Chapter Ten

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Chapter 10

It was very short weekend. I had a good time with my family. It was very strange how mom had accepted me. I knew it, she just needed sometime. I remember the first time I spoke to her about my sexuality. 

"Nicky, you are almost twenty-one, why is it I haven't seen my daughter-in-law? Soon you will get married and move out." She said.

"Oh about that… Don't worry I will introduce you to your son-in-law instead. Remember that guy who was here last week, he was going to be your son-in-law, only if he hadn't cheated." I said. I didn't mean to come out to her like that. I wished I could take back my words, however someday would have to tell her the truth.

"Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! What kind of a joke it this dear? What do you mean?" She asked, trying hard not believe what was in her mind.

"That's right, mom I have always wanted to tell you this. I'm into men." I said sincerely.

"Oh wait is today April fools day? -No. Nicholas! What are you saying?! What happened to your girlfriend Lucie?" She asked.

"Mom, Lucie and I broke up. She doesn't deserve anyone like me. She also deserves happiness. I told her the truth and she supports me, we are good friends though."

"Nia, did you know about this?" She said turning to my elder sister. 

"Yes," She replied.

"Since when? Why didn't you say anything? Why are you doing this to me?! What will the people say about me? You have brought shame into my house. Why are you mocking God! So that boy, Josh, he was your boyfriend. I won't spare him! Look at what he has done to my son!" Mom cried, blaming Josh for everything. 

"Mom its not his fault, you don't know how it feels to be me." I said defending Josh.

"What feeling are you talking about? Jesus Christ! The devil is taking over the world. You need prayers. I mean it. I think I should call a pastor! You are living in sin!" 

"Okay enough mom. This is who I am! You cant change me, neither can't I. I can ignore this but this will never go away! Don't call the pastor yet, I will marry a man and that's final. Wait till its my wedding then you can call him. I doubt that you will attend it!" I said as I walked out, slamming the front door. 

After walking out of that nasty conversation, I felt the world crushing down on me. I had no way to go, I had already broke up with Josh. I didn't want to return home as I was determined to leave that place. 

I took my cell phone and called Lucie, I told her everything that had happened. She was the only one I could talk to. She had saved me, she told me I could move in with her, in her apartment, until I found myself a place to stay and a good job.

I went back home and packed a few of my belongings and left. I left letter for mom, I slid it in, under her bedroom door.

Dear mom

Thank you for giving life to me. I am sorry that I'm different and I have disappointed you in many ways. Please forgive, I wish I could changed this but I cant. I did not work up and decide to be attracted to men. 

Well you can blame me if you want, but I also blame you. You took me to an all boys school and look at the results, what did you expect. Its not like I blame the school but a lot of things happened to while I was at school.

I was sexually abused by my seniors, Just because I'm gay that didn't mean I liked everything that happened to me. I was traumatized and I'm still traumatized by that night. Those three guys stole my innocents. And I promise you they will pay for everything all, of them and I mean it.

Take care of yourself, don't worry about me, I'm grown up now, I will take care of myself.

Cheers!

Nicky.

I'm sure she read it because when I visited her, that night she said, 

"Nicky why didn't you tell me you have been through all this pain. Please share your pain with me from now onwards, okay?"

I also wished I could tell her, but what was I going to do. I didn't want to involve the police and doctors, I hate those everything that has to be done after reporting rate, I wonder if there were going to examine me. 

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