64. Chapter 64

Balthazar's grace, as quickly as it came and went, was like fine wine, leaving a cloying taste in Dean's mouth. He hated the feel of it after having grown used to Daddy and Uncle Gabriel, but the alternative would have meant Balthazar physically changing his diaper and Dean didn't think either of them was ready for that. As it was, he couldn't deny that it felt much better to be in a dry diaper.

"Daddy?" he asked, looking up at Balthazar with wet eyes. They hadn't been in the nest for more than a few minutes, but - if possible - it made Dean want his daddy even more. Being here without Daddy or Uncle Gabriel felt wrong now, especially when the nest looked the same as it had when they left. Daddy's coat was draped over the back of the couch where he'd forgotten it, and Uncle Gabriel had left a half-drunk glass of water on the coffee table.

"Nothing yet," Balthazar said. He was standing, hovering really, over Dean, like he wasn't sure what to do with himself. His wings were folded tightly against his back now. Dean wished he'd sit down and wrap his wings around Dean again, but he didn't know how to ask for that. With Daddy and Uncle Gabriel, he never had to ask.

"I want my daddy," Dean whispered, as though Balthazar didn't know that, as though he was sharing some great, dramatic secret. He covered his face with his hands as he started to cry. It was humiliating, but it was like his body didn't know how to do anything else. Whereas before he took frustration and fear out on alcohol, sex or long drives in the Impala, now he all he could do was cry.

"We're looking, Dean, I swear," Balthazar told him. "There are a finite number of places that angels can be sent. It's only a matter of time. The only reason they haven't come back yet is because their wings aren't working. You know how banishing sigils work."

That only made Dean wail louder. The thought of Uncle Gabriel being unable to use his wings was bad enough. Uncle Gabriel took a lot of pride in his wings. He was forever flapping them around and stretching them out and preening. But Daddy? Daddy had spent almost a year being unable to fly because he was falling (falling because of Dean). A year in which, even though he had mostly been quiet on the subject, Dean knew that Daddy had been suffering. Daddy had to be feeling just as awful now as he did then, and Dean wasn't even with him!

"Oh Father, don't cry," Balthazar said, sounding alarmed.

Dean wanted to say that he didn't want to be crying, but he couldn't stop sobbing long enough to do that. He jumped when Balthazar suddenly shoved a pacifier into his mouth and then picked him up. Before Dean knew it, Balthazar was patting him (a little roughly) on the back and walking around the house. Dean gulped in breath around his pacifier, still crying, but started sucking, winding his arms around Balthazar's neck.

Why did this feel familiar?

Oh. Suddenly, he remembered the last time he'd been this distressed when Daddy wasn't around. It was after those demons attacked them and Daddy got stabbed trying to protect Dean. Uncle Gabriel had picked Dean up and carried him like this, trying to get him to calm down. Apparently Balthazar was trying to take a page out of Uncle Gabriel's book.

Really, it just made Dean want Uncle Gabriel even more. Because Uncle Gabriel always knew how to make Dean smile, even if it was just throwing Dean down on the bed and blowing kisses on his belly until Dean was squealing with giggles, and he knew how to distract Dean when Daddy wasn't around. He whimpered a little and buried his face in Balthazar's shoulder, trying not to cry too loudly.

They'd been walking around the nest for a long time before Dean heard a very familiar sound. His head shot up and he spit his pacifier out as he stared intently at the door, listening for it again. In all the confusion, he'd forgotten all about Sparks. Her crying had been the thing to lead everyone outside in the first place. Dean hadn't even thought about the fact that she might be dead or wounded... but had he really heard her crying again just now?

Sparks meowed again and Dean cried out, squirming out of Balthazar's arms. He rushed over to the door and threw it open to find Anael standing there with Sparks in her arms. Dean stared at them in horror. Sparks didn't look good. Her right front paw was bandaged and so was her tail. She was missing patches of fur on her chest and belly. She mewed when she saw Dean, a little sound that broke his heart.

"Sparks!" he sobbed, lifting trembling hands towards her.

"She's okay, Dean," Anael said soothingly, stooping down a little. "I'm sorry I didn't have enough grace left to heal her all the way. When Uncle Gabriel comes home, he'll be able to take care of the rest. She's not in any pain, but just be careful." She gently placed Sparks into Dean's arms.

"Sparks, I'm sorry," Dean whispered, staring down at the kitten. "I forgot you. M'sorry." Sparks was also missing the tip of her left ear, he realized. Maybe that's why she'd cried out in the first place. Fresh tears welled up in his eyes and he gulped back sobs as Sparks nuzzled his cheek. She began to purr as she licked his chin, her rough tongue washing away his tears.

He pressed his face into her fur for a moment, silently overwhelmed with gratitude that she, at least, was here and okay, then looked up at Anael. "Thank you."

Anael's face softened. "You're welcome, sweetie. I'm going to hang out here with you and Uncle Balthazar until your daddy and Uncle Gabriel come home. Is that okay?"

Uncle Balthazar? Dean made a face at that, but nodded. He wasn't as uncomfortable being around Anael as he had been before. Yeah it was kind of awkward that the two of them had once had sex, and that Dean had entertained thoughts of dating Anna long term. But it was blatantly obvious that Anael no longer saw him as Dean Winchester, awesome and badass hunter of the supernatural. It was possible she didn't even think about her time as Anna.

No, all she - and the other angels that Dean had encountered during the Apocalypse - saw was Dean, hatchling of Castiel. It was like the past had been erased and whatever he'd done didn't matter anymore. The fact that he was a hatchling came before everything else. And surprisingly, Dean realized he was okay with that. He liked Anael (the fact that she was Charlie's mommy was a huge bonus, because Charlie was really cool) and having another angel around right now wasn't a bad thing, not if it meant there was even less of a chance that any more demons were going to come calling.

It did occur to him though, to be grateful that Zachariah was dead. There was no way in hell that Dean wanted to know what Zachariah would've been like around a hatchling. The thought of Zachariah trying to give him a hug was way too much after such a hideous day. He shuddered a little and clutched Sparks more tightly, blinking back even more tears.

Anael misunderstood his shudder. "Oh, Dean. We're going to find them soon, I promise." She stepped in to pull him into a hug, though she didn't wrap her wings around him. Dean kept holding onto Sparks but allowed her to hug him. It felt a little weird to be hugged and not feel dwarfed by the angel doing it; physically, Dean was taller than both Daddy's and Gabriel's vessels, but he was always aware now that their grace made them enormous. He couldn't feel that with Anael. It was just another reminder that his daddy and Uncle Gabriel weren't here.

"Why don't you sit down on the couch with Uncle Balthazar?" she suggested, running a hand through his hair. "I'll make you up a bottle."

"M'not very hungry," Dean mumbled. It was hard to believe that they'd just finished a huge Thanksgiving meal like three or four hours ago. Actually, after the excitement of everything he felt a little sick. He really regretted stuffing himself with pie now.

"I know you're not, but some of Cas's grace will help to settle you down," Anael said. She nudged him into the nest and closed the door behind her. "Go on. Go sit." She sounded firm enough that Dean wasn't sure how to argue, so he just obeyed. He walked over to the couch and sat down beside Balthazar, lowering Sparks into his lap. The kitten mewed softly, but curled up into a small ball.

"Do you want me to read to you?" Balthazar said.

"Um... okay." Actually, Dean didn't want that at all. Daddy always read to him at bedtime. Dean loved falling asleep to the familiar sound of that rumbling voice in his ears. He wanted to cry again - he wanted to just cry and cry until Daddy finally came home - but he took a deep breath and shoved the feelings back. He could be a big boy for a little while.

He turned towards Balthazar and was very surprised to see that Balthazar wasn't holding one of the novels that Daddy always read to him at night. Right now, they were working their way through the Percy Jackson series. Instead, Balthazar was holding a stack of picture books. Right away, Dean scowled. He remembered the last time he'd looked at these books. That was when they'd gone shopping for the first time, and those nestlings had teased him for being too young to understand Enochian.

"You said I'm too stupid for those," he said.

Balthazar raised an eyebrow. "That's not what I said at all. You're a baby, Dean. Stop expecting yourself to be able to do things that are literally impossible for you to do at this point."

"Those nestlings could."

"They were also several years further into maturing," Balthazar pointed out, not unkindly. "Not to mention they were nestlings, not hatchlings. It has nothing do with your current level of intelligence. You literally do not have the kind of grace you'll need to read or speak our language. That's why humans are incapable of learning to read Enochian fluently."

Our language. Dean looked at him in shock.

"Given time, you will learn," Balthazar went on, seemingly not noticing he'd said anything noteworthy. "Once you are producing your own grace and are open to the conduits of heaven, your daddy will teach you. Your grace will learn to interpret the language. But you have to be patient."

"I don't like being patient," Dean said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I've noticed," Balthazar said dryly. He leaned against the couch and opened up one of the books. It was the same one Dean had been looking at in the store that day, he realized. He didn't think Daddy or Uncle Gabriel had bought this for him, which meant... had Balthazar bought these for him?!

"I hope I didn't miss story time," Anael said, coming out of the kitchen. She was holding a bottle of milk in her hand, which she handed to Dean as she sat down on the couch. Dean still wasn't that hungry, but he put the nipple in his mouth out of politeness. At the first suck, the cool taste of grace and milk hit his tongue and he whimpered, seized by a desire for his daddy that was so strong it hurt - and for Uncle Gabriel, who never gave Dean just plain milk, but always flavored it with spices or honey or chocolate.

Anael shushed him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "Start reading, Bal," she said, nudging Balthazar.

"I would if you would be quiet," Balthazar said. Anael just smirked. He rolled his eyes and looked down at the first page, reading it out loud. Dean leaned against him, renewed tears rolling down his cheeks, quietly drinking his bottle and looking at the pictures while Sparks slept.