The way certain things go

What is fear? No really what is it is it a kind of possession, a curse maybe some kind of feeling? An emotion? No, it can't be possible! Because fear can burn a whole house down. It keeps you distant to the things, which are mostly dangerous to us humans or just things, which could be dangerous but aren't. Here's the part where the real question begins: Where did the reality get lost. What way should I take? Should I really introduce myself?..

My name is Abby Mickelson, right now I'm 14 years old. I'll be honest i don't have many friends except for my best friend Angelina and my other best friend Xavier they are both all I have besides my mother.

No other relatives. Apparently I have a older brother, but my mother won't tell me anything about him. We never talked about my father so.. I am kinda desperate to be honest. The place where I lived till now is a quite small town, where everyone knows everyone i guess. I'm not an active person, which means that I rarely show myself to this wide wide world. But to clarify me.

I don't do that much contact with people. Instead i write them letters. That's why I only have two friends. But I have my reasons. It's something no one knows except me.

Gosh! I hate this part so much but. My mother blames me every night for my dad's and brother's leaving in a certain night. I was maybe only five years old, that's why I don't remember anything.

I had always nightmares about those people, who are trying to rape me since I was a little 7 years old girl.

So now it explains why I have all bruises on my body and try to cover them with some long hoddies and long pants up.

I were those clothes every single day. Even in summer and spring when there are 30 degrees outside!

I think my mother knows but she does nothing.

I feel like I lost the ground under my feet. Well that would be almost on of the reasons why I don't go outside that much. Younger me would be hiding herself for months in her room, but this me right now, the present me is willing to risk everything she has, which is again. Nothing. That's why I didn't give up yet.

The thing is my town.. hometown is small but has a lot of nature and hills.

My best friends Angelina and Xavier always beg me to go hiking so I always take this risk that my abusers will abuse or rape me after they accidentally saw me going out with my friends and trying to live a normal life.