Fifty-Five

UNLIKE LAST TIME, WHEN I WOKE UP, I WAS laying on his sculpted chest, almost entirely naked, with his arms around me, close enough to hear his heartbeats. And I could tell he was awake by how he was breathing.

❁

"I can feel your heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat. You hate it that you love me, love me, love me.

We don't talk about it, but we know that you're mine. It's okay, you're nervous, it's obvious and you can't hide.

We're too close. I should go. Don't let me drive home. Take my soul, need control. Now that we're alone.

I can feel your heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat. You hate it that you love me, love me, love me."

❁

I sang a part of Heartbeat by Isabel LaRosa, as I caressed his chest.

"Good morning, darling," Jay said as he kissed the top of my head. "You must have had a good night of sleep since you woke up singing. And it makes my morning to hear your beautiful voice at such an hour."

"Morning," I kissed his lips briefly. "I did. How couldn't I when I slept in your arms like this?"

He gave me that crooked grin I am now familiar with, "So sweet in the words," he mocked, making me giggle. "You woke up early though, it's still 8 am. We went to sleep around 3-and-something am, it's okay if you want to sleep more."

I sat down, with my legs crossed, "It's okay, I'm not sleepy. Maybe it's because I slept during the after noon yesterday after you exhausted me."

A playful smile appeared on his lips, "Well, I confess I'm guilty of that. Not my fault if you made me hungry though."

Rolling my eyes I crawled closer to him and sat on his chest, then bent down to kiss him. "Why don't we bath together?"

But he knew what I was trying to do and rolled to the side, coming on top of me, "That's not going to work. Even though I'm craving to get inside of you, just as much as I know you are to have me inside of you, I'm not going to lose our deal, darling. And bathing with you is dangerous, and you know it."

Sigh, "We can bath on the shower then."

He held my chin, "You little dirty thing. Stop trying to make me lose my mind. I'm holding myself the best I can, darling, all because you put up the wall. You should at least try too, babe, don't make it so difficult," there was a dangerous hint on his voice, that made me even more attracted to him.

"The deal is just to make us control ourselves better not to fuck like rabbits all the time, Jay. It's not to cut out sex once and for all," I whispered. "And you keep turning me on, it's hard for me too."

"When I'm around you, I have the desire to be inside of you all the damn time, Hope, it's infuriating. I feel like I'm going crazy. I keep having dirty thoughts about you all the time, and I can't even sleep well because of it. But we have to control ourselves, especially because we aren't married yet. I know the deal entails that we'll be able to have sex, but we are still running. Our desire is controlling us."

"Jay…"

"I'm serious. It's really hard to keep my cock to myself. I feel terrible for it, because it gets all up and hard when I breath the same air as you," sigh.

I gulped, "I also can't stop thinking about it."

"That's what I meant, darling. We are been irrational. And although I feel like I want to keep being irrational, it's not good for us to act like this."

Suddenly, I felt bad, "Because sex is not all. It's more about intimacy, and getting to know the person better."

A nod, "So, as much I want you badly, I'll hold myself. At least, I'll try. Because we can't make of our relationship solely about sex all the time. Although that does sound amazing," I giggled to that. "Ugh, see? My mind isn't working well. And I'll have to stay away for four days."

What? "Away? Why?" I sat down, now suddenly worried. "Did that asshole sent you in a mission?"

Sigh, "Kind of. I'll go, but I'll be back in four days, at maximum. It's just that there has been more monsters activities on the borders, and as I'm also a warrior, they need my strength to help out there."

Biting my lips, I felt as the anxiety crept inside of me, "But he'll stay here, since he isn't the combat type of warrior, like me. He's solely a spy."

I gasped, "By him you mean that dumbass from yesterday?" That ridiculously dangerous person? "You are leaving the Duke's right arm here? I don't think that's a good idea, Jay."

Sigh, "It's not really my choice, Hope. Luc sent him here to go to the marriage with us, and keep an eye on me, so I don't let my impulsivity take over me, or do something stupid. And as I have to go to the north, and no one, who knows I'm here and isn't from the north, can know I'll be away from the castle, you have to stay. He'll stay here to watch over you, because that's also one of his missions by staying here."

"How annoying."

He kissed me softly, "I know, darling. But I'll only be four days, okay?"

"You better come back soon and unscathed. If you let any of these monsters hurt you, I'll go there myself and destroy all of them, got it?"

Smiling amused, Jay nodded, "Noted." Then he got up and made me get on my feet too. "We'll only bath on the shower, okay?"

His sudden change made me beam, "Okay," I exclaimed smiling excited.

"Don't try anything funny."

"I won't. Not this time. But I can't promise about the next time, though."

Taking me by the hand, he guided me to the shower, turned to me, got on his knees, took my underwear and threw it aside, then stripped from his, staying only with the shirt and the gloves, plus the mask.

"Are they like, magical?"

He turned the shower on, and cold water hit us, "Yes. Technically only you guys can see it, because to me, using it is the same as not using it. Bathing with it is the same as bathing naked. When I touch you," he paused his hands on my shoulders, "it feels like I'm touching you with my naked hand, not with the gloves. So, yes, they are magic, and unnoticeable to me."

"That's cool, at least it isn't uncomfortable."

"Quite the opposite," he smiled, took the shampoo, put on his hands and began to wash my long black hair, and I closed my eyes so the shampoo would fall on it. "Do you have any problems with dogs?" Jay asked as he massaged my hair.

"Not at all. But my father never let me have it, because the bastards are all allergic to it," it's like my karma to have siblings allergic to what I like.

"Great, because I have a dog. He's a black slim and really tall dog, although he looks fat because of the amount of furry he has, which is characteristic of the dogs in the north," then he began to massage the back of my head and I couldn't hold the moan. "You are so cute, all sensible because of a massage in the hair. Adorable."

"You are just too good with your hands. So, what's the name of the dog?"

Jay giggled, "Snowflake."

I gasped, "Your dog is called Snowflake?"