How to Break the Most Treacherous Glass Ceiling of All

Sometimes People Are Tigers

Every week, when I was a kid, my mother took me to the National

Geographic Society to see a film. The one on tigers invades my

nightmares these many years later. Sitting there in the darkened

theater, I watched a mother give birth to three tiny cubs. One was

born with a mangled leg. I witnessed how all the other tiger cubs

excluded him. And right there in front of the cameras, he was tortured to death by the others. I remember crying and thinking how

the healthy cubs were like a few of the kids in my school. Sometimes they could be very cruel.

My best friend in grade school was Stella and she was a beautiful girl inside and out. But she had a speech defect, a cleft palate.

And many of our classmates laughed at her behind her back and

excluded her from their games.

Kids haven't changed much. When I give talks for colleges and

young people's groups, the discussion often turns to popularity.

Everyone wants to be liked. Occasionally students tell me stories

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about how some girl has a minor physical defect, say, a crossed eye

or a nervous twitch. They say some kids laugh and make fun of

her. Or a boy has a limp so no one chooses him for their baseball

team. Even if he can run just as fast as the other kids, some of his

classmates don't like the image of "a cripple" being on their side.

The years go by and kids become adults. Not too much

changes. Adults are not as cruel, happily, about physical disabilities. But they can be brutal about social disabilities. Social disabilities are insidious because often we don't recognize them in

ourselves. We can be blind to our social handicaps and deaf to our

verbal deficiencies. But we're quick to recognize them in others.

How many times has one of your associates made a dumb,

insensitive gaffe? How often have you written somebody off

because of some stupid move? Do you think he knew what he was

doing? Of course not. He had no idea he was crossing a line or

stepping on your toes. Probably no one ever told him about the

subtleties we're going to discuss in this final section of How to Talk

to Anyone.

We've all heard about the glass ceiling some companies construct over women and minorities. People seldom discuss another

kind of glass ceiling. This one is even more treacherous because

you can't legislate against it and only top communicators recognize it. Yet it's a rock-hard shield. Many bright individuals hit their

heads on the thick glass as they try to climb up the next rung of

the ladder to join the big boys and big girls on top. The folks able

to crash through are the ones who abide by the unspoken rules

that follow.

Consider each of the following techniques. If you find any of

them obvious, give yourself a pat on the back. It means you're

already a tiger on that one. Be on the lookout for those communications sensitivities where you find yourself saying, "You gotta

be kidding! What's wrong with that?"

Watch out! It means someday, somewhere, you might commit

that particular insensitivity. Then, when a big winner responds

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coolly to your suggestion, doesn't return your phone call, doesn't

give you the promotion, doesn't invite you to the party, doesn't

accept your date, you'll never know what happened. Read each of

the following techniques to ensure you're not making any of these

subtle mistakes, that let the big players lacerate you and keep you

from getting what you want in life.