82. Chapter 82

Okay. They’d had breakfast. They’d opened up their advent calendars. Dean held his new toy stuffed kitten in his lap, though he wasn’t really playing with it: Sparks seemed to be jealous of the toy, and was currently sitting beside Dean watching the toy through narrowed eyes. A little amused, he shifted the toy. Sparks’ pupils slitted and she wiggled her butt.

“Daddy, can I ask you something?” Dean asked, looking over at Castiel. Much to Dean’s displeasure, Castiel had one of the Supernatural books open and was reading the first chapter. Apparently, even though angels could just touch a book and absorb the knowledge within, Castiel preferred to make his way through the books the human way. That meant he was only on book two.

At least book two was better than book one. Dean had only glanced at the books himself, right after he and Sam first found out about him. It was just too embarrassing to read them. But he knew for a fact that the first book was about how Sam had become a hunter again, and that meant it involved a lot of details about Jess and how she’d died. He’d seen Gabriel reading the first book too, and wondered what that meant for Sam.

Castiel glanced up from the book. “Of course you can, Dean. What?”

“I want to go over to Charlie’s to play,” said Dean. And then, when Castiel opened his mouth to respond, hesitantly added, “By myself.”

It shouldn’t have seemed like such a momentous ask, but it did. When was the last time Dean had gone anywhere alone? He’d fallen asleep last night thinking about it, and thought that it may well have been before he’d come to stay with Castiel. Either Gabriel or Castiel, or on the rare occasion Balthazar, had accompanied him everywhere since he’d become a hatchling.

In retrospect, it made sense: you didn’t let little kids wander around by themselves. But it was weird to consciously realize that, and it made Dean nervous that his seemingly innocent request might be turned down. He was hoping really hard that Castiel would agree.

“Why do you want to go by yourself?” Castiel asked after a moment.

Dean shrugged, dropping his gaze. “I just wanted to ask Charlie about some stuff,” he said. It wasn’t a lie, though he was pretty sure that Castiel would jump to the wrong conclusion. He didn’t want to ask Charlie about anything hatchling-related. He wanted to ask her what she got Anael for Christmas every year. Because surely Charlie was in the same boat as Dean when it came to money – as in, they had none – and he thought that Charlie might have some ideas.

He could feel the weight of Castiel’s eyes, and deliberately didn’t look up. He played with the tail of the toy until Sparks let out a low growl and pounced, claws extended. Dean giggled as she grabbed for the tail and twitched it back and forth a few times. Finally she got her claws into it and yanked it out of his hold, biting into the soft fuzz. He grinned and stroked her back.

“Okay,” Castiel said.

“Really?” Dean asked, startled. He couldn’t believe it had been that easy.

Castiel shrugged. “I trust Anael. I don’t see why you couldn’t go over for a couple of hours. It can’t be longer than that, though. I don’t think you’d be comfortable with Anael changing you.”

Dean’s face warmed at the thought and he hastily shook his head. He’d kind of, sort of made his peace with Castiel doing it. Diaper changes were still mortifying, but Castiel was never anything but gentle and affectionate. That made it a little bit easier to handle. But Anael? He couldn’t imagine anything more horrifying than having a woman do it, and a woman he’d once had sex with at that, even if she was an angel now.

“When would you like to go?”

“Today?” Dean said nervously. Christmas wasn’t that far away. He might need time to do this right.

“I’ll contact Anael and see what she says.” Castiel lowered his book into his lap and closed his eyes. Dean kept his eyes trained on his daddy. He wasn’t sure if Castiel realized it, but whenever Castiel used his grace his feathers puffed up slightly. It made them look full and luscious.

Sparks nipped at his finger and Dean jumped, realizing he’d unconsciously stopped a game that Sparks very much wanted to continue. He resumed wiggling the toy’s tail until her attention was fully engaged, then picked up the toy and slowly dragged it over the couch. It had a long purple tail, and Sparks watched it like it was a can of tuna. She only lasted five seconds before she was scrambling after it.

“Anael says it’s fine,” Castiel announced, and Dean jumped. “You can go after lunch.”

“Okay. Thanks,” Dean said. Now that he knew the answer was yes, he was uneasy at the thought of leaving. Just like he hadn’t gone far without Castiel, Castiel had not gone far without him. Especially not since the attack at Bobby’s. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to go.

But he also didn’t think he had a choice. He wanted to surprise his daddy and his uncle on Christmas more than anything right now. He couldn’t do that if he asked either one of them for money. He could ask Balthazar to take him shopping, but he was keeping that as a last resort. Material objects didn’t matter much to angels; he wanted to get them something that mattered. He was just drawing a major blank on what that could be.

After lunch, once Dean was in a fresh diaper, jeans and a sweatshirt, Castiel flew him over to Anael’s and Charlie’s. Dean wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. It turned out the two of them lived in a small house on the outskirts of a city, much closer to civilization than Dean would’ve thought. They barely touched down before the front door flew open and Charlie barreled out with an excited squeal.

“Dean!” she shouted, running to hug Dean.

“Charlie, you’re not even wearing a coat!” Anael yelled from inside the house. She appeared shortly in the doorway, shaking her head.

“It’s cold out. Let’s go in,” Dean said, not wanting Charlie to get in trouble.

Charlie nodded and enthusiastically dragged him up the walkway and into the house, with Castiel on their heels. Dean removed his outerwear while Castiel and Anael spoke – not out loud, but he could tell from the way they looked at each other that they were communicating – and Charlie stood nearby, bouncing on her heels. He toed off his boots and stood in his sock feet, wiggling his toes on the plush carpet.

“Okay, Dean. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. If you need me before then, just let me know,” Castiel said. “I’ll be listening.” He set a hand on Dean’s shoulder and kissed Dean’s cheek.

“Okay,” Dean said. “Bye, Daddy.”

Castiel smiled at him, nodded at Anael, and walked back outside. He had to go back down the steps and up the walkway, so Dean supposed that meant there were wards around Anael’s house too. Once he was the same distance away, Castiel waved and then spread his wings. With one great flap of his wings, he was gone.

Inexplicably, Dean was seized with the urge to cry. He blinked his eyes rapidly to keep the tears from forming, unsure of why this was happening. He’d wanted to come here, after all. And he couldn’t have Castiel around, because that meant Castiel would know what Dean was trying to do and then it wouldn’t be a surprise. But seeing Castiel fly away like that… it hurt.

“Dean,” Anael said kindly. “It’s okay. Why don’t you come sit at the table with Charlie and me? We’re just finishing lunch.”

“I already ate,” Dean said shakily, proud when his voice didn’t crack the way it wanted to.

“I won’t tell your daddy that you’ve had a second dessert if you won’t.” Anael winked at him.

Dean looked from her to Charlie, seeing the twin compassionate expressions on their faces, and gulped. “Sure, I guess.”

Charlie took his hand. “I’ll show you the way.” She pulled him along, while Anael lingered to shut and lock the door. When they were in the kitchen, Charlie turned to look at him sadly.

“It’s always hard when my mommy leaves. I don’t like it either.”

“I’m fine,” Dean mumbled, even though wasn’t.

“I know,” Charlie said, squeezing his hand. “Mommy said you wanted to talk to me about something. What did you need?”

“I need help with Christmas,” Dean said, grateful for the chance to think about something else. “I don’t know what to do for Daddy or Uncle Gabriel. I don’t have any money, so I can’t buy them something. And angels can make whatever they want, so even if I did have money I don’t know that I’d want to buy them something. But I still want to give them… something.” Dean sighed.

Charlie looked thoughtful. “Could you make them something?”

“Like what? I’m not very creative. I don’t paint or sing or anything like that,” Dean said. “And when we made our Christmas decorations, nothing turned out well. It looked like crap.” Castiel had insisted on hanging things on the tree regardless, but Dean thought his decorations looked pretty sad next to the much prettier store-bought ones.

“That doesn’t matter, Dean,” Anael said, entering the kitchen behind them. “I cherish everything that Charlie makes for me, because I love her and she’s my baby.” She smiled at Charlie, then at Dean. “Your daddy and your uncle would feel the same way about anything you make for them.”

“Really?” Dean said uncertainly.

“Yes, really. Something you make, no matter how well you think it turns out, is always a wonderful gift, because it means that you put your time and heart into it,” Anael explained. “And in the long run, that’s always more valuable than money.”

He thought about that for a moment, and supposed it made sense. “But what would I make?”

Anael’s eyes twinkled. “I have just the thing. Sit at the table. I’ll get you some cookies and then show you what I have in mind.”

She situated Dean and Charlie at the table with a plate of cookies and two bottles of milk within easy reach, then disappeared. Dean looked at the bottle of milk before sneaking a glance at Charlie. She was completely unconcerned, snatching a cookie and shoving it into her mouth and then picking up her bottle. She stuck the nipple into her mouth and sucked eagerly, already reaching for another cookie.

Dean took a cookie. He left the bottle for now, and bit into the cookie. It was good, but not as good as the ones that Gabriel could make. He wondered what his uncle was doing. Sometimes Gabriel had to go up to heaven in the afternoon. He said it was to make sure that everything was still running smoothly. If that was the case, that meant Castiel was at the nest alone. Probably reading more of the Supernatural books.

He hoped they were both okay.

Anael came back into the kitchen, holding a picture frame. She showed it to Dean and Charlie. It was a simple gold frame, but there wasn’t a picture inside. Instead, caught between the glass was a very small purple feather. Dean cocked his head at the sight of it, puzzled, and then realized that the purple feather was the exact same shade of purple as Charlie’s wings.

“Is that mine?” Charlie said, eyes wide.

“Yup. It’s from when you first received your feathers, cutie,” Anael said with a wink. “This one fell out, and I wanted to keep it as a momento. That was right around Christmas last year, but you probably don’t remember.” She sat, leaving the frame within easy each. “I told myself that every year, I’d take another one of your feathers and keep it so that I could see how you grew.”

“I’ve grown a lot!” Charlie said, stretching her wings out with a proud grin. In truth, her wings were still very small – but they were bigger than Dean’s.

He looked at his own wings doubtfully. “I don’t have any feathers from when I first got mine, though.”

“That’s okay. This is your first year, and so your first Christmas, as a nestling. Believe me, it will mean a lot to both of them. I have some plain picture frames around. You can have two and decorate them however you like. Then I’ll help you remove a couple of loose feathers, and you can pin them between the glass. What do you think?”

Dean shrugged and nodded. He had no better ideas, and Anael seemed to certain. “Sure.”