths. As the distance between us was diminishing gradually, my heart's palpitations grew louder with a strange vehement desire. 

As he leaned over me, he smiled faintly, and imprinted a kiss upon my lips. The passion that spurred in that moment drew me insane with desire. I clenched his back firmly, and kept pulling him closer. I melted further in the sweetness of his mouth and the warmth of his caress.  Then, he trapped me in his big arms and whispered faintly in my ear, "I adore you the most". 

The mutual affection that I experienced for the first time was sweet and comforting. After accommodating him with the affability to aid him in his scuffle, I decided to depart. Just when I stood up, Adrian held my hand and placed a light kiss on it. 

Then, with his usual smile, he asserted, "I would like to apologize to you for yesterday, and because of my 'self pity' we weren't even able to go to the party".

I let a simper out and exclaimed, "Health comes first".

Then, I went towards my apartment, did my daily chores, took a bath and lied on my bed. Since it was the weekend, I decided to head out for the groceries. 

I grabbed my coat, list of the groceries and my bag. After getting my boots and grabbing the keys of my car, I moved out. I locked the door and found Adrian standing on the adjacent side. 

He approached me, and mentioned a meeting that was set up with a person he was supposed to meet the other day for discussing terms regarding the new business which was offered to the café.

I wished him luck and went to the grocery store. 

While walking through the bustling streets, I observed the dry leaves on the trees and the chilly wind that persisted. Though it was a pleasant morning, the absence of sunlight made the day appear bleeker. 

While passing through the Flower shop, I glanced over to a familiar figure standing beside it. The man turned backwards and averted his gaze towards me. 

A sudden realization of familiarity erupted in my mind and I recognized the man. 

My heart pounded hastily and sweat beads formed on my forehead. My endeavors to remove my gaze from him garnered no success. Tiny vestiges of fear and angst returned back. 

He began approaching me, and I took back steps in order to get away from him. While fixating our gazes, he began walking forward while I drifted backwards. 

With every step I took to get away from him, I transcended from the foot path towards the road. Abruptly, he ran towards me and held my hand. The feeling of disgust and fear inhabited my mind and my hands shivered. 

Even though his hands held warmth, 'the very warmth that I always yearned for in the past'. 

But that only worsened the situation at that moment. as the memories of his callous behaviour and the injustices he put me through returned back.

With one touch, I remembered every pain he inflicted upon me. 

So, I jerked his hand off with tears welling up in my eyes and began to tread backwards. 

I succeeded in building the distance between us but failed in dodging the taxi that came my way. 

With a sudden strike from it, I fell on the road with a bloody nose and head. 

My vision became fuzzy and the pain overcame my body. The man ran towards me and held my hand in his. Gradually, it was becoming harder for me to stay conscious. Black tiny dots blurred my vision further. 

The last thing I remembered was that I was carried on a stretcher into an ambulance. 

The last thing I heard before shutting my eyes was, " I comprehend that it will not be feasible to bestow your forgiveness upon me , but I love you".