Chapter 6 - An Opportunist's Dream

Returning to my dorm room, I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. The grip was not too strong nor too weak, one to signify presence but not constrain me. I turned around to find exactly who I had expected to see.

"Do you have time to have a chat?" Asked Anson. I nodded slightly before guiding him to my room as I had no intention of speaking to him in front of others. There is no telling what kind of attention that may draw.

SYSTEM NOTIFICATION. OPENING NOW...

~ CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE UNLOCKED THE QUEST: AN OPPORTUNIST'S DREAM~

QUEST STARTED

An opportunist's dream? Quest? The words were not registering in my mind. There was too much happening all at once and I felt overwhelmed. Time alone would have been ideal but ideal is far from reality.

"What did you want to talk about?" Hesitation resounded in every word I spoke.

"It was more that I had a question to ask."

"Which is?" I clenched and unclenched my fist, becoming increasingly aware of how awkwardly my hands were sitting by my side.

"I am aware that this may come across negatively, but have you ever received lessons to control your magic?"

"For a power so pathetic that everyone pities me? No, I haven't."

"It is not pathetic, no power is." I internally cringed at his attempt to be a good person that sees value in everyone. Even I know that reality is not as rose tinted as he tried to make it seem.

"It may do you good to have such lessons. You might find that your power is more useful than you initially thought." He continued.

"Anson, listen to me. I understand that you have good intentions and likely feel bad for me given the present situation. But helpfulness is something deemed by the receiving party and cannot be forced onto others. Given that we have only spoken to one another a handful of times, I cannot help but feel small when you only approach me now to help me. I appreciate the gesture but I would rather you not make me feel as pitiful as I do now."

Though I had no intention of saying all of that, or really anything for that matter, the words escaped me before I had even realised. All of my insecurities were amplified in his presence and even moreso before his false benevolence. An opportunist's dream? I wanted to scoff at the idea. Opportunist or not, the situation was uncomfortable.

After a slight pause, Anson's eyes widened slightly as if only now realising how actions can be taken in an entirely different way from what was intended. Now careful with his words he attempted to rectify what was otherwise an awkward moment.

"I apologise for offending you, that was not my intention. I merely wanted to know whether you had any interest in taking lessons from someone I am acquainted with... I had no intention to pressure you. Of course you are free to reject the proposal, especially as I have quite evidently overstepped your boundaries. Nonetheless, the offer remains. Do let me know if you change your mind."

Offering a small apologetic smile, he turned and headed for the door. I was grateful that I wouldn't have to walk him out, knowing that I likely would have spoken out of turn.

QUEST PAUSED. CHARACTER(S) INVOLVED ARE BUSY WITH OTHER QUESTS.

I know that people usually refer to envy as green but right now I felt more red. I guess that's because of the very thin line between envy and anger. To me they go hand in hand. Oftentimes I find that anger takes up most of my waking life, but it is not something I have the energy to tackle right now.

If I took a moment to think about my evaluation of Anson prior to this, I would have realised that he wouldn't approach me to belittle me. Nor would he approach me out of sympathy. But I have always been bad at remaining level headed. Thinking things through required time and energy, but the patience required for that is yet another thing which I lack. Instead, I constantly move between admiring and hating a person over the slightest of things. Yet again, a trait of mine I despise.

Now that I was alone however, I began cooling off. As the saying goes, out of sight out of mind. But for me out of sight meant no longer being able to associate strong emotions with a person. The feelings fizzle out as quickly as they had come on.

Anson, a man who did not interact with me even when I clearly made his friend Klaus uncomfortable, approached me of his own accord. Anson who does not talk to people outside of his friend group if not out of necessity had sought me out first. Anson who would much rather enjoy solitude than popularity offered to help me. Strange couldn't begin to cover it. I'm starting to feel as if everyone is strange. How do their actions always surprise me and since when was I so bad at reading people?

There was a small bit of hope within me that perhaps he saw in me something that both others and I couldn't see. Wouldn't that be lovely, to have someone believe in you when you don't believe in yourself? Even with that hope, I was aware that I was fooling myself as a method of comfort. In the same way that people enjoy wrapping themselves in blankets on a cold day, I have a tendency to drown myself in reassuring fantasies. This habit is one that I could not shed since childhood.

As I lay in my bed, too tired to even change out of my clothing, I allowed myself to imagine what would happen if I choose to accept his proposal. Perhaps I would become stronger. Perhaps control of my magic would make up for all else. Perhaps I could finally feel accomplished by being better than Klaus. Perhaps I could finally be someone.

I felt my eyes beginning to close as I imagined all of the possibilities (none negative as it would not make for an enjoyable pastime). I could be someone worth others' envy for once.