77. Chapter 77

Dean woke up slowly as the sled came to a stop, and realized that he didn’t want to move. He was warm and comfortable in spite of the cold wind nipping at his exposed nose and cheeks. His legs burned pleasantly, the kind of ache that your muscles got when you hadn’t worked out for a while but then did a really good work out, but he was pretty sure they’d burn if he moved. Plus, he was still tired. He was used to longer naps during the afternoon and felt that he hadn’t slept nearly long enough.

All signs pointed to staying exactly where he was, clearly.

Unfortunately, the source of warmth beside him didn’t get the memo and shifted away. Dean nearly toppled over before he caught himself, and whined under his breath as he slowly sank down onto a hard service that was much less comfortable than whatever he’d been leaning against. He heard voices above him, but didn’t really pay much attention. He was more invested in trying to figure out a comfortable position.

It got quiet, and then there was a familiar chuckle right before hands slipped under Dean’s arms and gently hoisted him up into the air. He went because he had to, not because he wanted to, whining the whole way. His body made impact with a chest that he recognized as his daddy, and he turned his whines into grumbles to make his displeasure clear. His daddy chuckled again, arms and wings winding securely around Dean’s body and acting as a buffer against the chilly air.

“Are you tired, baby boy?” Daddy cooed, his voice soft.

“Sleepy,” Dean mumbled, hiding his face in his daddy’s neck. It felt good to press his cold nose against Daddy’s warm skin.

“I know you are. But you have to wake up a little.”

“No.”

Daddy’s chest rumbled with laughter. “Yes. Sammy’s here, remember?”

Dean hadn’t remembered, actually. He went stiff with horror, not daring to lift his face just in case Sam was standing right there staring at him. He’d been working so hard at keeping himself from acting too babyish when Sam was nearby. It was harder than he’d expected. He’d gotten used to being able to act however he wanted around Da – no, around Castiel and Gabriel without having to worry about being judged.

“It’s okay. He’s not here, here. Uncle Gabe took him up to the main cabin’s so that they could get us some hot chocolate. There’s no one here but us,” Castiel murmured, rubbing a hand up and down Dean’s back. “I knew you would be feeling really little when you woke up.”

His daddy was so smart. Dean went lax with relief, a shuddery breath working its way out of his mouth. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if Sam had seen that, but he knew it would’ve been really humiliating. At the very least, it would’ve been enough to destroy whatever remaining street cred that he had with his brother – which probably wasn’t very much, after Sam had seen him screaming for Balthazar at Bobby’s house, but still. He was terrified that Sam would decide he was too much of a baby now, and wouldn’t want anything else to do with him.

“Ssshhh, it’s okay,” Castiel whispered, kissing the side of Dean’s head.

It really wasn’t okay, but Dean lacked the words to properly explain that right now. He really wanted to turn his head and latch onto one of Castiel’s feathers, which were in easy reach because of how Castiel’s wings were folded around him. But doing so would mean that he’d be nursing, and there was nothing that made him feel as little as nursing did. He was supposed to be gathering himself back together, not making it worse.

Castiel began to move. “We’re gonna go into a side cabin so I can change you,” he said, and Dean realized with a start his diaper was wet. “Then we’ll meet up with Sammy and Uncle Gabe to have a snack. You’ll feel better after that, little one, I promise.”

Dean wasn’t so sure about that, but he remained quiet as his daddy carried him into one of those cabins. It was blissfully empty, either by a stroke of good luck or by angel mojo, so at least Dean didn’t have to worry about anyone else seeing him. He wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck and clung to him, not wanting to let go long enough to be laid down on the changing table.

It was inevitable, and he’d accepted that by now, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Wearing a diaper was bad enough, but having someone else changed it would suck forever.

“Come on now,” Castiel said, his voice soft with amusement, and gently pried Dean’s hands loose. He laid Dean down on his back and set about tugging Dean’s boots off, then removing his snow pants and jeans. Dean stared at the ceiling. Normally he had a pacifier or a toy to distract himself; today, he discovered that laying down was making him tired all over again. He closed his eyes.

It seemed like he’d barely shut them before Castiel was picking him up again. Dean mumbled, belatedly realizing that he was wearing a fresh diaper and that his clothes had been put back in place. When had that happened? He yawned sleepily, moving to tuck his thumb in his mouth, and was promptly met by a mouthful of mitten instead. He recoiled, screwing his face up, and looked at the mitten accusingly.

"I'll give you a pacifier later," Castiel said. "Keep your thumbs out of your mouth. We're going to be meeting up with Sammy soon."

He moved to open the door and Dean shivered at the new blast of cold air, curling back into him. He wanted to stay cuddled up next to his daddy, but the thought that Sam might see him being carried around was too strong to ignore. Reluctantly, Dean squirmed to get down. His feet sank into the snow as Castiel set him on the ground and he pouted, scowling down at the snow. Whereas before it had been lots of fun, now he was tired and his legs were beginning to hurt and he missed being able to walk on grass. At least grass wasn't slippery.

"Hey Dean-o!" Gabriel called out, moments before a cup of hot chocolate was thrust before his face. Dean just looked at it.

"He's tired," Castiel said in what was obviously meant to be an undertone, reaching out to straighten Dean's hat.

"Aaaah," Gabriel said. "Cranky baby, huh?" He flexed his hand and the cup automatically transformed into a bottle, which still held hot chocolate. "C'mon, kiddo. Just try some. It's pretty good, even though it's not nearly as good as mine." He set a hand on the back of Dean's neck and pulled Dean closed, guiding the nipple of the bottle towards his lips.

"Sam!" Dean snapped, pushing the bottle away. It was a little embarrassing to realize just how much he wanted to latch onto the bottle right now. The thought of drinking a bottle and then falling asleep cradled in someone's wings sounded like heaven right now. But Sam was here. He had to keep that in mind. There would be plenty of times for baby things later, when his brother wasn't ten feet away and heading quickly in their direction carrying three more cups of hot chocolate and a paper bag. Worse yet, Charlie and Anael were right behind him.

"Relax. All Sam will see is you drinking from a cup. Archangel, remember?" Gabriel said. "Drink your hot chocolate before it gets cold."

Dean eyed him suspiciously, but a quick glance at his brother showed that Sam wasn't looking at him strangely. In fact, as Sam reached them and took one of the cups of hot chocolate and handed it to Castiel, his eyes skated right over Dean like there was nothing out of the ordinary. Cautiously, Dean reached out and took the bottle, keeping an eye on Sam. When Sam failed to do anything but take a sip of his own hot chocolate, Dean gave in: he'd never been good at denying himself, after all. He quickly stuck the bottle in his mouth and sucked. The hot chocolate tasted good, but it was the sucking that really relaxed him.

"Okay, I've been here for almost three hours. I really need to get back," Sam was saying to Castiel.

"Aren't you going to stay and look at the decorations they sell here?" Charlie asked.

Sam looked genuinely torn for a moment, but then he shook his head. "I really can't. I want to, but I can't. I have an exam tomorrow that's going to kick my ass unless I put in another six to eight hours of review."

"Six to eight hours?" Charlie echoed, sounding horrified. Dean was with her. That sounded more like torture than anything else. He was suddenly incredibly grateful that he hadn't followed Sam in going to school, because he didn't have the patience for that crap.

"Just make sure you actually sleep tonight," Castiel said.

"The sooner I go back, the sooner I can sleep," Sam pointed out.

"I'll take him," Gabriel said, tossing back the remainder of his own hot chocolate.

"Bye Sammy," Dean said, hastily pulling the bottle from his mouth. "I'll see you when we decorate the tree at Bobby's, maybe?"

"Yeah, maybe," Sam said with a small smile, clapping Dean on the shoulder. "Bye guys. Have fun picking out decorations!"

Gabriel clasped Sam's upper arm and the two of them blinked out of existence. Dean looked at the spot where they'd been for a long moment, genuinely conflicted. It was hard having Sam around, but at the same time he missed his brother. If there was one thing that he hated about being a hatchling, it was the divide that had grown between them. Sometimes it seemed like Dean was part of a whole different world now, and he was leaving his brother behind. When he thought back to the days where it had been just him and Sam against the world, it hurt.

But at the same time, he couldn't forget that Sam had been the one to leave him behind first. Sam was the one who had chosen to go to university all those years ago, and Sam was the one who remained hellbent on finishing his degree. If it weren't for Castiel, Dean would be... well, he'd be hunting all by himself. Hunting was the only thing that Dean knew and the only way of life that he knew how to fall back on. Might even be dead by now, considering that Meg had been out for his blood.

Wings wrapped around him, gently pulling him closer to Castiel. Without a word, Castiel scooped him up. Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's neck automatically, startled, and realized that the others must have been talking while he was thinking. Charlie started running back towards the cabins while Anael and Castiel followed more slowly, talking quietly. Very slowly, Dean relaxed into Castiel's hold and slipped the bottle back into his mouth. He drank the rest of his hot chocolate, still thinking about his brother. Maybe if Sam became a nestling too, things would be easier.

"What kind of colors are your decorations going to be, Castiel?" Charlie asked.

"I'm not sure, Charlie. What colors are there?" Castiel said.

"Lots! Mommy said this year we can do a rainbow tree!" Charlie sounded incredibly excited about the idea of a rainbow tree.

"A rainbow tree, huh," Castiel repeated, sound amused.

Anael laughed a little. "Last year we did every color except for yellow, because she decided she didn't like yellow last year. The year before that, it was every color except for green. This year, I guess we're going for all of them."

Castiel stepped over the threshold of the cabin into warmth and took the now empty bottle from Dean. Dean let him do it, looking blearily around the inside of the cabin. There were tons of decorations in every color imaginable, so many that it actually hurt his eyes to stare at them all. He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his daddy's shoulder with a grumpy sigh. Decorations were boring. He was more interested in sleep.