45. Chapter 45

As Castiel returned to the table, Anael looked over at him. Guilt was written across her face. She said, “I really am sorry, Cas. I got caught up in the idea of Charlie finally having someone her own age to play with. I should have thought more about how uncomfortable it might make Dean, and I definitely should have asked you first before I took Balthazar’s word for it.”

“Hey,” Balthazar protested. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“That’s not the point,” Anael said, shooting him a look. “I’m not just an angel to Dean. He knew me when I was a human. We were intimate. Just once, but still. That kind of thing matters to humans.” She went quiet for a moment, looking at the plate of mostly empty cookies. “I hope I haven’t set your progress with him back.”

“I’ll have to talk with him when he wakes up, but I think he’ll be okay,” Castiel replied. “To be honest, I’m not sure he’s realized yet that eventually, even around other humans, he’ll still be a hatchling. Even Bobby and Sam. He won’t have a choice in the matter.” He thought back to Dean’s last encounter with his family, when Dean had nearly wet himself in the kitchen. It was only Castiel’s and Gabriel’s quick thinking that had prevented that. Chances were Dean hadn’t put two and two together about what that meant for the future.

“Charlie was like that a little bit, but not nearly as bad. She actually adapted very quickly, but she doesn’t have a human family,” said Anael.

“I think Dean would be the same even if he didn’t have a family. It’s just the way he is.” Or rather, it was the way John Winchester had made him be. Castiel had seen Dean’s whole life; he knew about every single time when John had demanded his sons ‘man up’. From the time that he was four years old, Dean had been told to act like an adult – and then had been given a twisted concept of what an adult even was. Even if Sam and Bobby weren’t around anymore, Dean’s macho self image would still be intact.

Anael frowned. “I hate the thought of him suffering,” she said. “I know that we parted on very negative terms last time –”

“You did try to kill his mother,” Balthazar said.

Anael kicked him and kept talking without skipping a beat. “- But he was always very sweet to me before that. I never would have guessed that he would be a hatchling, but after I got my grace back I could see it. And it made me so sad. I didn’t think he’d get the chance. I’m glad you were able to talk him into it, Cas.”

“So was I,” Castiel said simply, not bothering to go into details about how little convincing it had taken. To an outsider, it might’ve looked like Dean and Castiel had been engaged in a battle of wills for the past few months. But that wasn’t the case. Not when deep down, Dean really did want what was happening. Dean just didn’t think it was something that he was supposed to want, or that he deserved it.

“Can we consider this a successful test run, then?” Anael asked hopefully. “I’d love the chance to bring Charlie back for another playdate in the future.”

“Let me talk to Dean first. I’ll let you know.”

“That’s fair. I guess I should take Charlie and go then.”

“You can let them sleep for a little while longer,” Castiel said. They’d all seen Charlie sneaking down the hallway – the bright red hair was difficult to miss. He hoped that spending just a little more time with Charlie would help Dean to understand that there was nothing embarrassing or shameful about being a hatchling.

They talked for a little while longer, mostly about the state of heaven and hell – heaven was doing well under Gabriel’s rule, but hell was more of a mystery since Crowley hadn’t been seen much – before Anael stood up. Castie followed her down the hall and pushed the door open. He couldn’t help smiling at the sight. Dean was curled up in a ball facing away from them. Charlie was sprawled out on her back. Both of them were sound asleep and sucking their thumbs.

Anael crossed the floor silently and reached down to scoop Charlie up. Charlie stirred a little but didn’t wake up, and Dean slept on obliviously. Castiel came closer to the bed to pull the blanket up, not wanting Dean to catch a chill. It was still hard for him to sleep when the slightest movement caused painful cramps, so he wanted to let Dean sleep for as long as possible. He picked up Dean’s fox from the floor and set it back on the bed, straightening up just in time to see Anael smile.

“He’s been just as good for you as you are for him,” she whispered. “You have a purpose again, Cas. You needed that.”

Castiel nodded, glancing down at his slumbering hatchling. It was true. He’d been at a loss during much of the Apocalypse. His grace was failing, his search for God was going nowhere, and his usefulness to the Winchester brothers had been getting smaller by the day. He had no faith, no goals, no reason to exist. For an angel who had been created with one purpose in mind – to love God - that was terrifying. He would always be grateful to Dean for this chance.

Of course, he could’ve returned to heaven with Gabriel and spent his time reinstating order after the chaos of the Apocalypse. He had done that for a little while, helping to smooth out the initial disorder. But although Castiel still loved heaven, he hadn’t completely come to terms with his banishment – or with the brothers and sisters he’d fought with. A lot of them still looked at him with distrust, and it had quickly grown uncomfortable. Living a life where you constantly had to watch your back grew tiresome very quickly.

He lifted his gaze to Anael and answered quietly. “It seems both of us have purpose now.” Looking at the protective way she was holding Charlie, he knew that she would understood what he meant. Some angels were interested in taking a nestling or hatchling only to help insure that their race didn’t die out. Love or affection didn’t enter into the equation. Anael wasn’t one of them.

She winked at him in response and carried Charlie out of the room. Castiel remained behind, closing his eyes and following the feeling of her grace as she left the nest and began walking to the perimeter of the wards. Only once she and Charlie had flown away did he open his eyes again. He turned Dean’s mobile on again and then slipped out of the room, finding Balthazar still in the kitchen. His brother was sipping from a glass of high quality scotch and looking very grim.

“You brought out the scotch. Something must be wrong,” Castiel said. He wasn’t surprised. He’d suspected that there was another reason for Balthazar’s visit, but hadn’t wanted to bring it up in front of Anael. Though he trusted her to some extent, it was impossible to forget that she had nearly killed Dean and Sam just a couple of months ago. It would take time before he trusted her fully, and he didn’t think he would never be comfortable leaving Dean alone with her.

“That’s actually the problem,” Balthazar said. “Nothing’s wrong.”

Castiel sat down. “Come again?”

“No sulfur, no storms, no unusual cattle death, no souls going downstairs – or none more than usual, anyway. Gabriel and I have been looking, Cas. We can’t find any sign of any demons.”

“None at all?”

Balthazar shook his head, frustration growing. “Believe me, I’ve searched across the globe. Only thing I found was a couple of crossroads demons seducing a man into cheating on his wife.” He rolled his eyes.

“That’s not good,” Castiel muttered. Crowley was not the kind of demon to give up easily, especially now that he increased in power by gaining control of hell. The tentative truce that had existed between them and Crowley during the Apocalypse was, no doubt, broken now. Castiel and Dean had, for the most part, avoided any conflict so far by keeping to the heavily warded nest; Gabriel had angels keeping a constant eye on Sam.

If the demons that had attacked him and Dean were random, there was a good chance they’d gotten word out about Castiel’s and Dean’s location before their death. And if they weren’t random and this had been planned, then Crowley still knew where he and Dean were. As long as Castiel, Dean, Sam and Bobby were around, they were liabilities for Crowley’s operation. Changing the location of the nest made the most sense, but Castiel found himself loathe to do that.

He glanced around the kitchen. It had been a cold and sterile environment before Dean came to stay. Now there were bottles of grace on the counter waiting to be consumed, baby bottles and pacifiers drying by the sink, brightly colored pictures pinned up on the refrigerator, and crumbs on the floor. A handful of legos had somehow found their way to the corner, there was actual food in the cupboards, and there was a space at the table for a highchair – not that Dean was aware of that yet. It looked lived in. It was their home.

They weren’t leaving. Castiel couldn’t in good conscience uproot Dean like that, not when Dean was finally settled and going so far as to let his guard down. Besides, he didn’t want to give Crowley an inch. Running away would just make Crowley think they were scared of him, when really it was the exact opposite. Castiel’s fingers itched with the urge to smite the demon and make sure that Crowley would never be a threat to Dean again.

Crowley was smart, though. He wouldn’t give Castiel that chance easily. He said, “They’re planning something. Crowley’s got something up his sleeve.”

“Undoubtedly. Either way, they’ll probably make another attempt at you and the baby. You should be careful about leaving the nest unless someone else is with you, Cas.”

“I will. I’m not going to tell Dean, though. It will just upset him.”

“Are you sure that’s wise? What if you get blindsided?”

“He couldn’t do anything last time,” Castiel said, glad that Dean wasn’t there to hear it. It was the truth, but it would be enough to make Dean think that he was failing somehow when he wasn’t. The truth was that Dean was in no position mentally or emotionally to be fighting or hunting right now, but he’d drive himself crazy with worrying if he thought that there was something dangerous out there. Castiel tried to imagine telling Dean that Crowley was out there plotting and winced. Yeah, that would not go over well.

Balthazar sighed into his drink. “True,” he conceded. “Gabriel said he’d be back within two or three days. Will you need anything before then?”

“We should be fine. Dean’s not feeling well enough to go anywhere anyway. And even if he was, he wouldn’t want to. He doesn’t like the way his wings look.”

“Self-conscious?”

“Very much so.” It hadn’t escaped Castiel’s notice that Dean tried not to look at his wings, and on the rare chance he did catch a glimpse of them, Dean always grimaced. No matter how many times Castiel told him that his feathers would soon grow in, it didn’t seem to matter.

“They are rather unattractive in that state.”

“Balthazar!”

Balthazar just chuckled and tossed back the rest of his drink. “Relax, Cassie. I have something in mind that I think might help.”

“What?” Castiel asked, but he was asking empty air. Balthazar was already gone. He scowled at the place where his brother had been, letting the mild annoyance push away the worry over the demons. Whatever Balthazar was planning, it would either go well or be a complete disaster.