3/3

He moves to help me up in a daze. An arm slung across his shoulders, I shove the helmet off. It was awfully restricting. It's a good thing we set up the second ambush so close to the palace. That means we don't have a long way.

So short and yet so far. I refuse to allow myself to believe the worst is already in motion. I can still stop her.

I hobble a little faster, and the kind old enemy complies with a grim visage.

We make it there just in time to see Yue give her life to the Moon.

The squeezing sensation in my chest that I hadn't noticed until now eases. I take a deep, shuddering breath. Never again do I want to feel that. The red light turns silver. Yue appears as a ghost in front of Sokka.

And the squeezing sensation returns tenfold as realisation sets in.

She's sacrificed herself.

She sacrificed herself.

I let go of the general, and sink to my knees, stomach rebelling at the sight. She's transparent.

See-through. Yue is see-through.

She doesn't even get a proper death to move on, she's the fucking moon. The moon. Long after all she's known is dead, all she's sacrificed herself for will be gone, and she will still be the moon.

She's telling Sokka something. She kisses him.

Then she turns around and looks at me. "Don't make that face," she says, voice suddenly full of tears, "You've never made that face before."

"What," I force out, "Other face have I got?"

She laughs wetly. "I'll miss you."

I blink to force the tears away.

"I'll be watching." That's what worries me.

She loses the last of her pigment, fading. Into the moon.

Covering my mouth, I suppress the scream, smothering it into a gurgle that sounds more animal than human from my own throat.

A touch on my shoulder.

I don't know who it is. Don't care.

Both Yue and Hahn are dead.

They're gone.

"Kaito," I hear Yugoda's voice from beside me. It is her hand on my shoulder.

I look up in time to see Aang step into the pond and promptly vanish. Oh goodie. Avatar Hulk in motion.

I laugh wetly and allow the old healer to tug me to the pond. She peals aside my torn and bloodied uniform, and begins to heal them. Soon another set of hands joins her.

So that's why I'm coughing up blood. I have a puncture wound in my ribcage, just below the left armpit. I focus on nothing but the sensation of their bending as they restore my health and energy. Better to just. Not.

I get to my feet when they're done. I make a noise that could be an expression of gratitude, but I have no desire to speak.

Rubbing a hand over my face, I turn to look at the siblings on the other side of the pond. Then I notice someone lying face-down in the grass. The weird shaven head with the single pony-tail can only be Zuko. His uncle is on his way to him.

I watch, passive and wondering whether we should take them prisoner.

But I doubt that it would end well.

So how do we get them out? I want, if at all possible, to avoid more fights. I hope Aang manages to clear the Fire Nation out of the city. Then we can… clean up.

I look at the bundle of uniform at my feet.

Zuko can have those. I pick them up silently, and the healers and the sibling watch as I move towards the general and his nephew.

The general understands immediately what I intend and redoubles his efforts to wake the prince.

It is a startling awakening, and only the presence of his uncle seems to calm Zuko somewhat. I remain silent as I put the clothes into his hands.

"Thank you," Iroh says. "That is very kind."

All I do is shrug at him and turn around to give the prince some privacy. I note that I'm not wearing much but the skin-tight breeches of the uniform that they wear underneath all of the protective layers.

I decide that it won't be too weird to wear Zuko's white outfit. If anything, it might be good to wear it and see to it that Aang hasn't overlooked any enemy soldiers.

"What…" someone finally asks. Katara. Right. They're still here.

Yugoda speaks before she can find the right words to ask her question. "We must get to the healing huts and tend to the injured. Kaito, will you begin the process in the bay, like it was intended?"

I nod at her.

She scrutinises me for a moment. Then she leaves, Buniq by her side.

The prince's white outfit is a little too short on my legs and too snug around the shoulders, but it's only until I get some new clothes. Likewise, the uniform is too large for Zuko, but he only needs to get back to the battleships, steal another and then it won't matter anymore.

"You'll have to find another helmet. You're quite recognisable," I tell him and pull the hood over my features. I have to get to the wall, see how many died. I hope they took out most of the ships before the Moon died. Before-

No.

I take a deep breath. "Avoid confrontations, please."

The general nods. "We intend to. Thank you."

I nod.

Then they're gone.

"What…" Katara begins again, but a look from me stops her words in her throat. Not now.

I take a deep breath. "We need all who can still help in the bay. You can heal. Please help my people," I plead, and she nods, mute.

Okay. Right.

I look at the one other person as stricken as myself. Only he has been allowing his tears to fall freely. Spirits. Sokka.

Traumatised beyond belief.

"Sokka?" I ask. I won't force him, but… we need his help. We need everyone's help.

He looks at me silently. Right. So. Gentle won't work. "You've got a job to do, don't you, Sokka?"

"Yeah, like what? The Chief said to protect…", the tears begin to spill again, "To protect Yue," he whispers. His hands dangle loosely at his sides again.

"I get it, Sokka," I say, voice quiet, rough and damn near screaming again if I raise it any more than this, "Yue was... my friend. But right now. Right now, we have to make sure the ones who are still alive survive!"

I can't stop the violent outburst, and abruptly I turn away from him.

Fuck it. He'll follow if he's got any sort of compartmentalising abilities.

I leave the oasis behind and make my way towards the wall.

Down in the city, the Fire Navy is retreating. They haven't gotten very far in, with only two ships docking, but the destruction they caused is evident.

"We need to go by the healing huts for supplies," I say and the siblings follow me without a word.

Yugoda is already in the process of mending burns when we arrive. It's best to treat those kinds of injuries as quickly as possible for them not to scar.

Without a word, she gestures to pre-packed med-kits. We grab two each and make for the plaza where most of the fighting took place. We come across more and more wounded the closer we get there. The less severe burns we pack with healing salves and bandages, broken bones we mend until there's no more danger of them rebreaking with a splint and we recruit the able to get more severely wounded to the healing huts.

In the plaza, there is mayhem. Broken bodies lie strewn about, pieces of machinery jut from pillars and piles of ice. The worst part is having to check who is still alive.

"Sokka," I say and point to where I can see Aang sitting up on the wall, "Go talk to Aang."

He does so without protest while Katara and I move from wounded to wounded.

When we find another warrior bleeding out, but still alive, I have an idea. It could go horribly wrong. But the moon is still up and he'll die anyway if it doesn't work. "Katara," I say quietly and her head swivels around. "Move on without me."

She looks like she wants to say something, but then nods after looking at my face. She probably thinks he's a friend of mine.

With my heart in my throat, I kneel beside him. I take deep breaths, remind myself of how the blood circulation works, how, since his heart's still beating I only have to guide the blood back into the correct channels and close the wound. I gather the leaking blood on the ground and very slowly guide it to where it needs to be.

I'm not up for more experimenting tonight, and so don't use the blood as healing agent, but it takes all my concentration to keep the blood flow steady as I knit the flesh slowly, layer by layer.

Katara gasps from beside me and I'm glad I'm close to finished and can allow the heart to do it's job. "You… what?"

I shrug and get up. There's nothing more I can do for him. "It was an experiment."

"What?"

"I wasn't sure it would work. He would've died otherwise," I tell her and move to the next wounded, who so happens to have long white hair and a broken leg.

"But you can't just…" she tries to protest, but quiets at the look in my eyes. Evidently, I just did. Evidently, he would have died otherwise.

Pakku manages an imperious look that demands an explanation. "What are you upset about?"

I heal his leg fully, then prod at his forehead where he has a gash that bleeds into his eye.

"He just…" she begins, then takes a deep breath and lowers her voice to a whisper, "He bended blood."

Pakku stiffens. "Kaito…?"

"The warrior was about to die of blood loss. Well, it was all over the ground and the wound wasn't too big, so I bended his blood back into his body and closed the wound."

"That…" he seems to have no words for my brilliance. Finally, he settles on: "Yugoda will want to learn."

"Sure. But only at night. Only close to the full moon." I pretend like my voice doesn't fail me at the last word.

He nods and climbs to his feet. "We had best see to the Trap Unit. Who knows how many of them are still out there."

I nod and we make for the wall. There are still several holes that the Fire Navy punched with the noses of their battleships. "We should make these into landing platforms. Harder to stumble and die, then."

Pakku manages a scoff, but already we're bending in tandem, smoothing jutted edges and using rubble to form a sturdy platform in front of the wall. Katara watches, a frown still etched onto her face. I suppose it is good that she's got strong morals, but it wasn't like I was deliberately committing any taboo. The same way you can bend sweat you can bend blood. It's water. Or close enough.

Were I less exhausted, I'd have some fun with getting us to the first group of survivors. As it is, Pakku gets us there because he can't heal and Katara and I do what we can.

We find some dead, some close to and I manage to save two using the same method from earlier. Pakku watches in fascination, Katara in frustrated constipation.

Then, the sun rises.

We get to the last platform and find Hiraku almost dead. Katara does what she can, but shredded insides are just that hard to knit back together.

I frown and take a seat on his other side. He was a good commander. He got most of the Unit behind lines of warriors during the red moon phase. Some of the more coherent ones asked after him.

"Ha, didn't think…" he wheezes, "That your face… would be the… last thing… I see…"

I grimace, "Then look to the left. There's a pretty girl right there. Or the old man. Though even my face must be better than that."

Hiraku gasps, the beginnings of a laugh on his face, "I… mis… judged you…"

I pat his hand, "Most do. Just how I like it."

He furrows his brow, "Glad… you… survived."

I pull my lips between my teeth. Why the sentimental crap now? Sure, he's dying, but if he weren't he'd still dislike me just as much. Only now, he wants me to know he respects me, "I'll tell your sister you love her."

"I don't… have… sister, you… ass."

With that, he dies.

"Good last words," I say and Pakku chokes on a laugh. Katara, though, just looks at me like I'm scum.

In her eyes, I probably am. She didn't like me from the very beginning. Then, I let Zuko escape, I'm still wearing the proof of that. I bended blood and now I refused to join in on heartfelt confessions. To her, I'm the worst kind of human being there is. Probably.

I close his unseeing eyes with a brush of my fingers. Hiraku lost his parents early, I think, and doesn't have any siblings. Pakku must've been his only real role model and parental figure.

Do I need to ask Master Pakku to supervise the men because you can't? Scum indeed.

As I sit back on my heels and let the sun warm my face I wonder what kind of psychological trauma I could be diagnosed with. I grew up with an adult mind in a child's body and tried to make the most of it. That being said, most of my social interactions consist of annoying Pakku, drinking with Arnook, sparring with Hahn, guarding Yue and sleeping with Lanni when she comes over. I lost my second set of parents whom I loved and depended on to a degree not too long ago. I killed four men last night and probably drowned a few that first day of the siege. I don't feel any remorse.

To me, they were abstracts, not real solid people. Sometimes, I still have trouble with reconciling myself with the fact that I was reborn into the Avatar universe. That all of this is just as real as my old life. Because it is. (After all, what reality is there, but the one you perceive?)

I am dead tired. Zuko's clothes are too tight and chafe. I just want a nightcap and then sleep.

But there is still work to be done and people to bully into action. Once the fighting's done, it's the civilian's time to step up.

Wearily I climb to my feet. "Let's head home."

The way back, we manage together, all three of us and the bodies pile on. Both the living and the dead.

The plaza looks the same, only the dead have been readied in boats to send to their rest. Civilians are slowly moving about, beginning to take stock of the situation. A few rush over to help the wounded into the city.

What follows is clean-up. The benders who are capable do repairs. The warriors who have the energy carry the parts of machinery they can to one of the supply halls for later examination. The healers who can do anything in their power to keep everyone alive. Civilians provide meals and housing.

I am the one to carry Hahn's body to shore. I owe him that. The fucker, dying on me in a critical moment. I am also the one to clothe him in his warrior's garb so he won't have to make the crossing in a Fire Nation uniform. His father's dead, too. Better too late than never, eh?

The following night, after I've slept for some time, I show Yugoda what I managed to do on a minor wound on one of her apprentice's forearm. She is suitably impressed and instructs me to write down every detail I remember for her.

Somehow, strangely enough, Team Avatar come visit me while I'm busy with that. I end up giving them all their first drink, and Sokka his second. They sleep in a puppy pile in the middle of the living room. I spread a blanket over them and finish my report.

Once the city looks presentable again and the dead have been sent to their respective rests, I visit Hahn's house. His father died in the attack, and so his friends and I clear through their stuff. Most of his is already at my place. But his father's house tells me a story that infuriates.

Neglect of not only home, but also his child. Broken furniture. Bloodstains.

I take a deep breath.

He's gone.

They're both dead.

Calm the fuck down.

He was there for me after my mother's death and I was the one to witness his engagement to Yue. Beautiful Yue with her silent suffering. Had she lived, she should have gone with Sokka, to be free. But she was determined to change the tribe. I wonder… would she have succeeded?

I find Hahn's mother's picture amongst his things, along with a dagger I remember Yue giving him. Those two items I keep. The rest I offer up to those whose houses and property were destroyed during the fighting.

The night after that Arnook and I drink ourselves stupid. We might or might not cry on each other a little bit. I try to give him the dagger, but he won't take it.

Then Pakku tells me that he's going to visit the Southern Watertribe and giving Team Avatar a ride to the Earth Kingdom. I figure I'd fit right in. Maybe I'll go find Katara and Sokka's dad and join his fight against the Fire Nation. Or I find Iroh and Zuko to annoy the prince into hating me more than the Avatar. Could work. I hear Zuko's pretty easy to rile up.

.

A war is never good. It's blood and death, tears, agony and pointless.

I'm drunk. In the spirit oasis, staring at the fish that is a powerful spirit whose life continues because Yue gave up hers.

For balance.

For her people.

Because she was brave enough to care about things beyond herself.

Cross-legged and slumped over, one hand propping up my chin, wild strands of hair tickling my forehead, I point accusingly at the fish.

Say nothing.

Sigh.

It's shite.

It's so shite because she should've been making an effort down in the city, repairing, redistributing housing. She should be down there, bossing me around. And I should be down there, letting her because she has good ideas.

"Oh," someone says from behind me.

It's Aang. Behind him, Sokka and Katara. All three of them have panda eyes.

I make a vaguely inviting gesture.

They come closer, all uncertain.

"Hey Kaito," Aang says. "How're you holding up?"

I grunt at him, not caring that it should be me asking him that. Forlornly, I glance at the last of my sake.

He wants to meditate.

Let the Avatar do his communication. Fuck the spirits.

I get up.

"You don't have to leave," Aang says, sounding young and uncertain. Somehow hurt.

I want to say something comforting, but all I can think of is "I know. I just… can't. Just… if you can speak to Yue… ah. Fuck it. That idiot. Suddenly going places I can't follow."

"What the hell?" Sokka whispers as he watches me go.

.

I'm with Yugoda, going over the bloodbending in her hut over tea, when Katara, Sokka and Aang enter. Again, they seem surprised to see me.

I'm not a ghost yet.

But maybe the disappearance of my figure after that mild encounter at the spirit oasis gave them the impression that I would not be in attendance for anything anytime soon. Well. I'm her now. Even if I had a day of aggressive venting in the form of using violent efficiency to help clean out the bay of the oil film on the water's surface and getting the suffocating and dying seal-lions to the healers. Or fishermen.

Yeah. Yeah, I've arrived at using life as a distraction.

"Katara," Yugoda smiles kindly at her, voice warm, "Aang, Sokka. What can I do for you?"

"I… er," Katara stammers, eyes drifting to me and back to her teacher twice.

I look at Yugoda. "I'll come back later. Was getting hungry anyway."

"No," Katara says then, "This is about you, too. Erm. Actually, this is about the bloodbending you did."

Ah. I settle back down.

"Well then you had all best sit down," Yugoda says. "Kaito, be a dear and put on another pot of tea."

I do as she asks.

The three children look various levels of awkward.

"You're struggling with the morality of it, aren't you?" Yugoda asks. "You don't know how it can be alright what Kaito did to save that man's life when he didn't know it would work."

They nod.

"Well, Kaito," the old healer turns to me, "Why did you try?"

"I was… in a strange headspace. Yue had just. Well. Yue had just sacrificed herself to become the moon-" I cut myself off, clear my throat to get rid of the growl seeping into my voice, "And I thought, look, there's someone who's going to die if I don't do anything. I thought that the blood looked as red as the night did, just before she did it. And blood's close enough to water. So. I tried."

"And you succeeded," Yugoda finishes. "Rest assured, young friends, we will not use this knowledge for anything other than healing. And the number of those who will be taught this technique will be very low."

The silence that greets this is somehow heavy and light at the same time.

"There's something else," Sokka says.

I look at him.

He frowns. "Why did you let the Prince and the old man go?"

"Ah," I say. "We had no means of holding them. They would have escaped and more people might have died. And the General had the opportunity to kill me minutes earlier. Instead, he helped me to the oasis. I sort of owed him."

"Oh," Aang says.

Yeah.

War's shite. Also, I shouldn't make important decisions like that on my own.

.

[Above, I'm referring to the Song 'Patience Gets Us Nowhere Fast' by Capital Cities.]