1. Uchiha Shirai

Perhaps, one wouldn't care if they died, and they get the second chance in life. Maybe they would want to change it for better.

But not me. I didn't ask to be reborn.

***

I don't know why, but the world has always been monotone to me. Colourless. Dark.

I wasn't trained to be a shinobi for long, but i've watched people die. And whenever that happens, there was as if a voice muttering to me, 'Again?' The feeling that a similar situation had happened before this.. but i can't point it out.

I wonder. Why people dying is something i feel like i've watched often. I'm just four, and i never really leave the compound. But people considers me intelligent, a genius. Much like my older brother. Except that i might not be as bright as him. I think like adult, or so what people says. People were scared of approaching me. Maybe because i don't feel like befriending anyone.

My older brother had approached me differently everytime. He's always the one to talk to me first, but unlike anyone else, it's always comfortable with him.

"Shirai, today you'll learn how to control chakra."

'Chakra' Ironically, i almost ridiculed him for mentioning that word. I wonder why though?

"We're the Uchiha, it's normal to learn this jutsu."

'Uchiha' Again, that uncomfortable and strange feeling. But as always, i shrugged it off and pretend it was nothing.

I wasn't close with anyone but my older brother, Madara. He was the only one i'm open to. I thought he would be the only person, but another miracle happened.

***

When Izuna was born, i could see the world in a better view. I felt responsible, my duty to teach him and protect him, like Madara would do for me.

My monotonous life started to fade slowly, as Madara and Izuna continues to bring me warmth. We trained together, explore the forest and learn our lessons.

I was happy.

It wasn't until a few months after that, that i realised i wasn't originally from this world.

For three weeks, i would isolate myself and stayed in my room. I couldn't accept the fact that i've been reborn, reincarnate or whatever you call it. Maybe the shock of dying, i let depression took me over. The answers to my questions before, was this. The memories from the past lives didn't come in vividly, but the feelings lingered and the events in the anime Naruto came like a gust of wind.

Thought filled my mind, the memories were jumbled and i couldn't tell who i was.

'Am i Shirai? or am I-'

'Is that my mother?'

'Why is there a pool of blood?'

'Did i die?'

***

My family was worried, but i reassured them i was okay. Not entirely but enough to go training again like a shinobi would. I even refused to see any physician or taking medication. They wouldn't understand. At worst, they would say i'm insane.

What a bizarre thing to get into a world full of fictitious informations. Chakra, Uchiha, Jutsu. What in the hell did i get myself into?

Now the sky seems fake, the ground seems artificial, what if this body is a doll? A puppet? Am i in a book? In a manga perhaps, the one i've been reading everytime i went back from school.

My train of ridiculous thoughts was interrupted when Izuna came to me, asking me to teach him some Fuinjutsu. I wonder if he was in the right mind to ask a child for this?

But i agreed, going with the flow.

I taught him some basics knowledge and not yet practically. I had him memorised the easiest from the books Madara lent me.

When i see Izuna, i had some weird thoughts. Are my brothers, whom i love so much also some fictitious characters that don't exist? Are my feelings and emotions for them even real?

I didn't even want to think about living in lies.

Madara and Izuna though, they proved me otherwise. They bleed, they get angry, they get sad. And they were always, always concern for me.

I was ashamed to even think of them as a hoax.

Then, i concluded to accept my life here.

***

Madara used to go outside every so often, maybe taking some fresh air. But who knew, when he brought me out of the compound, just the two of us for the first time, the person that he introduced to me was the hokage-to-be, Hashirama Senju. I wasn't that surprised. It took me awhile to remember that at this time, Madara probably didn't know that the boy in front of him is a Senju, the clan's enemy.

Everytime they meet, they would spar, rivalries much. Bickering everytime and arguing about who's best at doing this and that. Trivial matters seemed big. And it was fun to watch them get along, sharing dreams. I was treated nicely by Hashirama. He said i resembled his brother, and he patted me everytime.

"How so?" I'd asked him.

Hashirama's dark eyes would shift to the right and up, before his eyelids closed and his hand was rubbing his chin in a contemplating manner. "Hmm."

And he never answered to this day. I didn't bother to ask further.

I didn't believe him. I mean.. Tobirama is a serious person isn't he? I'm not sure if i'm similar to him. Can't think of any close traits.

Nevertheless, seeing how happy and lively Madara was, i thought that maybe i wanted to see him more like this back at home.

***

I woke up to the smell of ash, a little bit of sweat. The tranquility of orangish sky informed me that the sun was setting. My eyes were half-lidded, but i could register the figure carrying me. Nuzzling close into his shoulder, i whispered, "Did you have fun, elder brother?"

He didn't respond immediately, and i wasn't sure if he even did.

I couldn't see his face, but i could tell he was smiling.

I would enjoy that moment everytime. It was my sweetest memory yet.

However, the fun days didn't last long, and i knew. The rumor about Madara meeting a Senju got spread out.

That was where all the conflict began.

Since then, we would fight them, and i knew how Madara would feel everytime we had to face Hashirama. But i couldn't help it. Father and our ancestors have been in a grudge for so long. I felt sorry for both Hashirama and Madara.

Before long, i found out that i was sick. The physician said i wasn't to do training no more. I became weak. I couldn't join them in the fight. The once genius child is just a burden now.

*

*

*

I would look over the reflection in the river, for the hundredth times. The smile that i couldn't contain. It wasn't genuine, just one that is ridiculing my own self. My eyes, my hair, my face. I'm not the old me. No matter how much i look, i am a new person, but an old memory lingered.

Maybe fate is playing with me, telling me to suffer. I have had enough of living, there was no need to give me a second chance.. Because wherever i'm reincarnated into, they're all hell hole, filled with violence and blood.

"Brother, would you mind taking a look at my new jutsu?"

I turned around, looking at the figure who kept tugging on my sleeves. "Izuna? Weren't you with elder brother just now?"

The boy looked away, eyes avoiding mine, "He left."

My eyes were glued on him, it wasn't that unusual for Madara to leave, "... alright." Taking his place for just another day isn't that weird anymore. Besides, i used to teach Izuna before, when he was four.. maybe three?

I wonder why was i sent here.

My world was different, but it wasn't any better, there was still war. There was still violence. Except that we don't have what we call chakra here.

"Brother, how was that?"

I smiled, almost lost in my own thoughts, "Not bad."

"I'm always impressed with how you handle all the new jutsus."

Izuna gave me a stare, his eyes contemplating me, as if expecting another answer. But i had none.

When i was born, raised here as an Uchiha. I was oblivious. I haven't regained my memories, so i wasn't as surprised as now when i realised that Madara Uchiha is my older brother. And when Izuna was born, i raised him, taught him stuff. But it seems like i mostly helped him at all. It's Izuna after all.

So what exactly is my purpose?

"Elder brother won't be home tonight. He told me he had some business to attend." Izuna trailed off, unsheating his katana. "Spar with me instead."

"Was it the Senju's?"

Izuna didn't leave me an answer as he walked off, heading to the training ground. I guess i was right after all.

Because i'm the only one in the family who's a little weak physically, Izuna had always trained by Madara. I'm only teaching him the ninjutsu whereas, Madara would teach him other than my field of expertise, which isn't much.

I walked after Izuna, unsheathing my own katana along the way, "Go easy on me."

***

Yesterday's spar didn't even last for an hour, that's just how weak i am. But nonetheless, Izuna didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was the one who told me to rest and end it early. He was just that nice. He didn't deserve to die.

But then again, it's because of this endless war.

Eventhough i'm not from here, i had become fond of this siblings relationship. So the idea of losing Izuna, whom i've been raising, hurts..

I let out a heavy sigh, it was long time ago and i'd forgotten about what happened. But i can't stop thinking, because at the present, it wasn't what happened, but what's going to happen. Izuna is going to die because of the fight with Tobirama.

My eyes laid on the ravenette, on the training ground, sparring with Madara . The sight is always warm to me. Maybe the fact that i hadn't ever experience this family bond before, i am apparently glad to at least, be born with them. The idea of not wanting to be reborn might dissipate at this moment. Both of them are my brothers. And seeing them die is not something i would be ignorant about.

I sipped on my tea, enjoying the view. I hope, this warmth last.

But alas, i already know what would befall these two brothers. At that thought, my smile faded and it was replaced with fear. Isn't there something i can do?

***

"Shirai-sama, take this medicine. This should allow you to rest a bit."

"Thank you, Hattori."

"Then, i'll take my leave. Don't forget to take it twice a day." My eyes trailed off him as his figure disappeared from sight.

I studied the liquid he gave me, "This is going to be bitter isn't it?" The contents seems to be decent though, or was it not? Because every medicine provided, never once taste sweet. I wished i could create sweet medicine.

The sudden knock on the door steal my attention away, revealing a familiar figure, "Shirai, if you don't take that, you can't come training anymore." He stated, as if he had already know what's on my mind.

I stiffled a laughter, "I may look weak but i can still defeat a few bandits or shinobis out there. After all, i'm the brother of the Uchiha leader."

I lied.

It was hard to fake a smile.. but maybe he noticed that, Madara didn't return my gesture. He simply look at me, with an expression i couldn't comprehend. But somehow, i can tell in his eyes that he was doubting me.

"You don't have to worry elder brother." I clenched my fist. Eventhough what i uttered from my mouth is self convincing, i can't help but to reassure him. What a horrible fate, even after reincarnation, i'm this weak, useless and obviously is going to die young again. "I should be okay."

"Rest for today, lets rescheduled our training regime tomorrow."

***

I did think once, maybe it wasn't bad to be reborn here, i can see them everyday. Both Madara and Izuna. However, that thought too, died.

'I'm sorry Shirai-sama.'

'How much time do i have?'

'Maybe two or three years.'

The conversations between me and Hattori resurfaced. The most disheartening conversation i had ever since i got here.

A bed riddened shinobi is as good as dead.

I fear the day where i died, where i can't save Izuna from death, or Madara from straying. Where the original plot takes place. And i am just a temporary existence.

I also thought once, maybe my role in this world is to be a good brother, protecting my siblings. Maybe that is my purpose for living again.

But i was wrong.

"Brother, will you.. take a look at my Kenjutsu?"

I smiled bitterly, "I'm sorry Izuna- cough cough maybe next time?"

Izuna can't hide his emotions as well as Madara, he's like an open book to me. His eyes glimmered with sadness. For some reason, my heart fluttered. The warmth keep seeping in. They're like the light that shines in my life. The light that entered my soul, eventhough it was just in a short time.

"Izuna, i.. am glad that i was born to be with you and elder brother."

For the first time ever, i was afraid of dying. I want to be given more time to spend with them.

***

"Shirai-sama..

.. Izuna-sama has..

.. passed away."

Only god knows how it felt at the moment. The only thing i could hear was my own heartbeat. Silence.. And dark. I stared at Hattori, unblinking as i felt the urge to scream. But i didn't. Lowering my eyes, Izuna's face comes to mind.

"I'll.. take my leave first."

I thought, i would be the one to die first, seemingly bed riddened and only awaiting for the death god to come.. But fate is cruel.

When i heard of Izuna's death, my world seems to darkened. My heart was breaking, my eyes felt heavy. I thought i had already prepared for this. But in truth, i really haven't.

As if there was a lump in my throat, i couldn't breathe. My eyes burned.

Izuna.. my.. our little brother, left us.

War is cruel..

Madara.. must've felt it worse. Because he didn't know this could happen.

***

"I'm bearing Izuna's eyes."

"I see.. "

I already knew..

It was awkward.

What could i say to him? What is there to say? His eyes were already filled with hatred.

In the end, there was nothing i can do.

"Shirai.. will you be leaving me too?"

I was a bit surprised to hear it. Madara's sudden question held me frozen. He wasn't a child. He should know. What answer was he expecting? He knows how many months left for me, better than Izuna did. So what did he want to hear?

I didn't reply. I couldn't.

Ah, i already missed how Izuna would ask me to teach him everything.

***

The last thing i remember, i heard someone's desperate call for me.

Is that you, Madara?

But i was too sleepy to ask.

Ah, i felt this once.

I know, when i close my eyes, i won't wake up again.

"Shirai- stay with me."

He looked blurry, but i can tell from his trembling voice. I guess seeing someone cries over your death isn't that bad.

I'm sorry.. Madara..

I wonder why, Uchiha never lived long enough.. Just as i was about to feel attached.. Just as i was about to be grateful that i had my second chance.

*

*

*

Fate is playing with me.

I thought i died, for good this time.

But i woke up, again, as a baby..

***