29. Chapter 29

Dean broke a fry in half and dropped a half in the pool of ketchup he'd dumped on his plate, watching out of the corner of his eye as, part way across the restaurant and outside of hearing distance, Castiel talked to their waiter. He didn't recognize the angel - Samandriel, was it? - but he could tell from the relaxed stance of Castiel's body that this was no random angel. This was one of Castiel's friends, which meant it was no coincidence that Samandriel had shown up after Balthazar left.

It was kind of weird in a way. For so long, Castiel and Gabriel had been the only angels that the Winchesters could trust. But now that Michael and Lucifer were locked up, angels were popping out of the woodwork left and right like nothing had happened. The show of support had to feel nice to Castiel and Gabriel, because Dean knew damn well that there were plenty of times during the Apocalypse when the two of them had been lonely and could have used some extra help.

But still. He wasn't sure how he felt about more angels hanging around. Especially not now when he knew that they all looked at him and saw a baby. He frowned down at his plate, pushing at the fry on his plate until it was so coated with ketchup that it dissolved into mush. Besides, the Winchesters didn’t have a very good reputation in heaven. Not that long ago, they’d been number one on the angelic hit list – and so had Castiel, thanks to his affiliation with them. Had that all been forgiven that easily? Or were some of these angels just waiting for the chance to get some revenge?

He licked the ketchup off his fingers and looked in Castiel's direction again, vaguely noticing that the hatchling he’d spent most of the meal watching was now walking out of the restaurant with her parental angel. She was carrying a doll and seemed perfectly happy to be sucking on a pacifier as she cuddled up under the angel’s arm. As she walked past, he saw that her fluffy pink wings had been dyed purple and blue in a couple different places – though the splotchy nature of the dye job suggested it hadn’t been on purpose.

That was interesting for reasons Dean wasn’t willing to examine that closely, but he was too preoccupied with Castiel to care. He tensed a little when Samandriel stepped closer to Castiel. Samandriel was wearing the same uniform as the rest of the staff: a long-sleeved white shirt, black pants, black shoes, and a dorky striped apron that matched the dorkier striped hat. It would be way too easy for an angel blade to be concealed in the sleeve of that shirt. Castiel would never see it coming.

Something cold touched Dean’s cheek. Startled, he turned to see that Gabriel was leaning over the table and offering him a heaping spoonful of ice cream and hot fudge sauce. Dean blinked at the offering in confusion, and when he went to open his mouth to accept he realized that while he was watching Castiel, he’d gone from licking his fingers to sucking and chewing on them. He slowly pulled his fingers out of his mouth, wincing when he automatically flexed them and the abraded on his knuckles skin stung. Before he could say a word, Gabriel popped the spoon in his mouth and touched his hand to heal the slight damage.

“It’s okay, kiddo,” Gabriel said quietly. He scooped up another spoonful of ice cream, this time chocolate ice cream with caramel sauce, and held it out as he added, “Nothing’s going to happen to your daddy. Samandriel is an old friend of his.”

Dean frowned, flexing his fingers again, and swallowed the first mouthful. “Anna was your friend too.”

“She was, but now there’s no brainwashing going on upstairs. I made sure of that.” There was a funny twist to Gabriel’s mouth as he fed Dean the second spoonful of ice cream. “Samandriel is perfectly safe, I promise. Shopping isn’t really Balthazar’s thing, and Samandriel was hanging around today anyway to provide extra back-up just in case.”

“In case of what? Demons? Or angels?” Dean asked, turning his head away from a third spoonful. His stomach felt funny. “’Cause I can’t imagine there’s very many angels who were happy about this.”

“First of all, your daddy wouldn’t care about that. Second of all, while there are a few of Raphael’s minions flying around who aren’t happy, for the most part no one really cares about you anymore. I’m sorry to say you’re old news as far as heaven is concerned, darlin’.”

“Good,” Dean muttered. “But – still –”

“Cassie isn’t going to leave you,” Gabriel said, cutting straight through to the heart of the matter. His voice was firm but not unkind. “He rebelled against heaven for you once before. He wouldn’t hesitate to do it again.”

“But why?” That was the crux of the matter, the thing that Dean still didn’t understand, and he stared at Gabriel with pleading eyes.

Gabriel sighed and set his spoon down. “Dean, until Castiel met you, he was a good little soldier. He never questioned anything. Saving you from hell… even just touching your soul… it was his first real brush with humanity. That’s not to say he hadn’t visited Earth before. But it’s one thing to visit Earth and something else entirely to encounter something that changes you. Something that’s unique, whether it’s good or bad, that makes you realize that existence isn’t just about unquestioning faith.” Gabriel sounded a little wistful.

“That’s what raising you from hell did. And the more time Cassie spent around you and your brother, the more he started to realize that maybe doing what you’re told isn’t always the answer. You taught him about free will, remember? Angels weren’t born knowing that. Can you imagine what it’s like to go from knowing that your only goal in life is follow orders, to all of a sudden having to make your own decisions about everything?”

“No,” Dean whispered, even though he sort of could. He sure hadn’t handled it well after Sam left for Stanford and John took off to go hunting by himself. For the first time in his life, he had no one to look after and no one dictating his life. If it hadn’t been for Bobby, Dean might have drank himself to death during those first couple of weeks. He couldn’t begin to imagine that on the magnified scale that Castiel had gone through.

There was a knowing look on Gabriel’s face, like he knew what Dean was thinking. He probably did. “Through all that change, you were the one thing that stayed constant. Castiel wanted to protect you. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to. This is just one more way for him to do that. You’re safe, you’re loved, and you’re becoming an angel. You already have a profound bond, but this will make it a hundred times stronger. Not to mention, it gives him something to focus on and some control. Why wouldn’t he want this with you?”

Dean was speechless. It was like he’d lost the ability to form words. He’d never thought about it like that before. It made sense that, in light of all that turmoil and God’s abandonment, Castiel would latch on to something. But he could have chosen a lot better than Dean. Sam, for example, was a worthier target for all this than Dean could ever be – though he and Castiel didn’t share that whole ‘profound bond’ that seemed so important. Maybe it was just Castiel’s bad luck that he’d been sent to save Dean and not someone better.

“By Father, you’re a stubborn one,” Gabriel said in exasperation. He stood up, pushing away the remains of his sundae. Most of it had been demolished, which was amazing considering that it had started out as a masterpiece of forty different flavors of ice cream, half a dozen different kinds of sauce, and at least twenty cherries. Plus peanuts and whipped cream.

Across the restaurant, Castiel’s head turned. He said something to Samandriel and then walked back to them. “What’s going on?”

“Your baby’s too thickheaded for his own good,” Gabriel said, grabbing the handle of the stroller.

“I am not,” Dean protested, pouting. Gabriel had left a cherry behind. Just for that comment, he grabbed it, popping it into his mouth and sucking the juice from his fingers.

Castiel looked like he was trying not to laugh. “How about we visit the toy store?” he suggested, picking up one of the hand wipes that every restaurant offered. He ripped it open and took Dean’s hand, cleaning it quickly, then gently tugged Dean’s right fingers out of his mouth to clean those too.

The toy store. In spite of himself, Dean was intrigued. Every once in a while, usually in the towns where they stopped overnight and weren’t around long enough for anyone to remember them, he and Sam used to find a toy store and walk through just to admire the shelves. When Sam was really little, they used to play a game: what toys would each of them get if their dad won the lottery? It was fun to imagine, and Sam always smiled so big when he got caught up in the fantasy. But after he grew up a little more and started wanting to know why they never actually bought the toys, it stopped being fun.

Remembering that, that look on Sam’s face when Dean told him they couldn’t buy any toys, Dean caught Castiel’s hand. “I have enough toys,” he whispered. He had coloring books, and his bee, and he was pretty sure there were other toys around that Castiel hadn’t shown him yet.

Both angels frowned and exchanged a glance. It was Castiel who spoke. “Dean, I told you when we first went to the nest that I hadn’t bought many toys for you. I wanted you to be able to pick them out yourself.”

“But I don’t –”

“Why don’t we go see?” Gabriel suggested. “We can just walk through.”

It sounded suspiciously similar to what he and Sam used to do, but Dean nodded anyway and got up. He didn’t let go of Castiel’s hand as they walked out of the restaurant, Gabriel following right behind them with the stroller. The toy store was all the way at the other end of the strip mall. It wasn’t a long walk, but there was a crowd, and a lot of angels kept looking at them – specifically Gabriel. Dean flinched every time he noticed the attention and wished that he was back in the stroller. It was babyish and embarrassing, but he was tired and at least no one would be able to see him then.

Castiel wrapped an arm around his shoulders as they walked through the door of the toy shop. It was the biggest store yet, with aisles stretching back as far as Dean could see. Unlike most toy stores, it wasn’t divided into a girl section and a boy section. Instead, it seemed to be divided by age: hatchling, younger nestling, older nestling. And it was packed. Dean looked around in disbelief, shocked by the sight of so many angels and nestlings and hatchlings in one place. He couldn’t help shrinking back a little.

“It’s okay,” Castiel murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “If you get too overwhelmed, we can go home."

"I'm fine," Dean said, not wanting the shopping trip to end prematurely just because he couldn't handle a crowded store, and forced himself to take a step forward. The least crowded section of the store was the hatchling section, unsurprisingly. There were lots of toys. Dean ignored most of them, choosing instead to glance at the wall of stuffed animals. Every imaginable animal, and a few he'd never seen before, was available.

"Go ahead. Pick a couple out," Castiel said.

"I don't -"

"I know you don't need them, baby. That's not the point."

Dean looked back at the stuffed animals. Part of him wanted to just leave the store, because this was all for babies. The last several weeks aside, he hadn't slept with a stuffed animal for years. But he had to admit that there was something very comforting about his bee, and it wasn't just because it contained a speck of his daddy's grace. Before the attack, the bee had actually been enough to soothe him back to asleep after a handful of nightmares. He'd drift off rubbing his cheek against the soft, fuzzy body.

He found himself staring intently at a white fox. He knew he didn't want a dog - he still had dreams of the hellhounds - or a cat. But the fox was awfully cute. It had a black nose, big blue eyes, and pink fur on the insides of its triangular ears and the tip of its long, bushy tail, as well as a pink bow around its neck. The fur was a little longer than that of his bee - extra long on the tail and ears - and he knew that it would feel really good against his face and hands.

After a moment, during which Dean tried to make himself look away and failed, Castiel stepped forward and reached for the fox. He turned to Dean and held it out. Dean stared at the ground, trying to ignore it, but then Castiel gently pushed the fox against his chest and he could almost feel it through his shirt. He couldn't help himself. Embarrassing tears welled up in his eyes as he grabbed onto the fox, pressing his face against the white body to block out the world around him.