Chapter 6: Jekyll and Hyde
Ayanokoji POV
I was going home after class as Horikita went ahead herself earlier due to needing to finish up some business of hers that I have no idea about
But it seemed that my life has no chance at being peaceful as I hear someone calling my name from behind, a voice I heard every day
"Ayanokoji!" I heard as I turned my head around to see Kushida, someone who hadn't talked to me since I met her on the bus
"Kushida? what can I help you with?" I asked, as she bowed down with extra energy and requested something of me
"Please help me be friends with Horikita!" Kushida said as I shook my head immediately
Horikita values her personal space a lot and isn't the type to accept friendships like this, I could try and talk to her about it but it would only do more harm than help.
"It would be a bad idea for me to interfere, Horikita values honest friendships based on the person themselves and how they are with her, don't force it on her like you have till now" I suggested as she sighed
"I just want to be friends with her.... I can't understand what's wrong with having friends!" she said as I shrugged, she was still forcing herself a lot on the inside. Maybe I should say something
"Kushida, why aren't you comfortable?" I asked as she backed away a bit as she hesitantly asked
"What exactly do you mean?" she asked as I shrugged
"I told you on the first day, be yourself. I don't mind and would prefer if you were true to me and yourself" I said as she looked at me with her fake as ever smile
"I don't know what you mean Ayanokoji" she said with a smile as I nodded
"Ok then, take care. The offer to talk to me as yourself is open. It get's really tiring to act like someone you aren't" I said as she gritted her teeth
"OK I AM FUCKING DONE, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? LET ME BE THE NICE KUSHIDA IN PEACE DAMNIT!" Kushida said as all the pent up emotions get released in a violent outburst.
I gesture her to follow me as I walk her to a quiet alley, it was near the dorms so nowhere dangerous but she was still angry
"I told you, I am not forcing you, I was just offering as I would figure it would be bad for you to keep it all inside and not have a good outlet for your emotions" Ayanokoji said as Kushida sneered at him
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME!?ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHIT I HAVE TO DO JUST TO GET SOME FEELING OF APPRECIATION AND BEING GOOD TO OTHERS"Kushida yelled as I kept listening, intently waiting for her to continue
I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS, BE POPULAR, BE HAPPY AND APPRECIATED AND THE WAY I DO IT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU FUCKING RETARD. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HAVING TO KEEP YOUR REAL SELF INSIDE JUST TO HAVE YOUR IDEAL LIFE HUH!?" she said as I mentally almost laughed
she and I are similar in that regard, but I bring my focus back to the task at hand instead and try my best to console her.... psychology books, don't fail me now.
"I understand Kushida, I feel and understand your pain. You want be seen positively appreciated by everyone when you feel like your true self can't get that kind of appreciation" I said as she looked at me like I said the stupidest thing
"What the fuck are you even saying? who in their right fucking mind would want to appreciate or support me when I am like this? do you even hear yourself?" she asked as if I was stupid but I shook my head
"No, people who learnt to genuinely appreciate you for who you are would. They wouldn't care how crass or how attention seeking you are, they would learn to accept you because they would know you were their friend. Tell me Kushida, what are some things you enjoy in life, simpler things" I asked as she was startled, why is it that I point out obvious things with people's mentality they react like that?
"I..... I like psychological thrillers for both novels and movies.... I like bitter coffee but whenever I go out with anyone I have to get a fucking sugar infested, diabetes inducing drink which makes my stomach feel repulsed but it helps me fit in and I power through it. I also really like when I am the center of attention.... when people shower me with praise and affection" she ranted out about so many things she would've never gone about in public
"I like psychological thriller to, have you read "Sybil" by flora Rheda Schneider?" I said as she shook her head
"It is not only a great book but might also help you with a few of your problems, I feel like you could relate to it a lot" I told her as she nodded slowly
Sybil was a book about the experiences of a woman who was suffering from DID, which I feel like Kushida may be suffering from. She forcefully locks away a part of her and becomes someone else entirely, trapping a part of her inside to get what she wants. It is a prime case of DID and I feel like she may not have had the greatest home life either
"Come, let's go to my dorm. We can talk more there and you are free to record this conversation for your own safety" I said as she slowly nodded as well, going along with it
I stop by a vending machine and got her and myself a can of coffee each, unsweeted like how I and I presumed her, liked it
"Here, it is a little late but it should not be that bad right?" I said as I handed her a can as she took a sip and smiled a little, a genuine smile
We got to my dorm as we got inside my simple apartment, we sat down on the floor near the sofa as she immediatly casually relaxed and opened the can of coffee like she was drinking a beer, it was the same way as I saw an old man do it near the convenience store once
"Thanks Ayanokoji..... I didn't imagine you were a cool fucker like this ha" she said as she chuckled near the end.
Paying no mind to her profanity, I open my can and take a sip. I am now going to make a risky move, but it is a necessary one to help her overcome and realize her trauma
"How's your life back home?" I asked as Kushida froze
"It..... is nothing to worry about" Kushida muttered as I asked again
"This is a safe space Kushida, you don't have to worry about anything" I reassured her as she looked down and stayed quiet for a few seconds but then she burst out once again
"THEY REALLY, AND I MEAN REALLY. FUCKING SUCK!" Kushida yelled as I nodded
"I MEAN THEY NEVER TALK TO ME EXCEPT OF WHEN IT WAS TO MOCK, BERATE, HIT, OR EVEN JUST VERBALLY ABUSE ME LIKE GODDAMNIT I FUCKING GET IT. I wasn't the princess they fucking wanted and I really hate that they even exist" she confessed as I nodded and continued the conversation by asking
"Were they like this since you were a child?" I asked as she nodded
"You couldn't imagine, they were the fucking worst. They blamed a fucking 5 year old for all their problems! I was FUCKING 5" Kushida said as her wounds of the past opened up as she slowly started to leak tears
I slowly patted and rubbed her back as I tried my best to comfort her
"I can imagine, it would be terrible to have parents that are like that. Atleast your future is looking up right? you are at one of the most prestigious schools in the country and have a bright future ahead..... a future where those people can't hurt you anymore" I said as Kushida nodded, smiling a little
"I guess you're right..... why are you even talking to me? haven't you realized I am a terrible person?" she asked as I shrugged, if she was a terrible person then I was the devil's protégé
"you aren't a terrible person, not at all. You are a person who was hurt and has made mistakes from what I assume. The fact and point is, what happened in the past happened, you don't have to live in it and refuse to change because your past defines you. Your past defines who you are at the moment, not who you will be. Make a past for your future self that let's her change for the better" I said as she listened to every word as if I were passing on the teachings of Buddha
Kushida's inner thoughts- 'why and how does he know so much? how did he figure me out so easily?'
"Ayanokoji I.... I don't know how to thank you.... no one.... no one has ever been like this to me..... especially if they knew my secret..." she said as I nodded
"Well, I am glad that I could be of help to you Kushida" I said as she shook her head
"Kikyou. Call me Kikyou, at this moment and presumably the future, you might as well be the closest friend I have" she said as I asked her
"What about all your other friends in class?" I asked as she exasperatedly said
"They are FINE, but they didn't get this close to me in almost a whole month as you did in one evening! you saw right through me" she said as I shrugged
"Well, alright Kikyou. I am glad I could be of help" I said as she suddenly asked
"What about you? want to tell me anything?" she asked as I shrugged
"Nope, nothing that is interesting nor anything that is bothering me" I said as she narrowed her eyes
"I've learnt a lot in my time of talking to people you know? you definitely have some secrets... but I suppose you can keep them, for now..." she said in a mischievously ominous way
"Well, we can see that in the future, but I promise you, I have nothing special about me" I said as she chuckled
"Nothing special? how hilarious.... you might be the most special person in our clas- no our whole school" she said as she pointed at me with a grin
"Well, I disagree. I am completely normal and average. I just tend to pick up details others seem to overlook. Perk of being a loner" I said as she laughed
"Then I reckon you don't have a girlfriend either?" she said with a teasing grin as I shook my head as she muttered something I couldn't hear
'good' kushida had muttered
"Well, it's very late now, you should go to your dorm before anyone thinks anything suspicious, you wouldn't want to be seen with a boy around this time" I said as she laughed
"Y-you worry a lot don't you Ayanokoji!" she said while laughing as she eventually left but not without giving me her number
I think I made a new friend!
the next day at school
"Hey Ayanokoji!" I heard from another part of the classroom as I see Kikyou coming toward me
"Hi Kikyou, is there something you need?" I asked as everyone around us got a shocked look and Horikita gained a look of betrayal.
"I never asked if I could use your first name as well! may i?" she said, in her nice girl persona
"Sure, it's only fair to so if I do it right?" I said as she laughed her actual laugh instead of her nice persona one, it seemed she was letting her real self out a bit
"Well, let's talk again later Kiyotaka!" she said as she went away as she was bombarded with questions by the girls and before any boy could approach me horikita started talking to me
"When did you and Kushida get this close..." she asked as I shrugged
"We just bumped ways yesterday and we became friends, I was glad for it atleast" I said as Horikita shifted uncomfortably as she replied
"Well.... alright, I suppose I am happy you have a new friend. Atleast you won't be a sad loner who has no one to talk to besides his desk mate" she said as I sent right back at her
"you are an equally lonesome person and the desk mate in question, we are paddling in the same boat" I make a joke as she smiled a bit
"I suppose you are right, I am your first friend regardless." she said as I hummed, confirming her statement, her mouth turning upward my agreement as we focused onto the teacher as the school day beganAyanokoji POV
I was going home after class as Horikita went ahead herself earlier due to needing to finish up some business of hers that I have no idea about
But it seemed that my life has no chance at being peaceful as I hear someone calling my name from behind, a voice I heard every day
"Ayanokoji!" I heard as I turned my head around to see Kushida, someone who hadn't talked to me since I met her on the bus
"Kushida? what can I help you with?" I asked, as she bowed down with extra energy and requested something of me
"Please help me be friends with Horikita!" Kushida said as I shook my head immediately
Horikita values her personal space a lot and isn't the type to accept friendships like this, I could try and talk to her about it but it would only do more harm than help.
"It would be a bad idea for me to interfere, Horikita values honest friendships based on the person themselves and how they are with her, don't force it on her like you have till now" I suggested as she sighed
"I just want to be friends with her.... I can't understand what's wrong with having friends!" she said as I shrugged, she was still forcing herself a lot on the inside. Maybe I should say something
"Kushida, why aren't you comfortable?" I asked as she backed away a bit as she hesitantly asked
"What exactly do you mean?" she asked as I shrugged
"I told you on the first day, be yourself. I don't mind and would prefer if you were true to me and yourself" I said as she looked at me with her fake as ever smile
"I don't know what you mean Ayanokoji" she said with a smile as I nodded
"Ok then, take care. The offer to talk to me as yourself is open. It get's really tiring to act like someone you aren't" I said as she gritted her teeth
"OK I AM FUCKING DONE, WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? LET ME BE THE NICE KUSHIDA IN PEACE DAMNIT!" Kushida said as all the pent up emotions get released in a violent outburst.
I gesture her to follow me as I walk her to a quiet alley, it was near the dorms so nowhere dangerous but she was still angry
"I told you, I am not forcing you, I was just offering as I would figure it would be bad for you to keep it all inside and not have a good outlet for your emotions" Ayanokoji said as Kushida sneered at him
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME!?ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHIT I HAVE TO DO JUST TO GET SOME FEELING OF APPRECIATION AND BEING GOOD TO OTHERS"Kushida yelled as I kept listening, intently waiting for her to continue
I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS, BE POPULAR, BE HAPPY AND APPRECIATED AND THE WAY I DO IT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU FUCKING RETARD. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HAVING TO KEEP YOUR REAL SELF INSIDE JUST TO HAVE YOUR IDEAL LIFE HUH!?" she said as I mentally almost laughed
she and I are similar in that regard, but I bring my focus back to the task at hand instead and try my best to console her.... psychology books, don't fail me now.
"I understand Kushida, I feel and understand your pain. You want be seen positively appreciated by everyone when you feel like your true self can't get that kind of appreciation" I said as she looked at me like I said the stupidest thing
"What the fuck are you even saying? who in their right fucking mind would want to appreciate or support me when I am like this? do you even hear yourself?" she asked as if I was stupid but I shook my head
"No, people who learnt to genuinely appreciate you for who you are would. They wouldn't care how crass or how attention seeking you are, they would learn to accept you because they would know you were their friend. Tell me Kushida, what are some things you enjoy in life, simpler things" I asked as she was startled, why is it that I point out obvious things with people's mentality they react like that?
"I..... I like psychological thrillers for both novels and movies.... I like bitter coffee but whenever I go out with anyone I have to get a fucking sugar infested, diabetes inducing drink which makes my stomach feel repulsed but it helps me fit in and I power through it. I also really like when I am the center of attention.... when people shower me with praise and affection" she ranted out about so many things she would've never gone about in public
"I like psychological thriller to, have you read "Sybil" by flora Rheda Schneider?" I said as she shook her head
"It is not only a great book but might also help you with a few of your problems, I feel like you could relate to it a lot" I told her as she nodded slowly
Sybil was a book about the experiences of a woman who was suffering from DID, which I feel like Kushida may be suffering from. She forcefully locks away a part of her and becomes someone else entirely, trapping a part of her inside to get what she wants. It is a prime case of DID and I feel like she may not have had the greatest home life either
"Come, let's go to my dorm. We can talk more there and you are free to record this conversation for your own safety" I said as she slowly nodded as well, going along with it
I stop by a vending machine and got her and myself a can of coffee each, unsweeted like how I and I presumed her, liked it
"Here, it is a little late but it should not be that bad right?" I said as I handed her a can as she took a sip and smiled a little, a genuine smile
We got to my dorm as we got inside my simple apartment, we sat down on the floor near the sofa as she immediatly casually relaxed and opened the can of coffee like she was drinking a beer, it was the same way as I saw an old man do it near the convenience store once
"Thanks Ayanokoji..... I didn't imagine you were a cool fucker like this ha" she said as she chuckled near the end.
Paying no mind to her profanity, I open my can and take a sip. I am now going to make a risky move, but it is a necessary one to help her overcome and realize her trauma
"How's your life back home?" I asked as Kushida froze
"It..... is nothing to worry about" Kushida muttered as I asked again
"This is a safe space Kushida, you don't have to worry about anything" I reassured her as she looked down and stayed quiet for a few seconds but then she burst out once again
"THEY REALLY, AND I MEAN REALLY. FUCKING SUCK!" Kushida yelled as I nodded
"I MEAN THEY NEVER TALK TO ME EXCEPT OF WHEN IT WAS TO MOCK, BERATE, HIT, OR EVEN JUST VERBALLY ABUSE ME LIKE GODDAMNIT I FUCKING GET IT. I wasn't the princess they fucking wanted and I really hate that they even exist" she confessed as I nodded and continued the conversation by asking
"Were they like this since you were a child?" I asked as she nodded
"You couldn't imagine, they were the fucking worst. They blamed a fucking 5 year old for all their problems! I was FUCKING 5" Kushida said as her wounds of the past opened up as she slowly started to leak tears
I slowly patted and rubbed her back as I tried my best to comfort her
"I can imagine, it would be terrible to have parents that are like that. Atleast your future is looking up right? you are at one of the most prestigious schools in the country and have a bright future ahead..... a future where those people can't hurt you anymore" I said as Kushida nodded, smiling a little
"I guess you're right..... why are you even talking to me? haven't you realized I am a terrible person?" she asked as I shrugged, if she was a terrible person then I was the devil's protégé
"you aren't a terrible person, not at all. You are a person who was hurt and has made mistakes from what I assume. The fact and point is, what happened in the past happened, you don't have to live in it and refuse to change because your past defines you. Your past defines who you are at the moment, not who you will be. Make a past for your future self that let's her change for the better" I said as she listened to every word as if I were passing on the teachings of Buddha
Kushida's inner thoughts- 'why and how does he know so much? how did he figure me out so easily?'
"Ayanokoji I.... I don't know how to thank you.... no one.... no one has ever been like this to me..... especially if they knew my secret..." she said as I nodded
"Well, I am glad that I could be of help to you Kushida" I said as she shook her head
"Kikyou. Call me Kikyou, at this moment and presumably the future, you might as well be the closest friend I have" she said as I asked her
"What about all your other friends in class?" I asked as she exasperatedly said
"They are FINE, but they didn't get this close to me in almost a whole month as you did in one evening! you saw right through me" she said as I shrugged
"Well, alright Kikyou. I am glad I could be of help" I said as she suddenly asked
"What about you? want to tell me anything?" she asked as I shrugged
"Nope, nothing that is interesting nor anything that is bothering me" I said as she narrowed her eyes
"I've learnt a lot in my time of talking to people you know? you definitely have some secrets... but I suppose you can keep them, for now..." she said in a mischievously ominous way
"Well, we can see that in the future, but I promise you, I have nothing special about me" I said as she chuckled
"Nothing special? how hilarious.... you might be the most special person in our clas- no our whole school" she said as she pointed at me with a grin
"Well, I disagree. I am completely normal and average. I just tend to pick up details others seem to overlook. Perk of being a loner" I said as she laughed
"Then I reckon you don't have a girlfriend either?" she said with a teasing grin as I shook my head as she muttered something I couldn't hear
'good' kushida had muttered
"Well, it's very late now, you should go to your dorm before anyone thinks anything suspicious, you wouldn't want to be seen with a boy around this time" I said as she laughed
"Y-you worry a lot don't you Ayanokoji!" she said while laughing as she eventually left but not without giving me her number
I think I made a new friend!
the next day at school
"Hey Ayanokoji!" I heard from another part of the classroom as I see Kikyou coming toward me
"Hi Kikyou, is there something you need?" I asked as everyone around us got a shocked look and Horikita gained a look of betrayal.
"I never asked if I could use your first name as well! may i?" she said, in her nice girl persona
"Sure, it's only fair to so if I do it right?" I said as she laughed her actual laugh instead of her nice persona one, it seemed she was letting her real self out a bit
"Well, let's talk again later Kiyotaka!" she said as she went away as she was bombarded with questions by the girls and before any boy could approach me horikita started talking to me
"When did you and Kushida get this close..." she asked as I shrugged
"We just bumped ways yesterday and we became friends, I was glad for it atleast" I said as Horikita shifted uncomfortably as she replied
"Well.... alright, I suppose I am happy you have a new friend. Atleast you won't be a sad loner who has no one to talk to besides his desk mate" she said as I sent right back at her
"you are an equally lonesome person and the desk mate in question, we are paddling in the same boat" I make a joke as she smiled a bit
"I suppose you are right, I am your first friend regardless." she said as I hummed, confirming her statement, her mouth turning upward my agreement as we focused onto the teacher as the school day began