chapter 4:

As I stood there, ready to bring the broken piece of glass down on my skin, a voice suddenly echoed through the bathroom. Startled, I looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of where the voice had originated. 

"Zina, are you that weak?" the voice questioned, breaking through the silence.

Surprised and filled with a mix of fear and curiosity, I mustered the energy to reply, my voice barely audible and hoarse, "Who are you and what do you want from me?"

The voice responded with a gentle yet commanding tone, "It doesn't matter who I am. What matters is what you are about to do. Are you really that weak? Will you give up just because your family mistreats you? Everything happens for a reason, and everyone has their worth in this life. Allah gave you this life, and He will be the one to take it. Stand up, child. Better days are coming. Just trust me, clean your wounds, go back to Allah. He misses you. One last thing, no matter how your parents are, take care of them before it is too late."

The voice carried an air of wisdom and compassion, and it was the sweetest, softest voice I had ever heard. It was the kind of voice that could make you close your eyes and just listen. I looked around again, but there was nothing to be seen. Only those comforting and wise words continued to echo in my mind. What was happening?

In that moment, I found myself standing up, albeit in pain, and my feet touched the cold bathroom floor. I removed my wet clothes and stepped into the shower, rinsing away the blood from my body. I glanced back at the hand that had held the piece of glass, and a sudden realization struck me.

I had been on the verge of ending my own life, committing a grave sin. But those words, those simple yet profound words, had caused my heart to stop.

"Allah misses you."

My chest tightened with remorse and guilt. I was about to betray Allah, lose faith in Him, and disregard His mercy. I threw the broken piece of glass away, held my face in my hands, and started to cry. This time, tears of regret and guilt streamed down my face. What had I been thinking? How could I have believed that Allah would think poorly of me?

What had brought me to such a low point? It was time to stop crying, to wipe away the tears, and to rise and shine. A fresh start awaited me. I reminded myself that life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.

I refused to let anyone bring me down because of my gender. I believed that God had not given me more than I, with Him, could handle.

With a clear mind, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around myself, performed ablution, and decided to pray after I cleaned up the mess I had made in my room.

(Ablution is the act of washing oneself before performing Salah, the Muslim prayer)

After finishing my cleaning, I walked to my room and chose a black skirt and a long-sleeved white shirt from the corner closet. I changed into the modest attire, feeling a sense of inner peace and strength as I dressed.

I prepared my prayer mat, wrapped a scarf around my head, and prayed. I prayed until I couldn't feel my legs anymore, pouring out all my emotions and seeking solace in my connection with Allah.

As I finished my prayers, I reached for the Quran from the nightstand's first drawer. Opening it to Surat Yaseen, my favorite chapter, I began reciting it.

A profound weight lifted from my heart. It was as if a lost soul finally found its home, a place where it truly belonged. Tears continued to flow down my face as I immersed myself in the verses.

I felt a serene calmness, a profound peace. It was as if I existed in a world where only God and I were present. However, I couldn't help but cry, overwhelmed by shame for what I had almost done.

The Quran, a message from the Creator, the one who knows us best and loves us more than our hearts can comprehend, bestowed upon me tranquility and serenity. It reminded me that everything was going to be alright and that nothing in this temporary world truly mattered except our relationship with God. The holy Quran strengthened me, empowering me with faith when I was at my lowest, and offering me insights into the workings of this earthly life. It was the key to success, both in this life and the hereafter.

No matter what, I needed to remember that this life was merely a journey, and the when, where, and how it would end were decisions solely in the hands of Allah.

As my eyelids grew heavy and my eyes closed, I succumbed to a deep slumber. For once, I didn't worry about what tomorrow would bring. I believed, with unwavering faith, that no matter what challenges may come my way, I would overcome them because Allah would always be by my side.