Going home

We were there when the elders made their final decision on Salvador and his accomplice. They were sentenced to death by hanging. Just what I wanted, though I would have preferred Salvador to be killed by me. But watching them being hanged, for the first time, I felt their punishment was too harsh. "They should have sent them away like before" I had thought as they closed their eyes to their final breath.

I do not know why I suddenly had compassion for them. They killed my parents, killed Ella's dad and some of our pack members lost their lives for their sale. They killed Nolan's parents too and other people that had lost their lives. Why should I have compassion for them?. Why should I feel sad that they were killed?.

I watched them being brought down and ready to be buried and I sighed. If I had killed them myself would I feel this bad?. Is this the reason Nolan stopped me from killing him?. Different thoughts ran through my mind as we returned home. I locked myself in my room and wept.

For the first time after my parents' death, I wept. I wept for losing them. I cried that after getting the revenge that I seek for, my mind still haven't found peace. I couldn't stop myself from crying, as I emptied the barrel of tears I had kept for a long time.

I had thought killing Salvador and getting my revenge was the peace I need. I thought my peace lied in his death but I lies. I couldn't get the peace I wanted. My heart bleeds remaining how ruthless I was when seeking revenge. I hated myself for feeling this way. I hated myself for being this weak after getting what I desired.

I realized that revenge doesn't give peace. It doesn't bring back those we've lost. Or heal us of the pain their death had caused. Nolan must have realized that. He must have realized that early enough to stop seeking revenge. He must have learned that revenge isn't the best way to get peace. Did he try to warn me and I refused to listen? Or I was blindfolded by my revenge to notice?.

I regretted most of my actions but was happy they stopped me in their way. I was glad they were with me all through my trying times and never left me. I was glad they support me and helped me not to lose control of myself completely.

**

The elders who had survived from my pack called for a meeting. Everything was fine now and it was time to return to our home. They had wanted to know if I will forfeit the mountain pack and stay as the luna of the fire pack or I will reject my mate and go with them. They knew the decision would be a difficult one for me to make and were willing to give me time to think. "But you don't have much time," they say. "Though you have done a great job keeping the pack in order, it's time we go back to our home. Make your decision and let us know"

I was confused about the decision to make. Nolan is my mate and I still love him. I still hope that one day, we will settle our differences and come back together. But in as much as I want that, I have a duty. I have a place where I belong and a home to protect. I have people who are looking up to me for a better tomorrow. Both places need me but I could only make I choice and whichever choice I make will affect me in the future.

Bella and Ella were with me. They told me whatever decision I make, they are willing to support me. They said they knew how difficult it will be for me. Bella told me to take my time to pick the one I think is best for me. She said, Nolan, would understand if I decides to choose my pack over him. "But what about the pain that comes with rejection?" Ella asked. "Remember they've mated already"

"Nolan is strong. He will overcome it" Bella answered

"Can Olive overcome the pain?" Ella asked again

"She's strong too" Bella answered

While I watched me argue on which choice seems right, I could read from their countenance they were as confused as I was and had only been trying to make me cheer up. They only wanted me to believe whichever choice I choose is ok with them. I sighed. "I want to be alone". They stared at me wondering what I meant by that. I spoke up again. "I want to be alone. I will appreciate it if you can leave"

Starting at each other and then at me, they stood up. "Take your time, we will be waiting," Ella said

"Whatever choice you choose won't stop us from loving you," Bella said and they finally left.

I flung myself on the bed. Why do I have to be in a situation like this?. It was difficult choosing from the two options I was given. If I choose my pack over Nolan, I might lose him completely. That will affect me since we have mated. Leaving him for my pack is not an option. I don't think I will be able to endure the pain that comes with losing a mate.

I could not leave my pack for either. That will mean leaving what my dad had built up for so many years. That will mean leaving the home where I grew up. I wished my dad had a son who could take over the pack. Now I was able to understand why my dad wanted a male child so badly he had to turn me into one. I could understand now, why he wanted me to act like a boy and not have female friends. He knew one day, I will have to rule the pack after he is gone. And he needed me to be strong. Strong enough to make the right decision when if it will harm me.

I wished my mate wasn't an alpha, it would have been easier to go with him. But there is no way Nolan will leave his pack for mine. It's his home too. A home he has to protect, just like I have to protect mine. I knew I needed to make a decision. But which of the option seems a bit easy is what I don't know.

**

I heard a knock on my door and I stood up to open it. Nolan was standing in front of me. "Hi" I cooed, not knowing if that was the right word to use in a situation like this.

"Can I come in?" He asked and I nodded, paving way for him to come in.

I sat down on my bed and offered him to sit on the couch but he refused. "You are leaving right?" He asked and I batted my lashes.

"Y-you say?"

"Your choice is to leave and not stay back right?"

"I-i don't get you" I answered

"You don't plan to reject your pack and stay as my luna right". I stared at him not knowing what to say or what he meant by his words. I opened my mouth to say something but no word came out. "You have to go back with them. You can't stay here. You have to make your dad's dream come to past. You can reject me if you have to but I won't let you reject your pack for me"

"N-Nolan..." I whispered

"Olive, I am sorry, I haven't been there for you. That I lied to you and that I did not acknowledge that I love you. It's my loss to lose you. But you have to go. You don't have to feel bad leaving me. I don't deserve you in the first place. Please go with your people and make your dad proud"

Tears gathered in my eyes and blinked away the tears. Does he mean every word he said about being sorry?. Or does he just want me to leave without feeling bad I am leaving him?. I should be the one to tell him I am sorry for not acknowledging his love for me. I should tell him how sorry I am for not trusting him. I should tell him I am sorry for not telling him know I love him. For leaving when he needed me most. For breaking the promise I made to him. I should...

"Olive" he called, jolting back to reality. "You can reject me now. Or publicly if you want to. I can live with the pain of losing you but I won't be able to live with the pain, that I stopped you from fulfilling your promise to your dad. Please leave. Leave with your people and you can always visit or ask for help from me if you need one. I will be willing to help"

"Nolan..."

"Go with them tomorrow, please," he said and finally walked out of my room. I sat down on my bed and wept. Why did he decide for me?. Why does he have to decide for me without thinking about me?. Why?

**

It was time to return to the mountain pack and I felt bad about it. I wished I could stay back. After speaking with Nigel yesterday, I realized Nolan decided because he wanted the best for me. I felt bad for thinking Nolan doesn't love me as he claimed. I felt bad I had thought he lied to me, that he was ready to let me go. I never knew he wished me well and hoped I will find peace. He was willing to accept my rejection even when he know that will hurt him so much. Nigel made me understand everything.

I arranged my things into my bag and dragged the bag downstairs.

Ella was waiting with her bag too. I was surprised she wanted to go with me, even after I told her to stay back with her mate. "You ain't leaving right?" I asked and she smiled wearily.

I could tell it will be difficult for her to leave her mate and follow me. "It's my duty as your beta. I can't let you go back alone"

"You don't have to come with me. Your mate needs you"

She smiled. "You're leaving your mate behind too. He needs you more than my mate needs me and yet you're leaving him to answer your call as our new alpha. I am going with you"

I moved closer to her and held her hand. "Please, don't go with me. You have to stay back and watch after Nolan for me"

"I..."

"Please. If you're here, my mind will be at peace"

She sighed. "Is that what you want?"

I nodded. "Yes"