I am willing to follow you (6)

Adria, finally had Ditto's attention for herself. She began to sulk like a baby.

Ditto asked her,"What's wrong?"

"What can be wrong, you go talk to your Grandpa, I am FINE. Huh. That old man...."

"I-- I am sorry, I just met him after a long time... Honestly, all thanks to you that he is alive and doing well, otherwise, he, the only living member of my family, would've died too. I never had any hope for him being well, you know, because that bastard tried everything he could do to track my Grandpa down, and he has big connections to be honest. If he couldn't find him....I tho-"

Adria pulled Ditto in a tight embrace, and whispered in her ears "Shhh..... Be quiet, I understand. I know, ok? Now that he's with you, just take good care of that old man, he'll be fine..."

Ditto interrupted her in middle, "What? Who's old man?? Huh?? He's my grandfather. You should also call him Grandpa, not old man."

Adria retorted playfully, "Baby, you don't know. That's how men talk."

"But you are not a man, that's the point.."

Adria released Ditto from her embrace when she heard this. Her shining face fell, and she began to stare at the floor.

Ditto flinched at this sudden loss of heat and body contact. She wasn't aware how and when did she got this attached with Adria. The moment she stopped hugging her, it felt like someone took a knife and sliced her heart, thrashing and twisting it into an unrecognizable mess. She lost everyone near and dear to her heart and the thought of losing Adria, who now meant world to her, was like a nightmare. Her previous sufferings just disappeared in front of all the love and support Adria gave to her. Sure, she still has so many fears instilled in her heart, she still hears voices and wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, but they never seem to effect her as much anymore. Just like nightmares you'd forget after waking up. Now that she suddenly started to think about this, it scared her. She launched herself into a hug with Adria. "Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Please don't get mad at me, please, please, I am sorry."

"Oh no, baby love, I am not mad at you, I can never be. I am not capable of doing that. I love you so much that I can't even imagine myself getting mad at you. I am just thinking, why can't I be a man. I can't be a proper girl either, you see. Since childhood, the only toys I got to play with were lives and guns. My companion was my brother and other men. We killed and practiced and killed. My father expected us to do our jobs with 100% precision, and a small mistakes costed a lot to us. So that was all we knew since childhood. That's all I know since childhood. I could never be the woman I am. Never had so much of a time to think about being one either. If I didn't get my menstruation monthly I would've already forgotten that I am a lady. As, hehe, you see you can drive over my flat chest." She took Ditto's hands in her hands, and sighed,"You know, sometimes I can't help but think, what if I wasn't my Dad's daughter? What if I was his son? What if I was never born in his family? So many what if's..... I am sure he doesn't need me. There are so many capable men with him. I wonder why my mom decided to bring me in this world. And she left me alone when I was little. Did she love me? I am sure she wouldn't have left me in that situation if she loved me. Her worn out memories make me sad. And I don't have her picture, or know how she looked. These blurry memories I have of the love I never received makes me sad. "

Ditto looked at Adria's face, and touched her chin, "I can't say much, but I am sure, your mom was very beautiful." Adria still looked lost. Ditto removed herself from her embrace, and sat on the side of the bed. Adria was looking at her, confused. She pulled Adria towards her lap and guided her head in her lap. Adria began to look at Ditto with bambi eyes, love and affection glowing in her eyes. She felt very calm. She closed her eyes and a smile blossomed on her face. Adria felt so calm, yet another storm was brewing inside Ditto's heart. She felt so uneasy knowing the fact that what was Adria's lifestyle since her birth, she left immediately to be with her. To help her. Not Adria's nature at all. She thought about this many times after meeting Adria, and could never quite put her fingers on the reason. They was always a 'why' left. She decided to brain storm no more and just ask her directly.

Ditto caressed her face, and asked her softly, "Why? Why did you choose me?"

"You know the answer very well, Ditto."

"No, I mean, maybe, but I want to hear it from you. You tell me Adria, why me. Do you realize you just gave up your everything?"

"Shhhh, you're wrong. I didn't gave up anything. I got a reason to live. I am now blessed with everything. Which is, Love. For the first time in my life, I feel loved. Just like I felt years ago. Accepted, understood.... I love you Ditto, you make me feel emotions I can't even explain. I feel vulnerable when it comes to you. I never felt like this ever in my life, I could just do what I want to, but I feel helpless when it comes to you. It's because I love you. I can give up whatever past I had, just to hold your hands and see you smile. That's all I want now. I can live like this my whole life, my head in your lap, your hands in my hairs. Just like this. "

"I love you too, Ralph."

"Wait, you remember me?"

"Adria, do you think I can really forget this? High school year 1st, the guy every girl had crush on? The loner in library? The guy I tried to not fall in love with, I really tried hard? The guy who in fact was a girl? And I on a fateful day found out about his duality and threatened him to be my friend, which he accepted? I was in love with you all those years, you never even knew. You were my friend. Just a friend...."