The meaning behind your tears

"Takada-kun, I like you. Please go out with me."

"Minami…"

Another thing that you should know about me is that I can't walk. That makes stairs difficult I suppose, but I'm not completely helpless. My parents wanted me to go to a normal school and to make friends and live live any other high school girl. And that's what I want to be, a normal high school girl. A normal high school girl that just confessed to her crush.

Takada-kun is one of the best-looking boys in school and a the star player in the school football team. My friends and I often go to watch him.

"Minami, I sorry."

…

"I don't think that it will work out… Let's stay friends okay."

…

"Minami?"

"Yeah, that's fine, lets stay friends!"

I said in my usual cheery voice. Takada looked a little surprised. I guess that my behaviour is a little unusual for someone that just got rejected, but since I am always acting cheerful, I find it hard to express my real emotions.

"Well, I've got to get home now. Thanks for coming today, Takada. See, you tomorrow!"

"Yeah."

I moved away from Takada, humming and cheerful, but as soon as I was out of sight I raced to the toilet and cried. How many times had I cried in here like this? There were a lot of places that I couldn't go and things that couldn't do because of my legs don't work. Like how I had to miss swimming class and when I held back my team during sports events. Whenever anything bad happened to me, it always seemed to because of this disability. I hated myself for thinking that, but it's true isn't it?

I'm the best in my class in terms of academics, I'm always cheerful and greet everyone in class every morning, and I've heard the boys say behind my back that I have one of the cutest faces in the class.

But I've never been confessed to.

It really is frustrating. I feel so lonely that it is painful. I blew nose. Tissues started to pile up in my hands. I can act as tough as I like, but really I'm just a loser aren't I?

The next morning, when I got into class I was immediately surrounded by the two girls that I usually hang out with.

"So, how was it?"

Remi asked with an idiotic grin. She was the dictionary definition of a Gyaru. Too many accessories, too much makeup. Her finger nails were all different colours and covered with gems. Her hair was bright pink and her skirt was so short that I could see her panties every time she turned or moved even a little quickly.

"I was rejected."

"Ha! Thought so."

Kimiko jabbed Remi in the stomach for that comment and Remi jumped back in pain.

Today, her panties were white pure white. Well, I guess it suited her. Despite her appearance and behaviour she wasn't a bad girl.

"Don't worry about it Mimi, that guy was a loser any away."

Kimiko had long straight black hair, smooth pale white skin and cool black eyes. It was no wonder she was so popular. She leaned up close to me. So close that I could smell the light refreshing scent of her perfume.

"If you want, I'll cheer you up."

There was a squeal from a group of girls that were watching us. This sort of thing that made Kimiko really popular with the girls.

"Don't worry about me! I'm over it already."

Kimiko watched me go as I went to say 'Hi' to my other classmates. She wore a sad expression that I didn't really understand. It felt like she was pitying me, which frustrated me more than anything.

Most people in the class would give me the a brief greeting. There were a few girls that talked a little more than that, especially about boys and recent gossip. It looked like they had already heard about my confession.

However, there was one person that never said anything at all. He is the one person in this class that stood out in this class more then me. Or maybe it was the other way around, like he didn't exist at all.

Riyuzaki had bangs so long that they covered his eyes, but I had this feeling that he was always watching me. It was probably just my imagination though.

"Good morning, Riyuzaki!"

As usual, he didn't say anything, but nodded to me. I'n not really sure what his situation is, but he never talked to anyone. Because of that there are lots of bad rumours about him. Like that he's a delinquent and likes to steal other student's stationary. I don't believe that, of course. From what I've seen, Riyuzaki is a hard worker. He often stays behinds to clean the class and does various tasks for the teachers like carry textbooks to the storeroom.

As the first lesson was about to start, I rolled my wheel hair past Riyuzaki to my desk. As I did though, I felt something tug against my pocket. For a moment, thought it was Riyuzaki trying to steal something, but I felt ashamed right away. I guess, I can be discriminatory as well…

When I got to my desk, I felt in my pocket. There was a piece of paper. I didn't remember putting anything in there. It was a rectangular note.

'Minami-san, meet me at the roof after school.'

The roof? Past being annoyed, I found myself laughing.

Only the first and second floors have disability access. How was I supposed to get up the other two flights of stairs to the roof?

But wait? Who gave me this note? Riyuzaki? Don't tell me he wants to confess to me? Out of all the people in this class…

That lunchtime I tried to catch up with Riyuzaki, but it was hard to move through a crowd in a wheel chair.

"Hey, Mimi what's up? Want me to push your stroller."

Stroller? Remi really knew how to be annoying. Well, I guess she doesn't really know more like it's an instinct for her. Without waiting for a response she grabbed the back of wheel chair and started pushing me toward the cafeteria.

I might as well take this opportunity to get some advice.

"Do either of you two know where Riyuzaki goes at lunchtime?"

Remi brought the wheel chair to a sudden stop, and Kimiko knelt down in front of me.

"Mimi, I know you're going though a tough time, but there are better ways of dealing with this, ok?"

"Hey! Why are you talking to me like I'm suicidal?"

"That's exactly, what you are if you talk to that loser!"

"Look, he gave me a note. I think he wants to asked me out. I've got to give him a response, right? The problem is that he wants us to meet on the school roof."

"Haha! Is he stupid? How are you going to be get up there, lol?"

While Remi was being her usual annoying self, Kimiko seemed to be lost in thought. Which is good for Remi, since otherwise she would have been jabbed so hard she lost consciousness.

"What do you think Ki-chan?"

"Well, if you don't go he will probably get the idea… but I know you won't do something like that. So, how about you wait by the stairs to the roof. That way you can reject him after he gives up and comes down."

And so, that's what I decided to do. However, when I got to the stairs that afternoon, Riyuzaki was waiting for me.

"Riyuzaki-kun."

He stayed silent. I couldn't see his eyes, but I am sure that he is staring at me, without blinking.

He bowed to me, as usual. I feel very uneasy about this. Riyuzaki is an unknown entity after all, but what's the worst that could happen?

I rolled my wheelchair toward him. When I got close enough, he reached out his hand to me and tilted his head toward the stairs.

"Riyuzaki-kun, listen, I can't go up there."

But he didn't move his hand.

"Did you hear me? I can't go up there."

I started to feel frustrated, though I wasn't entirely sure why myself. Even after I said that, he didn't move his hand.

"Just say what you want to say here!"

He still didn't move. Suddenly, I couldn't contain my anger and lost control.

"I can't get up there even if I wanted to! Can't you tell I can walk?"

I tried to hit this hand away and what happened next was so fast that I wasn't able to process it in the moment. Riyuzaki put his hand underneath mine and lifted me up into a princess carry.

"Hey, what are you doing!"

I had began to hit him with tears coming pouring out of my eyes.

"I want to understand the meaning behind your tears."

Between my yelling and punching. I thought I heard Riyuzaki speak for the first time, but there was no time to reflect on it, since, just then, he started to race up the stairs with me.

Riyuzaki sat me down on a chair by the wired fence surrounding the roof. From here, I could see quite a lot of the town and even my house. Riyuzaki stood a little distance away from me, with one hand resting on a rail and stood like that for some time while I cried.

"How long are you going stand there for? Didn't you want to confess?"

"Minami-san, you are very self-conscious, aren't you?"

I couldn't sense any aggression behind what he said, in fact, I couldn't sense anything at all. But that comment hit me where it hurt.

"Whatever. I don't want anything to do with you, you…"

"You can call me whatever you like, Minami-san,"

He turned to face me.

"But there is something that I need you for."

Something he needed me for. For a moment, my curiosity surpassed my anger.

"What?"

Riyuzaki approached me. When he did, he didn't lower himself to my level, like other people did. In fact, it was the opposite. He straightened his back and spoke almost as if I were standing in front of him.

"I want to make a documentary about you."

"Huh?!"