So much for moving on

Jess

A part of me knew from the start that double dating won't end well for me but I never thought it was going to turn out this way. After two straight months of not hearing from Fred anymore, I'm guessing he has given up already, he no longer bugs me his silly texts of "I'm sorry" let me make it up to you "...At some point I was glad he had stopped and I thought I was ready to let go.

But here I am again at the front of his work place, I walked in and sat at the reception hall for visitors, I called to let him know I was here. He sounded excited to hear from me and in less than a minute he was in the hall facing me with his broad charming smile, I couldn't help but to return a faint one.

"I'm really happy to see you Jess, he held my hand giving it a soft squeeze before bring it up to his lip, kissing it. I couldn't help but blush and then it hit me again

I was mad at him ,I took my hand away from him and sighed

"I was just passing by and I decided to check up on you "I said in a low tone, my head is bowed,not sure what exactly I'm doing here.

"That's really sweet of you baby"he said smiling broadly, there's something about the way he smiles, he is just plain gorgeous and I couldn't help but finding all the anger I felt for go away little by little.

'Jessica you said this was over' my sub conscience spoke to me

" Uhm, I.....I have to go, I have this thing I need to take care of"I said looking at him shyly

He smiles and says "sure, give me a call when you are free okay? "

I nodded and left and without turning back but I swore those dark eyes were peering at me.

'Oh dear Jessica Nelson,so much for moving on' my sub conscience mocked me

I paced around my house still thinking of the encounter I had today with Fred,"I can't be having feelings for him again damnit" I said frustratedly plopping myself on the couch.

"Don't you have work to do young lady " my Uncle's voice pulled me away from my thoughts,I rolled my eyes dragging myself from the couch praying he doesn't notice the eye rolling. To my Uncle,its always about doing what he wants,'Jessica get me this, get me that, take this to Mr.Asshole'..scoffs.

Can't wait to leave this stupid hole of a house...scoffs again ..I mean as a matter of fact I appreciate that he puts a shelter on my head, he feeds me and all but I have rights though. For instance I suggested applying for a waitress in the nearest coffee shop, but he refused, he literally refused all the job offers I got, saying he can take care of my needs just fine. With that I'm not really allowed to visit friends or even attend parties, bringing a visitor to his house is really creepy because he will glare the life out of your visitor,the only time I get to go out is of course when he is on business trips, his wife is hardly home because of business meetings in different towns, his kids are grown, his last child is two year younger than I am. All his kids now live on their own, his last kid Caleb is in College, yeah,.... staying this man alone in the house is annoying, so believe me when I say I can't wait to leave this house.

So here I am calling Fred and not really surprisingly,he picked and that's how we chatted about a lot of things not mentioning anything about our last break up. I was happy to have him back though, I'm just trying to find a way to trust him again after what happened.

A week later, he started avoiding me and my calls, he doesn't call me any more like the previous week when we resolved our issues, I wouldn't really call it that anyway. I got worried again and decided to pay him a surprise visit since he wouldn't take my calls anyway,I got into his apartment and it was open luckily, I checked his room just to find him on the bed, he smiled on seeing me there

"What are you doing here?"he said smiling and sitting up on the bed

"Hello to you too stranger ",I said with a weird smile on my face, "You haven't really been taking my calls and I thought I should come and see you.

"Come here"he gestured for me to come over to him, shirtless and on his sweatpants, I gulped really hard before dragging my legs to where he is sitting, he pulled me to his chest and we just stayed there, we haven't been this close for months, I mean since our break up. And suddenly I could feel his bulge below my abdomen,is like he was possessed by something, he pulled me up quickly from him and was about to do God knows what,the look in his eyes became dark like evil kind of dark, I couldn't read his expression

"You are not going away freely this time"this he said trying to push me on the bed,'oh no,he is not going to rape me again is he? '..I had this brief thought and I felt my heart sink in with fear written in my eyes, I dodged his grip luckily and ran as fast as I could ever imagine myself run. I made it to the living room and of course he ran after me

"Jess, Jess wait up"he yelled still trying to catch up with me, I suddenly found myself outside his apartment breathing so heavily like I just escaped from a scull squashing monster in one of those horror movies,that's how afraid I felt at the moment. I immediately turned to face him

"Fred what are you doing? "I found myself asking

he rubbed his temple in silence and after a while is like he regained his real self ,the darkness in his eyes is gone

"Jess, just come in I need to talk to you"he says weakly

"No we can talk here"I said crossing my hands over my shoulder

"Jess,I'm sor..."he paused rolling his eyes a little "I won't hurt you okay? "stretching out his hands to bring me in

I chuckled lightly in amusement, 'he is kidding right? '

"Why did you suddenly stop reaching out me "can't believe these questions are flying out my mouth with my hands still crossed over my chest.

" I was gonna tell you Jess..."he spoke up after what seems like several minutes of staring right into my soul

"tell me what? "..I asked with expectations in my tone

"I'm no longer doing this....this is over Jess"he says frantically

I felt my whole world shatter right before my eyes, I just stood there dumbfounded, fighting the pool of tears forming in eyes. I couldn't move my legs, I just stood there

"I this about her?...I mean Rose? "I asked with Croaky voice,he doesn't say anything but after a minute or two

"Is juast don't want any girl drama in my life right now, I need to focus on myself" I'm done with relationships "...he said finally

I nodded and left still hurt.