The Free Peoples (IV)

"Master Baggins, there is something I would like to ask."

"Of course!" The hobbit turned in the saddle of the pony he'd borrowed from an acquaintance or relative somewhere or other. "What can I do for you?"

"May I know what it is that I did to cause you offense?" Balin's well-controlled voice still sounded tight, for all that Ori didn't believe he should be able to tell.

"Nori talked to you, didn't he?" the hobbit guessed, eyes sharp as his grip firmed on the bowl of his pipe.

"He did at that," Balin said mildly in the silence that easily indicated that all others in the company were already completely invested in the exchange to the exclusion of all else. "He went as far as to claim I was of all of us in the company, in your words, the one who committed the gravest insult against you." Ori could almost feel the way the attention of everyone within earshot – and not all of them dwarves – focused on the exchange with the intensity of a lens. "I find I cannot shake the need to confirm and perhaps comprehend why such words would be said, I hope you understand."

Ori couldn't comprehend either, considering that it had been obvious that the greatest conflict in Bag End had been between Bilbo Baggins and Thorin.

Then Bilbo Baggins answered, and Ori suddenly didn't understand anything.

"A recap first then, to provide context," the hobbit grinned lopsidedly and looked dangerous all of a sudden. "'The Company shall retain any and all Recovered Goods until such a time as a full and final reckoning can be made, from which the Total Profits can then be established. Then, and only then, will the Burglar's fourteenth share be calculated and decided,'" Bilbo's voice was equally as mild as Balin's was while reciting the words of the contract. Word for word. From memory. "The contract you wanted me to sign also states that while I remain with you, all goods 'shall Remain the Property of the Company at all times, and in all respects, without limitation'. In other words, during your quest I have the right to claim nothing and, since you'll be the ones deciding my share, this means that by the end of the venture I may still get nothing. No!" The hobbit raised his pipe to prevent interruptions. "You raised the issue and now you shall gain the insight you wanted by listening to all I have to say. Or you can forget about me ever believing in the possibility of you speaking to me in good faith."

Ori saw Balin dearly wish to intercede somehow, but that last challenge managed to keep him silent.

Bilbo looked away from him back to the road ahead. "'Transport of any remains, in whole or in part, back to the country of Burglar's origin is not included.' I suppose it's good to know that if I die, my family and friends will not even be notified or entitled to my body or belongings. If I didn't mean for you to merely listen now that you've decided to have this can of worms opened, I would ask if, say, Fili, Kili or Ori's contracts contain this oh so convenient clause. As it is, I won't."

And he didn't need to, Ori thought in dismay. Most of the other company looked like their stomach had just turned upside down.

Just like his.

"And even if I survive, 'Return Journey is deemed outside the Terms of Reference'. All this after stating I would be hired as a Burglar to fetch that Arkenstone of yours. And yet the contract also stated, explicitly, that I am to also perform 'In role as Burglar for Thorin and Company, or in any other role they see fit, at their sole discretion from time to time.' I suppose that means I should just trust in your character – of which I was expected to know precisely nothing at the time of signing – that you would not suddenly ask me one day to play bait for wild beasts. Or perhaps something even more unfortunate such as to drop my breeches and play paramour."

Dori was unfortunate enough to be swallowing a bite of apple when this was said, which meant that Gloin was unlucky enough to have it spat in his face when the former choked and turned aside to cough it out. Gandalf's own choking fit went unremarked in the horrified silence that ensued right after. What did not go unremarked was that whatever hobbits were within hearing distance at the start of the conversation had quickly and efficiently been chivvied away in the short time since. Ori's surprise was in no way small upon beholding the last of the youngsters being led onwards and loaded into the cart ahead by Adalgrim Took, leaving the dwarves, the Wizard and Bilbo Baggins to lag behind the convoy itself and without an eavesdropping audience.

Not a visible one at any rate.

It was no doubt the only reason why the rest of the company did not react explosively to the mention of secret matters that came next.

"You also played fast and loose with the definition of Burglar. I would say it means to enter into some form of abode in order to carry out larceny. Yet you described my role, among other things, as to 'devise means and methods to circumvent any difficulties arising from any illegal or illicit occupation or guardianship of Company's rightful home and property.' You may as well have said that you'd expect me to slay your dragon, because that's just a roundabout way of saying my job is to dispose of the dragon guarding your hoard." The hobbit eyed Bofur aside. "Furnace with wings, was it?" And his good humor was at odds with the sharp glint in his eyes, and that did not change even after he faced ahead once more, puffing his pipe. "'Present Company is not obliged to assist Burglar in this so-called 'pest control' phase of the Adventure.' Which is another way of saying that of all us fourteen, I would be the only one obligated to risk my life for a home that isn't even mine. Well, I can say that, by this point, just by signing the contract I'd be showing more bravery and commitment than all the rest of you combined."

Thorin, who was riding ahead of the group, suddenly turned to glare with something on the tip of his tongue, only for his pony to unexpectedly trip and throw him in the saddle hard enough to almost make him fall off.

"We'll set aside the provision for me not being allowed to pen or otherwise communicate anything during or of my journey, despite you apparently not having such restrictions on what you experience in the Shire. We'll also set aside that business on handling disputes in dwarvish, since I also touched on that before," Bilbo said lowly, meeting the frosty backward glare of the recovered but now quiet King of Durin's Folk. "I am sure you all understand why I would laugh at such a statement, given its implications about your stance on impartial and fair trials in your culture. Or lack thereof. But of course things do not stop there. 'Pipeweed and other such luxury items shall be provided by Burglar; indeed, and not only for himself, but for the other Members of the Company if such can be obtained along the way by means pertinent to his profession.'" Ori rode and watched in something like aghast dismay as the Hobbit just kept reciting words he couldn't have read more than once. "So you would have me steal items that you might otherwise purchase instead. This is actually one of the most confusing stipulations to me personally, as the implications are not so much about my willingness to steal things for the company's use. Indeed, your bizarre expectation of me being a Burglar would quite justify that, insulting as it is. No, what perplexes me is that you wrote that as if it's expected that all luxuries for use by you and yours be acquired illicitly. I don't know about you, but that rather unfortunately implies you all to be honourless and above such things as doing fair trade."

This time it was Gloin's pony that 'tripped' in order to keep him from doing more than balk in outrage, and unlike the first time, Ori was entirely sure it was Gandalf's doing.

"'Breaches of any provision or provisions of this Contract by either party shall be heard, pleaded, debated, defended, answered and judged in a country of the Company's choosing and at a time and date of the Company's choosing. Burglar's failure to appear constitutes acquiescence with Company's ruling on the matter.' So I would get absolutely no say in where I should be judged or even the time or date, no matter what nonsense I am accused of or by whom. And then the contract truly goes into the meat of things, if I do say so myself. 'Meals provided [or not] at the sole discretion of the Director.' Meaning that you're not responsible for my sustenance unless you all feel like it. I suppose my health means nothing to you."

Ori felt an almost overwhelming urge to look down and hide, and when he tried to force that impulse down by looking between the other members of the company, it was to see Fili and Kili completely dejected and looking desperately between Balin and Thorin, faces raw with the plea that someone tell them this was all just an elaborate joke.

"'Eviction or elimination of any undesirable guardian of Company's property, goods or premises or holdings shall take priority over the recovery,'" Bilbo went on flatly. "'Elimination shall take priority over eviction in any and all cases.' This means, gentlemen, that though I was supposedly being hired to rob for you, if that dragon is alive down there, then my priority would be to get rid of it, preferably by killing it. Should I go ahead and ask if your contracts have similar provisions in them?" Dead silence, save for the trotting of the ponies on the road. It only made Bilbo grind out the next section doubly slowly. "'Unequal relative stature of Burglar and any discovered hostile guardian, occupier or squatter shall not constitute or be considered as grounds for refusal nor excuse against undertaking the forceful removal of said undesirable guest.' Truly, you must think me a great, mighty hero from olden days to expect me to achieve such a feat, considering how many different ways and passages you wrote down in an attempt to ensure I would be bound to do exactly that. So that none of the rest of you would have to face the dragon that crushed your whole kingdom. Two kingdoms, all in the space of one afternoon. And now, the final, loveliest of stipulations in your oh so thorough and in-depth piece of parchment."

Bilbo Baggins suddenly pulled his pony to a stop and turned it so he faced Balin head-on, bringing their whole company to a halt even as the hobbit convoy went on without them. "'The Company may terminate this Contract for any reason or for no reason by giving one day's notice to the Burglar.'" Bilbo did not glare at the older dwarf, but to Ori it certainly seemed like he should be. "So not only would you feel well within your rights to abandon me if I suffer from sickness or a wound. You could, in fact, be well within your rights to do so at any point and for no reason whatsoever. And 'Such termination will take effect upon the expiry of the notice period,' that I may have no more than a day to collect myself and be off from your presence if your company, for no reason at all, determines I am no longer useful."

And then, just as Ori thought that maybe this whole ordeal was finally ending, Bilbo Baggins finally, actually looked at Balin, son of Fundin, somehow still not sneering or growling the last of his misgivings even then. "'Burglar is 'at the Service' of Thorin and Company until released therefrom.'" For all that the hobbit was still talking calmly, somehow, it was clear to all of them that he felt that line should have been strangled to death the moment it was first thought up. "Not released once my task is finished or the quest complete, but until you say so. You could legally bind me to you as an indentured servant for as long as it suits you."

Ori felt like his stomach had twisted itself in knots.

The hobbit sat back in his saddle and looked at Balin for a long moment. "Is this what everyone in the company was asked to sign?" Silence. "No?" The hobbit shook his head, extinguished his pipe and returned it to his pocket when emptied. "Master Balin."

Still none would speak, and Ori could not believe it but Fili and Kili were actually tossing glances Balin's way that were furtive and disbelieving.

"Master Balin," Bilbo repeated more firmly.

"Yes, Master Baggins," Baling croaked, barely meeting his eyes.

"Now I don't usually recall everything perfectly from just one reading, but I tend to make exceptions for things that would make good songs. And this would definitely make a good song, albeit not a very nice one." Their erstwhile host seemed very much unamused and, unlike even during his spat with Thorin of two days prior, completely merciless in his honesty. "The reason I did not go into such depth the other day was because, as much as he aggravated me, I could not be sure that it was Thorin Oakenshield who wrote this contract. And I made sure in the time since to find out who wrote this contract." The hobbit leaned ever so slightly forward, narrowing his eyes. "You wrote this contract, Master Balin. Didn't you."

"… Aye."

Bilbo Baggins straightened in his saddle, looking neither angry nor appeased. He just… gazed evenly, for a time.

And none of the others seemed brave enough to speak up anymore, as if they felt forbidden to or felt out of place, though that may have just been Gandalf's irritation showing its worth. Ori was gratified to see even King Thorin looking at Balin in some surprise, however faint it was behind the wrath he bore the hobbit still. But since that only meant the King hadn't bothered reading the contract properly himself, Ori wasn't sure who his surprise spoke well of, if anyone.

In the end, it was little shock that Bilbo Baggins himself would be the one to break the disquiet. "In my life I have been sickened, frostbitten, starved, poisoned, chased, hounded, ambushed, assaulted, and otherwise attacked with knives, swords, arrows, sticks and stones and what have you." Ori reeled from the suddenness and unexpectedness of that exposition. "In one memorable occasion I was even tied up and held at knife-point by orcs while they explained in excruciating detail how they planned to cut me up, cook and then eat me." The scribe gaped along with most everyone else as the Hobbit spurred his pony as close to Balin's as it could get, leaning close to end their 'discussion' on the closest, most personal note that could be mustered. "But none of that comes even close to the sort of abuse that your contract would have opened me to at your hands." That final word said, the hobbit prompted his pony to resume its walk, looking one last time between all the dwarves, all but one of whom failed to meet his eyes as they had, indeed, not been asked to sign such a shameful and debasing document. All but one looking down or away from the hobbit as their own mounts fell again in step with the rest. All but one.

All but Dwalin.

It was by all indications the only reason the hobbit did not make good on his obvious impulse to push ahead in the line and leave them behind.

The gruff, taciturn warrior that so intimidated Ori without even facing in his direction looked the hobbit straight in the eyes. "On behalf of the house of Fundin, I humbly apologize for this insult to your intelligence, tradecraft, family and good character."

Thorin sputtered in shock at hearing and seeing that, even as Balin put his face in his hands and looked for all the world like he would never show it to anyone ever again. All the others were varying shades of disbelief, Nori's a cut above the rest, so wide his eyes had gotten.

Only Bilbo Baggins was exempt, watching the earnest, large warrior pensively. "I wonder about the fairness of the world sometimes," he pondered aloud, eyes never leaving Dwalin's. "Such as when I am offered an apology by the only person among many who did not cause me any sort of offense." The large dwarf broke eye contact and shifted uncomfortably, and Ori wondered what he'd done to upset their host if Dwalin was the only innocent among them. "You didn't even look at your contract, did you?" The hobbit's face lightened with sudden realization. "You didn't read a word of it because you don't care…" The hobbit positively marveled at the half-bald soldier. "You don't care about anything in it. You don't even care at all about the gold, do you?"

"I'm here for Thorin and the boys," Dwalin said gruffly, looking straight ahead and not at the hobbit and definitely not any of the royal members of the line of Durin, two of whom had started in their saddles and were staring at the back of the dwarf's head, wide-eyed. "Nothing else."

"No," Bilbo mused, not looking away from his visual inspection of Dwalin. And how utterly strange it was to see the least personable of their company become the sole recipient of such earnest, appreciative warmth. "Nothing else." The hobbit's look softened as he watched the old warrior. But he didn't elaborate anymore and no asked him to.

Alas, it proved to be a mixed curse at the very best when the hobbit ended up staying to ride with them at the back of the convoy instead of going ahead like he'd been planning to do before Dwalin's unexpected and unashamed apology.