Chapter 4: LIFE

Fortunately, I didn't feel sleepy at all during class. Well, I made a bet. I am going to see him later. Somehow, I felt a little happy that I will be able to set my eyes on him again.

That afternoon, I decided to just pass by the park just to say hi and to let him know that I'm there. He smiled as he saw me approaching, stood up, and gave me a hand.

"You might slip on those rocks, they're loose." He said.

"Thanks, but I just came here to say hi." It was like I'm fighting with my system again. I want to stay with him, so I hope they stop giving me these commands. I am quite proud of myself that I am fighting with my system right now. Is it just me? This is real, right? Why am I arguing with myself?

"Oh come on, RM." He's uttering my name, and it's pleasing to my ears.

"Okay, fine. What are we going to do today?"

"Nothing. Maybe a little get-to-know-each-other. In a deeper way, I suppose."

"Uh, what do you mean?"

"Well, yesterday, when we talked about ourselves, I heard a whisper telling that I want to know you better. If it's okay."

"Yeah, no problem. What do you want to know?" I hope I'm not blushing. What does he expect me to say? I don't want to do the asking first.

"A lot. Come here, sit down."

I sat beside him and felt the breeze of nature. Why did I not discover this place before? Why just now? How long has he been here? I want to ask all these questions I need to be sure about this. Am I already taking another risk? Or is it just opening a new friendship?

"So, do you like music?" he asked. "I'm sorry, you already answered that yesterday. I'm not superb at starting a conversation." He is so cute when he's shy.

"I love music!" I pretended not to hear the second thing he said. "It's so mystical. Usually, an expression of sadness, joy, love, and any dramatic situations that are only very limited to particular instances."

"Like what?" I thought he wouldn't ask that.

"Like maybe standing in the middle of nowhere without knowing if you'll turn left or right because you're afraid if you will be choosing the right or wrong path."

"State of confusion." He said. "Are you afraid to take the risk?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Have you been really in that situation?" he asked.

"Yes! A lot of times." I hope he won't ask for the details.

"I see. But you know what? Music is a form of realization as well. You need to do something to eliminate conflicts and obstacles on your way. It should always be part of the journey no matter what." That was deep.

Journey? Did he just say that word? That more interests me.

"So, you also have this concept of the journey of life, huh?" I asked not knowing that this guy is really into life's perspective as well.

"Yes, why not? Do you know that every music lover thinks this way? Maybe that's why we were thinking about the same thing." How I wish we were.

"Like what?"

"Like everything about life. Don't deny that you already knew."

"Yeah. We have stuff in common but still are different."

I looked at him. He is one of a kind. He has a unique personality from all the others I've met before. Furthermore, he is so easy to be with. It's been a long time since I've felt this kind of happiness before. I feel carefree and worry-free. I'm starting to believe that I'm already getting out of my comfort zone. I am getting out of the door that was locked long ago. Am I really ready to say hello to the outside world again? Is it because of Michael? Come on, RM! I just met this guy yesterday so why the great impact?

"Really? Well, I think we have common knowledge here. Most of the time, I spend my moments activating my brain with visions about life and how it could really be."

"Right. It's just that, I still think that life is unfair... really unfair." I told him.

"Don't say that. Everything happens for a reason." This guy is so optimistic.

"I understand, but in this world of confusion, of change, of everything, each individual tries to fit in it, although there are some hidden agenda inside them."

Here I am again just like the old days when I was locked into a room called "myself"... plain... dull... lifeless. When I was afraid to go out, face the world, and fight challenges, I didn't move from where I am. I made a peering glance at the doorknob and have no idea of what will happen once I twist it to open the door. I started to wonder, imagine, and create visions of what the outside world should be. I wanted to explore and discover every secret the world have, but fear dominated me.

"You don't need to fit in to survive. You can always be yourself." I realized I am not alone. I was spacing out again. Damn this system! Its voice is powerful.

"Well, you don't know what I went through to be this way. It's complicated."

"You have a point, but seeing you right now, I don't consider you as a person behind the door peeping." What did he just say? Can he read my mind now? How could he know what I was thinking?

"It is sad to say that I am still that person. I tried to close my eyes hoping that when I open it, I'll remember what it would be like to be me. The real world is not what I expected it to be. I am still hesitant and undecided. I can't be who I am. If I go out, everybody will be fooled by the thousand identities I wear." Wow! How can I be this serious?

He nodded to let me know he is listening, so I continued.

"There will come a time when I'm standing in front of the way of life, I'll never come back to this room anymore." And that's a wrap.

"Wow! I don't know what to say." He is shocked alright. I don't even know why I am sharing my thoughts. "But you know what?" he continued. "If you have a room full of mysteries and secrets, someone will still have the key to it."

"That person will be unlucky." I jokingly responded.

"Someone will dare to unlock and discover the mystery of that room then your journey outside will continue but bringing all the thoughts behind the door." I don't think he intended to ignore what I just said. "Every memory in that room will stay behind but unforgotten. The teardrop you fell, the pain you've felt, and the fear that taunted you will always be part of you. However, when you go back to that room, somebody, who is willing to accept you as you will be waiting for you."

"Woah! Are you a musician or a psychic? You didn't tell me that you also read minds." I uttered.

"Well, your words and how you delivered those are enough to know what is going on in your mind." I am already impressed. "It's like there is something in your past that you want to let go, but you just can't for a reason. I am wondering why you have to wait for the right person before you show the real you."

"Are you saying that you're the one who have the key to my door?" I laughed. Is this simple flirting? No, RM, please.

"You know what, RM?" he giggled. "You're weird."

"I know, Michael. I know."

"But I like it." This felt like I am floating in the air.