Jian Amal(II) +(III)

Shell-shocked at what Jari Maan al-Hassan had told him, Jian Amal sat sprawled out in the dirt hearing the words ring through his head. Feeling cold, he watched his uncle storm off without looking back at him, his rage coiling around him almost visibly.

'If father had murdered mother, why have I never heard that before? Is it really true? If so, why? Is it why I am hated so much by my mother's family. Is it why reason father barely stand to be near me, because I remind him of the woman he hated and killed? Why was I even born, if so? Why am I sent here every summer..?' Dejected the young man hung his head as thoughts, each worse than the next, coiled in his mind weighing it down. The more he thought about it, everything that had not made sense in his life seemed to fit. At the edges, he could vaguely hear voices in the courtyard whispering.

Raising his head, JianAmal met the gazes of several unkind eyes that viewed him with disgust. Looking around at the voices whispering about him Jian Amal rose in shame and quickly fled to the stables, trying to avoid meeting any of the eyes or hearing the words they said. Holding his head down, he rushed to the enclosure which held the large black horse his grandfather had gifted to him the summer before. Shaking his mane at him, the young horse left with him eagerly, spirited and awake unlike the other resting beasts. Once out in the sunlight, JianAmal climbed onto the horse's back without bothering with the tack and saddle. Holding two tight fistfuls of his mane he leaned over the horse's neck.

"Let's go." Whispering into the ear flicked back at him, it sidestepped before charging foward, glad to be free, even if there was someone on his back. The spirited horse rushed forward, guided by the hands holding onto it which led it to a narrow path that became steeper in parts. Snorting in displeasure, the horse was forced to slow somewhat on the narrow path, yet still kept a breakneck pace.

Once at the bottom of the plateau, the younger man released the tight grip he had, giving the animal more freedom. Letting it run as it pleased until it had burned through the majority of it's energy. Only once it had greatly slowed did JianAmal slip off its side, absentmindedly rubbing the side of its neck. By the seaside, there was only the two of them. There were no whispers or stares but somehow he felt even worse once alone, instead of better. Now there was only him with his thoughts.

"Do you think he was telling the truth?" Looking into the horse's eyes, the younger man asked but received no response other than a blank stare. "Yeah, sorry for asking." Patting it's neck he walked over to the shore's edge and sat, staring off at the water's edge.

"Do I really belong anywhere?" Whispering to himself, he buried his face in his knees.

----

Staring at the clear moonlight reflected upon the water, JianAmal kept one arm hooked around a bent knee as he threw rocks across the water, disturbing its serene appearance. Even though his stomach had long started to feel as if it was caving from lack of food, he had no desire to return at all. Fingering a sharp rock in his hand, he could not seem to remove the image of his uncle's hateful stare from his mind.

"Am I really the son of a murderer, if so why? Why did he do it?" Throwing the rock in his hands with vehemence, it smashed into the water with a great splash. "No- it cannot be true!" Yelling more to himself, Jian Amal put his hands on both sides of his face.

"Are you enjoying yourself out here by yourself?" From behind a slightly raspy voice came.

Turning in shock, Jian Amal saw his grandfather walking to him slowly, hands clasped behind his back calmly as he stared at the younger man seated in the sand. Behind his grandfather a horse grazed lazily having been set free for awhile. Hanging his head, Jian Amal realized his grandfather had probably been watching him for awhile. He knew his mother ad been the favored child of his grandfather, yet how could he look at him with such a kind gaze if he was the son of the man who took her from him.

"I thought I would find you here.." Looking up at him with his head slightly bowed, his grandfather continued as he came to stand by him. "Ah this is a nice spot you have chosen, I think I shall join you."

Smoothing his long robe, Hakim al-Hassan sat in the sand by his grandson without saying another word. Peeking at his grandfather from time to time, Jian wondered when he would say something. When he did not for many long seconds Jian was unable to stand the silence any longer and broke it.

"Jid..? Do you hate me too?" Whispering Jian felt his hands shake as he asked and clasped them together, trying to hide it.

"Now why would you think that?" Raising a thick salt-and-peppered brow over one eye, his grandfather stared at him unnervingly.

"Because my father took my mother from you." In a quiet voice, Jian answered while looking away.

Snorting Hakim al-Hassan shook his head, unseen by his grandson. "While your father did indeed take your mother, it is not in the way that you are thinking, hafid. I know the shameful things that Jari has said to you but do not take them to heart. They are the words of someone who has maddened himself with the anger he holds to."

"But I can't help but feel maybe it is a little true, it would explain everything." Looking out at the sea Jian felt his heart clench. "I do not belong here, Jid. I feel like I do not belong at home with my father, either. I do not fit in anywhere, no matter how I try. Why do I exist at all really, if there's no where I belong?" Without intending to, his voice raised in pitch and volume betraying the anger and sadness he held in.

"Are you finished?" After Jian had spoken, Hakim al-Hassan waited a few more seconds before speaking.

"I guess." Snorting, he kept his eyes on the water.

"Good then let me tell you, you are wrong. "You are the light of the eye of the one whom had brought the light to my eyes. You will always have a place here with your family, no matter what you may think. If you find that in the future, there is no where that you may turn to, you will always have a home here." Putting a leathery palm on the young man's shoulder, he shook him slightly.

"Thank you Jid.." In a small voice Liang JianAmal answered while looking at the sand between his toes. "I wish that I was older, I feel so just powerless, as if I am only a disappointment to my father as I am now. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work it is the same. I need to become stronger and learn more, so that I can look him in the eye proudly."

"Hah! In such a rush to age you will only gain knowledge but not wisdom!" Barking a laugh Hakim al-Hassan squeezed the shoulder he held onto.

"Yet I have to, I cannot fail even once. Even if I am at the top within my studies, I fear I am always a failure in my father's eyes."

"Hafid." Waiting until the young man's eyes, so like his late mother's, Hakim al-Hassan continued. "You will never be a failure as long as you never stop striving, you are barely at the cusp of your fifteenth summer, do not overburden yourself. You know, I have more wrinkles around my eyes than you have years."

Chuckling a little JianAmal could not help but to smile at his grandfather's words.

"Now as for the matter your fool uncle spoke of. Do you think I would allow the man who snuffed out the life of my most precious treasure, like one would a candl,e to live? What happened to Amira, your mother, was a tradgedy. Your uncles have been unable to accept it as such though, they need something or someone tangible to blame. Their hearts are still young and immature, forgive them child."

"Amira, what was she like?" Rolling the name around in his mind, he mustered up the courage to ask a question he had long held in.

"Oh?"

"I do not know what she was like or even looked like. Father never speaks of her, when he even does speak to me.."

"Now that displeases me greatly, I will have to have words with that fool you have as a father. I am displeased already that he does not treat my hafid well, but how could he not tell you of her? She was brighter than the moon high on a summer night and the stars combined, and her smile warmer than the sun. Like a wildfire she burned bright and ferociously, but alas burned out far too quickly. Since your father has failed you, I shall rectify this, if I had known I would have done so sooner." Shaking his head in disgust Hakim al-Hassan put his hands on his creaking knees and started to rise.

"What is it?" Looking at his grandfather, Liang JianAmal was surprised that he was leaving already.

"Come help me up, these old bones are not what they once were. When we return to the palace, I shall show you what you are missing."