Pathetic

We ran, not stopping at the end of the park, not stopping at the end of the town, not stopping. She dragged me for miles, my hand wrapped in hers. Finally, we stopped on a road about fifteen minutes from the town. It was a long thin road that followed the lake, curving around the water until it connected with the town. She stopped running, her grip not loosening. I walked over to the side of the road. A steel wall following the tarmac, I slid my legs over the metal and sat down. Staring at the lake in the moonlight, the orange stars of the town reflected in the blue waters.

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"With the Ella girl."

"She was my neighbor and best friend for all my life until six years ago she was always there for me and when we both had trouble living we decided to leave together, I thought the promise of always being together would be enough. I was an idiot, and I'm reminded of that every time I shut my eyes. Every time I see her smile, and every time I see her body falling from that bridge."

"That's why you want me to leave?"

"Every time I see you, I hear your voice. I see her too and hear her. You're both so similar, I can't go through that again. I won't kill another."

"You won't kill me."

"You can't know that."

"Watch me prove it to you." She followed behind me, wrapping her arms around my neck and letting them fall down to my chest, her fingers pressing along my clothes.

"You're truly evil."

"I don't care."

What am I doing? I'm supposed to be a shut in, so why is this happening, why are all my old friends suddenly chasing me? What should I do?

Heh why bother asking, I've thought about talking to them every day for the past three years. I just need to keep playing, I need to go through my normal life, and then…. What? If Yuki was telling the truth and I need to start streaming, then what? Will I make money off that? What do I do? For now… I'll go home, I have school tomorrow.

"Let's go back."

"Ok, but I want to come with you."

"Why?"

"Because that girl could be waiting for you."

"Fine."

We walked down the road, the spotlights of the road shining down on our heads, the circular beams of light illuminating our walk, making our shadows slip underneath us with every step. We talked about all manner of things, we talked about games and about my fight. What I'd played before and what she'd played before. And before I knew it we were at my door, I turned the handle and...

My mind came back, working at full speed. she locked me out. I can't go through my window because it's locked, dammit. I completely forgot about it, I feel so stupid! How could I let this happen?

"There something wrong?"

"Uhh no, it's fine, you can go."

"Why aren't you going inside?"

"Because its locked."

"You don't have a key?"

"No"

"Can't you knock?"

"No because my mom's um having sex."

"Oh… where will you sleep?"

I pointed to the bench, it was a good enough place. It was close to my house so when the morning comes I can get my uniform and run to school, this isn't the first time this has happened.

"Are you stupid?"

"I don't think so."

"Come on," she grabbed my wrist again.

NOT ANOTHER RUN?!?!?!?!!?!?

My shut in body can't handle this much exercise. Unlike last time, she didn't run, she just walked. Her hand gripped tightly around mine, my face was fixed in a look of surprise as she marched me off, her long hair hitting my face in the wind.

"Where are we going?"

"My house dummy"

"Wha!.. Why are we going there????"

"You can sleep there with me."

My brain is dead, I died. I am an empty shell. There is nothing left. What does she mean??????? Calm down Charlie, you need to be rational. She probably just means on like a couch or something… she doesn't mean that.

I need to get my head back together. I've already seen her house but as a mover. This is strange, right? I shouldn't be doing this, I just need to sleep on the bench. It's a necessary sacrifice, I would trade a bad night's sleep for my sanity.

"Um Psye let…"

"No! I won't let you sleep on a bench."

"It's not that bad"

She stopped turning around, her hair flicking out and billowing in the wind. She moved her hand up, pushing some loose strands behind her ear.

"Do you not want to come with me?"

Damn… she's too cute! It's impossible to disappoint her, my heart has taken full control of my body, my brain doesn't work anymore. How could it?

"N…n…no I"

"Great, then let's go!"

Dammit, why? Why is this happening to me? What am I going to do?

She opened the door, an electronic lock beeping and chiming as she entered. As she stepped in, the house lit up, lights spreading out through the house. The lights gave off a blue electronic glow, lighting the room and in the darkness of the night the room felt aquatic, as if the entire room was submerged in a deep ocean. It felt lonely. The house was small and lacked warmth. The floor was a black stone that felt harsh and cold even through my shoes. I took my shoes off and proceeded into the house, following her.

"Doesn't your grandma live with you?"

"Nah, she just owns it."

"Oh… so you live alone"

"Yup"

This is so awkward, what do I say? What can I say? Why couldn't I be on a bench? She walked over to a small doorway, sliding the door open and pressing inside.

I'm about to go inside a girl's room. This might be the greatest challenge I'll ever face. NO! I just need to treat it like a game. It's a special class dungeon, the lair of the female. Danger class SSS. Come on Charlie! You've been dreaming of this for three years, so what are you waiting for?

I stepped forward, my body sweating and my heart racing… What is happening? I've been in Kate's room thousands of times. How is this different? Just calm down. Breathe.

I walked into the door and into the room.

It was holy… heaven. The walls were lined with comics and manga, the shelves covered with games and figurines. There was a TV in one corner and a PC in the next. A big bed that almost covered the room was tucked in the corner, hugging the wall. It had white sheets that were slightly crumpled, and The PC was set up with three screens and recording devices like microphones and headsets. The lamps were a gentle orange light and filled the room with heat and light.

On the bed was Psye, her clothes were on the ground, and she was wearing a pair of underwear with her figure tucked under a big white shirt with a gaming logo pasted on the top.

"What are you waiting for?"

"What do you mean?"

"Get into bed."

"Oh, ok…" am I really going to do this? It can't be. I need to wake up. This has to be some kind of dream… yeah, everything was a dream… LSO, Dan, Kate, and even Psye all a story playing out in my head so just wake up! I climbed into the bed, curling my body up. How could I ever sleep like this? When she's maybe a few inches away from me!!! The room grew dark as she switched off the lights, it's so dark I can barely see my hands in front of me. If I pretend she isn't here, then I'll be ok. I can sleep then.

I closed my eyes, not that it makes much difference. I reflected on my life, on everything that I had done, and I thought about school tomorrow. How will I face people. I can't deal with that much interaction right now. School was hell enough without all these complications.

My eyes closed, and my body rolled up tighter. The memories playing in my head as always. The ground swept under me as I ran, tears falling from my face. This can't be happening. She didn't mean it! It's all a joke! It has to be.

I ran, my arms swinging in front of me and my body pushing forward as I ran up the hill. The trees by the side of the road suddenly disappeared. And I was on the bridge. The huge steel arches towering over me, the city lights like a Christmas tree below, so pathetic from here in the mountain. So small. I ran across the side of the bridge, my feet stamping into the metal. I grabbed the railing my eyes instinctively looking down, below was a steep current, the water rushing below me crashing into rocks and foaming at the mouth like a beast ready to devour those who fall, I kept running tears welling in my eyes, this can't be happening, I can't believe what I read. This isn't happening. Then I saw her. The moonlight glistening off her silk black hair, the rapid's below whisking back the long strands, the hair as deep as midnight. Her eyes were alive with light, the purple glowing with joy as she stared down at her death, she saw the reaper, and hugged him hello.

"ELLA!!!!"

She looked back, her right eye as clear as can be, but her left had a single tear flowing, maybe she's rethinking.

"Hey Lee, I guess you found the note sooner than expected, you were supposed to be studying."

"I thought you said you'd live for me?! How could you? Was I not enough?"

"I love you Lee, now and forever, but even that love is overpowered by the pain from every breath I take, it's not your fault."

"Then please, take me with you. Anywhere you go, I'll follow."

"Heh, heh thank you lee, that was my one regret, I never want to leave you."

She reached down her hand the small hand wrapping around my hand intertwining the fingers and pulling my up onto the railing, I looked down at the water below the white foam tumbling over the rocks and crashing into every standing rock whipping the stream clean, little by little eroding everything, even the rocks unfaltering will.

"I guess we'll never leave this town, huh?"

"It's funny to think our final rest will be in the lake that we used to play in all those years ago."

"Yeah, you still have regrets?"

"If I'm with you, Lee, then not a single one."

Even in the face of death we stared into each other's eyes, her beauty was dazzling. I gripped her hand and looked down once more,

"Ready?"

Behind us, lights flashed from the bridge.

"Ready!"

The car screeched to a halt, the driver swinging the door open and rushing out of the car,

"You kids get down from there!"

"I'm sorry Lee" just as we moved forward to jump she pushed my chest swinging herself forward and severing our braided hands the strands falling "Live for me.", I fell backwards, and the adult picked me up screaming after Ella.

"NOOOOOO!! ELLA?!?!?!" I kicked and struggled driving my heel into his stomach and breaking free tears streamed down my face as I ran over to the railing pushing my body over.

"Don't leave me."

I pushed off the steel, but the adult grabbed my legs. The last thing I saw was her face, her beautiful smile, it broke the mask and for the first time I saw her truly happy. Her hair was spread out like her arms and legs as she fell back into the water.

"Let go!!!!!!!"

I kicked out, but it was no use. The adult had dragged me from the side and was calling the police, I was no match for their strength. After a few minutes sirens appeared, and I was surrounded by cars. They questioned my 'savior' and called my mom, I was dead inside, I couldn't move anymore. I just stared at the adult with pure hatred, rage filling my heart. My mom came and picked me up and took me home. She was so proud of me back then, she saw me as her pride and joy as a genius. A few days later, they came to my school and questioned me and my friends. I was the only one who knew her thoughts and that she wanted to die, everyone blamed me, they were right to. I should've told someone, and I should've jumped with her. A week later, I talked with my homeroom teacher about the scholarship and completely pissed him off. My world was broken without her, nothing had meaning, until I saw Ellie, my mom named her that as a cruel trick. It reminded me that I needed to protect Ellie, so I worked hard again, pushing myself to get better at basketball as soon as I started middle school. It wasn't enough, and I fell into darkness, trying to replace Ella with anyone I could. I started dating Kate and became closer with my friends but even all of them weren't enough to fill the void she left. So I started playing games, after meeting the game shop owner I was enthralled. Those digital worlds were the only way to cope. I took Ella's words seriously, but until now I don't think I understood what she meant. I was supposed to live a good life, grand enough for two people, to dedicate myself to her, but in the end. I just ended up pathetic. I wasn't deserving of your love Ella, I'm sorry. I should die. I should join you, but I don't think I can see you in the afterlife. I can't let you see the pathetic mess I am right now.

I really am pathetic…