CLAUDE, Nine days before THE day

I was back on set, filming my movie with Blaine. I had to tell you, I love the Atlantic Coast but I hate oceans. I hate seas. They give me the jitters. We're in a huge lap pool, though, that they film through chroma keying to look like a vast ocean.

I wasn't feeling well as soon as the day started and now that I'm inside a rubber boat which ebbs and flows with the fake waves they produce, I'm nauseous.

"God, Claude. What are you doing?" I wasn't really in the mood to listen to Shawi, especially not with his megaphone pointed at my left ear.

I also wasn't in the mood to tell him that I wasn't feeling well so I just told him I'll repeat the scene. But when it didn't work out well, I repeated it again. And again. We reshot the scene over and over again and I was really starting to feel bad for the other casts and crew, I really did, but perhaps I'm just not a good actress.

"That's it! I'm replacing you," I heard Shawi say on her megaphone and after that, he was gone. Everyone was dumbfounded, even the sound effects director stopped the smashing sound of falling masts. Blaine looked at me concerned, and when I didn't say anything, he went down from the rubber boat and followed Shawi.

I knew I was a bad actress, but I admit that today I did an awful lot worse. Perhaps I was still distracted by Ken leaving and by me being alone. But in four days it will be Thanksgiving and I couldn't have my whole family ashamed of me just because I got fired from my movie. I wouldn't want that, especially not in front of Ken.

I followed Blaine's trail of wet footprints until I saw him talking to Shawi. Shawi seemed so upset, which I had never seen before. If I had a talents list, I'd write "pissing directors off". And "nothing follows".

"Hey Shawi, I'm sorry. I'm just not in the mood today, that's all."

He was holding his phone by his ear when he turned to me. Maybe he was calling other talent managers for my "replacement".

"No, you're always doing this. You can't act. Why do you push so hard?" He seemed frustrated and his tone made my cheeks hot. I hate it when someone who isn't my family tells me that. Plus, I said I was sorry.

My tone instantly changed. "So what, you're gonna fire me? Just like that?" I know some people were starting to flock behind us right now but I didn't care. They knew who I am, and they needed to respect me for that. I may not be as good as them in what I do, but my name put me in this place, and this exact name is what I'm gonna use to remain where I am.

"I just did, didn't I?" He promptly went back to his phone after saying that and I felt a lot more disrespected.

"Listen here, if someone's leaving this movie, that isn't me," I said in gritted teeth and dimmed eyes. I stormed off immediately and went to my trailer van. I left everybody in shock, except Shawi and Blaine. He has worked with me in many films before so he knows how my temper gets when someone crosses the line, but Shawi was just some innocent newbie director who had no idea what happens when someone in the set crosses me.

I got my phone and dialled my manager, who is a famous music producer as well, and a close friend of my dad's. I told him what happened with Shawi and he couldn't believe that he fired me. At least that's what he said.

As soon as I dropped the call, I went to my car and drove it as fast and far as I could from the set. I did have a driver but I'll just text him to take a cab with the gas allowance. I didn't realize I was crying until I saw myself in the rearview mirror. My mascara was smudged and my nose was red. I reached for the tissue box but there was none left. I screamed of frustration and I accidentally hit the car horn. Unfortunately, we were at a stop and everyone in the pedestrian glared at me. I immediately covered my face.

People here knew me as a sweet, polite girl. That was what the media is showing anyway. Unlike the Kardashians, we didn't have our own reality show so we were safe from huge controversies and the media often left us alone. We were offered once or twice, but we never wanted to expose our little family's dysfunctionality. My mother's gonna kill me if tabloids start flashing my face with headlines "Pretty little Coleman has a huge traffic pet peeve" so I just covered myself as hard as I could until the traffic light went green.

My phone rang as I was approaching Uptown. I decided to pay my brother a little visit in his apartment. I answered the call and put it on speaker.

"Hey baby, where are you?" It was Blaine. And no, he wasn't my "baby", like ew. He just loves mocking me when things in the set go wrong. But I knew his concern earlier was genuine. Because we're a team. We were managed by the same person, and if I get fired from a film, he's pretty sure he'd be out too.

"I'm on my way to Ken. Why?"

"Good news. Shawi's out. You're in."

So they did fire Shawi. I felt bad for the guy for a moment. I mean, I did tell him that if someone's leaving, it wasn't me. But I also did not intend for him to be fired. God, I'm so awful. I'm an awful person. I thought they might try to make it work, talk some sense to Shawi or something, and bring us both back in the movie. But I guess in this industry, it's either you're with a Coleman, or you're not here at all.

I felt really bad again. I just said "yeah" to Blaine and ended the call. I couldn't believe how bad things were turning out right now. It's like there was no escape. Everywhere I looked, I saw billboards to billboards of Coleman's name. From the models, to the businesses, literally everywhere. I just wanted to get away.

I couldn't show up in my brother's doorsteps like this. I drove the opposite way from Uptown and went straight home.