35. Come Sale Away

Come Sale Away

[Bird chirping]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] You've been with us a while and it doesn't need to be said. But in a family as big as mine, everything turns into a competition.

[A series of flashbacks take place]

Lynn Sr.: Okay kids, time for bed!

Lana: I can make it up the stairs first!

[As the Loud siblings run upstairs, Lynn makes it to the top first]

Lynn: [victory dance] Uh-huh! Work it! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Rita: Kids, come bring in the groceries.

Lori: I bet I can literally carry the most bags.

Luna: [screams through past her siblings and does her own victory dance at the front door] Yeah! Go, Luna! Most bags! What? Bags! What?

[As the girls watch Lincoln drink FIZZ BOY and burps, Lola does a bigger burp on her siblings and does her own victory dance]

Lola: Go Lola! Biggest burp! Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

[end flashbacks]

Lincoln: [hammering the sign] I haven't had a winnin' forever but that changes today. It's our annual garage sale and at 5 PM today. When the market's closed, the victory dance shall be mine! [twerks the sign, picks up his box and notices Lily crying on the ground] Oh, what's the matter Lily, you need your blankie? [gets the blankie and gives it to his sister] It's okay Lily, your blankie's right here.

Lily: [stops crying and sucks her thumb]

Lincoln: [puts items on his stand] Hate to break it to you, ladies, but I'm outselling all of you.

Lisa: That's amusing from someone who couldn't sell a negative charge to an electron.

Lana: Yeah? Well, you couldn't sell a rattle to a snake!

Leni: Well, you couldn't sell a dress if it was 50% off! Not even if it was half off.

Lynn Sr.: Build up those appetites, salespeople, we're having goulash tonight!

Rita: Which will be served on our refinished dining table. Have fun out there, kids.

Lincoln: Yeah, have fun. Watching this rump do the bump. [twerks the stand causing it to fall apart] Dang it.

[Later, Laney is seen setting up her stand]

Lori: Hope you're ready to lose Lanes! My sales are going to be the highest!

Laney: Oh, I'm sure it will.

Lori: What do you mean?

Laney: Look, I'm not going to compete with you. I'm just here give people what they need to express themselves.

Lori: [pauses for a second] Oh! I see what you're doing! You're trying to pysch me out so you can win! Well it ain't going to work! And once I win, I'll rub my hard earn cash in your face! [Lori returns to her stand, Laney shrugs]

Lucy: Candles. Cobwebs. Cauldrons.

Flip: [walks past] Rubbish.

Lucy: [takes out her crystal ball] "Free psychic reading with every purchase."

Flip: Free? Well, now you're speaking my language, little Psychic Girl. What's your cheapest item? [Lucy holds out a tiny skull with a candle in it and Flip takes it]

Lucy: And now, look into your future. [gazes into her crystal ball] Hmm. Business will be booming.

Flip: [cackles]

Lisa: Expired chemicals! Buy one get one free!

Flip: [appears] Oh, did I hear free?

Lily: [speaks babble to another baby as she sells him an acorn]

Mrs. Johnson: I've always wanted become an artist! How much?

Laney: Five dollars. [Mrs. Johnson gives her the money]

[Leni is seen trying to sell the garage to a young couple]

Leni: New paint job, spaces galore and it comes with its own clicky-thingy. [She presses a button, which brings the garage door down]

Female Customer #1: You're really selling this?

Leni: Hello! It's a garage sale.

Lincoln: [shrugs] So, they've made some sales. [shakes his butt] My victory dance and I aren't worried.

Clyde: Wow! You're handling being in last place better than I thought.

Lincoln: [shocked] Last place? [Looks at the chalkboard] How has Lily sold $20 worth of stuff? What am I doing wrong?

Teddy bear voice: Please be my friend. [As the boy hold the teddy bear, its voice becomes distorted and the bear's head fells off, making the boy cry]

Lincoln: Err...maybe, I need to upgrade the merchandise.

[Lincoln and Clyde start going around the house, picking up various household items]

Female dance on TV: And 1, and 2, and 3. Come on now, girls.

[Lincoln and Clyde continue their raid when Lincoln looks in his parents' wardrobe and grabs Rita's wedding dress]

Clyde: Your mom's wedding dress?

Lincoln: She never wears it. Let's make some sales.

[Cut back to outside where the Loud sisters angrily watch Lincoln as he attracted a huge crowd while Clyde is holding various items]

Lincoln: Sold! To the moustache-o man in the bandana! Starting the bid at 300! We've got 300! 400! We've got 500! Sold! To the man in the blue jean tuxedo!

[Lincoln's sisters appear angry about his lack of sale]

Lori: Lincoln! What are you doing? This stuff isn't even yours!

Lincoln: So?

[The Loud sisters look at each other]

Laney: So! This is our stuff! You can't just take what's precious to you just to make a quick buck! No! We're doing this fair and- [Laney sees that all of her other sisters are gone] Square?

[The siblings race inside the house to start taking things from the house to sell, Laney runs after them. She first tries to stop Lola from selling a few of the paintings]

Laney: Stop! I'm not letting you sell our stuff!

Lola: That's the whole point of garage sales! And besides, you're just saying that so you can sell these yourself!

Laney: I told you! I don't want to compete with anyone! [Looks at a picture of preteen Lori] But you can have this if you want. [Lola snatches the pictures from her]

Laney couldn't do anything to stop her win crazy sisters from out selling each other. Soon they cleaned the house of all of their belongings. Laney just stood inside and looked around the empty living room.

Lynn Sr.: That's a wrap, kids! Goulash is served in ten.

Laney: [walks outside] Well, I hope you're happy. You've just robbed this house of it's soul. Everything's gone. Our stuff is taken away...

Lincoln: And my losing streak is over! Now, feast your eyes on my caboose because it's leaving the station.

[Suddenly Lily starts crying]

Lori: Someone give Lily her blankie.

[The Loud siblings murmur that they don't know where it is]

Laney: Sounds like someone just gave away something very special.

Lynn: [realizes in horror] Oh no! We must have sold it!

Lincoln: [unsympathetic] Yeah, yeah. Very sad. Now, if you don't mind, I'm about to do my victory dance. [Laney slaps Lincoln] Ow!

Laney: I'm sorry, Lincoln. But, shame on you! Shame one all of you! You were so caught up in one upping each other, you've lost sight of what's really important! The special things that we hold on to.

Lily: [continues crying]

Lincoln: [sighs depressed] You're right, Lanes. I'm sorry, Lily, I guess we all got a little too caught up in our competition.

[Everyone else apologizes]

Lincoln: So, your big brother is going to put the competition aside and go find your blanket.

Lola: Oh no! You're not gonna be the hero! I'm gonna find that blankie!

Lana: Not if I find it first!

[The other sisters state they'll find it first and rush off]

Lincoln: [puts Lily down] The victory dance shall be mine!

[Lily looks at the audience with a blank expression]

Laney: Unbelievable.

Luna: [knocks on the door] Hello, ma'am!

Lola: [shoves Luna aside] Did you buy a blanket?

Luna: [shoves Lola aside] At the garage sale today?

Female Customer #2: [angrily] I didn't buy a blanket, but I did buy this hunk of junk! [holds up a vacuum cleaner which explodes in her face] I want my money back.

Luna and Lola: Err... [point at each other] She sold it to you! [They run off]

[Lori and Luan race each other]

Lori: I'm getting that blanket first! [runs up to a man watering his lawn] Sir, were you at a garage today? [suddenly gets shoved by a trash can and Luan, who shoved the can, runs up]

Luan: If you want to win, you need a can-do attitude. [laughs]

[Lincoln and Lynn race each other to another house]

Lincoln: Beat it, Lynn! This is my house.

Lynn: No way! That blanket is mine!

[When there's no answer, Lincoln tries to get in through the dog flap, only to meet a very angry dog]

Lincoln: Oops! Wrong house.

[Lincoln and Lynn scream as the dog chases them]

[Cut to Lucy and Lisa at an old woman's house]

Old Woman: Hmm, I think I did buy a blanket. Why don't you come in?

Lisa: [to Lucy] First to spot the blanket gets the blanket.

[Inside]

Old Woman: It's so nice to have visitors. [gets out a book] Would you like to see my collection of bingo ribbons?

[Lincoln has managed to escape the dog]

Leni: [excitedly] I win! I found the blanket in that house right there!

Lincoln: That's not a house. That's a restaurant.

Sloppy's Worker Man: Order Number 6!

Lincoln: And you're holding a napkin.

Leni: [Holds up a purple napkin] Dang it.

[Cut back to the old woman's house where she's playing bingo with Lucy and Lisa]

Old Woman: [reading out the number] B14! Anybody...

Lucy: [whispers to Lisa] This woman does not have the blanket. Let's get out of here.

Lisa: [whispers to Lucy] Are you kidding? One more number and I've got a bingo! [to the old woman] Spin it, sister!

[Lincoln is now putting various missing posters of Lily's blanket across the park]

Lincoln: [comes up to a woman] Excuse me, ma'am, have you seen this blanket? [Lincoln runs up to a family with a baby] How about you? [spots the baby's blanket and snatches it] Ah-ha! Where did you get this?

[The baby starts crying]

[Lincoln screams as he is kicked by the baby's mother and lands in a trash can near Flip's. He gets up and spots Flip cleaning a car with a purple cloth]

Lincoln: Lily's blankie! Hey, Flip? You were at our garage sale today, weren't you?

Flip: I don't know. Gee. Maybe. I go to a lotta garage sales.

Lincoln: I need to buy that blanket back from you.

Flip: No can do! This blanket's working for me. Really gets the bird poop off.

Lincoln: Please! It's important!

Flip: Maybe we can do business but it's gonna cost ya.

[Back at the Loud House in the living room Lily is still crying]

Rita: [off-screen] Be right there, sweetie.

Lincoln: [enters the house] Good news, Lily. I've found your blanket.

Lola: No, you didn't. Because I have it.

Lori: [pushes Lola] Please, I've got it right here.

Luan: I've got it.

Lisa: No, I do.

Lynn: This is Lily's blanket.

Lincoln: You guys, I'm pretty sure this is the right one. [points to the blanket he's holding] I had to give Flip all my garage sale money for it.

Lynn: I gave Flip all my money for this one.

Luna: Me too.

Luan: So did I.

Lori: And me.

Lisa: I even gave him my bingo ribbon.

Leni: I bought a blanket from Flip too.

Luna: Err..that's a welcome mat, dude.

Leni: [looks at the "blanket" and realizes that Luna is right] Dang it.

Lincoln: I can't believe this! Flip fooled us all!

Lisa: [angrily] That gasoline-selling swindler!

Rita: [enters with a basket of clean laundry] Here you go, sweetie. [Hands Lily her real blanket] Still hot from the dryer.

Lily: [stops crying upon seeing her blanket and gurgles happily]

Lori: Are you literally joking right now? It's been here all along?

Rita: [notices the empty living room] What happened to our furniture?

Laney: Don't ask me. Ask them. [points to her sisters]

Lincoln: Err..see, we kinda got caught up in a competition.

Lori: Yeah, and we kinda sold everything.

Rita: Well, you're all kinda grounded. Except for Laney.

Lincoln: We deserve it. Laney was right, we've competed to sell everything and now we have nothing. And believe me, we've learned our lesson. No more competing.

[The rest of the Loud kids murmur in agreement]

Laney: Well, I'm just glad you learned your lesson.

Lincoln: It's too bad because I had a victory dance that would put all of you to shame.

Lola: [scoffs] I doubt that.

Lisa: The chances are slim.

Lincoln: Oh yeah? All aboard! Woot-woot! This caboose is leaving the station! [does his victory dance] Go Lincoln! Best butt shake! Toot-toot! Hmm-hmm! Oh yeah! Best butt shake!

Laney: Oh no... [covers her eyes]

Lana: You call that a victory dance? [does her own victory dance as well] Go Lana! Go Lana!

Lola: Mine's better! [does her own victory dance also]

Lori: Why do you even have a butt if that's all you gonna to do with it?

[The Loud siblings, minus Laney, all do their victory dances]

Laney: Guys, stop! You're embarrasing.

Rita: Kids! Please! [The kids stop their victory dances] This is how you do a victory dance! [does her own victory dance] Uh-huh! Go Mom! Shake that booty!

Lynn Sr.: Hah! Gimme a break! Get a load of the goulash shakedown!

[Rita and Lynn Sr. do their victory dances]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Well, now you know where we get it from. As they say, the nuts don't fall too far away from the tree. [resumes his victory dance] Ooh! Hmm-hmm! Hmm-hmm! Go Lincoln!

Laney: [laughs] Well, If you can't beat them, join them. [Does her victory dance]

Flip: [pours some chemicals into a washer fluid bottle] I'm loving these 2-for-1 chemicals. I'm gonna make a fortune selling them as windshield wiper fluid. [laughs] Suckers! [Pour another chemical into the bottle but an explosion occurs, damaging the entire gas station and leaving Flip dazed] Well, Psychic Girl was right. Business is booming.