76 Trouble in paradise

I'm stunned.

He's annoyed because of my reactions from my ex who abused me?! So what, he's annoyed with me too? It's not like I want to think of that asshole and react the way I do! Does it bother him that much? Here I thought I was progressing and doing better. I guess not.

"Does it bother you that much, that I am the way that I am? Does the progress I've made so far mean nothing because it's still not where you want it?" I scowl in his direction, getting defensive. "I'm sorry to inconvenience your pleasure from my past traumatic relationship." I stand, needing a drink.

"Lirael, that's not what I meant and you know that." Lance sighs, and grabs his forehead like he has a headache.

I fill my glass and turn back to him, annoyed and frustrated, tension building up in me that I need to release, "NO, I do not KNOW, how would I when this is the first time I've ever heard you say anything like that? How long have you been irritated at me over something I can't control? That I WISH I didn't have to endure?"

Lance grips his hair in his hands, pulling on it giving a strained growl, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that!" He snaps at me.

I take a large swig of my drink and walk into the bathroom, and swiftly change into my swimsuit and a beach dress. I finish my drink, and walk out, taking my wallet with me as I head to the door of our bungalow.

"Lirael... Where are you going?" Lance gets up and grabs his pants, slipping into them in haste, so that he pulls them up backwards.

"To have some time to be alone and think." I close the door behind me before he can say anything more and take off towards the bar.

It's not late by any means, barely being ten at night, so there's plenty of fellow hotel patrons here, livening the place up.

Exactly where I don't want to be, a lively place, too loud to think.

I order a drink from the bartender and walk out of the dance music, filled bar area, to stroll along the torch lit beach. Across the water, the twinkling lights of Papeete glimmer and shine merrily, the opposite of the thoughts that are running through my mind right now.

How could he say that? Like I choose to react that way, just because, or that I would want to even think of him while we're together! That's the last thing I want! This is why I don't get romantically involved! I don't want to be this way either! I try... I thought I was getting better...

No one understands, I don't want to be this way, but it's just safer for me to be alone... but I do not want to go back to how I was before... I don't want to give up on Lance... But I also don't want to get hurt.

I sit on the sand, the waves gently rolling into the lagoon, caressing my feet every now and then as I try to figure my feelings out and calm down.

I sip on my drink, wanting it to last, but not wanting to go ask for two at a time either. Not that it would probably matter, but still these glasses are quite large.

The salty breeze coming off the water rustles my hair, swirling it into my face. I feel the air pressure around me change before a pair of tanned legs come into my view, as I move the hair from my face.

"Ahiahi, Puis-je m'asseoir ici?" (Evening, may I sit here?) A deep but gentle voice has me looking up.

A native not much older than myself, stands there with two drinks in his hands, a hotel uniform and badge on his shirt as he awaits for me to say something.

"I'm sorry, uh..um... Je ne comprends pas?" (I do not understand.)

He chuckles, "Américaine. Apologies, may I sit here with you?" He offers one of the glasses to me.

I take it and shrug, "Thanks, you can, but I don't think I'd be great company right now."

He sits down in the sand with me, leaving some distance between us, respectfully. "Mauruuru. (Thank you) Why would you think that? I just wanted to watch the waves and this seems to be the best spot."

I give a short, breathy laugh, "You normally bring an extra drink?" I say motioning with the drink in my hand, that I hand back to him.

"You don't want it?" He leans back, giving me an odd eye. He pulls his shirt to show his name badge for the hotel. "I was the bartender."

Slightly embarrassed, I dip my face and bring it back to me. "Thanks, sorry."

He chuckles and waves it off, "Don't worry, I understand. Manuia. (Cheers/to your health)" He raises his glass and we clink them together.

We sit in silence watching the waves, letting the water play with our feet. I just watch the waves as I struggle with the thoughts in my mind.

Maybe I am not ready for a relationship after all? Am I over reacting though? Do I feel like I'm not sure of Lance and I? Is this because of my flashback or because I'm really not sure of us? Could I leave him on good terms if we end up splitting up? Can I handle having to readjust my life with less of him in it? Do I really want to give him up?

A stabbing pain hits my heart at that last thought before the silence is broken.

"So what brings you trouble in paradise, dame triste?"(sad lady)

I sniffle and toss my head back and sigh, "Ever have someone who's intentions were good, but their actions at times just set you off? Then when you both talk about it, they have to say something that makes you rethink your whole dynamic?" I take a sip of the drink as he leans back on an elbow in the sand.

He chuckles but gives my words a thoughtful minute, his long, dark, curly hair casting shadows behind him with the pale, crescent moon light. I take this time waiting for his answer to actually look at him and realize, he's a pretty handsome guy. Thickly built, but muscular, he seems as solid as an island in the sea. His arms show some tattoos on them, which I have no doubt he has more under his clothes. I clear my throat at the thought of seeing more of them and look back out to the sea.

"To be honest, it would depend on what they said and why they said it. I don't need nor do I want details, but if it was said in the heat of the moment, I'd wait till you both cool down. Don't let your emotions right now, make it worse later." He takes a drink of his glass, finishing his drink off.

"Would you like another drink,....?" He pauses and then chuckles, "I never asked for your name."

I smile brightly and shrug, handing him the empty glass, "I never asked for yours either. It's Lirael, by the way."

He smiles showing off an impressive display of perfect white teeth, "Ari." He takes the empty one and I get up and grab my other empty glass to take back to the bar.

We chit chatted about the little party going on at the bar, which was actually part of the groom and bridal party for a destination wedding that would be happening in a few days. The group is having a blast from the looks of it, as we get new drinks.

Ari gives the other bartender a hand gesture, who merely nods and grabs a pitcher, making a giant version of the drink. We're handed a pitcher and two glasses to enjoy.

"Back to the beach?" Ari asks motioning in the direction of the beach again.

I nod going with the flow, plus this guy was easy to hang with. We go back to the beach and we both have a nice long drink, making me gasp afterwards as the alcohol burns going down.

"Oh holy shit! I see you guys make your drinks special for one another!" I take a couple of breaths as Ari laughs a deep guttural sound like a large hollow wood.

"Sorry, I guess walking over here didn't mix it up enough." He grabs the pitcher and gently swirls the drink around. "Swirl your cup."

I do so and it's much better. Laughing at myself, Ari says something that I don't catch.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask giving him my attention again.

"Night swimming? The lagoon is beautiful at night but because the moon is bright enough, it causes the sand to glow when you're out in the water, wanna go?" Ari asks.

I nod smiling, "Sure."

"Great, I'll tell my wife to bring the snorkel gear." Ari pulls his phone out and in rapid French says a few things and hangs up.

"She'll be here in a minute, we have housing just across the road from here." He says putting his phone away.

"What's your wife's name?"

"Hauata, (Ha-oo-ah-ta). I think you two will get along. By the way, the person you came here with, they won't get mad you're spending so much time away from them?"

I shrug, "It will be his problem, he knows I came out to cool down. I'll go back when I have calmed down."