A Date on the Road

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***

For an hour we filmed a video message to the fans of the project, telling them from the paper that we were fine and asking them not to worry. Next, two hours of filming scripted scenes that would go into the speech splicing, to stretch the timing. Finally three more hours of filming in the campaign of familiar mutants and teachers, for the illusion that before dating, we really had time to get to know each other.

Rogue during filming behaved extremely stiff and awkward, even useless yelled at her after the hundredth botched take. I, by the way, practically never screwed up takes, partly due to the fact that the lines, who would know why, I had very few.... So the only thing I had to do was not to get bored and not to start making faces at the camera, which didn't always work.... I guess filming isn't my thing.

After eight in the evening, we finally ate, and then everyone went to their rooms. Only I stayed in the dining room, drinking tea for courage.

- So... Is it time? - I got up from the table and went to apologise to the girls for what my body had done under the effects.

Or that's what I was going to do...

- Hi there!!! - for I was met by a smiling blonde who was dressed in a red dress, wearing make-up like a date, and waving her hand in my direction.

- Who are you? - I asked, before I turned around, making sure that there was no one in the dining room but me and the cook. And since that one can barely be heard from the kitchen, I assume the girl is waving at me.

- Grhaaah! - the blonde fell to her knees at my question, clutching her heart.

- Are you alright...? - Thinking about just going about my business, I still chose to ask her. And it's not that I don't want to go deal with mutants, it's just that, well, I'm a considerate and friendly person! I'm serious.

- Yeah. It's just that loving someone is so painful. - Okay, but why isn't she getting up? Oh, but did she raise her hand?

After scratching the back of my head and waiting for another ten seconds, the girl's raised hand had already become a fist, I helped her up.

- Oh, you're such a gentleman. - Not really. She was gritting her teeth before, and now she's smiling. What's wrong with this girl? - And so strong?

Why is she standing right up to me and rubbing the muscles in my arm? I'm ticklish...

- So. - Will you stop rubbing on something that's barely there? - If you don't have anything to do with me, why don't I go?

- No, no, no, I have something important to talk to you about. - She's got her other hand on my shoulders, too. - Let me just touch you for half an hour!

- It's too long! What are you, some kind of pervert?!

- How rude! - picking up saliva, she shouted back. I clearly should have left...

.....

- How's that? - With burning eyes, Joanna, as she introduced herself, spread her hands.

She asked about the transformed dining room. The lights were switched off and we sat at a candlelit table, a red veil over our heads, a slow violin tune was playing, on the table itself there were sumptuous viands like lobster, steak and salad, the contents of which I do not know, but I guess that it was made of some expensive products.

- Fire hazard, a little bit. - Poking a finger at the veil curving just above the candles.

* Clang*

- Ugghhhh! - As I lowered my head, I saw Joanna at the plate, again pressing her hand to her heart.

- So what's the important thing you wanted to talk about?

- N-don't rush, let's eat first! - Waving her hands, the blonde followed by putting down her lobster and salad, leaving almost nothing of the latter.

- I just ate, so I'm full. - I can't say the food doesn't look tempting, but the prospect of indigestion is kind of discouraging.

- Maybe some wine?! - Why does she look so desperate? - Garson!

After clapping her hands, a girl dressed as a garçon, wearing a white shirt and black waistcoat, suddenly walked up to us, she looked like an exact copy of the girl sitting in front of me, apparently they are twins.

- Red or white, young man? - Why are her eyes bloodshot and she's looking at me like she wants to kill me? Did I do something to her?

- I don't drink, thank you.

Before Joanna could ask for her own wine, her sister turned to her with a blood-cold stare, sneered, and walked away, leaving Joanna sipping from her glass, looking in the opposite direction.

Maybe I didn't do anything to her, but she's just a themed waitress. Just like a maid in a maid café smiles sweetly at you and calls you master, this waitress is rude and looks like she wants to kill you.... What is she, some kind of S&M cafe? And if I ordered wine, would she pour it on my foot and order me to lick it off while waving her whip?

- Boo! Why are you staring at Sue like that?! I'm in front of you!

- So the BDSM waitress's name is Sue? - I'm just being prosaic and making conversation.

- What? Peter, you're into that, aren't you? - Joanna asked me, blank-eyed.

.....

- So can we get to the important conversation after all? - looking at my watch, I said.

- How can you interfere with your Madam's meal, O scum! - Joanna waved her lobster claw in my direction, red as a tomato.

- I already told you that submission is not my fetish.

- Oh, right! Please forgive me, and I'm sorry for calling you scum, too. - Yeah, she wouldn't have made a dominatrix. She's nowhere near as good at this as she is at translating the theme.

- So? Conversation?

- Well. Okay. - she put the forks on the plate, wiped her mouth with a napkin, coughed, took a deep breath, gathered her strength... She was just holding on till the last possible moment. - Marry me!

- I refuse.

- Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! - Joanna fell off the chair, finding herself on her knees again with her palm pressed to her chest.

*Fluttering*

In the distance, however, there was the clinking sound of a plate falling to the floor, and a slap.

- Good... I knew you were a tough nut to crack and that it wouldn't be that easy! - I stood up, full of energy, and threw my fist into the sky. I lost all sense of what was going on. - Can we start dating?!

- I refuse.

- Ughhhh... - again? - Friends then?!

- I refuse.

- Ugghhhh!!! But why is life so cruel?! Why do I get the Macadamia nut?!

I don't know who's slapping themselves in the distance, but that sound could kill you.

- But what's wrong with friendship?! I'm fun!

- Well, given your offers before, I take it that friendship wasn't enough for you and you wanted something more.

- But why?! We could have just been friends. Five days, and then we could start planning the wedding.

- Too fast! - I wonder if it's because of some personal reason or because it's a genetic trait in men. - Why do you want to marry me anyway?

- Because you're my prince!

- Okay, that clears things up. - I thought this was a school for the gifted, not the alternatively gifted.

- Ever since that time you picked me up in your strong arms and carried me outside with my hair developing in the wind, my heart has not found peace!

- If I carried you outside, then how could my hair grow in the wind? Did I carry you out from under a fan? Or was there a draught in the doorway?

- Is that what you care about in my innocent-soaked story of the shy maiden?! - a shy maiden who's already asked me twice to marry her. - Well, you saved my life, so you must marry me!

- Is that how it works?! Aren't you the one who owes me now?!

- All right, if you insist, in return for saving my life, I'll marry you.

- You're going to make it all about marriage?!

- No, just marriage!

Defeated, I fell back in my chair and put my hand to my forehead as it suddenly dawned on me. She said I saved her, didn't she? I haven't saved many girls in my life. Sabretooth, the girl from the shop fire I didn't remember, and she was passed out, so she couldn't remember anything.... Of course, maybe Joanna is the girl from the bookshop and she's just making it up as she goes along, but she can't be that weird, can she? So that leaves last year's girl who made me miss the field trip.

- Wow, you've changed. - I honestly don't remember her at all, so, no offence, I'll just say the catchphrase. - You look better.

- Of course I do! - she threw her head up and put her palm on her chest in a proud gesture. I think she took my words as a compliment, which is not a good thing. - Well, now that we've sorted out each other's feelings, and you've accepted my feelings.... - when did you? - We can sign the marriage papers.

Suddenly the sounds of the violin were replaced by the organ, the very melody that makes men smile..... A wry smile, with thoughts of getting the hell out of here.

- Here! - Joanna held out a paper and pen.

It was a marriage application form, completely filled out. Leaving the frightening questions of how she knew my passport details and so on, shouldn't there be a filing process before registration, with a waiting period afterwards, with the expectation that the young ones might change their minds?

- Woman, who the hell are you? - With a blank look on my face, I blurted out.

- Me? Superheroine Joanna Storm, leader and main force of the Fantastic Four! Honestly, the others are basically incapable of doing much without me, every time something happens they scream - "Joanna, save me!" then I show up and save the day without even breaking a sweat!

- Right, I'm sure that's how it goes.... - I won't dwell on what she said, for my attention was stolen by one inscription on the registration form. - Who is Sue Storm, and why is her name also listed under wives?...?

- WHAT?! - from where the hats had been coming from throughout our conversation, this time there was a shout.

A BDSM waitress with a red forehead and an even meaner look than before came running back to our table. She snatched the paper out of my hands and quickly ran her eyes over it. Come to think of it, didn't Joanna call her Sue? Plus they look like twins, so they probably share the same last name.

- So you're also a desperate escape from fate to become a crazy cat lady? You mean I'm your prince too?

- Whose prince?! No way!!! - why her angry face and shout is less frightening than the timid maiden with her innocent speeches opposite. - Joanna! Where did my signature come from?!

- The power of love...? - averting her eyes, said the maiden.

- The truth! Or I'll tell mum what you were doing behind the garages in seventh grade!!!! - On the one hand, it's time for me to go under the noise, however.... I'm a little curious about what she did behind the garages in seventh grade.

- Not that! And not in front of Peter! - and they're just keeping it interesting, aren't they? - Okay, I faked it.

- How could you? - I can still hear Sue screaming when I finally get out of the dining room. Well, they'll sort it out somehow, not my problem.

- Huh. - my problems are waiting for me, it's time to deal with the mutants!

It sounded as if I was waiting for a decisive battle for life and death, but not trying to talk and apologise to them.... Apologising hasn't killed anyone yet, has it?

**Cook**

Thirty years of experience, several catering establishments, husband, kids, and what do I do to deserve to be here?

- Well, you would have married him a little later anyway....

First the sudden blackout that made me drop a washed spoon. Then the food, the sight of which hurt my professional feelings. The romance started and I decided to sit back so as not to be disturbed, and now there was a scandal outside the kitchen and it would be even more awkward to come out.

- Why would I do that?! I don't even like him one bit!

- Hey, it's common for twins in this world to marry the same man.

And why did she put in "our world"? Clinging to my ear like grease to a baking pan.

- I don't care!!!

- Not grateful! I knew I should have put Riachka and Bunny instead of you!

When are they going to stop fighting? I've already done the potatoes for tomorrow's mash, and I need to go to the loo....

- By the way, honey. - great, someone else is here. - What was that you were saying about the leader and the incapable assistants?

- Riachka? Don't give me that scary look. You're not Sue. - in her defence, she didn't call them helpers. She implied it, but she didn't say it out loud. - Aaah! Bunny, don't squeeze your head.

Unable to bear the interest, I looked outside. Where I saw the stone statue lifting the blonde in a dress from the chair by her head, smiling crookedly at her, hugging her back with her other arm and following....

- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Throws her out the open window with all his might, towards the stars. Well, now I can wait a little longer, because I don't want to go to the loo anymore..... I can peel potatoes for the day after tomorrow. Come on, we can do it a week in advance....