The Burden of Leadership: This isn't victory (1/2)

Lyon POV:

My head throbbed, and the curtain of darkness above my eyes finally lifted. Judging from the state of my body, I knew I had been out for a few days at minimum. The familiar sight of dozens of bandages wrapped neatly around my body made me smile wryly.

I ignored the shooting pain penetrating my mind from the sling that hung around my neck to support my broken arm. I winced as I sat up on the elevated bed, resting my back against a large, soft pillow.

My eyes scanned the room carefully only to find Lissandra hunched over on a chair in front of me. Her head rested against her arm on the bedsheets while she slept peacefully. Her long eyelashes fluttered every now and then, along with a quiet whisper.

"Leader..."

A tear rolled out of her closed eyes, and I felt a strange twinging sensation bother my chest. I gazed at her for a few minutes without saying a word.

"..."

I got out of the bed as quietly as possible and opened the door. I glanced back at Lissandra, who hadn't budged from the same spot. I needed to talk with her, but now wasn't the time; there were still things I needed to do first. I slipped my feet into some slippers and closed the door behind me.

"District Lea—"

I put my finger to my lips, and the woman, who had been standing guard outside of my room covered her mouth with her hand quickly.

"Can you take me to where Holder is?"

Her vibrant amber eyes swept over my body while she hesitated to answer. It didn't take long for her to give in as she nodded her head and lead the way.

I wanted to check on Brunaulf urgently, but I already knew that his condition was stable thanks to Holder's efforts. I also made a mental note to thank Isabelle later.

I followed behind the woman slowly, unable to go any faster due to the damage I had taken. A few minutes later, I stood in front of Holder's room. I thanked the woman as she bowed her head and retreated around the corner quickly.

"Holder, it's me."

I knocked on the door, not wanting to waltz right in. The door flung open, and Frida glared at me with stern eyes.

"Master Lyon, you should be..."

I met her stern gaze, and her words trailed off. I observed her eyebrows quiver slightly as she bowed her head. I knew she was worried about me, but this was more important.

"Leader... You came..."

Frida closed the door behind me and placed a chair in front of Holder's bed. He was covered in bandages from head to toe, much like me, but his eyes remained firmly shut even though he looked in my direction.

His sandy beige skin had gone a shade lighter, and he appeared to be suffering from some sort of recoil.

'I caused this... I did this to him...'

My lips tightened as I took a seat on the chair. He had clearly pushed himself beyond his limit; just like I told him to.

"I'm sorr—"

"Leader, thank you... Thank you for putting your trust in me... I'm glad I could be useful..."

I bit my lip as I looked away from his warm smile. I balled my hand into a fist, unable to rid myself of this horrible feeling of guilt.

"Don't apologize Leader..."

"H-Holder...!"

My body shook as I watched him open his eyes. The dark brown colour had left his irises and was replaced by a whitish grey that glazed over his almost non-existent pupils.

"I used the new KED in order to keep the others alive...But the side effects... were worse than I thought..."

'KEDs? Why had he used...'

I closed my open mouth as his lips spread out into a wide, jovial smile. I didn't know what to say. I just sat there in silence with my head down. I was ashamed of myself.

"Look up, Leader. I may have lost the light in my eyes, but you both showed me the light in my heart. I changed because you gave me a chance to. You could have left me in District 3 once you had achieved your goal; you could have abandoned me, but that's not who you are..."

He placed his hand on my shoulder and gripped it tightly. I looked up at him, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to break out at any moment. My clenched fist finally relaxed as my lips parted.

"Thank you, Holder..."

He smiled and let go of my shoulder. Holder closed his eyes, resting his head back against the pillow. He didn't say anything else after that—I knew he wanted to give me some time to process these turbulent emotions piercing away at me.

I stayed by his side for a while as I watched Frida take care of him. Her stern expression melted away while she caressed his cheek gently. I saw the love and affection in her actions, and I felt even worse than before.

'Leader...'

I pondered over what that word meant and got to my feet. Frida turned around to open the door for me. I stepped through it when she suddenly spoke.

"Master Lyon, may I have a word?"

I gazed at her with dazed eyes and nodded my head. She closed the door behind us as we stood in the wide hallway. Frida didn't speak right away, so I decided to ask her about Holder's eyesight.

"Is it permanent? Will he never be able to see again?"

"...It is hard to say. The side effects from the new drug aren't widely known, even among the Blood Hounds. It has been a few days, so the foreign substance is already out of his system, but his eyesight shows no signs of returning. It could take months, or maybe years, or maybe... Never."

I slumped my back against the wall as I let out a frustrated sigh. I still had hope that there was something that could be done, but in the end, we were dealing with the unknown; there was no concrete answer.

My fist shook as I hit the wall. I clenched my teeth, ignoring the pain that vibrated through the wounds on my arm. District 3 was nothing but bad news after bad news. Whenever I got involved with something going on there, the result was always unfavourable.

"Master Lyon, I want to thank you for taking Holder with you."

"...Why? Because of me he ended up in that condition."

She looked down at me with soft eyes.

"You helped awaken something that he had lost: His determination and resolve. I am thankful that he was given the opportunity to find himself."

I didn't reply. I didn't know how to answer her. She clearly knew of Holder's life better than I did. I could sense the change in Holder, but...

I shook my head and pushed those thoughts away. They weren't just telling me things I wanted to hear; they were being honest with me. I just... couldn't accept this result.

Frida stepped forward and looked me in the eyes.

"Master Lyon, as a leader, you must bear the authority that comes with it. Your words hold weight, and that weight must be lifted by those under you."

...I knew this already, and I also didn't want to hear this right now. I looked away from Frida, but she placed her hand against my cheek softly.

"Do you truly think Holder went that far based on your words alone? If it was a different Leader, do you think he would have done the same thing? No. It is because you are you that the people in District 4 are willing to go above and beyond your expectations.

You've proved how far you're willing to go for the community, for the people who have been oppressed and for those who have had their rights forcefully stripped away from them. You are our treasure.

You are our Leader."

"!"

My eyes widened as Frida pulled me into a deep hug. This warmth... It reminded me of my mother; it made me feel safe and at ease. I felt the dam burst inside of me as my tears rushed out uncontrollably.

"Thank you for coming back to us safely."

I cried my eyes out in Frida's arms for a long time while she gently stroked my back. She held me close, comforting me and only once the tears began to dry did she let go.

Her thin lips spread into a short smile while she rubbed my shoulders softly. She bowed her head and re-entered Holder's room.

I sat against the wall and stared at the ceiling for a while. The woman from before poked her head around the corner, seemingly checking if the coast was clear before walking out.

"U-um... District Leader..."

I glanced at her as she scratched the back of her head sheepishly.

"I'm Jane. I-I was the one who looked after you with Vice Lissandra. T-Though she did most of the work aha..."

I stared at her blankly for a few seconds. She avoided my eye contact and twiddled with her thumbs.

"Thank you, Jane."

Her eyes lit up once her name left my mouth. She gave me a heartfelt salute, and I almost laughed at her uncommon gesture.

"Y-You smiled..."

She grinned at the fruits of her labour. I suppose she wanted to cheer me up; it was nice having such supportive people around you. I took my time as I got to my feet, using the wall as support.

Jane wanted to assist me, but I told her it was fine. My body needed to go through this process.

"Jane, take me to Brunaulf."

"Yes, Leader!"

She bowed her head and lead the way. We walked up some stairs in Complex C, arriving on the second floor of the hospital ward. We didn't have places like this back in Efros, so I always found it interesting to see such cultural differences.

Jane took me to Brunaulf's room and walked back towards the end of the hallway where she stood still. I moved my hand to the door handle, belatedly noticing that it was shaking. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

The room was quite spacious, and a teenage boy with dark green hair that poked out from the bandages wrapped around his head sat on a bed. He looked out the large window with unfocused eyes, lost in thought to the point where he didn't hear me close the door.

His injuries were still horrible, but the purple and dark blue swelling in his face had reduced greatly. Some cuts had sealed up cleanly, while the deeper ones had scabbed over. Every now and then, his body would shudder along with his eyes wincing in pain.

"...Brunaulf."

I bit my lip as I observed his current state. I watched him turn his head to face me slowly, only for his eyes to abruptly widen. He kicked the bedsheets away and got to his knees. His forehead smashed against the floor as he prostrated himself before me, opening a new, fresh wound in the process.

"Leader... I'm sorry. I failed you."

I clenched my teeth while I stared at Brunaulf. I didn't understand what he was doing. He had literally died, and Holder barely brought him back, yet he was bowing his head apologizing?

This wasn't right.

"Brunaulf, I—"

"My personal emotions and feelings got involved causing the situation to spiral out of control. You didn't place your trust in me to see these kinds of results. It was a mistake for me... to want more."

My fists shook as I glared at him.

"Brunaulf, stop it."

"Leader, I made you suffer due to my weaknesses. I wanted to help the others... I wanted to save the day like you, but I was reminded once again that someone like me should only exist in the shadows. I am a truly horrible pers—"

"I said, STOP IT!"

I yelled at him with all my might. Why? Why is he trying to bear it all alone? I dropped to my knees in front of him and placed my hand on his trembling shoulder.

"You risked everything to keep the Senior Vices safe, how can you still call yourself horrible? Brunaulf, don't try to bear it alone anymore... You can rely on those around you. You've already changed, much more than you realize."

I heard him sniffle followed by the quiet sound of tears splashing against the floor. His back felt heavy, and I knew the burden he carried couldn't easily be unloaded, but he needed to know that he wasn't alone; he had people here who deeply cared about him.

"...Leader... Have I really changed?..."

"You have, Brunaulf. You have."

I rubbed his shoulder as he sobbed on the floor. He lifted up his head after a couple of minutes and looked me in the eye.

"Thank you for giving me a chance..."

His lips formed a slight smile as a very faint light shone in his eyes. The corners of my mouth rose, and I gripped Brunaulf's shoulder.

"You deserved it. Rest your body, Brunaulf."

"Yes, Leader!"

He returned to himself and bowed his head. I watched him get back into the bed before closing the door behind me. There was more I wanted to say, but he needed to rest and come to terms with some things on his own.

I leaned my back against the wall when I saw blood seep through the bandages on my abdomen. My eyes narrowed as Jane quickly appeared by my side.

"Leader... You've reopened some of your wounds. You need to rest now..."

I glanced at Jane's worried face but didn't say anything. The people around me had been growing from these encounters, but what about me?

'You can't win the way you are now.'

That was what Storm had told me. My teeth grinded together as an exasperated breath left my mouth.

"Take me to the Senior Vices."

"...Yes, Leader."

Her eyebrows curved inwards as she bowed her head and lead the way. I could rest once I saw them all personally.