24. Chapter 24

Though it was early - far too early for babies to be up - Dean refused to go back to sleep, and Castiel didn't feel right in making him. It was obvious just how much Dean was suffering. The nightmare was weighing heavily on Dean's mind, and it made him clingy. He didn't complain once about being carried around the house, even though normally he would have put up at least a token protest. Instead, when he was walking around, he stuck to Castiel like glue. The one time Castiel slipped out of the room without Dean's notice, the look of abject fear on Dean's face when he came running to find Castiel was enough to make him regret leaving. It took over an hour for Dean to stop shaking.

Needless to say, the day was a quiet one. Castiel managed to coax Dean outside, and he and Balthazar sat on the porch while Dean sat on the grass. He wasn't really playing, because every couple of minutes he kept turning his head to check and make sure that Castiel was okay. Not for the first time, Castiel had to push back the urge to pick Dean up and take him somewhere safe. Gabriel could've created a dimension where no one could find them with very little effort, but ultimately that wasn't what Dean needed. Being so apart from the world would only make Dean worry even more. His little boy was too used to being right in the middle of the action.

He fed Dean an early supper of chicken nuggets, french fries and green beans, then gave him a long, hot bath and put him to bed with a sippy cup of grace. It ended up taking an extra three chapters of Harry Potter before Dean fell asleep, and even then he was fighting it every step of the way. Castiel closed the book, which he was actually beginning to enjoy, and sighed even as he smiled at how cute Dean looked curled up around his bee. He gently cupped Dean's head with one of his wings, noting how instinctively Dean turned into the touch even though a regular human wouldn't have known anything was there.

Castiel's purpose in heaven had always been as a soldier, and for a long time he had believed that to be fulfilling. It was what he was meant to be, and it wasn't until he met the Winchesters that he realized it wasn't necessarily who he wanted to be. Or at least, not all of it. Because he was discovering that there was a different kind of peace and contentment that came from watching a hatchling sleep, and the fact that it was Dean only made it more meaningful. Here was something fragile and beautiful, the kind of creation that only their Father had been capable of for so long, and it belonged to Castiel. Yet there was a pain in it too, because he could sense the torment just waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting Dean.

It took a little grace to banish those nightmares, easing Dean's restless sleep into something deeper. The effort exhausted him and he swayed as he stood, but he didn't care. It was worth it. He flicked the light off and nearly walked right into Balthazar, who quickly steadied Castiel before he could fall. Castiel thanked him with a silent nod and closed the door most of the way, leaving it open a crack. Normally he would've trusted himself to hear Dean if the baby woke up again, but the effect of nourishing Dean combined with his still severely diminished grace meant that his senses weren't what they should be. He was actually having to sleep at night. They might have to invest in some baby monitors.

Balthazar helped him into the bedroom and lingered as Castiel sank down onto the bed. After a moment, he said, "Do you want me to stay tonight?"

"We'll be fine."

"That's not what I asked."

Castiel closed his eyes wearily. Never had he been more grateful that there were a few of his brothers and sisters that he could really count on than he was now. "Please."

"Go to sleep, Cas," Balthazar said, patting him lightly on the foot. "There are some seasons of America's Next Top Model waiting for my attention."

"America's Next Top Model?" Castiel echoed blankly.

"It's a show about young, hot girls walking around in skimpy clothing," Balthazar said with a lecherous smirk.

"I don't want to know anymore," Castiel said instantly, holding up a hand. Really, he should have known better than to ask in the first place. He rolled his eyes as Balthazar's smirk grew larger and he sauntered out of the room. His brother was really too much sometimes.

He fell asleep much faster than Dean had, giving in to the demands of his vessel, and he would have stayed that way until morning had it not been for the distinct sound of something heavy hitting flesh. Castiel bolted awake at the same as two very familiar voices started yelling. He raced to the door, jerked it open and stepped out into the hall just in time to see Balthazar wrenching a bat away from Dean with one hand, while the other hand was cupped protectively across his ribs. The overhead light switched on thanks to Balthazar's grace, illuminating the hallway. Dean blinked rapidly, looked from Balthazar to Castiel and back again, and then burst into tears.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Balthazar muttered.

"Dean." Castiel hurried forward, taking his hysterical little one into his arms. "Balthazar, what happened?"

"I caught him sneaking out of his bedroom again. I didn't mean to scare him," Balthazar said defensively. "I just said his name and put my hand on his arm, and he turned around and started hitting me with this bloody bat. He's strong for a hatchling."

"He's a hunter," Castiel pointed out absently, more preoccupied with calming Dean down. Dean was clinging to him again, crying so hard he was having to gulp for air, and a quick brush of his mind revealed another nightmare. This one had taken place in hell, and featured Castiel on the rack while Alastair tortured him and Dean watched. Evidently Dean had woken up just as Alastair handed Dean a knife and commanded him to take a turn.

Balthazar muttered something unappealing and no doubt insulting under his breath that Castiel chose not to hear. He lifted Dean easily, unsurprised to find that Dean was wet again, and carried him into the bathroom. He removed the wet diaper and sat down on the toilet, setting a half-naked Dean on his lap. Despite Dean's earlier protests to the contrary, when Balthazar leaned around the door and pointedly offered a pacifier, Castiel didn't hesitate to take it. He caught Dean's chin with his hand and popped the pacifier into his mouth before Dean even realized what was going on. Then he wrapped both arms and wings around Dean and just waited.

It took a little while, but gradually Dean's sobs slowed. He sniffled a few times and then Castiel heard the sound of teeth grating across rubber, but, before he could scold Dean, it stopped. Dean sucked hard once and then tried to spit the pacifier out. Castiel caught his eye, shook his head and pushed the pacifier back into place. A pout settled across Dean's tear stained face but he subsided, melting into Castiel's arms like a doll. The only tension that remained was in his hands, where he gripped Castiel's shirt so tightly the material was at risk of tearing.

"I'm sorry, little one," Castiel murmured, rubbing his hands soothingly up and down Dean's back. "My grace wasn't strong enough at a distance to keep your nightmares away for the whole night. I should've stayed with you."

Dean whimpered in response, nudging his head under Castiel's chin. He was shivering a little. Castiel sighed and turned to the sink. He took a cloth, wet it with some warm water, and wiped the tears and snot from Dean's face before rinsing it. Only then did he reach between Dean's legs and begin cleaning the urine from his genitals and buttocks. His grace was too depleted to be used on such a simple task - he really needed to be more careful about what he used it for - but he hadn't wanted to risk upsetting Dean even more by doing it before he was calmer. Dean tensed a bit, his cheeks turning pink, and his eyes squeezed shut, but it seemed that holding onto Castiel was more important than the embarrassment because he didn't try to move away.

"You're such a good boy, Dean. Daddy's good boy," Castiel whispered. Satisfied that Dean was clean, he rinsed the cloth again and then set it aside to dry. His stomach ached as he bent to get another diaper, and he frowned in annoyance. The less he used his grace, the faster he would heal. But it was inconvenient to have to do so now, when he was just easing Dean into this. He had always planned to do this the human way eventually, but Dean would have been infinitely more comfortable with grace the first few times.

He lifted Dean a bit, got a diaper under him and then fastened it together. Through it all, Dean remained quiet. Castiel continued to praise him as he stood up and washed his hands as best he could - a difficult maneuver, considering that Dean refused to let go of him. Then he carried Dean out to the living room. He wasn't surprised to find that Balthazar wasn't alone. Gabriel was sitting on the couch, one leg folded the other, his expression completely serious. There wasn't an ounce of his usual light-hearted joviality visible, but there was a whole lot of concern the instant he caught sight of Dean.

"Balthazar told me what's going on," he said.

"I should have expected this," Castiel said, a little frustrated that he hadn't. Of course what had happened was traumatizing for Dean, and just because he was ready to stop hiding in his mind didn't mean that the trauma had just disappeared. But angels didn't sleep. It was hard to remember sometimes what it meant for the humans that did, no matter how many times Castiel had already soothed the nightmares away from Dean's troubled mind.

"It's not your fault, bro," Gabriel replied gently. "The human subconscious is a powerful thing, and Dean is vulnerable right now. Even when he was a pro at pushing it all down and locking it away, he still had nightmares. At least now he actually has someone to comfort him afterwards."

That was true. Castiel crossed to the couch since Balthazar was occupying the chair and sat down, easily rearranging Dean to make them both comfortable. Gabriel scooted a bit closer and lifted Dean's feet into his lap. Dean peeked over at him, and the misery in his green eyes made Gabriel's whole face soften in a way that Castiel had never seen before. He wondered about it as Gabriel started rubbing Dean's feet. Gabriel had always claimed that he wouldn't take a nestling or a hatchling because he wouldn't be any good at it, but what Castiel had been seeing over the past month strongly suggested otherwise. It was something he would have to talk to Gabriel about in the future.

Putting that aside for now, Castiel turned to Balthazar. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you?"

"I'm fine," Balthazar said, pulling his shirt up. There was a bruise, which wasn't surprising. Most angels were awkward in their vessels and clung too hard to their true selves, and because of that their vessels couldn't really be harmed. But Balthazar, like Gabriel, had always been at home in his vessel. He added, "He only got a couple of blows in before I got the bat away from him. I could've got it sooner, but I figured you'd be pissed if I broke your hatchling's arm." He smiled innocently.

"Pissed isn't the word," Castiel told him. "But thank you."

Balthazar shrugged, letting his shirt drop. "No problem. This, however, is a problem."

"I agree," said Gabriel. "I think we need to take Dean out of the house."

"What?" Castiel said, surprised.

"We looked into those demons. From what Inias and Hester reported to me, they didn't tell anyone about you or Dean. Too focused on keeping up with your jumps. So you should be safe. Besides, it's not good for Dean to be cooped up here, Cas. He's dwelling on what happened. He needs a distraction, and another walk isn't a good idea."

Castiel mulled this over, but had to admit that Gabriel was right. Another walk would only scare Dean even more, because he'd spend the whole time expecting that the same thing would happen. They would need to take a walk at some point, to prove that wasn't the case, but that was best left for later. He looked at Gabriel curiously. "Then what do you have in mind?"

Gabriel grinned. "Shopping."