Maddened still

"ARTHUR-"

He spoke his king's name peacefully, his mind having escaped the cage of incessant madness. His heart now desired not bloodshed and revenge, but to just see his King's elegant face once again.

"Arthur"

The name rolled on his tongue as if the only word he could say. He muttered it in broken continuity, forever dreading that he would give into madness. The name now seemed not just fitting but powerful. So powerful in fact that it became a beacon of hope in his bleak broken world.

So powerful that it could shed him of his tainted sins.

He wanted nothing now. He just wished to be forever transfixed in this dream he had found himself in. He wished to be spared of any need for evil.

But through his tainted heart, an obscene desire clawed out. He longed to see the world once again. This time devoid of the swirling mass of red and black. The air, this time not whispering into his ears to do the deed. The ground not propelling him to cause destruction. To murder his king once again. To exact revenge on her for denying him his wish. For being so beau-

"Having sweet dreams?"

A voice attacked his mind. It was not a physical sound he quickly discovered. It asked him a question just like how he would ask of his inner self.

He forced himself to open his beady eyes. His heart clenched in anticipation. A battle? His master? Murder? A world burning in flames? What would he be forced to see? His eyelids parted to the world outside. The white light nearly made him go blind. How long was he unconscious? He would have to ask the person who questioned him.

He blinked away the blurry clouds in his eyes. He had to keep himself vigilant, all the knights were taught to do so. He had to be ready, for all knights were required to do so. He had to be calm and ruthless, for all the knights were expected to do so, against any enemy, in any environment.

and Yet despite all this training, he found himself severy lacking any calm and composure when he perceived what lay before him.

In front of him stood the grail of wishes. Holy and whole, bloody and as ethereal as he remembered. Yes he remembered, he remembered how his son had been successful in acquiring it and how he had presented it to the king. He remembered how he himself had failed in his own endeavor.

The grail he had worked so hard to acquire in his previous conquest. The grail that his king had sent him to acquire.

He had failed his king yet again.

But what stood before him was no ordinary grail. This one, in particular, ascended all the other grails in presence alone. The cup of Christ was bigger than the houses of his era. Sure, any mundane fool would believe this to be the only grail if you were to tell him so. But he wouldn't. He had seen the grail, seen how utterly beautiful and divine it looked in his king's hands. Its radiance was amplified by the sheer magnitude of the person who held it.

However, he would never admit that to anybody, neither to himself nor any others. Because admitting it was the equivalent of accepting the responsibility of explaining it to others. And such a disservice to that forbidden scene, he cannot do.

He too saw the grail and longed for a wish. Unconsciously, he tried to remember how it would have looked. He tried to imagine himself smiling while he stood by her side, congratulating her on the cheerful occasion.

He could only imagine.

He could only imagine how that smiling face would turn into a heartless sneer when he would eventually betray it.

'Or would it remain emotionless as ever? Would it still hide its hate under a mask?'

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"Rise, treacherous Knight. You are far from being relieved of your duty, of your destiny."

He paid no mind to the dismembered voice. He was still far too drowned in his desires to realize that it was insulting him. His heart kept warning him against the sins he was about to commit, the destruction that he will cause with his own hands.

It kept screaming that should he choose to stand, he will never be free again. That this was his last and only chance. To turn back and accept the punishment. To be at peace. To KiLL hImSeLf! TO STOP HIMSELF FROM KILLING HER EVERY TIME THEY MEET ON THE BATTLEFIELD! TO BEAR THE RESPONSIBILITY OF HER FALL!

Yet despite all that he rose up. For he had a reputation to uphold. As long as he was alive, he would represent her majesty herself.

'To the ends of Heaven and Hell, my heart will follow you. Even if I cannot do so myself'

He was not allowed to appear weak and vulnerable as the strongest Knight of her Majesty. He would not let a single knight of his majesty be called incompetent, and certainly not himself.

'Even in hell, I shall live under your shadow'

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When he opened his eyes, he was rewarded with the sight of an unseemly figure. It had no shape, size, or form, just a presence. A black swirling mass of shadows. It fluttered around as if trying to catch something. But he paid no mind to it.

He tried moving his head to look around him. To see what bizarre place his sins had led him into. He quickly found himself unable to do so. His head was as transfixed as a solid piece of Steel. He could only look ahead and observe the mysterious figure, how it foolishly tries to chase the proverbial butterfly when it knows it will never be able to catch it. Even he was not insane enough to assume there would be glowing butterflies in hell.

"Oh, there are. You just have to be brave to believe so."

"I have long lost the right to believe. Anything I believe in becomes cursed and is eventually destroyed."

"But you still do believe...You still want and desire"

"I am desperate. A monster has to have some bait to keep it caged."

"One that is happy to reside in the cage? For what? Rage? Disgust? Lo-"

"Protection". He would never let anybody finish that sentence. For he knows, in absolute certainty that it will break him and all the work that he has done to spare the others from himself.

"You intrigue me, knight. Your fate is to destroy what you desperately want. Your face is to be hated and yet you accept it. Your tale is to be despised and still you encourage it."

"That is the only outcome my actions have left me with. The only path I can still walk."

"Then won't you walk that path again?"

A scream nearly freed itself out of his throat. His feet nearly moved and his hands nearly crushed that thing's head. But he schooled his features. He willed his hands and legs to stay still. If only to listen what more this thing had to say...

"Your fellow knights would want it. Your queen, your Kin..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

He moved as if maddened again. His black armored hand clawed itself around the thing's throat. He squeezed without a thought. Intent on ending all this. He wanted to crush it and rip it to pieces. Rip it until there is no trace left To give it a cruel end for its transgression. For its foolish assumptions.

"AAAARAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!"

He KNOWS his King hates him. There is no other way he would have it. He made sure of that. So he closed his eyes to block out all the lies. And waited for whatever blood this thing can bleed to cover his whole body. To once again quench his thirst.

"Is that true?" He quickly forced his eyes open and felt the thing slip away from his grasp. Like dust, it escaped his iron grip and flew away. The dust flew for a moment and when it landed on the ground, it reformed into it again. He remained baffled like a fool, holding his outstretched hand in the air.

"What in the black magic!?"

"A simple trick. My dear knight."

"Why didn't you do it in the first place? Why not prevent me from getting ahold of you?"

"Will thy rage be soothed then?"

"N...No...But...Thank you"

"You are most welcome."

"And now that we are most sober and not drunk on blind rage, why not tell me, knight? What is it that you want from me?"

"Wh...what I want? I... I do not know. Had I still been caged in my maddened state, I would have wished death upon her...But now, now, I am not sure."

"Let me help you then. What is it that you will do should I send you to a different world or time in exchange for a wish of my own?"

"I Will Not Kill Anymore."

"Oh no no no. Not to kill. To save."

"What?"

"To rescue. To fix."

"..."

"Okay... But..."

"Uh uh uh. No buts!"

[Sigh]"Yes mother..."

"You are a funny man dear knight."

"I am honored that you consider a person like me as such."

"Oh I indeed do"

"Lancelot, The Knight of Betrayal"