chapter 2:changes
It's been about a month since school started. School started end of August/early September, so now we are headed into the first week of October. There where changes and way too many of them. I couldn't keep up. It was too much. Well the first thing is that I was to get a job the McDonalds near my school. Since in 15 I had to get a work permit. Which means that I had to get it signed by my father and turn it in to the school. It almost cost me an arm and a leg, but it was worth it. I loved my job. I also baby sat on the weekends for this white family I was cool with since I was a kid. Jane Willcox and Phillip Willcox were friends of my mother , and have been like family since I was a kid. Now they have a twins, a boy and a girl named Emily and James both 5 years old. I like baby sitting because they were good kids and it was easy money. I mean come one they pay me $15 an hour. But yeah now I got a job and I can take care of myself a little better. I started managing my money so that I could be able to buy food,clothes, and other things I may need to survive. I don't have a bank account, so I keep all my cash hidden in a safe place so my daddy will not steal it.
Aside from all the money making , there was a new addition to the family. Yep and her name was Kacy Washington. My father done got somebody knocked up. It was his 23 year old girlfriend Keisha Roman. She was beautiful. About my height, skinny, chocolate, and a head of thick curly hair. She was smart but so rachet. She ain't have none going for her. Anyway , her and my daddy fucked around for two years and my guess is by the second year he got her pregnant. She gave birth to Kacy on August 27, just two days after my first day of school. As soon as she gave birth, she was out of the picture. Now I have a month and a week old baby girl to take care of.
But I love Kacy though. I love her so much. I thank God for her. You wanna know why? Because she gives me hope. I feel like I can keep pushing. I want to provide a better future for her. A better life, better then the one I got.
I smiled as she looked up at me while im holding her in my arm with bright shining eyes. She looked like me too. She had my daddy skin color, such a pretty chocolate, but she looked like me. She looks at me with so much love, love I haven't seen or felt in a while. I saw my old self in her. A little girl that used to laugh, love, and enjoy the world. I don't have that for me but I'm going to be that for her.
I looked at the time. Oh my gosh its 6:15 am! I had to get Kacy to her day care by 7. Good thing I already had all her stuff and my stuff ready the night before. I quickly put Kacy in her stroller. She was already dressed and fed while I still looked like a mess.
It took me 15 min to shower and another to get dressed, do my hair, and eat. By the time it was 6:40 I quickly ran to the bus stop that was just two blocks away. I knew the bus was coming in 5 min so I made a run for it. I got ot the stop at exactly 6:45 just as the bus was pulling up. I sighed a heavy sigh as Kacy and I finally got on the bus, and we waited out this 15 min bus ride.
By the time we got her her daycare it was a little after 7. I was able to drop her off to her teacher Ms. Willow pretty quick and be on my way to school. Elkwood was pretty close, about a 30 min walk from the daycare, so it was nothing to walk there.
I got into school and I went straight to my locker hoping no one would see me. It was on the second floor right next to the Music room. Its where all the band and orchestra kids practice. I don't know why I went in there but I did. Something drew me to that room.
When I got into the room I saw I beautiful piano in the middle of it. I sat on the bench and touched the keys lightly. I closed my eyes and I immediately felt an surge of emotions and memories come over me. I haven't seen nor have I played the piano in such a long time. I was a pro at it when I was kid . My mother used to play it, and even after she died, up until middle school I played. Sing and play the poems I wrote, the emotions I felt just so I could have a connection with her. But then one day in 6th grade I stopped. I stopped because of these exact words:
"You're never gonna bring her back so stop trying" my father whispered cruelly in my ear. From that point I never played again. Never sang again. But now ? Now was my chance to sing, to play, to be me. Be a me that I hope I haven't forgotten. I closed my eyes and for once I was free. ( play the song at this point so that you can imagine how much emotion she feels in the moment)
I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I'm only human
I thought about all the time my father raped me
And I bleed when I fall down
About how just last night he raped me
I'm only human
I remember how he makes me feel so powerless
And I crash and I break down
How can I be there for Kacy?
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
When I can hardly be there for myself?
'Cause I'm only human, yeah
I'm so tired
I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything
I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it
I'll do it for her
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
God please help me and my sister
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
I'm falling apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah
I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human
I can take so much
Until I've had enough
'Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human, yeah
"That was beautiful Emmy. It really was." A familiar voice said to me. A voice I haven't heard in years. I turned my head towards the door and my heart stopped.
"Troy..." I whispered. Before i knew it, tears where falling again.
And that's the end of this chapter guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Tell me what you think