Searching for an answer
Behind the wheels, as Ray replayed each conversation with his grandpa, uncle Li and these whole episode - he felt immensely suffocated, ...it was always a few close friends that he usually shares his troubles with but he had been alone for last few years. At this moment a flash of Jon's face came suddenly which choke him with his tears, he stepped on his accelerator further .....
Loosing his emotions behind the wheel and then there was Yi Ren whom he felt betrayed his trust, yet in it Yi Ren was only trying to help. He felt the rush of tears coming through and the choking sensation that followed.
A honk by the side shook him by surprised as he slowed down seeing Yi Ren riding dangerously catching up with him ...all his thoughts subsided ..seeing that figure for a split second brought him back to present while he felt relieved...."what am i doing?" Ray thought as his logical mind came back immediately.
He slowed down as he watch for the cars to pass and diverted to the side of the road towards an opening where there was a side park resting spot overlooking the ravine where the sun is setting.
How foolish he thought as he pull the brakes and took a deep breath.
Yi Ren followed - a sense of relieve yet hurt at the actions that had just transpired. The irresponsible speeding and aimless driving left him fearful for Ray. He wanted to grab hold of Ray just to hold him from doing anything illogical at this stage. Yi Ren parked his bike next to the car and remove his helmet trying to stay as composed.
The moment Ray stepped out of the car and closes the car door behind him, Yi Ren stride forward and unexpectedly threw himself on Ray catching Ray by surprise forcing Ray to fall back on the car door - Yi Ren embraces Ray in the open - spontaneous reaction that he could not even explain. The fear and worries took the better half of him seeing Ray calmed down to his senses now.
"I'm sorry.....don't drive like that again..."Yi Ren said as he continue staying there motionless with the hug leaving a total silent in between them. The moment stood still, just the distant sound of passing car that filled the void. Behind, the sun had began to set casting the shadow of these two on the ground.
The embrace ...it gave so much comfort that Ray needed, the mounting pressure, the hurt, the anger ...it all melted in this embrace.
He closed his eyes and embrace Yi Ren back, and he didn't know why there were just tears flowing back...."I'm upset with you" he finally said as he tried to control his feelings but buried his head onto Yi Ren's shoulder. "I know..." Yi Ren replied as he hug him tighter ..."I'm sorry" he said again and it was just them understanding what had happen without each other narrating under the watchful sunset.
"Don't drive like that again..." Yi Ren whisper back as Ray nodded still looking down. Conscious of how they are behaving, Ray break the awkward moment and push Yi Ren apart whom is still staring at him. "I'm okay ...sorry i made you worried, not my usual self" Ray said. Yi Ren gave him a smile back and nodded accepting the apology.
Ray like this side of Yi Ren ...this side that he can see through transparently, yet at times Yi Ren's action is unpredictable.
As the two reconciled, they set off to continue their discussion back at Yi Ren's studio.
They had been practicing the team's dance except for a solo part that consists the two of them. And Kay wanted to understand the concept before approving it to be incorporated.
As Yi Ren was explaining to Kay showing him the steps, Ray was absorbing it but he felt uncomfortable with some of the close proximity movements especially towards the end. The post where their bodies would touch need to lean on each other from the back turning to the front and their faces would be on each other's shoulder with hands intertwining together until they music stop. Ray was adjusting to it as he listen to Yi Ren's instruction.
"Breathe in and two three, turn and one two... hands together closed and drop the head, wait till the musics stops..look up straight to the eyes and halt"
Yi Ren felt the discomfort from Ray but to Yi Ren it's about focusing the feelings and letting your self drown in the dance, it's just work and hence he took it to drum into Ray how he should be able to do that.
When they were at repeating steps for the second time, Ray fidgeted again, trying to move apart but Yi Ren moved him in and whisper "feel the music let it flow, let go and dance with it" Ray froze ... the way Yi Ren said it was similar - a familiar phrase he had heard before 'let the music flow through your vein.'
He was following the rhythm and steps, following Yi Ren's guide and when they ended with eyes lock and hands lock. Ray again had this weird feeling. Why is he feeling this way, he stepped back again not able to complete it the steps.
"I..." he started but was cut short.
"I'm not him..."Yi Ren said. Yi Ren lost it with all these happenings and the unresolved silent conflicts and the strain treatment Ray is giving him. Yet, when they were close, it was different that Ray was back to his old self - the erratic behaviour of Ray which Yi Ren didn't had any explanation on was left unresolved. Yi Ren had always wanted to asked him what happen, and why is the past haunting him again. He doesn't want to be in their family conflict or family business conflict. He was just extending a hand out when Ray was down and he wanted to preserve that innocent yet genuine friendship that had now been muddled with so many things.
Ray moves back and release Yi Ren hands but Yi Ren did not let go, he kept it intact still looking at Ray searching for an explanation deep inside Ray.
There were so much questions that ran past Ray as they stood there. He was afraid of staying here this way any longer than he had to. He knows Yi Ren is trailing his reaction.