Chapter 9

As I lay next to the flickering fire, tears welled in my eyes as I recalled all the events that took place which lead to this moment, over the mysterious bridge which has led to my misery this day. I curled into a foetus like ball all as recalled the same feelings I feel today then. The day I was told Villyani was truly gone, the day I knew she wasn't coming back was the day I lost a piece of my heart, she was my mother in so many ways. I mourned her like a daughter would her mother. Her kind and caring voice I longed her to hear, her touch and warm embrace I longed for knowing my final and only wish never be realised. For days I lay curled up under the blankets of hopelessness, there was no comfort for the broken-hearted, only pity filled the lonely walls of despair. One morning though I re-lived a memory which she often shared with me, Villyani longed to cross the bridge just one more time, she often told me how much she hoped peace was on its way so then I could cross the bridge and enjoy the beauty of the river. Villyani was often filled with wonder when she recalled her trips across the river; she spoke of faraway places, as if there was a distant world far beyond our reach and understanding. Villyani's imagination felt so real. When I was ready to stop wallowing in self-pity, I left the house, for the first time I crossed the bridge, I took in the sounds, the smells, the array of colours, and the river was just as magnificent as Villyani described. Each day I spent time under the bridge wondering, believing that her stories of another world were true, she spoke with such liveliness and conviction it was hard to believe her stories were fiction. Flying turtles though, how absurd, sometimes I wonder, could she be right?

Upon daydreaming of her stories of adventure, fantasy they were quickly forgotten by a strange dark figure in the distance, his words were gentle but slightly disturbing, I found his manner interesting yet frightening. I ignored my instinct to run, seeing my weariness he slowly knelt to the ground nearing me before I had a chance to stand, his words I will never forget "how magical the water looks today, I wonder what makes this side different from that side?" the strange man hinted to the Island where I came from, I gently sighed "not much, I guess. I just wanted alone time, it's different here, because it's distant from the pity I deal with each day." The man sat closer to me, as the sun reflected from his body, I saw how devilishly handsome his face was, here this gorgeous man sat to comfort me, my cheeks began to fill with heat as my shyness overcame me, he not only was as handsome as night, but a very elegantly rich sort of fellow, here I was a plain sort of person, wearing a simple outfit, our status was completely evident. "What sort of pity do you suffer?" his words knocked me off balance, his gorgeous gentle face didn't seem to fit his course voice, I felt chills down my spine at the same time as feeling a complete trust towards him, these mixed signals left me feeling rather confused, due to the emptiness I felt inside I opened up to him, the afternoon I spent talking with him about my loss of Villyani and my family, felt like a lifetime, I felt a happiness come over me upon going home I felt a strong urge of hope come over me, hope I would see him again. My situation hadn't changed but my disposition of my life made the burdens I carried a lot easier. Rather than be overly concerned with my lot in life I decided to follow Villyani's way of life, she lived her life for the people, I chose to do the same, and I gave up seeking education and a greater life for myself and focussed on the people who needed me the most. I had prospects in the great City; in the end what good would that have proven? Although I dreamt of being the handsome man's equal, that was just a dream not my aspiration in life. I found a job and began my life as an adult living solely based upon Villyani's teaching and example. As much as I missed her, perhaps I could impact someone's life in a positive way, I became someone great in the eyes of my people; my day however always began with a drive over the bridge, a walk along the river and talk with my mysterious man who became Pierre.

After a year Pierre and I began to delve into something deeper than a friendship, it began with holding of my hand, a goodbye hug which I grew so much more attached to as the days turned into weeks and into months, our hugs changed from a quick goodbye to a quick hello and long goodbye. Pierre quickly turned from being every girls dream to just mine, despite growing feelings for Pierre my mind was divided, we seemed to be on such different roads, we were on a path for great success, just his was in material gain mine was so different in many, many ways. The longer I thought about his offer as being his girlfriend the more I began to fear it, what life would I lead? Would Pierre truly become all that I need him to be, I needed love and attention, not money and social status. For I knew well that those who gain have so much more to lose, it was hard to gain fame but so easily lost, Pierre struggled with many enemies and fake friends. Pierre had many fake life's, life's I didn't understand, a life that he showed the people, a life he showed with his company, the life he had with those who watched, there are so many accounts of Pierre that I wondered how he was able to keep track of all of them without making a detrimental mistake to his career. Then there was me, was this the true Pierre? I lay awake that night wondering what sort of man Pierre truly was, could he really make room in his heart for me? I messaged him that night, "taking a walk with me every morning is so different to making a commitment with me, can you really fit me into your schedule, your life?" As soon as I pressed send, I felt like an idiot, my body filled with embarrassment, I couldn't believe myself it was 3:30 in the morning, as I tossed and turned for who would be awake at 3:30 in the morning? I knew that the timing would show Pierre my desperation, my eagerness; this was a mistake to show any man that they had this kind of power of a woman, a tormenting power. Within twenty minutes he sent me his reply "You're up early, can you not sleep? I just finished for the night, these days I seem to spend more nights in the office than I would like. It is true I don't have the time for a wife. Having you as my girlfriend for a while will help me. I know by the time we know each other well enough for you to become my wife, I will be in a better position. You will get the love and attention you need and seek. Don't worry my love." I shook my head as a smile emerged on my face, "in that case, I will hold you to your word, I have to go to work soon, as your day ends mine begins" I replied, although it is my day off today, I felt that would hide my weakness.

Before I knew it I began to regret my decision to accepting him as my partner, I began to feel lonely again as the morning walks ceased, I ended up walking by myself which slowly became irregular, I even stopped driving over the bridge, the water seemed to be filled with emptiness. The more I walked the more alone I became, over time even the irregular walks ended. Days turned into weeks and I began to wonder what the point of our relationship was, so I messaged him "perhaps it was better if we hadn't begun a relationship, I saw you more as friends than I do now." Immediately I received a call from him, I answered, although he pleaded with me not to give up on him, he began to understand my feelings so we mutually decided to end our relationship. I heard his voice one last time before hanging up the phone. Rather than feel relieved, I felt worse, being with him caused grief not being with him caused anguish, this was meant to be a lose/lose situation. I carried on my life filing my emptiness with more grey. The more cheerful I was on the outside the less content I felt on the inside, I really was a lost cause.

On my day off I sat outside the great hall, under the beautiful willow tree which has seen many generations come and go, I looked to the tree and thought about all it has witnessed, I began to observe the park ahead of me, a beautiful wonder ahead, there were so many flowers, trees, hedges and children playing around the fountain as their mothers watched and talked together, today was a day filled with warmth and happiness, even the grey feelings within my heart could see the colour of today, this was my home and I felt it. The laughter of children and the noises of animals it felt like a beautiful spring day, before the winter. As I was watching the children I heard splashing in the pond beside me, within my gaze I saw two ducks having a dispute over what looked like a leaf in their midst I couldn't help but giggle at how similar the children and animals behaved, something so minor needed to be disputed about. As my amusement shifted between the birds and the kids Mrs Fisher interrupted me, a wonderful person, she's been a part of my life since I was born, she was a solid figure in my life, I owed her a lot just she seemed difficult to get close to, she held a darkness which prevented me from getting to close, the moment things began to deepen between us she would pull away and I would cry on Villyani, although she was someone special in my life I knew my place and there was an unspoken line that we should never cross. Despite her being like an Aunty she will always be Mrs Fisher. "Hello dear, we have a guest in Driddon, the family has come from Ludso, they have acquired the estate, their papers have come through and they have arrived. I have come to inform you of a job opening, select few have been considered and we hope you will accept. I will be house keeper and my maids under me, which will be you and a few others. The pay is very handsome indeed, will you accept?" Mr Fisher formally asked, I sat under the tree listening to the soft noises around, despite feeling disappointed that the only conversation we seem to have regards my future and work, I felt at peace as if Villyani were with me today. So I nodded "when will we start" Mrs Fisher sighed "unfortunately we have no time for even a proper introduction, this offer is effective immediately." I whispered quietly "what if I had said no?" the wind was against me sending my faint voice in reach of Mrs Fisher's ears, "then it would have proved most inconvenient for poor Mr and Mrs Cooper, not even mention there young boys who now have to spend the first few nights in such a state, the house has not been lived in, who knows how long, the dust mites and spiders have made themselves quite at home, it will prove quite a task for us to have the house in ship shape by the end of the weekend, mark my words, there will be no resting for us. Only the most industrious have been selected for the challenge, you my dear are not just industrious but among the stubborn, if anything could be done it is you that won't ever back down or lose a challenge when presented before you. How about it? Are you ready to face the worst neglected house ever to befall your gaze?" With that Mrs Fisher left, as I sighed I fell onto my back, trying to ignore the fate in front of me, knowing it was truly in such disarray. The longer I ignored my call the more agitated I felt, in agony I rose to my feet, this was now going to be my weekend, cleaning. The only incentive is the huge pay check at the end of all of this.

The last room was well dusted and arranged in such a way it was fit for royalty, just as I had planned we finished slightly ahead of schedule, I felt accomplishment fill my face, the relief of our endurance paid off, Mr Cooper was most impressed, despite his lack of control over his young sons who proved most vindictive whilst we cleaned, I was determined to prevail. By the forty-eighth hour I do confess I broke and tied them up in their room, there was no prison break through my bonds of share will, although we did hit heads with Mrs Cooper, Mrs Fisher was able to use her vanity against her. It was either a clean house or free children; the children were locked away in their mansion of a room for a little under ten hours. It was long enough to finish the house. Upon their release we finished tidying the mess the boys left us, and so the pattern was, from dusk to dawn we ran after the destructiveness of rotten Cooper boys who lived each day to torment us. We learned to do the house hold chores first before circling round the mess the boys constantly made. Only when the boys traipsed mud through the house did we lock them outside for a little while until the inside work was done. Mrs Fisher was on laundry duty, we learned to never leave the washing unattended for the boys had a common practise of pulling them off the line forcing us to wash them once again, the routine though had been found, the boys learned to respect us for when a group of women hit breaking point at the same time it doesn't end well for the perpetrator and Mrs Cooper just had to deal with it.

During the ordeals of the Cooper household I ended up capturing the attention of Mr Cooper, multiple times, he would intently watch as I cleaned the house, he eagerly listened to how I dealt with his boys and how I handled his wife, mostly I tried to ignore him and couldn't wait for the last few hours to end so I could go home away from his watching eyes. One day was different, one of the other servants called to me announcing that the master was inquiring after me, I felt so nervous, I told Mrs Fisher before heading to Mr Cooper's study, and Mrs Fisher stayed near as his intentions toward me were so unclear. As I knocked on his study door I heard a strong voice allowing me entry into his room, "aah, Miss Colesman, please close the door behind you" I looked to Mrs Fisher like a scared child to searching for protection, obediently I slowly closed the door, courageously I turned to face Mr Cooper, who was sitting at his desk typing quickly on his keyboard "I won't be a moment, please Miss Cooper take a seat." I chose to sit on the chair furthest from him at his desk. Once Mr Cooper was finished he closed his laptop lid, "I must say you are the most diligent worker I have here, I am very impressed with your work and your kindness to my family, even though my boys don't always deserve it, I am thankful for your firmness, I'm afraid having children is much harder than I thought, having a boss like mine makes it impossible to be a parent as well, which is why I chose and fought to live in Driddon, my wife has been against me, but even I believe she's warming to this way of life" I shifted in my seat, so unsure about why he summoned me, seeing my hesitation to even reply, he sighed "I understand this must be rather odd, I don't like be forced into the situation I've been put in, so I'll get right to the point. One of my colleagues I understand has been mourning your company, when he learned that I was moving to Driddon, he was keenly interested in my connection with you, at that time I didn't know who you were, somehow he learned Miss Colesman was one of my housemaids, I don't trust the man who sent me in search of you. I know you have been feeling some discomfort toward me watching you, completely understandable miss, but the more I saw of you, the more I fear what will come of you, for the past while I've tried to protect you, but now I have to choose to protect you or my wife, I'm sorry I have to choose my wife." I shook my head "Mr Cooper, you are making no sense to me, what danger? The only person I know in Ludso is Pierre, he someone rich I know that, but his life I don't know much about, he works for a company." Mr Cooper sighed, "yeah, the same one I work for, oh, Pierre, were you close?" I sighed "not really, there was a time I wanted to be, he wanted to be, but our lives are so different we decided to end it." Mr Cooper nodded, "And so it should have remained ended. I have been forced into spying you out, your nature, your life, I refuse to be a secret spy for Pierre, and he is behaving in a way towards you that is not healthy." I sat back in my chair "it just doesn't make any sense, we've not had any contact in many months, almost half a year, why hasn't he messaged, and we have each other's numbers?" Mr Cooper mumbled "be careful my dear, you're too sweet for a man like him." I went to say something when his phone rang; it was his boss, so I left his study. As I walked out I saw a very worried Mrs Fisher, I simply smiled saying "he's alright, someone in Ludso is in search of someone, Mr Cooper has been watching me to see if I fit the profile, according to his sources and what he has learned from me, I appear to fit the specific profile but he wonders if it'll be safe to go, until he can't protect me anymore he'll alert the family. But for now, I should be safe." Mrs Fisher nodded as she took my hand in encouragement she left my side and we continued on our day.

As I sat curled up on the couch after another long day thoughts of Mr Cooper's warning filled my head, I wondered what he could have meant about Pierre, or it was even Pierre who was on the lookout for her, I felt afraid of his words. Back in the secret house next to the fire I cried over Mr Coopers warning, back then I just had no idea what he meant, almost a year later, I understand his warning but it was too late, I was now in a dark dusty house with a man who couldn't care less about protecting me, Daniel was only interested in using me for his own selfish gain, his cause. Meghan lay next to the dying embers of a once raging fire her body was cold yet the coldness she truly felt was the coldness within, the helpless feeling of her life which she seemed to have little control over consumer her thoughts, the night came into day and back into night again. Only Daniel seemed to know what the sky was revealing, within the dark house Meghan's emotions emanated only more darkness, which angered Daniel to the core, he couldn't stand self-pity especially when she would cry over the very man that has caused so much suffering to his people. Meghan lay unaware of her surroundings dreaming of the love that once existed. With a longing in her heart she closed her eyes turning away from Daniel who never allowed the fire to go out. His own stubbornness has stopped his compassion from being shown but in little ways he keeps her from deaths door because deep inside he has a soft spot for the unfortunate soul lying in a puddle of misery.

In a dream of memories Meghan felt Pierre's touch both wanted and unwanted as she searched through her memories to understand what has occurred between them, she missed the moments that seemed to be so true between them, she feared the moments where he controlled her. Pierre was both a great man and a terrible one. In one memory, there is a joy something to hold onto forever, a lasting happiness. Yet the very same moment an unexplained darkness which Meghan either overlooked or dismissed. Meghan felt her body go stiff as a cold chill traveled down her spine, she was so devoted to a man who didn't care for her, he did all that she wanted him to, the experienced joy together, walks hand in hand, he would make her giggle the way she knew all couples giggled when they were together, they watched movies and enjoyed a relaxing evening together, that was what she wanted. The more Meghan delved into her memories, the more she saw Pierre was not in the moments she treasured, he was there enjoying them because he was forcing her into an impossible situation, Meghan wanted the joy of a happy relationship, Pierre was only interesting in satisfying his desire, many times he would be touching her, although at first she pulled away, the moment she did he growled and threw a tantrum which frightened Meghan. The more uncomfortable she was the more displeased Pierre felt with her, to get her to bend to his game he would whisper in her ear a hurtful jeer of how her body appeared tonight, or how terrible he felt when an animal crossed his path, or how frustrating children were, and how annoying women were, women were creating drama to get men into trouble. On those occasions, Meghan had to stop what she was doing with her words she tried to soothe his agitation, when she failed to soothe him, he would touch her unwilling body only when she walked away he would call to her wondering if she even loved him at all, she would have to prove her love, which she did in ways that he didn't mean, her innocence drove him mad, he didn't want a wholesome woman. But that was a woman he had, that was a woman he had pulled so many strings to win, it was her heart he fought for, he had hoped to lead her astray but she was harder to break than he had anticipated. Meghan bellowed in a pitiful cry to herself upon realising what he was truly up to, there was little love for her, all Daniel could do was close his own door, there was no helping her at this time, for solace he would leave to his mother's house, there was only so much he could tolerate, his indifference grew against her, the more she wept, the more she cried. The pain was worse than that of a child who had grazed their knee; a painful bellow filled the airy walls of the house. Daniel returned to his mother for a little while only upon her insistence did Daniel return to the house, when she was too quiet and unhealthy still did Daniel gain a fearsome lump in his throat, adrenaline pumped through his veins as he neared her still body, as he touched her, her cold skin sent goose bumps up his arm, there were multiple times he had thought her dead, her faint breathe upon his thumb was enough to see that she would make it through the night, all he could do was wait, his impatience bred more impatience upon waking Meghan could only feel his coldness towards her, he made it perfectly clear there was only one reason why he bothered keeping her around, his cause was the only thing worth fighting for. His speech forced Meghan further into worthlessness.

Meghan looked at Daniel who was re-stocking the fire, the first time since she had been in this house she saw how weary he looked, she had no words for him, as much as Daniel tried to ignore her gaze, he couldn't pull away, he noticed how thin she was becoming, her sickly cheeks caused her glassy eyes to look bright red and puffy, her look was aloof, her mind was elsewhere, Daniel wanted to reach out to her, but thought better of it, for he knew there was nothing he could do to get her to eat her drink, giving a coy smile he trotted away leaving her to her dark thoughts, in a whisper to the flames within ear reach he heard a soft "why?" For the first time in his life he was speechless, there were no words to fill the empty void, her voice was so weak, it caused even his spark of flame to die, he couldn't feel her pain, but her question left his own pain wide open as if someone had ripped the Band-Aid of an old wound. Daniel's own pain flooded into his heart; there were no words of solace for anyone. Silence filled the air, not even the wind moved through the old wood, the rats stayed in their nests, the birds didn't sing, tonight was a night of reflection each creature held their own pain, what could be said that hadn't already, not one could sleep tonight, each one lay awake thinking about what had caused their pain, how it could have been avoided and the happiness that could have been, but it never happened, there was no happiness left. Leaving the question in the air, all there was left to say was "Why?"