5

Xavier asks me what I was doing in the caves that day when we are driving to the beach. He glances at me, waiting for an answer. "People don't usually stray that far down the beach. We almost walked right past the cave you were trapped inside of."

"I don't like the beach," I tell him. "It's not really the quietest place to read. But mum wanted to go swimming. I was supposed to be looking after the bags. I was looking for somewhere quiet where I could be by myself. I must have fallen asleep while reading. I mean, I know it all sounds so stupid. Like, I'm way irresponsible or something. I realize that now."

He doesn't do anything. I look at him. There's a kink in his sharp jaw. Is he angry with me?

"I know it's stupid. You were right. I should've known better.  Even when it's low tide, those caves are still dangerous," I say.

"Let's get your things."

We pull up to the Beach Recovery Centre. Xavier puts his car in park and we pile out. He gets our bags from the backseat. Inside the centre, he tosses his bag on a cluttered desk and rummages through one of its shallow draws. He takes out two flashlights and a radio. "We should hurry before the beach starts filling up."

I take the flashlight he hands to me. "Okay."

The caves are still. The same rushing quiet that hypnotised me to sleep when the cave was filling with water. Xavier turns on his flashlight while we stand at its mouth. My chest tightens. I'm underwater again. Sand grains sticking to my skin, seaweed tangling around my numb ankle, and black water collecting in my lungs. 

I grab a hold of his arm. My body sways forward. "Wait."

"Are you okay?" he's searching my face the same way he did that day at the recovery centre. His seaweed green eyes were troubled. He reaches for me. "Landon?"

'I'm okay." I let go of his arm. "I was just feeling a little dizzy."

"If you're not ready to go inside, I could always go in alone.  Maybe you could wait outside?"

"No," I insist. "I'm fine. I have to do this." 

I follow him in the blackness of the tidal cave. My throat closes. Feet getting caught in the debris left by the storm. Plastic cups and potato chip packets and neon armbands. Xavier sweeps the light of his flashlight around the cave. He's not looking for anything in particular. I turn on my flashlight. He's looking in the corner where they found me.

"Everything must have been flushed out by the storm," he says. "There's nothing but debris."

I touch the moss walls of the cave. They feel closed in. Tunnel tight around me. To think I thought of this place as comfortable. That I fall asleep in this death trap. It's so stupid that I had to come to the beach with Mum. That I can't swim to save my life. That my foot got caught between those rocks. Mum's tote bag. My book.