Regrets.

No matter how far I delve into my memories, It's always been us three.

Even my first memory is that of us three.

If someone were to ask me what I think our relationship would be like in 30 years time, I would have replied absolutely no different.

I believed we would always stay like this, always have each others backs, but... Was it I... or was it you... I can't blame any of us, it was simply bound to happen.

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My name is jack holver. I do not know when I first gained consciousness or when my memory started working, but when it did I know I was with them, my two dear friends: Olivar, and Rosa.

I'm even told by my parents that I had been with them ever since I was less than half a year old. Our parents had known each other for a long time, and with how often they were together it was only natural we grew attached to each other too.

Olivar was the older one, while Rosa was the younger one. Despite Olivar being the older one, I was always the one who was in charge, after all he was quite the peaceful and shy kid. I bet if it weren't for me he would stick to his room and read books all day. While Rosa was more outgoing just like me, or rather she had become more like me, out of the three of us, she definitely looked like she had the most fun with our childish antics.

While I was always curious and energetic, always pushing our activities one step further each time. From a silly stick fight to full-on jousting (on bikes with training wheels, and plastic pipes). Our homes were close to each other, so we would spend every day together, we had even went to the same school, and gotten lucky to be in the same class as each other. We were quite notorious for always being together.

I had fully absorbed the position of leader, Olivar the straight man, and Rosa the hype girl. I would think up of some crazy idea, Rosa would hype it up and cheer for it, and Olivar would bring us back to reality.

It was just... so much fun.

But... It all fell apart back then, during our middle school years.

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"Oh, There you are. So, what do you need, jack?" Olivar spoke jogging towards me as soon as he saw me.

I had asked him if we could meet after school alone behind the school.

I stop and try to pull a serious expression. "O-Olivar! T-This is a very important question. S-S-So Answer honestly!" I had given it my best to try to sound serious.

He stands before me bewildered by my tone of voice for a second, He had always been the serious one so he probably finds my attempt hilarious, but to my surprise he quickly shifts to a serious look himself.

In his usual level-headed manner he replies "...Do you need anything, Jack? Please, do not hold back."

'Man... it pains me even more when your being so nice...'

I try to hold myself together as I continue talking "I-It's just that I wanted to know..." I can't bring myself to continue as my face turns red.

"Know what?" He tilts his head confused.

God damn it... Can't he just figure it by himself?!?!?

"T-T-To know..." I can't...

"To know..." He mimics me.

"W-W-W-W-What..." Why can't the earth just swallow me whole right now.

"Oh! Almost there!" This kid makes fun of me.

"W-wha--"

'To hell with it'.

I shout at the top of my lungs "WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ROSA?!".

He's left flabbergasted.

'I guess that was expected... Of course he would like her too...'

His mouth drops alongside his eyes, as he places his hand over his mouth.

'Was it really that shocking?'

I can see that the side of his index finger is in his mouth, is he biting on it?

"pff..."

But to my surprise he suddenly bursts out laughing.

"PFFFFFFFFFFFFFF... That's why you had me come here?! Hahahahaha!"

He holds his stomach as he laughs.

"H-Hey! I told you it's a s-serious question!" I stomp the ground as my face turns into a tomato.

After having his fair share of laughing he speaks "C-calm down, Calm down, I know, serious serious." he pats his knees as he stands straight.

"S-so... What is your answer..." I ask in anticipation.

He smiles, like always, he smiles gently, a smile that always makes me doubt his age.

"She's yours man, I have no such plans." He says placing one of his hands on my shoulder.

His words give me bliss, a kind of bliss that could not be rivaled. For so long I had held back thinking it would be unfair for him, but now it feels as if a huge roadblock had been removed.

'I can finally tell her!' I shout in my mind as a huge smile manifests itself.

Olivar smiles alongside me too.

...

...But... I can see, the index finger he had placed in his mouth, it has bite marks.

Why did he bite down so hard...

Noticing my sudden calmness he raises his finger "Oh this? I was just biting to hold back my laugh, don't worry about it!" he says with a bright smile.

"You..." Was it really that funny to him?!

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The next day.

I had went home and stayed up all night fidgeting on my bed, thinking about how I confess to Rosa.

'...Thinking about it ...I suddenly feel pathetic...' I think to myself as I recall my actions from last night.

I'm walking to school alongside Olivar, Rosa should be joining us shortly as her home is a little further ahead.

Our school is a little far, but despite that, since we all walk there together it does feel more refreshing than taking a bus or car, plus it gives us an excuse to be together more often as now we have been much busier than before and have been hanging around less.

Rosa has been busy with her after school club, and her female friends, while jack has been busy studying. He plans on getting a full ride scholarship so that he can lift some of the burden on his parents, seeing him does make me feel a bit bad about myself, but I really can't myself to control myself to his level.

Me... I have just been empty, Not much to do really, I tried to pick up a hobby, but all of them just end up with me watching a video about them instead... I do know other people, but it just doesn't feel the same.

Of course we still make time for each other whenever possible, so I'm glad about that.

'I wish it was like the old days' I selfishly wish.

...

ba-dum...ba-dum...ba-dum.

I can suddenly hear my heart beat.

badum..badum..badum..badum.

It's getting faster.

badum badum badum badum badum.

And I know exactly why.

badumbadumbadumbadumbadumbadumbadumbadum.

There she is, leaning her back on a wall as she patiently waits for us.

Her hair fluttered in the air, as her hands, covered with knitted gloves, tightly grip the handle of her bag.

I stare in silence ignoring my surroundings, remembering olivar's words from yesterday, I can't help but appreciate her even more.

Her adorable get-up, her self knitted bunny gloves, her slightly oversized white jacket, her bewitching brown hair, her alluring amber eyes, and most importantly, her precious smile...

I've fallen for her, completely.

"Yo, Rosa!" Olivar suddenly calls out to her.

She lifts her head toward the voice calling for her, and waves as she rushes towards us....

TOWARDS US!?!?

'No, No, No... This is bad, I can still hear my frantic heartbeat. I-I'm not ready to face her! Not yet!!! Just act normal!' I quickly slap my cheeks to regain my composure.

"Good morning, Jack. Olivar." She says as she comes to a stop in front of us.

Olivar instantly greets her back "Good morning, Rosa." I can feel him nudging my side with his elbow.

"G-gold mourning, Rosa!" 'WTF WAS THAT' both me and Olivar think from his obvious facial expression.

"Heh, what are you saying this early in the morning, have you not eaten breakfast?!" a laugh can be heard as she speaks.

My face turns red as I speak "I had breakfast..." I say avoiding eye contact.

To my surprise, that was the wrong reply, as she had a disappointed look afterwards.

"Oh, that so...", her eyes drop alongside her smile, "There was this place that opened up not too long ago, I wanted to try it out...".

'Fricking hell...' I hate myself.

"B-but, it was just a small boiled egg, I can always go for more!" I try to salvage the situation.

Olivar quickly catches on, "Yeah, and I haven't eaten anything, my stomach has been growling the entire way here!", he quickly adds.

"Exactly! You should've heard him!" I pat his back.

She lights up once again, "Then great! Here follow me, it's just around there!" with her smile returning she walks ahead of guiding towards her destination.

Following her, Olivar talks to me, "What was that? I thought you guys had tied the knot." he speaks whispering to my ear.

"T-Tied the knot!!!!" I shout surprised by his words.

He quickly grabs my ear and pulls me back, Rosa is happily skipping her step ahead of us and doesn't pay attention to my shout.

"Calm down dumbass." He whispers audibly annoyed.

"R-right..." I whisper back.

"So, what was that all about?" He asks while continuously shifting his gaze between me and Rosa who's in front.

"I... I'm too conscious of her..." I force the words out of my mouth.

Surprised Olivar replies, "You?! Conscious of her?! you've known her for as long as you've known your mother, and now you're conscious of her?! Why're you acting like a child?!" Olivar says stupified.

"I'm a child! And, I don't know! I just suddenly do!" I shout once again.

This time he just sighs. I wonder why As I slowly figure out.

This time around, Rosa was right there standing next to us, she had heard my shouting...

"Hmm... You are a child?" Rosa speaks with cold breath.

Desperate for a reply I speak without much thinking "Uhhh... Aren't we all...?".

She adorably raises an eyebrow to the unexpected reply and then chuckles, "Why are you acting so weird today, Jack?"

Embarrassed, I hide my face behind my scarf, "It's nothing...".

"That so?" she asks with a smile "Anyway, here we are!" she says turning to point towards the shop with a massive banner with (NOW OPEN!) written on it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey what was that all about?" Olivar spoke with clear disappointment.

Rosa has already left us for her female friends, so it's only me and him heading towards class on our own.

"I don't know..." I reply disappointed by myself.

Heaving a sigh he speaks "And here I was hoping to see you two all flirty."

"Flir--! What are you talking about?!?!"

He chuckles in response to my reaction.

"Calm down, it was a joke."

"Still... I didn't expect you to be that bad... Like what even is a gold mourning?" He questioned.

"I don't know, a pharaoh's thing most likely."

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Later.

(Mann.... I just can't get myself to enjoy this...)

Science class has been going for 10mins already, but ever since it has started I've been on a whole other side of this world...

"*yawn*" A silent yawn from the left of me attracts my attention.

(See! Even the bespectacled girl sitting next to me clearly agrees!)

.....

Seats are pre-arranged by our school, so who we sit next to isn't up to us. Though I'm sure if you were to actually argue for a certain seat they would give it to you without much of a fight, still we really didn't want to trouble anyone over it. Plus I'm sure we would've each distracted each other in class, so this is for the best in a way. Rosa and Olivar sit quite far from me in class, so we don't take much unless it's lunch break or after school.

I sit next to a quiet bespectacled girl, surprisingly this is our second year together, I remember how surprised I was at the seat arrangements at the start of this year, what're the odds of us ending up together two years in a row? Well, I didn't mind it anyway. If anything I was rather relived, I remember worrying about how I would've spent the year if it was some annoying prick, so having such a humble and modest girl instead was a blessing.

...Though... Despite giving the aura of a dependable person, she's always on the door of dream land, and very dependent on me. Whether it be homework or exams. I can't tell how many times I have passed her a question or two, or lent her my homework to copy. But, she does it without much complain, and in a very efficient manner, leaving me no trouble, So I don't really mind it. She's also always so grateful about it, it leaves me all giddy, even excited, to help her the next time.

Sadly with how our final's are structured, I couldn't really help her there, but surprisingly she aced all of them leaving me behind in the dust. It did get me a bit irritated at first, but confusion slowly overwhelmed my irritation. If she was able to do that, why was she lowering herself and taking from me? In a way it had raised my ego, it made me believe that I'm also a genius who was just not using himself the right way!

...Yeah as if.

I'm not really one to care about grades, ranking, or future, so even if she was using me, as long as we could keep this going, I didn't care.

"Zzz..."

"And she's entered dreamland..." To say I was curious about this girl, would be an understatement.

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Lunch break.

-

"So, when will you do the thingy?" Olivar spoke with a teasing grin.

"What thingy?" I replied while chewing on my cheese bread.

His grin disappeared to once again show his disappointment "Come on man, I didn't step down so that you cower out! Confess already! I wanna see you two all flirty! You know! Rosa would go "Ahh~" and then you would feed her lunch all blushed and fidgety!" he got quite excited towards the end.

"W-What are you imagining!!!!" I almost threw my bread to the ground.

"I need it! I need to see you both doing that and more! I have all kinds of scenarios in my head, you know! And I want them all to become real! So confess already, or I will confess for you!" Completely out of character, he speaks excited.

"W-who are you..." I creep away.

"Like Think about it! Imagine her just defenselessly lying do---"

"WOAH!!!!! Calm down!!!!!"

I quickly jumped at him, placing my right hand over his mouth.

"There's people around for god's sake! watch what you're talking about." I remove my hand after reminding him.

"Actually, What are you even getting at?! What type of shot have you been into?!"

With a serious expression he looked at me and spoke "Sleep tag has 5360 entries."

"...And how accurate is that number?"

"99.99%"

"Why not a hundred?"

"Because more could've been uploaded."

"..."

I was left speechless for the rest of the lunch break.

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The bell rings signifying the end of a class, and the start to the next.

"Alright then, Can you please help me with this bag?" The teacher asked a classmate who was sitting in front.

The kid gladly obliged and left with the teacher.

"Excuse me, what do we have now?" The bespectacled girl asked me.

I still can't get over how formal she is...

It's been almost 2 whole years now and she still speaks as if we just met each other...

"It should be English." I said sneaking a peak onto the calendar on my phone.

"..." Her calm and serene expression disappeared.

"Uwaah...!" she quietly panicked.

With the usual scenario playing, I pulled out my notebook from the bag underneath me and gave her it.

"Just quickly, please." I couldn't help but be formal myself around her.

As always, with a bright expression she thanks me and quickly copies the homework.

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After school, on the way back.

Rosa is at her club as always, so me and Olivar walk home by ourselves. It has been getting colder and colder recently so we both walk with our hands in our pockets.

"So, asking again, the thingy? When?" Olivar(?) Asks.

I can't help but question how he has been acting, is me and Rosa hooking up really that much of a dream for him.

"Ahh... I-I will think about it..." I spoke hiding my blushed face behind my scarf.

He sighs.

"Then how about this, the 2nd break between 2nd and 3rd, how about then? By then you can quietly sit and think about it, how you feel, and if you really want to go through it. I'm sure that's more than enough time. Plus what's better than a break with a girlfriend, right?" Olivar speaks.

I chuckle. Suddenly he went back to himself, this is more like him, this is the Olivar I knew.

"Yeah... Sure, why not." I said playfully throwing a jab at him.

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Night of that day.

"Hmmm..." I pondered over everything as I laid on bed.

"The 2nd break, huh... That's quite far..." I hugged my pillow while scrolling on my phone.

I checked my messages one last time before heading to bed despite knowing no one had messaged me.

Seeing the truth, I throw the phone over the coach slight behind and decided to head to sleep.

....

....

....

...Huh?

The room suddenly lights up, looking over I see that it's my phone.

There wasn't a notification sound since I had muted it, but the screen lit up from a text message.

Despite just forcing myself to leave the phone, I stretch my hand towards it.

"Oh, it's her again."

It does happen from time to time, she would suddenly message me at night looking for some kind of conversation. I guess she gets bored and has a hard time sleeping? I've never really seen her with anyone in or out of class, does she really not have any friends at all to talk to? It was kind of hard to believe for me, especially with how everyone in class seemed nice and welcoming to me. There wasn't anyone I could use the word 'hate' for, if anything I could easily call them all my friends.

(I guess not everyone can talk to people that easily huh...)

I click on the notification so that it would immediately direct me to her on the messaging app.

Immediately as soon as I "Open the message" I can see that she's typing.

I can already tell what the next message is going to be.

'thank you for being awake'

"Is that really something you should be thanking someone for?" I question her usual reply.

"dont worry about it" I reply on the phone

'Im not interrupting am i?'

"not at all"

"i was bored myself"

her reply takes a while but it eventually appears 'haha me too'

"so have you done tomorrow's homework?"

'...'

"..."

':saluting_face: will do it as soon as possible!'

I sigh.

"come on, what if i forget it?"

'...'

':saluting_face: we will cram it in class together!'

It's hard to imagine this is the same girl who sits next to me...

"that so..."

'Anyway!'

Oh she has something she actually has something she wants to talk about? that slightly caught me off guard as usually our conversations would be as such with me leading it on.

'I cleared the 4th boss yesterday!'

...Right!!! I completely forgot!! she had asked me for something to kill time, and I jokingly told her about this one video game I like, but to my surprise she had taken me completely seriously.

...But, that was like weeks ago, and only the 4th boss? well, the game is known for it's difficulty, so if it's her first game I actually should be surprised, huh.

"that so? and what do you think of it up until now?"

'Its great'

'I really like the mechanics and its challenging difficulty! gets me going when I finally kill something!'

"exactly!!!! just you wait for the 6th! I remember beating it had me shouting loud enough to get grounded for a day!"

'Ooo'

'Im already at the 5th right now'

'I believe I should be able to clear him quick enough now!'

"your moving fast aren't you? respect!"

':muscle:'

":muscle:"

.....

We spent an hour or so pointlessly texting each other.

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Next day, on the way to school.

A long yawn escapes my mouth.

Olivar who's walking alongside me speaks "Haven't slept enough?"

"Yeah, she wouldn't let me sleep."

He suddenly comes to a halt.

His face is of utter terror, his eyes have lost their light, and his face muscles have all loosened.

"What...?" He spoke his lips shivering, and not because of the cold.

"Yeah man, she kept me up till late at night. I guess I was quite excited myself, so we're both to blame, huh." I spoke understanding the situation.

"B-but... We... you... us..." He speaks his legs slowly giving out.

How hard is he taking this?!

"You told me you will wait till the break!!!!" He shot at me, shaking my shoulders.

"Something just can't wait."

-

-

-

I eventually told him I wasn't talking about Rosa, and he calmed down.

Once again moving forward he spoke "Hmm... so you were up late talking with someone?"

"Yeah. And no, before you say anything, It's not Rosa."

"Hmm... You really should be studying too you know, Your grades really aren't that great." he said with genuine concern.

"Yeah I know... But I'm still above average so all's good!" I brush away the conversation.

....

"Yoo!!" A feminine voice calls out for us.

It's rosa.

"Good morning!" Rosa excitedly greets us.

"Morning." Olivar properly greets her back.

"Morning." And so do I.

"Oh! No gold mournings this time around? I was very interested, you know!" She says teasing me.

"We can't have gold mournings everyday now, that would just make them boring." I replied.

"So they are a morning thing?" She says curious.

"I don't know... I don't think so..." I tilt my head.

"Come on now, of course they aren't. Mourning isn't a morning thing anyway!" Olivar says in defense of mornings.

"Morning isn't a mourning thing?" Rosa replies tilting her head as well.

"No, Morning Isn't a mourning thing!"

"Isn't that what I said?" She tilts it even more.

"I meant, morn-- mournin-- mooin-- BLAH!" he eventually gave up.

"Anyway, let's have breakfast there again!" Rosa immediately changed the subject with a smile.

"Sure." I agreed following her.

.....

Now that I have a goal, and that I can sit back and think about everything without much pressure, I'm a bit more relaxed. Yeah, this is better. Olivar really helped me... just like always.

Until the break, I will prepare myself.

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That day, 3rd period.

"Man, it's only the 3rd period..." I go limp on my table.

"Umm... I'm sorry to trouble you, but..." the bespectacled girl next to me spoke in a shy. quiet tone.

It's really hard to imagine her as the same girl from last night.

"I did remind you to do your homework..."

(well I'm half to blame I guess, I did keep her up late... I gotta stop using that expression)

"Here." I lend her my notebook once again.

"Thank you!" she says with a smile, her round glasses glowing.

"Don't worry about it."

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From then, time passed.

the term was slowly coming to an end as I debated with myself.

But, I was beyond help, no matter what I Thought, I couldn't help but convince myself more. Remember our days as children, how close we were, how precious she was. How important she still is... Even with how little time we spend together now, I enjoy every second of it, and I wish for it to continue forever.

That's love, right? I have no idea what else it could be, this is my first experience, and hopefully my only. I really want to stay with her till the end of times, so until the break comes, I will make sure I can give her a spring she will never forget.

as I pondered all that on my bed covering my entire body with my blanket I hear my phone's notification ring.

'340438' from olivar.

Interested I check it.

...

"You are sick." I reply to him

'I know.'

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Final week of the term.

"So, how are your preparations coming along? are you ready to swoon her?" Olivar teases me as we walk to school.

"You really are a completely different person when it comes to all this romance stuff..." I look at him judgingly.

"Come on now, you can't say you're not excited yourself!" he says tapping me with his elbow.

"Well... Yeah..."

"Once this week's over, it's only the finals, and then finally... The long awaited break! You better confess on the very first day!" Olivar spoke excited as if he's the one to fall in love.

"O-Of course...!" I replied hesitant.

he glared at my hesitant self.

"You will."

"Right!"

....

Eventually we reached her.

"Yooo!" she came to us waving her arm.

"Yo!" Olivar greeted her.

"Yo!" I greeted her.

I gaze at her, and confirm to myself with my rapid heartbeats...

(If this isn't love, then I don't care what is.)

I want to stay with her, and that's all I care about it. I will call it love if that's what it takes.

I can feel a smile forming on my face, but I can't hold it back.

"Hmm? Why the happy face this early? You that excited for school?" Rosa spoke imitating my smile.

"Nope, I'm just happy I understand myself I guess." My smile grows wider, and so does her's.

...

"Hey guys, the break is soon right?" Olivar suddenly speaks.

(...what...)

"Wanna go hang out on the first day? There is this really good place that opened up recently, my treat!" Olivar suddenly claimed with no prior warning.

"W-wai--" I tried to object but...

"Of course! If it's your treat how could we say no, right?!" Rosa spun towards me waiting for the approval.

From behind her I can see Olivar wink at me.

...

I really don't deserve such a great friend...

"...Yeah, Of course." I agreed.

hearing my response, she smiled from ear to ear her clear white teeth showing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that day.

As I entered class I can see that the bespectacled girl has already fallen asleep even though class hasn't even started.

"What can I even say..."

I sat down trying not to disturb her, if the teacher doesn't say anything, I don't think I should do anything.

I can see a piece of game merch dangling from her wrist, It's something I gave her as a gift for beating that one game a while ago... She had boldly texted me 'how about a reward?', and I felt like It would be terrible to just brush it off, so I gave her a cheap wristband I once bought at a convention I went to with Olivar a while ago. I wasn't using it myself at all, and it was related to the game, so I thought why not.

She usually hides it under her long sleeve, but now that she's asleep it's exposed.

A stupid grin covers my face.

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....

The world isn't fair.

It never has been, and never will be.

And I, the naïve child yet to experience it's unfairness, I lived with a child like mind.

Not once did I question anything, and not once did I doubt anything.

And it all came back to bite me.

All at once.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bell signifying the end of the end rang.

All kinds of sounds can be heard from the class, from the sighs of relief, to the teacher reminding students of the exams slowly closing in, to the friends discussing their plans for the week, to a guy hyping himself up.

"If not now, It's never!" "While I still have the chance I have to take it!" "W-woul..."

I know the dude, he is a quite kid who has a very closed friend group from another class. He's extremely nice, and bright as well. just greeting from him could change your mood for the rest of the day.

Silently wishing him the best with what he was hyping himself for, I walked towards Olivar.

"So, what were you planning with that first day meeting you suddenly set up?" I questioned Olivar still in his seat.

"Hehehe..." a sinister laugh...

"Match Making Master! MMM!" he declared

"You need help..." I said with genuine concern.

"Come now, I did it for you!"

"Don't worry, I won't be third wheeling, I will act as if I was just suddenly busy that day and couldn't make it." He said preparing himself to leave with me.

"And what about the whole 'your treat' thing? how will that work if you're not there?" I questioned his plan.

"Simple! I will Leave the money with you and say I felt guilty not treating you guys at least!" he claimed with passion overflowing.

I wonder how much time he spent thinking up of this.

Still... I was grateful.

"Than--" But... I couldn't show it.

my gratefulness and my excitement, all disappeared at once.

"Oh! look at that." Olivar pointed at a gathering happening at the back of class.

The males were hyping it up while the females were all kyaa-ing.

"It's him?"

The kid who was hyping himself up was standing in the middle of the crowd, and with him...

Time stopped, the world stopped, life itself came to halt at that moment...

No way right... I waited... I talked with myself... I listened to him... The person who's never wrong... so why, why was that happening.

His words brought me back to the world.

"Oh god..." He was not masking his worry at all.

I look at him completely distraught.

"D-don't worry, she will definitely reject him..." Even he wasn't so sure.

After all why would he? Rosa has never shown interest in me, not in that way at least, so why would she turn down such a nice and earnest boy.

I tried to plug my ears, to not listen to her answer, but I couldn't.

I just simply couldn't.

....

In the middle of the classmates formed circle he stood there.

His face was completely red, and he was stumbling over his words.

Across of him, still in the circle, Rosa stood with 2 of her friends behind her back. She herself was also blushing fully understanding the situation.

For her this was a first, so I could understand her reaction.

The boys kept hyping up the guy while the girls kyaaa~ed as if their favorite ship just happened in a drama.

The boy holding his arms together spoke.

"W-Would you please go out with me!"

the boy spoke the words as he bowed a perfect 90 degrees.

"U-umm..." Rosa was red, beyond red, a new shade of red even.

The boys gasped at his confession anticipating her reply.

The girls stared intently at her with their passion overflowing, an outsider would think they were the ones getting confessed to.

Her two friends were mumbling something from behind of her, though it was inaudible to me from all the way at the other side of class.

Olivar spoke "she will say no... I know it..." He didn't believe himself.

And nor did I.

"O-...Okay." evading eye contact in a shy manner, she accepts.

The class erupts in screams, the boys rush to the boy and throw him in the air, he almost hit his head under the ceiling.

The girls rushed to Rosa and gave her all kinds of words of encouragement and praise.

Soon enough a teacher came running and shut down all the hype, it was quite obnoxious after all

...Obnoxious, huh?

(Obnoxious, huh?)

"Obnoxious, huh?" I can feel a slightly cold sensation running down my cheek.

And a pat on the back from Olivar as well.

"I'm sorry." He said.

Sorry? For what? You did nothing... No one did anything... This is my fault... I... I... ugh...waghh... ghhhhhhh....

I wept as Olivar gently patted my back.

and that moment the class was split into 3 sections.

The boys and his happiness at the far back.

Me and Olivar at the front.

and the bespectacled girl just waking up from all the noise at the side.

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That night.

How did I get home... How did I change... How did I eat... Did I even eat?

I don't know...

All that has been plaguing my mind is the future... my blank future.

I had fully believed that, the lie that I had told myself.

The lie that I would spend the rest of my life with her, but now... So suddenly, all taken away.

What now? What is my future?

...

Future? Who cares about that?

I never did... I wanted now.

I remember, the start of last year.

I didn't think much of it, ' just another school, what's the difference' I thought.

But, we separated.

Olivar had started taking his studies a lot more seriously, and Rosa had grew apart from us.

She was good at hiding it, the fact that she was slowly getting bored of us, the fact that she was losing her childish innocence just like us.

But I could tell, ever so slightly, that like this, eventually we will grow apart. Eventually we will have our own lives, Eventually we will find our own interests.

That's when I realized, If I were to go out with Rosa, we would stick apart! After all that's how it works right? That's how this stuff works right?

Love! That's the answer!

This is love after all, right? The feeling to want to be with someone forever, the feeling of wanting their attention, to keep them to yourself, to lose yourself with them... That's love right?

So, why? Why did it all come crashing down at the end?

... It was because of me.

I waited.

I believed that she will wait, that just for a little longer she will stay with us... and the answer was shown to me in the most direct way possible.

... Tomorrow... how will it play out?

Will we find her there? waiting as always? or rather, move on...

Why did I wait? why? Why?! WHY?!

....

I shouted at myself all night.

I did nothing that day, Or rather I recall nothing, all I remember are the regrets filling my head, and the fear of the future.

....

....

*click*

The notification sound of my phone.

'are you awake?'

...

The bespectacled girl.

hana.

Hana poklem.

...

I didn't reply and went to sleep in agony.

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Tomorrow came.

I woke up early on purpose and walked to school by taking another route, I couldn't face them.

neither Olivar, nor Rosa who might have have came.

It was just barely 10mins after the school's opening, the halls were empty, the rooms were vacant, it left a melancholic taste in my mouth.

And most importantly, my classroom was g--...

Huh...

To my surprise someone was there...

The bespectacled girl, and once again she was in deep sleep.

Looking at her I yawn reminding myself of how sleep deprived I was.

Taking my seat next to her, I follow her to dreamland.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later.

I feel a sudden impact on my scalp.

My mood is terrible, and I'm asleep, yet this person keeps hitting my with what feels like rolled paper.

*bam bam*

It's annoying...

*bam bam*

It's fucking annoying...

*Bam bam*

"STOP!" I shoot up with malice.

"Watch your tone."

The teacher spoke with an angered look.

"Hahaha!"

the entire class laughed at my sudden anger.

I can hear them all laugh at me... Yeah, That's right... Laugh all you want.

Hana was already up, she was looking to the side with a guilty expression, as if this was her fault. Why?

...I lost interest.

The teacher, who had rolled up dozens of papers into a pipe like thing, returned to the front of the class to start the lesson.

...

I don't remember a single thing from that lesson.

I didn't fall asleep, I was simply not there, my brain was somewhere else.

....

Eventually 3rd period came.

I cannot recall any of the things we had took the last 2 periods... What happened to me... Is it because something I was looking forward to was taken away? Or am I really that sad? Is that a thing?

To my left the bespectacled girl was fidgeting. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but was too embarrassed to.

"E-excus..." She kept swallowing her words back not finishing her sentences.

I can already tell what she wants, but that just reminds me of how miserable I was yesterday.

"I didn't do it." I said laying my head on the table.

I will try to sleep again.

"O-oh... S-sorry for the trouble..." Dejection covered her being.

Why is she apologizing? I really can't understand this girl.

.....

We got lectured.

I looked dead throughout the whole thing, while Hana kept apologizing.

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After school.

I had avoided making contact with Olivar during the lunch break, instead I locked myself in a stall and waited for the break to end.

Other than that, I don't remember anything from today.

To all just merely happened and passed...

Once again avoiding them I leave quickly, as I hastily escape my seat I can hear hana trying to tell me something, I ignore her in a hurry.

As I leave the school I can see him, the boy... I knew this boy, everyone does, yet not once did I see him like this, not once did I resent him, nor did I ever think I will.

As I walk down the hallway he eventually notices me, and with a guilty look, he approaches me.

I stop awaiting his arrival, this isn't what I had in mind when I left early, but sure, why not?

Slowly, step by step, even though the sound of his footsteps shouldn't be heard, I hear them clearly.

His hands were still wet as he was returning to class from the washroom.

He comes to a halt in front of me and speaks with a bright expected tone.

"How are you, Jack?" A tone that once was precious, now sounds mocking.

"I'm fine." I reply with a tone fitting my dead expression.

"That so... I can't help, but think otherwise." His words fit his mocking tone.

"You looked... you look dead, have you looked at a mirror at all?"

he spoke with concern, but to me it all, whatever he said, it all sounds like mockery.

"No, nor do I want to." I wanted this conversation over.

"I'm sorry, is this about yesterday? about me and Rosa? I thought you might've liked her, but if anything you two just felt like you were growing apart... and I really like her myself." he spoke without the slightest hint of embarrassment, if anything, he sounded proud.

"She is a bright girl, she is fun to be around, she can always lighten up mood, I love talking with her, I love standing next to her, and she is cute, way too cute even!" he spoke pride flowing out of him.

'...I know... you really don't have to rub it in.' I thought to myself.

"I was scared I would lose my chance after this break, and that the more I waited, the riskier it got, after all If it wasn't this week, when else could I have? Our finals are spent in different, randomized, halls, and I won't be able to make contact with her during the break. So, I told myself this week, now or never!" The kid spoke as people kept passing us back and forth in the hall.

"..." I averted my gaze.

"I'm sorry, jack... But, was I selfish?" He spoke, for the first time showing weakness.

I had to say something.

"...No. I see her a sister don't worry." with the fakest smile I've ever made, I lied through my teeth "It's just family stuff, that's why. Don't worry about me, and enjoy yourselves."

After saying such I quickly exited the conversation.

I hated myself, why would I say that? Just to be nice? Because he was genuine?

Why care about him now... why not think of myself first...

I walked away and towards my home, taking the same detour I had took coming back.

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Later.

Somehow along the path, Olivar had been waiting for me. It was at a point where both our usual path, and the detour I had took intertwine.

With a look of genuine concern he approaches me.

"Why are you avoiding me? I understand Rosa, but why me too?" He sounded desolate.

"..." Once again, I couldn't hold eye contact with someone.

"...It's because I'm at fault right? I was the one who told you to wait, and because of that someone else had beaten you to it... is that why?! Tell me!" He was desperate for an answer.

This isn't what I had expected, This isn't the Olivar I had known.

I had expected him to lecture me, but in a manner where I couldn't help but listen, so this had taken me off guard.

"It's not your fault..." I answered.

"After all just think about it, if she had said yes to him, what guarantees she would've done the same to me..." I spoke the words I were expecting from him.

He looks at me with shock, as if he had never thought about it that way.

He really took all the blame without even considering anything.

"So, don't worry about it, I do not blame you." Once again I exited the conversation.

but as I had passed him he quickly grabbed my shoulder.

"Tomorrow, wait for me, she won't be walking with us to school anymore." Olivar spoke and let me go.

I nodded and walked home.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once again, time passed and I found myself on bed.

I can't remember anything from this day as well, except my parent's concerned look.

But this isn't something I should bring them into, they are still dear friends with Rosa's parents, I wouldn't want to ruin their friendship over such a petty thing.

I laid down in bed, and waited to sleep.

Expectedly my phone gave a ring.

'I will be up early, so you better not run.'

surprisingly it was from Olivar.

I look at it and go to sleep.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next day.

Me and Olivar are walking to school extremely early in the morning in silence.

"So, how are your studies for the finals coming along?" Olivar broke the silence.

'Right... That was a thing...' I never really cared about my studies that much, so finding myself in such a state I guess this was to be expected.

"Yeah... Nothing different." I lied.

"Come on man, I'm sure you would score a lot higher if you study a bit more. Hey, how about we hold a study session during the weekend? You can come over to my house, and we can tackle whatever you find difficult." He taps my shoulder.

Having a private study session with Olivar is like a dream for any low scorer in class, not only is he at the top of class, he's terrifyingly amazing at explaining stuff.

...But, I really couldn't bother... I just wanted to be by myself.

"...Nah, I have plans." Once again I lied.

"That so? well why don't I join you?" Olivar surprisingly asked.

Olivar leaving his studying for a sudden hang out was extremely surprised, I couldn't help but look at him with shock.

"What's with that look..." He looked disappointed at himself.

"Just... you not studying? Kinda crazy to think about." I couldn't hold back my thoughts.

"Come on man, I still hang out with you guys as well."

"Yeah like what? 2 times a month?"

"Hey, you guys don't hang out that much in the first place!" He exclaimed trying to save face.

"Well, if it's not us all it's not as fun."

"Oh~~ you're making me blush, stop~~" he bashfully pushes me.

"..." I star at him disgusted.

"... don't take it too seriously..." He quickly fixed himself.

"right..."

"You know, maybe all that stuff is getting to you..." I spoke with concern.

"Oh shut up, I'm a healthy middle schooler!" he defended himself.

"Sure..."

.....

.....

Eventually we passed by where she would be usually waiting.

And just as he had said, she wasn't there. It's not because we were too early, he had phrased it in a way that she wouldn't be joining us at all yesterday.

"..." I gaze at the spot she would usually be resting her back on.

"She will be walking to school with her boyfriend from now on, she told me as such yesterday after class. She wanted to tell you too, but you weren't there." he spoke while following my eyesight.

"That so..."

I was able to forget about it all as I walked with Olivar, but now It all came shooting right back.

Once again I can feel my chest tighten.

We spent the rest of our path in silence.

...

As soon as we reached class, while I had expected it, Olivar was in utter shock at Hana's arrival.

The bespectacled girl was sleeping as usual.

This was his first time arriving this early, so seeing her already present had left him in shock.

"Did I interrupt you two?" He spoke trying to lighten the mood.

"No, she's always this early. I don't really know why." I spoke staring at the bracelet dangling from her right hand.

"Now that I think about it, you both were asleep when I had arrived yesterday..." He looked with glint in his eyes.

Proud of me he said "Aren't you a lady killer my friend?"

I heave a sigh, "It's nothing like that, We just happen to suit each other as neighbors." I spoke heading towards my seat.

Following my example, he spoke as he headed towards his respective seat, "That soooo~" He said teasingly

He pulled out a couple of his books and started studying.

(So that's why he was ok with coming early...)

I sat at my seat next to the bespectacled girl, and followed her into dreamland.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eventually, I can feel someone slightly shuffling me as to wake me up.

But, unlike yesterday's aggressive sense, this time it's gentle, almost soothing, if it wasn't for the shuffling it might've helped sleep even more.

fluttering my eyes open, I can see that the someone in question is nonother than Hana.

As soon as she notices that I had opened my eyes, with a serious expression she gives me a thumbs up and fixes her posture to that of a proper student.

I yawn as I stretch my hand, and notice that class is about to start.

(This girl...)

She had seen how I ended up yesterday, so she woke me up before the teacher's arrival.

Surprised by her considerate behavior I thank her, "Thank you..." I couldn't sound more embarrassed if I tried.

She turns towards me surprised by my word of gratitude, and this time with a smile on her face, gives another serious thumbs up.

....

(How does this girl not have any friends???) I couldn't help but question.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I blankly stare the day away, the 4th period eventually comes.

My mind is blank, I can see from the corner of my eyes Rosa talking with her other friends. She laughs, and smiles. Should I be happy happy for her? Or should I resent her? What is the right choice here.

My thought process is cutoff by a certain bashful girl next to me.

"Um... E-excu--...."

"No, I haven't done it either." I reply knowing her usual self.

But to my surprise her eyes glow up unlike her dejected look yesterday.

With a smile, she skillfully pulls out her notebook and gives me it, with the page already flipped to where the homework is.

"P-Please help yourself!" excited she gave me her homework to copy.

To say I was speechless would be an understatement.

Her handwriting was neat, the page was extremely understandable, And I couldn't imagine any of her answers were wrong.

(Right, She did ace her finals...)

I always had to remind myself of that fact, as her usual behavior really didn't help.

"Thank you." I thank her once again deciding not to waste her generosity.

She gave me another thumbs up, but this time an excited one with a huge smile.

(Really how does this girl not have any friends????)

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The week went by, Olivar and I decided to only walk back from home together, as he was terrible at waking up early, and I was really into the thought of it. Something about finding Hana there was kind of... nice. Olivar understandably agreed and only walked back with me.

I would always arrive as early as possible only to find her there already deep into sleep, and quickly I would follow her.

Rosa and the boy weren't really hiding the fact they were together at all... Of course, there is no reason they would after all... they would walk to school and back home together, they would spend lunch break together. Rosa would talk from time to time on the group chat with me and Olivar, but my gloomy replies would only ruin the mood.

Actually that isn't the only thing my sudden gloom self had ruined, Kids from class had stopped talking to me, and I was slowly turning into a loner. If it wasn't for Olivar I would have spent it all by myself.

Hana would be excited as I copied her homework, but dejected when I had done it myself. I would still copy it even if I had done it myself, hers was just too perfect. At night we had gotten back to texting about games, and would spend night texting and the morning sleeping in class early.

It was as if I was dependent on her, if it weren't for her... god knows how I would have been.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first week of the break came.

The finals were done, and I had done terribly, probably a new low I would bet.

I didn't really care much myself, but I was slightly worried about how my parents would react.

...

I arrived at the promised meet up, I know Rosa would be there, but I felt like it would be terrible if I weren't to go.

As I arrived Olivar was already there.

(So he came after all...)

Even though the plan was for him to act as if he hadn't I was sure he would've after the sudden events that happened that day.

Eventually so did Rosa, and she was on her own.

.....

It was an utter disaster, the whole hang out was nothing but superficial talk as my dead look brought down the mood.

All I could think of was how excited was for this day, how I used to think it's would be a memory I would never forget, How I would spend the rest of my life after it... But that all had just made me feel worse.

I could tell Rosa was trying her best to have fun, but I was so down I couldn't keep up with anything, I would simply reply with a: yes, uhm, and no.

We all eventually returned home melancholic, only Rosa had a slight hint of joy on her.

What did she enjoy the gloomy atmosphere?

It was my fault, all of it. But, I just couldn't get my act together, not when the three of us were together like that.

Instead I got back home and wasted the rest of break playing video games.

Olivar and Rosa both had tried contacted me, but I rotted away in my room.

My break slowly went by as I day dreamt about how it should've been, how I was supposed to be out there with her, how I had saved up so that we could have fun, but now... This is how it is.

Eventually our grades were out and I had quite an earful from my parents, they asked me what was wrong, but as I had already decided, I told them it was nothing.

I was grounded, as to be expected, and only had my phone left, I guess that was a show of pity as they had seen how dead I looked.

I would sometimes decide to go out for a walk and realize how I'm spending the spring in my room without making any use of it.

I happened to cross Rosa and The boy one day while they were on a date, and they were all smiles, It only made me worse. The amount of envy I had built up was beyond what I could handle.

One day, Night had fallen, I couldn't get any sleep. Getting my mother's permission I walked out at night, Despite telling her I wanted to buy some snacks, I had no aim and wandered aimlessly.

That is when I found her, the bespectacled girl was sitting at a bench in a small neighborhood park, and playing on her portable console.

Creeping at her from behind I look over her shoulder, It's a game I had recommended her.

"Yo." I suddenly called her from behind.

"UWA!" She flinched so bad she almost dropped her console.

"Don't worry, I'm safe... I think." I sit next to her, as it just felt normal.

"W-what are you doing here?" she was quite shy, you would think it was our first meeting.

"I was walking, when I happened to run into you." I honestly said.

"O-ooohh...!" She acted as if she was understood when she looked very confused.

"I like night walking." I claimed as I intently stared at her console.

She lifted her console towards me and said, "Y-you want to play...?" She sounded unsure of every word she had said.

"Oh, Thank you." I haven't played anything in a while, so I immediately agreed to her suggestion.

I had already beaten this game twice, but playing a third time was still very fun.

She silently watched me in admiration.

When I had effortlessly beaten the boss she was stuck at she started clapping.

"Amazing..." Admiration was beaming out of her.

(Well... you had it on easy difficulty...) I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud.

"Let me try!" she said stretch her hands towards me with her eyes glowing.

"Sure, It's yours anyway." I gave her back her console.

She was clearly imitating my pattern of play, but she was eventually able to beat it too.

"So that's how you dodge!" and she had made a shocking revelation.

unable to hide my disappointment I say, "How have you even been playing the game.".

"Hehee..." She laughed embarrassed while rubbing the back of her head.

"Anyway, what are you doing here?"

She flinches at my sudden question.

"N-nothing... Just playing..." She says averting eye contact.

"And at this time too? It's almost 11pm you know."

"....Yeah..." She looks as if she's in deep thinking.

I decide to change the subject "I didn't know you were living close, if so why haven't you said so before?" I was kind of regretful as we could've walked to school since we were both early birds.

"I do not... My home is very far from here..." she said looking melancholic.

"T-that so..." I felt as if I had touched on a sensitive topic so I decided to not much into it.

"well, you better get going then, you would be lucky to find any kind of transportation at this time." I stand up deciding to head back home.

She stands up as well "O-okay!"

I wave goodbye and walk away, I can hear her too walk away from the other side.

(Oh right, I didn't ask her about that.)

I quickly shout at her "How did your finals go?!"

Hearing me she spun around, in one hand her console, in the other a confident peace sign, and a triumphant look on her face.

I shot her a thumbs up and went back my way.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The break went by. I got more depressed as more time passed, and once it was over I couldn't help but feel even worse. I had just utterly wasted my whole break on nothing but self-pity.

Returning to school I decided to walk by myself I had came early anticipating her arrival as well, but to my surprise she wasn't there.

She did arrive eventually and looked quite apologetic when she had found me there before her.

the final term of school came and 2 weeks of it had passed as my condition just slightly had started to improve, though my loner status was basically confirmed at that point.

I would only talk with Olivar during break and after school, and interact with Hana when it comes to homework and tests, though now I was the one being dependent on her. She really has been a great help to me.

She was a blessing.

At the end of the 2nd week of the 3rd term, Olivar had decided to walk with me to school early, he told me that for whatever reason Rosa had wanted to talk to me after school, and in the very suggestive spot of 'behind the school building'.

Trying not to raise my expectations I waited for the day to be over, once again not a single thing had stayed in my head.

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

....

The bell signifying the end of class rang, and here Rosa came.

She approached my desk and spoke to me as if it was the most normal thing ever, "Yo, Olivar told you, no? Let's get going."

"What?" I was confused how this had played out.

I was sure one of us should've been waiting while the other comes a bit late, yet now we're walking there together?

Excited she reached for my arm "Come on, let's go!" and dragged me.

"R-right..."

I left looking back at my seat which was still a mess, and caught a glimpse at a slightly dejected Hana.

(? Why's she sad?)

.....

She has always been a mystery to me.

....

....

....

We eventually reached the promised spot.

During our walk there, while she was making small talk, I was answering with quick replys.

So it felt as if she was the one in control in the situation.

"What's up with you?"

She couldn't have said it more bluntly.

"Why are you like this? This isn't the you that I know." She spoke.

It... It angered me. I had tightened my fist holding myself back, after all I too had believed it was my fault to some extent, I have no right to lash out at her.

"Since when were you like that? You're going to end up wasting your life like this you know? So, why?" Her usual look was slowly cracking up.

Her true feeling was slowly showing, and her forced look was crumbling.

"This isn't you, This isn't the you I like, This isn't the you I think about... so why? Why are you doing this to yourself?" She was sniffling.

(W...what?)

"What happened to your friendly adventurous self? The one who would always come up with craziest shit, always have something fun to do, always have something fun to say, always keep our mood bright...? W-what happened to that?! Why are you like this now? Do you know how worried me and Olivar were during the break?" she was slowly breaking down.

I couldn't care about what she said afterwards.

A single line had been running over and over in my head.

(This isn't the you I like)

"We had convinced yourself you had found other people you want to be with, but how could we anymore with how you are the whole day in school?! We even heard of your grades had been! What are you doing with yourself?!" She had lost it at this point.

*snap*

A sound could be heard... but I really couldn't care at this moment.

"It's...It's because..." I couldn't reply.

Her words had left me in an awkward spot, what am I supposed to say.

"I like you, Jack. I want to spend my life with you, but not this you, the you who was fun to be around, the you who I know." Rosa spoke honestly forcing herself to calm down.

"...What?"

"I love you, jack. The one I want to be with isn't him, but you jack." She said barely holding back her tears.

"...." I stood there, in utter shock.

"He is an amazing guy, he treats me nice, he does what I want, and will definitely do his best... But, even when we were together I couldn't help but look forward to when I would be with you and Olivar, especially you. Just thinking about you had me all giddy, so I can't bare to see you like this. Please... please...." She was pleading of me.

(what?) I couldn't believe it.

I seriously Couldn't, what is this? Is this some kind of joke? Is this her sick idea of having fun?

"I-I didn't know what came to me when I agreed... There was just so much pressure, And I wasn't sure what 'Love' was in the first place, so I just thought 'I might as well', but I as time passed I started regretting it, I had to start spending time away from you guys, and had to instead spend them with him... Deep down, I didn't want that, I wanted one thing, and it's to be with you..." she got herself in control and said one last line.

"So, jack... would you go out with me?"

She was serious.

So serious I was doubting my sanity.

what happened?

How did It end up here?

"Y-y---!" Before I replied, I held myself back.

I remembered the genuine and sincere boy who had confronted me at the end of the last term

Holding myself back I speak "Have you told him anything yet?"

"H-huh? N-no..."

"Please, At least talk to him first, then we can talk about this."

I didn't want to break the boy's heart.

"O-ok! O-Of course! I won't be able to today since I probably already left, but Tomorrow! as soon as possible!" I can see excitement return to her face.

*snap*

Again... A sound was heard, but my head was too confused at the current situation to think about it, so I had pushed it to the back of my mind.

"Alright..." I spoke walking away.

Waving at her from my back "See you tomorrow."

I walk back to class where I find my bag had been tidied up for me and was waiting for me.

(that girl...)

With a smile I pick it up and leave.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The day passed by.

And to say I was excited... Would be a lie.

The more I had thought about it, the more I had resented her.

So what? my entire break was ruined because she decided to go on a whim? Because she thought might as well? I worried my parents, ruined my future, and wasted my time, all because of a whim of hers!

The more I thought about it, The more I had hated myself, and hated her more.

And by the end of the day I had decided.

"I don't care what she does with her little boyfriend, I won't be going out with her, She can go fuck herself." An extremely angered me said as he went to sleep.

In a way, it had helped me, because of that decision it felt like the whole thing had finally come to an end.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next day, I had woken up late, for the first time, I had actually had my fair share of sleep.

I immediately got dressed and left in a hurry, my mom had told me that Olivar stopped by but since I was asleep decided to continue on his own.

Walking I wouldn't have made it, so I took the bus.

I arrived to school, walked through the gate, and to my surprise I was greeted by a classmate.

He had patted me on the shoulder as he approached me "Aye, good job dude, I always knew you were a man."

He said that and went back to his friend group, looking at them they all shoot me a thumbs up.

(What?)

With a confused look I continued towards class.

....

Suddenly I'm dragged by my arm to the side.

It was Olivar.

"Come with me we need to talk." Olivar dragged me by the arm.

I followed him without much of a debate.

Eventually we had made to a secluded place, it was a little clearing under a staircase, and there we found Rosa balled up hugging her knees sobbing, her face looked like a mess.

In a way, this had lifted some of the stress I had left

I then asked calmly "What happened?".

"How can you be that calm when you see her like this?!" Olivar was infuriated at my reaction.

"..." I simply looked back at him with no reply.

"P-Pl...Please *sniff* *sniff* Please tell their wrong...!" Rosa said sobbing.

"Hmm? what's that about?" This has been the calmest I have been since that day.

"You..." Despite how he had looked at me, he explained calmly "Rumors were spread all over the school." He says handing me his phone " it talks about your meeting yesterday, but in a very terrible light."

Looking at it I can see their is two pictures of me and Rosa standing across from each other. one is when we were calm near the end, and the next was edited so that I was removed while Rosa was alone crying miserably.

(Right... That snap sound thing, that was a phone?) I remind myself of it.

It says the following: I'm leaving my name anonymous so that I do not get reported for harassment, but I believe this should be out, especially for the poor boy who fell victim to this snake. I Happened to be passing by when I had seen both Rosa and Jack, following each other to a quiet discreet place. I had known Rosa was already going out with another boy, so seeing them I was very intrigued, I also know of their history together. I can't lie I'm a drama person myself, So I couldn't help but follow them. I was more than surprised by what I had found, they were standing across from each other when Rosa suddenly speaks up, saying that she doesn't care about the boy at all, and that this was all a part of her sick plan.

She confessed that she never took a liking to the kid, and saw him as nothing but a tool to use at her convenience. She thought that if she would give him enough time he would eventually stop questioning her so that she could two time the boy, and now believing she had done enough she had approached jack. I thought I had caught 2 terrible people then, but instead it turned out to be one. Jack had completely denied her and told her that that boy is a friend of his he won't betray. He in a fit of rage called her a slut and moved on, and alone she started to cry.

This is what I got to experience when I followed the both of them, and I have taken photographic evidence, how this information is used I do not care, but this need to be out there.

.....

"..." I read it, the entire thing, the amount of lies, the hatred one must carry to lie this much... It's scary.

But, for us middle schoolers, we live off of this stuff, I'm sure no one doubted this, and if they did they quickly pushed their doubt into the back of their head. This is what everyone wants, a story that they can share, an event they can talk about, someone they look down upon.

I move my finger and scroll down to the replies.

"Rosa is a hoe, I always knew it."

"I can't believe she could smile with such a heart!"

"Hell is too cold for her."

"Women :coffee:"

From people joking to people ridiculing Rosa, there were all types of replies.

"And? What do you need from me?" I asked Olivar who's holding his phone for me "You do not believe I'm the one who shared this right?"

"N-no... Of course not!" I could hear the doubt in his shaken voice.

"That so." I judged him with my stare.

"Look, this story paints you as a hero, if you discredit it there wouldn't be any reason anyone wouldn't believe you, just tell them it isn't true... Please." Olivar bowed his head.

And I find myself in quite the situation, Rosa was curled up sobbing, Olivar had bowed down asking for my help, and I stood with power.

It felt... Nice.

I didn't agree with the way they had done it, but I agreed with the outcome, after what had happened to me, my petty self had believe this is what Rosa deserves.

This is only a middle school rumor after all, everyone will forget about it eventually, so for now, let them hate her.

"No." I spun around and walked to class.

Olivar tried to call me back, but I ignored him. Rosa's sobbing got much worse to the point where I could hear it all the way down the hall.

I entered class with the clearest mind I've had in a while, It feels as if my whole world had went upside down, and in a good way!

Walking into class I can see him... I had taken his bright smile, as he had taken my dead look. Who wouldn't huh? He just heard that his precious girlfriend was using him as an atm.

He looked at me and spoke, "Thank you...", A thanks he felt was needed.

(...)

That was the one thing I hated about this scenario. I was no hero.

"Don't worry about it." I patted his back and moved towards my seat.

I could hear all the kids gossiping but decided to pay them no attention.

As I sat down the bespectacled girl gave me a concerned look, and spook to me.

"You're late?"

(why does it sound like a question??)

"Yeah, I slept in." I spoke to her resting my elbow on the table.

A smile spread on her face "Oh! you slept well then?".

"Yeah, and I think I will be able to sleep well again today." I stretched my back.

"Nice!" She shot me a thumbs up.

I'm probably never going to be able to face the both of them again... But, this isn't too bad as well.

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The day passed.

This was it, Olivar and Rosa were no longer a part of my life.

Kids in school stopped talking to Rosa, and many of the boys tried to persuade Olivar away from her, but till the end he stayed with her.

And, to my surprise, Hana had made some friends, not sure how I feel about that though, I liked how our relation was going...

*ring*

(There it is.) I think as I reach out for my phone.

I had been waiting for this text.

I once again spent a good portion of the night texting Hana.

and at the end of it, to my surprise, she had asked me if I could meet her after school, and behind bench we had once played on.

I agreed.

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The next day, I walked to school on my own.

Once I reached Class as usual she was there already but this time surprisingly awake, the moment she saw me she averted me and tried to act asleep.

I sighed and pulled out my phone.

Slowly she gave in and we started talking about games.

Eventually class started.

Just like yesterday Rosa wasn't really physically bullied, but instead everyone would avoid her and look at her in disgust. They would gossip more and more about her, and it would slowly deteriorate her self. The only person who was there for her then, was none other than Olivar.

....

.....

During break I sit on my own, I had left the class and sat at some desolate place with no one, some people had asked me to join them, but I decided not to. I simply didn't like how everyone was treating me like the super nice guy at the moment. In this distance I can see Hana, and her 2 friends. At first I had wondered who they were as they had seemed familiar, but now... I see.

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I find myself waiting at the bench.

As I waited for her to show up, the pieces were slowly fitting together. To think such a girl would... It's gotta be them, there is no other way around it.

I can see her, in the distance, she is closing in with 2 girls at her back.

(That was the final piece...)

I look at the ground and rub the back of my head.

Looking back I now see she is on her own.

"At least this will make it easier." I stand up.

"D-did I keep you waiting?" She spoke fidgeting in her place.

I heaved a sigh.

"W-what?" She spoke surprised by my reaction.

(here goes nothing...)

"Let's stop this." I spoke placing one of my hands in my pockets.

"You're not fooling anyone hana, not me at the very least." I think back to the girl who had been taking care of me and speak with remorse "I'm a part of both pictures, So I know all about it hana... I've seen those two friends of yours before. They were the same 2 girls who were with Rosa back when she got confessed to, and they were a reason for why she had agreed. They are snakes who live off of such drama and romance. As long as nothing would happen to them, they didn't care what they did or pressured someone into doing."

I stared down the road Hana had walked.

"...W-wha--" she hid her face.

"Please, do not act as if you're oblivious. If you had waited, I could have maybe not figured it out, but you were too greedy. You found an opportunity and immediately took it."

"N---"

"Let me speak." I intimidated her on purpose, " You're a good girl, I'm well aware of that, you would've never done this by yourself, I'm sure most of the blame falls on those two, but still. You stepped way over the red line. You made one of my dear friends cry, and for no reason other than selfishness. You're scum hana. I Never want to see you're face again."

In a way, speaking had freed my mind, I was slowly losing all the stress I had built up. If I'm to say everything in my mind right now, I'm sure It would feel beyond great.

"You and your two friends back there, I'm sure the world would be better off with you killing yourselves."

And with that, I took my leave.

Hana had fallen to her knees completely sobbing, and soon her 2 friends came out running after her.

I quickly spun around for one last line "If you think about using this situation against me, trust me, no body will ever trust you again." An empty threat, but with how they must feel at the moment it should do enough.

....

....

To think her out of all people...

But still, I acted as if I was talking to her, yet most of these words were directed at myself... At least that counts as helping... right?

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I never really thought back to what I had said, I simply spoke my mind and completely freed myself from what had been holding me back this whole time. Now I feel so much better its crazy.

I really can't believe how I lived back then, with such regrets and self-pity.

...

A day passes, Hana didn't come to school, her two friends did, but they avoided making contact with me and acted as if nothing happened.

Another day, Hana once again hasn't come... Was I that harsh? Actually is it even my fault? Really over some classmate you will stop going to school?

....

....

On the third day, the whole class was silent.

The teacher slowly walked into class with heavy news, they only worked to support the new rumor going around.

she was carrying a vase of flowers.

"Please everyone, pray for your fellow classmate.".

I couldn't believe it.

Was it my fault?

Was it really my fault?

I had only said shit on the spur of the moment! Don't go killing yourself like that!

Is this really my fucking fault?!

I slowly turned my head towards the empty seat next to me, a look of terror.

I can almost see her sleeping with the bracelet dangling off of her right wrist... So why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?!

.....

I had returned, back to that state of mind, but this time oh god is it worse... much worse.

Suddenly everyone has started treating me like a dear friend, hell even Olivar had suddenly forgiven me and acted as if nothing had changed, as if I hadn't done anything to them.

Only Rosa was the only one avoiding me, she did look sorry, but never would she talk to me again.

I deserved that, this... This is the outcome all my decisions had lead up to.

I killed her, Hana, the bespectacled girl, my neighbor, I killed her.

I don't remember how the day went.

When I went back home, the half-assed treatment followed me with my parents, they were contacted by my school.

I just went to my room and cried myself to sleep in regret.

....

....

When I woke up I was slightly calmer, I used the internet and looked up for her incident, The report of course didn't mention anything about me, but instead it talked about her parents.

"W-what is this...? What is the meaning of this...?"

The more I read the more I denied it.

"...There's no way this is true... Just what the hell is this?"

But as much as I had wanted to, it was the written truth. It even had evidence backing it up.

"This life... How did she live through it?"

I Couldn't help but question...

The girl who slept so peacefully every morning, the girl who enjoyed talking about games with me...

This is how her life was?

This is how she had spent her days?

"T-to think she had such parents... and she still..." I could sense tears running down my cheeks "Still hold such a smile..." I wept and used my sleeves as tissues.

The fact that she was still able to go to school normally and never even bring back a hint of it with her to school... What gave me the right to criticize her? What gave me the right to tell her to kill herself? This isn't fair, Why.... Why did I say all that shit to her?

I once again found myself in the depth of regret.

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Suddenly, I find myself here.

How did time pass?

How did my life go?

I can not tell, everything has been a daze every since.

Nothing I did I had seemed worthy, nothing that happened had seemed worthy.

I barely passed the term, I sat on my seat as they removed the table and chair that were once next to me.

Olivar had tried to make up with me, but I couldn't forgive myself, I did not care if he did. After all I was selfish like that.

Everyone slowly forget about her, they had barely known her in the first place, and I was left alone regretting my action and my last 2 years.

Why hadn't I treated her better, Why hadn't I praised her more, Why hadn't I helped her more?

Everyday the same thoughts would run through my head.

I do not remember anything from my 3rd year, it simply passed me.

When it came for high school, I asked my parents for a getaway, to roll into somewhere far, I didn't want to see them again, Olivar and Rosa that is, I wanted to simply fade from everyone's memories such as she had.

They agreed to it without much of a fight. I ended up joining a high school on the weaker end of the spectrum with my bottom rock grades, and living by myself.

My loner life was finally set in stone.

I took a seat in the back and never talked to anyone, nor did they talk to me.

I would silently pass through life, that's what I had decided. I didn't deserve anything, that much was true.

Eventually, someone had made contact with me. He was a well known senior.

He at first sympathized with me, saying that he too had lost someone.

There was one other kid, though in a different class, whom was from my middle school class, so I'm guessing he had extracted information out of him.

"Try this, it helped me out plenty." He handed me something... I knew what is, anyone my age would. It isn't sugar, nor baking powder.

I took it with me home.

I never intended to use it, nor did it even cross my mind. I simple placed it in a corner of my house and continued my silent life.

At some point I had forgotten how she even looked, and at some point I started doubting whether she did or didn't have glasses on.

It really... Drove me insane.

Such a girl, to be so unfairly treated by this world, to be forgotten.

A couple of months later.

A night I couldn't sleep.

With nothing but vague memories I searched for it.

And I crossed a line I had sword I wouldn't.

....

To say it was a bliss... would be an understatement.

It was for a very short amount of time, but I had forgotten about everything, It felt so... freeing.

I got hooked.

My life had become a downward spiral, not that I can remember it being upwards, I fell into a terrible addiction which I couldn't sustain, and did terrible things to.

I had started skipping class for part-time jobs, only to then immediately waste the money. The money my parents would send I too wasted, I would barely eat anything and got malnourished. I'm sure if I would to run into them anywhere, they wouldn't even know me.

At some point, I had completely lost it, I had gone to the senior and fell to my knees begging.

Seeing me like that he found opportunity, he decided to 'Branch out', and sell his product out of school.

He promised me some for free if I could finish a job he had found, I could hear his 'friends' talking behind his back.

"Come on dude, that's too risky!"

"Yeah man, out there is real shit, you never know what might happen!"

"Oh shut up, we won't be doing anything, it's all this dumbass addict."

I could hear them mock me, and talk about how dangerous it was.

But... That rush, that sense of relief... I want it, I need it.

I agreed to it.

....

In the back of an alley I stood.

Scratching my neck in anticipation.

The job was simple, give the baggage, receive the money, and leave.

And I would receive my fair share.

It was... Successful.

Without any problem it passed.

So we did it again, a 2nd time, and then a 3rd time.

But, during the 4th time...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hehehe.... I can already feel it... Just a bit more and they should be here." I waited anticipating the after math.

A man in a long black coat walked up to me, "ceiling fault photography margin" He spoke the 4 code words.

I handed over the product, awaiting the cash.

He handed me the cash, I quickly spun around to leave...

Sadly, Life wasn't that fair.

*bip*

... A silent sound.

I turned around, He had placed something into his pocket and walked away.

Placing my arm over a place that stung It suddenly went warm.

"Haha..."

My blood was flowing right out of me.

My right left gave out and I fell to the ground face first, with all the strength left in my arms I pushed myself back up and flipped my body.

The man was no longer there.

"Haha... that was just like a movie..."

My body was weak, it wasn't going to survive this.

I hear the sound of people running close in on me.

"Oh god, Oh shit!"

"Dude I told you we shouldn't have done this!"

"Fuck Fuck, Just take it! Take the money and run!" The senior had touched me all over to find the money, and when he did quickly gave a run for it.

His 2 henchmen quickly followed, one of them giving me parting words "Sorry, dude."

"Haha... sorry..."

A grin was on my face.

This way at least it won't get any worse... I won't have to face my parents, and I won't have to see them again.

A scenario played in my mind, that lady luck had given me one last chance, that they would appear right in front of me one last time...

what would I do then? What would I tell them? Rather would They even know me?

I laughed at my self, I laughed at where I'm going to meet my end, and I laughed at my final thoughts.

"Hahaha..." My weak laugh continued.

Where...

Where did I stray... Where did I do wrong...

"Hahahahaha..." my weak laugh filled the silence of the reeking alley.

I had lifted my Self and laid my back to the wall.

"Hahaha *cough* *cough* haaa...."

That was the last sound I could muster.

Now I will slowly fade out of existence.

Surprisingly, I don't remember it hurting.

Not at all.

I wonder why....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I find myself in a void.

Utter darkness.

My consciousness is there, but my body isn't.

is this death?

"Yo!" A sound I do not know speaks.

"yeah no shit, I would be surprised if you did"

?!

"You won't remember anything anyway, so let me just speak a quick goal so you unconsciously follow it"

What?

"A kind of little brother of ours is a bit too jealous of a girl who's lost. if you can give her the change that she needs, we will help you out somehow."

What??

"I said don't worry about it dumbass."

"Just do what as I said... or I guess it's feel what I said???"

"I don't know..."

Who are you?

"No comment."

"Anyway yeah, try to not fuck up this time as well."

Who the frick are you?! Where am I?!

"Please sh--"

'Hey let me say it, it always felt cool in those movies and shit.'

"Sure..."

there are two of you?!

'Observers.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up.

I can sense a peaceful shade over myself like that of a tree.

I slowly open my eyes.

Despite how I remember myself being in a weakened state, my body couldn't have felt better.

I look at my hands and squeeze my fist as a way to confirm my status.

Confused I raise my head only to then be left astonished.

A green scenery, as far as the eye can see.

A scene out of this world...

I slowly regain myself as I admire the scenery.

"wait? I'm alive?" I look back at my hands.

"W-what?!"

I turn around facing the tree shading me.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

I held my head in disbelief.

(WHY AM I ALIVE? WASN'T THAT THE END?! WHY AM I HERE!)

"TAKE ME BACK! TAKE ME BACK NOW! THIS IS A WRONG! I WASN'T TOLD ANYTHING ABOUT THIS! YOU CAN'T JUST THROW ME HERE! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!" I rammed my right fist into the tree's trunk over and over.

I kept ramming it, hoping for an answer.

....

Suddenly, my fist comes to halt, not that of my own.

I look at it and see someone's hand holding my wrist. Following the arm I find myself staring at a woman.

She was covering one of her eyes, the other was looking straight at me though as if staring at an ant, her hair was was brown just like her eye, and tied up into a ponytail behind her. Her wear looked extremely bland, as if it was simply cloth, and a massive armor piece was cladding her entire right arm, even her shoulder.

I barely opened my mouth to speak "W-w-where a-am I?" I said while my sobbing continued.

The woman didn't look as she had given much thought and answered.

"In the middle of nowhere."