Hidden feelings that you never know

The piano at the art cafe cried that night, it rained a heart shattering melody - this side of Ray ceased to exists for sometime but it resurface tonight.

Every finger that strike at the piano key, a flash of Yi Ren's touch cut his heart. A thought of how he had let Yi Ren in to his life so deeply and how he had to now pull back, exert excruciating pain that he couldn't control himself from crying out loud as he continue endlessly with the keys.

The melody that sung through the entire cafe was accompanied by drops of tears falling on to the keys. At that point Ray felt literally he could not live another day just thinking of what they had gone through and where they are now....and in that desperation he sat by the window and looked out at the lonely bright moon that shone.

"Jon... I can't go on anymore...." a long forgotten promise he made to continue to live life to the fullest...tonight it broke him apart.

In that desperation he sends a message to Yi Ren . His once confidant, partner turned stranger now

Yi Ren,

Tonight I feel my heart has been ripped apart again to a thousand pieces by you. I never like admitting that I loose in this little game of ours as I have never treated our relationship like a game in the first place but tonight, you won Yi Ren ..... my heart feels extremely pain even after these years, I am broken to the core if that's the answer you want to hear. I am happy for you.

He sent that message although he felt he didn't want to initially. Yi Ren had been making all sorts of movements to make Ray react and to get his attention in the last few years, including going out with celebrities that gets out in the papers, fancy parties where it would be covered in the magazines on his rendezvous hoping to catch Ray's attention that he will call him, get angry, get upset even though he has ceased to communicate. It was just all the crazy ideas that Yi Ren resorted to stir Ray into jealousy and waited for Ray to come back to him.

This all came about when Ray's grandfather together with Uncle Li warn Yi Ren to keep a distance from Ray as Ta Ge had been going on exposing how Yi Ren is making use of Ray to get through to some of the deals they are working on. Ta Ge begin to suspect their relationship after seeing Yi Ren coming out of Ray's place frequently in the morning.

It went in circles with Yi Ren trying to clear it again with Ray and his family and it got to a point for an ultimatum that either Ray is removed from the company including total funding cut for him or he had to stop having anything to do with Yi Ren. Ray chose to breakaway from his family business to start up on his own while at the same time he ceased seeing Yi Ren to minimise complications.

Yi Ren's hurt turned into anger and he was angry with Ray for not standing up for them and what they believed in. That was Yi Ren's expressive way of dealing with his helplessness while Ray kept everything inside.

It hurt Ray to see Yi Ren being treated this way. While he tried to keep a positive view on things Yi Ren can't accept that Ray is calmly accepting the verdict of how things had turn out. Perhaps Yi Ren didn't quite understand Ray's way of dealing with things. Yi Ren wanted Ray back and he thought one way is to get him to react seeing Yi Ren going out with others but every action of his numbed Ray further. Ray was focus on rebuilding his career, company and business on his own.

Tonight however the accumulated hurt exploded finally.

I once asked myself cautiously should i trust this heart of mine to start with and because it was so deeply in love, I could not hold it back but to let it flow along, loving you sincerely with all my heart not holding back at all. I have nothing left to give, I have exhausted my heart loving you, it is a hollow empty glass which was meant for you to break anyway, successfully...I have always been very determine and positive in my view of life but tonight i feel like giving up. I have worked my way up hoping you will wait for me to get there, I guess the wait was too long and our silence through time had taken its own course. I'm not sure how to go on, I thought I was strong until it hit me today. I love you Yi Ren as always I just didn't have the courage to tell you that I still do after all these years and all that had happen. Forgive me I don't want to intrude in your life now, telling you this selfishly but I can't keep this on anymore, we need a proper closure to move on.

Yi Ren was disturbed after coming out from the shop bumping into Ray. He and his girl friend continued shopping through each floor in the mall,  somehow while Yi Ren was going around with the girl but he was not there - his mind and heart wasn't there. The eyes that he saw in the shop earlier was one that was hurt, hurt by him. He was contented to see that glimpse of hurt in Ray's eyes but it also carried the familiar lifeless look when they first met on the plane back then.

The Ray he first knew back then had no motivation to live when Yi Ren found him. A little panic stir in his heart while the girl next to him continue chatting. "Yi Ren are you listening? what do you think of  this heels? Should i take the red one? It's nice right?"

Yi Ren responded by splurging on it for her. That's how it is, money bought what he needed to keep him momentarily occupied and happy, the friends, the parties, the trophy girl friends some paid for just the show but they could never understood, they can have his time but not him, that was his criteria. He stopped and turn to his driver behind whom was helping them with the shopping bags to take the girl home first.

"Where you going Yi Ren hey!" The girl ask.

"I've got some important matters to attend to, go back first"

"You can't do this! We have dinner plans!" And this is a common sight for all the dates that he had. But then it was well known being with Yi Ren then was either for fame, money or required by his parents.

3 years back

"Hi how have you been?" Er Ge called up to Yi Ren

"Hey Kieth" Er Ge met up with Yi Ren 3 years back in Singapore when Yi Ren was down for a few months helping his dad with some business arrangements.

"I'm good, just here for 2 days heading off later, thought I'd pass you this. He made it for you." Er Ge paused and said "I know it's been hard I appologize on behalf of Ta Ge but it's probably good that Ray stay focus for a bit. Grandfather removed him from everything..."

Yi Ren look up concerned. "How is he?"

"He doesn't talk about it. Just drowned in work trying to restore whatever he can himself...."Er Ge paused and continue "Yi Ren sometimes in life we don't necessarily get to be with whom we want to, I'm married for a year now after Rain (Ta Ge)...it is an arranged marriage and we learn to love and appreciate one another as we live through it."

Er Ge stayed quiet for a while and continue

"I know Ray...he says he is fine but he is hurting himself inside so don't hurt him anymore by doing all this if you don't mean it. Live your life for yourself too. I'd really want him to move on and you too if you guys decide to. I don't want him to dwell in this too much. I know you've been trying to get back at him" Er Ge was referring to all the news of Yi Ren in the gossip magazine.

"If things work out someday then so be it but let it go for now. I don't think Ray can handle this much more than he could handle it when he loss Jon back then, so if you feel for him, you need to understand him."

Ee Ge paused and pass the box to Yi Ren. He showed us his design and asked us for our opinion on the fabric earlier with Mum. I thought he was happy and proud when he told us about it, it seems very important for him.

But after that I looked for him and found him quietly sobbing in his room. He was looking at some pictures of you both, I found out through some of his explanation that this could be something that he wanted to do for you.... incase you hadn't seen it. He is launching it next year with a few more things he had been working on."

Yi Ren open it, it was a familiar rose print on a black shirt that Ray drew when they were playfully on the bed. And on the shirt, a little inscription states "If I had not said it, this is for you, I love you"

"We asked Ray about the inscription why does he leaves it there, it was a bit distracting if printed commercially but he wanted it that way" Keith added. "Hey I have to run, I have a flight to catch, keep in touch and take care"