Chapter 35: A deal with a demon

"I thought we had a deal. You agreed," Clover stared down at Ace impatiently, "Why aren't you saying anything?"

Ace attempted to look away but he was immediately caught by Clover's hand. They turned his face back to theirs. His black eyes fluttered anxiously.

"Why do we have to talk about this now?" Ace said in a low voice.

He felt more exposed than ever. Clover was still straddling him. There was nowhere to look. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. His head shook instinctively trying to get away. Clover leant over him, cradling his head in their arms. They looked deeply into his eyes, an inch from his face.

"You want to leave?" Clover whispered.

"No," Ace faltered.

"Then what did I tell you about that shame and fear?" Clover kissed his lips ever so softly.

Ace closed his eyes, lost in the moment. Every second in their embrace seemed to make time standstill. All his fears subsided for that moment. When he opened his eyes, Clover's effervescent eyes were waiting resolutely. They reminded Ace of the gemstones he had seen in storybooks, shining and clear.

"Do you remember when I first met you?" Ace inhaled.

"Yes, you went flying across the great hall quite spectacularly," Clover grinned.

"That's not what I was talking about," Ace sighed, "I...thought I was a demon,"

"Hmm," Clover finally released him and lay down next to him. "I remember something of the sort,"

"When Terre Sol died, I was caught by a group of outliers. They used to be his men, but after he died they were just wandering between the palaces. They ambushed me but when they realised I was from the east, they took me in. At first, I was grateful. They treated me like one of their own. When we were young, Sena always told me I came from the human world, but I couldn't even remember back that far. I started to wonder if it wasn't just a comforting lie Sena had told me. It was much easier to believe I was a demon so at the very least I could be accepted.

I was part of the group and even though I was weak, as long as I did what they asked, they let me stay with them. Life as an outlier is hard. You have to be part of a group to survive. That's what I told myself. This was all to survive. But slowly the things that we did...they didn't feel like just surviving. All the blood and killing...It made me feel things that the others didn't seem to feel.

One day, I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought the others would just abandon me and that would be it. I was wrong. As it turns out, those demons had long since envied my position in the palace of coins. When Terre Sol kept us, I didn't have to think about such things. I guess you could say we were lucky. At least that's how the others saw it. When I said I wanted to leave, they took it as a betrayal. And they punished me accordingly.

They took out every bit of anger they had on me. I couldn't escape. By the time we reached the west, I wanted to die. I prayed I would. I never even believed in the demon god but I prayed. I prayed that it would finally be over...and then it was,"

Clover listened intently, "Ah, this is what you meant about becoming a believer? But how did it end?"

Ace smiled, "You probably don't remember, but those demons came to challenge you."

"Hmm, I think I would have remembered you," Clover said thoughtfully.

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is you killed them," Ace said solemnly, "I've never been so happy to watch someone die." He turned to Clover.

"Or so happy to be alive," Ace added, "I wanted to see you again, but not as I was then. So I left the palace of swords that day and went back to the desert. I waited till I was recovered enough then I came back. In truth, I was hoping you wouldn't recognise me. I wouldn't have wanted you to see me then. Maybe you can't understand but I still feel the same about it now. When you look at the scars, I don't feel like myself. I feel like that person back then, weak and afraid. I don't want that to be who I am anymore,"

"You may think I don't understand it but when I tell you that you have to let go of that fear, it's because I've been through it myself," Clover said soberly, "My scars are gone but that doesn't mean they were never there. The point is that you have no obligation to be who you were before. Not back then. Not even a second ago. We only exist in the now,"

Clover put a hand to Ace's face.

"You are not that person from before. That person is gone," Clover smiled, "All I can see is you,"

Ace blinked back tears. He sat up to hide his tears as Clover watched him with a smile. Ace inspected Clover thoughtfully but didn't reply. He lay back for a moment content with Clover's face against his chest. He let out a breath. It all felt so normal, so familiar. For a moment he could forget that this was just a game.

"So, you don't think the past can haunt you?" Ace asked softly.

"I didn't say that," Clover mused, "The human condition can't be fought by force of will alone. If it could, there would be no such thing as misery, but this is the penalty for everything else we have in this life. You can't have hope without anxiety. No faith without doubt...No life without death,"

"I don't understand one thing, Clover," Ace's brow furrowed. "You said you wanted redemption, but if you don't feel guilty, why punish yourself?"

"It's not about whether I feel guilty or not," Clover shifted. "I told you before. The meaning of life, in my opinion, is to suffer. No matter if you are good or bad. It won't matter. Everyone suffers. And in exchange, you have the promise of redemption. You don't need guilt if you are redeemed. However, the greater your suffering, the greater the redemption is required,"

"Hang on a moment," Ace turned to Clover suddenly, "Are you saying that in exchange for not feeling guilty...you would rather die? Are you seriously saying that your answer to suffering - this redemption that you speak of...is death? You don't need to die in order to be free!"

"I know I do. We all do,"

"Wouldn't it just be easier to live with the guilt?"Ace argued.

"That wouldn't be enough," Clover replied with a semblance of annoyance.

Ace shook his head. "You make it more complicated than it is."

"You just don't understand,"

"It's almost like you don't want me to understand you," Ace frowned.

"Once you understand a thing, you put it in a cage and it can never fly away." Clover answered flatly, " Then It can't be what it was supposed to be anyway,"

"But, Ace, you don't need to worry about that," Clover added. "You can love someone without understanding them,"

"Can you?" Ace asked doubtfully.

"Well didn't you say you loved me?" Clover said flatly. "Even though you hardly know me,"

"Obviously I don't know everything about you. I don't think anyone can know absolutely everything about a person. But I think I understand the essence of who you are. It's not a matter of knowing superficial facts about you that anyone else can find. It's something deeper. Isn't that what you said before yourself? That's what it means to have a connection. It's to feel understood on a real level, at least to some degree,"

"Who said I want to be understood?"

"what?"

"I'm saying, who gave you permission to make such a connection with me?"

"I can't take anything that you didn't offer ."

"This is just a game. Don't get too full of yourself,"

"So you're drawing the line here?" Ace scoffed, "why am I not surprised? You say a question for a question. I answer and then nothing!"

"I did answer! But 'as usual', you don't like my answer. You want a nice easy answer so you can just sweep everything under the rug like a child. Why must I accommodate you all the time? Not everything is so simple."

"Talking down to me again? If you hate it so much then why ask these questions at all?! "

"Come on, Ace," Clover shrugged, "You know the answer to that already,"

Ace stared down in disbelief. "You'd really go to such lengths to win this game?"

"Is it a crime to give you what you want?" Clover replied unsympathetically, "you protest but this is what you wanted, isn't it? You force me to play but then you resent the fact."

For a moment Ace stared at Clover with a blank expression. In the silence, the truth made its way to the surface. This was all just part of a game. Why had he bought into it again? Ace sat up fully, putting both feet on the ground. Clover looked surprised. Ace didn't look back. He stood up and threw his shirt back on.

"Where are you going?" Clover questioned.

"For a walk," Ace answered reticently.

Clover leant on one hand surveying him with a cryptic expression.

"Suit yourself," they said coldly.

Ace left the room quietly. It felt like whenever he came to the subject of Clover's motivation, he couldn't get any closer to their heart. But even if he did, what good would it do? IF he said the words, he would have to pay the price. He didn't doubt Clover would kill him this time. The way they had warned him with such cold resolve, was engraved in his memory.

Ace hurried down the spiral staircase and came out into the courtyard. Without Yashtara's men, it was quiet again. Of course, there were demons lurking in the shadows of the palace but none would dare to touch him whilst he was Clover's guest.

Still, the stark courtyard seemed particularly lonely that day. Ace traversed the path to return to his room on the other side of the palace. As he was doing so, he heard a low but familiar hum of a tune. He paused and looked out at the empty enclosure.

He hadn't noticed it before but there was a small figure crouched down under one of the bare trees. Without meaning to, Ace found himself drawn towards them. He stood over the figure surprised to find it was a child.

Ace glanced around. Were they alone? He had never seen a child in the palace of swords before. Demons weren't exactly model parents but they were tribal in nature. They took care of their own. Ace studied the little face engrossed in the sand.

It was a little girl, perhaps 10 years old at most. She had a short, cut bob and pale skin. Her red eyes were focused on the dirt which she was marking with her finger. Ace couldn't recognise what the drawing meant. He knelt down beside her.

"Did you come with lord Yashtara?" Ace asked gently.

The little girl didn't lookup. She continued drawing without answering.

"Where did you come from?" he tried asking again.

The girl held up her hand without looking and pointed. Ace glanced up in the direction. He could see the Eastern gate entrance in that direction. She had come from outside the palace?

Once more the child started to hum the song from before. It was eerily familiar yet Ace couldn't place it.

"That's a pretty song," Ace commented, "Where does it come from?"

"Yona doesn't know," she replied in a small voice.

"Yona?" Ace said thoughtfully, "are you called Yona?"

The girl finally looked up. "I suppose," she answered indifferently.

Ace chuckled, "Then Yona, are you lost?"

"Are you?"

"Am I?" Ace repeated confused, "I'm not lost,"

"You seem that way to me," Yona commented.

Then before Ace could question her anymore, she took off running. Within a moment Ace had lost sight of her completely. He guessed her family must not be far after all. He started off again walking back to his room. However, the strange tune continued to stay in his mind for some time.

A distance away Kalandra was leaning against the wall outside of Bird's room.

"Don't play hard to get," she said irritatedly, "You haven't even said a word to me in the last hour. I get that he's your apprentice or whatever but aren't you grateful I came to help you?"

Michael stepped out of Bird's room and closed the door behind him. He glanced up at Kalandra but said nothing.

"A grown man sulking is a turn-off, you know," Kalandra went on.

"I thought the ladies loved brooding?"Michael chided.

"So you're angry I told Clover about the demon you killed, is that it?"

"Why would I be angry? It's to be expected, isn't it?" Michael said flatly.

"Shows what you know," Kalandra retorted, "Yashtara's men were complaining from the morning! Obviously, Clover found out because of that. I didn't think they would miss one or two demons but what should I do? You're the one who killed them! You can't blame me for that,"

"Who said I'm blaming you?" Michael dismissed.

"If not, then what are you so angry about?" Kalandra interrogated.

"I said I'm not angry," Michael glanced back coldly, "I really don't care. Do what you want,"

"Well if you're not angry, don't you see I'm here now? I was trying to help you but It's not nice to keep a lady waiting,"

"If I see one, I won't," Michael scoffed. He headed towards his room but Kalandra followed.

"You're too good for me, is that it?" She inspected Michael coldly.

"It's not that, " Michael shrugged, "After all beggars can't be choosers," he added with a smile to himself.

"That's not very flattering," Kalandra remarked, "To you or to me. If it wasn't for that bad attitude, I'm sure you would have had your choice. You're as good looking as they come, at least in the Empire. You don't seem that insecure to me,"

"Thank you for your honesty," Michael said smugly. They reached his room. Once more Kalandra followed him without invitation. Michael sat down on the bed with a sigh. He felt worn out. It was hard enough to settle Bird down. Now he had to deal with this as well?

"My point is that looks don't really matter..."Michael began.

"Says the guy who was dating the princess," Kalandra scoffed.

"If you let me finish," Michael sighed, "Looks don't matter because It's all about getting an advantage,"

"That's a pretty cheap standard to go by," Kalandra observed.

"Now who's being unflattering," Michael answered with a frown, "I just don't see what you get out of it. Honestly, from Clover to me? I don't see it,"

"Ohh," Kalandra threw her head back laughing, "That's your problem with it?"

She took a seat beside Michael on the bed without leaving any room between them.

"My problem is..." Michael forced a smile, "...when it doesn't make sense it's usually a lie."

" Even if it was like that, what do you care?" Kalandra dismissed.

Michael looked away impatiently. "Want me to spell it out for you, 'Kali'? Clover has a passion for making my life shit. Now, you and Clover might be taking a vacation but how long before you're best friends again and then what happens to me?"

Kalandra exhaled aloud. She knelt down in front of Michael. He stared down in surprise. Her purple eyes watched him thoughtfully.

"Let me paint you a picture," Kalandra said, riding a hand up his leg. "Clover thinks you're learning a lesson right now, but instead you're here with me. Imagine their face when they see us together. You want to get your revenge? This is it,"

"Keep talking," Michael leaned forward till he was inches from Kalandra's face.

"You got nothing to lose and a lot to gain," Kalandra whispered, "I've done everything Clover's ever asked so why am I getting sidelined for some fucking kid? You don't like Ace either. So maybe you and I have more in common than you think?"

"Is that so?" Michael grinned, "Then I just have one more question," he whispered into Kalandra's ear. She broke out in another smile.

"Do you even need to ask?" she smirked.

"In that case," Michael tilted her face up to his.

"We have a deal."