Albus at the ICW Conference

Monday, 21st August, 7:51 a.m CEST (6:51 a.m in the United Kingdom)

8 days, 22.8 hours after the start of Harry's trial Bern, Switzerland

Albus Dumbledore was here in Bern to do actual work at the annual conference of the International Confederation of Wizards—as opposed to other years, when Albus only chaired the conference and acted important.

Most of the time, the ICW acted only as a debating society, because whatever resolutions the ICW passed at any conference had no legal force on signatory magical nations. But one of the few conditions for joining the ICW was that if an ICW resolution was approved by 90 percent or more of the member countries in conference, all magical countries each agreed to change their laws as the resolution required.

This was a tough standard to meet. The last time an ICW resolution had received a 90-percent vote was in 1965: all nations had been banned from importing ground-up elephant tusks.

Why the ban? And why such a lopsided vote to enforce the ban?

There were two potions which could be made from ground-up elephant tusks. The much more famous of the two potions was Erection Potion.

The Erection Potion not only made a wizard's penis hard for four hours, the potion made the penis excited for four hours; the wizard could enjoy at least eight orgasms in this four-hour period.

(If an Erection Potion erection lasts more than four hours, see your healer—eventually.)

Since 1965, the only way for a wizard to obtain Erection Potion was to import it from Magical Bangui (in central Africa) or from Magical India.

The other potion that could be made from ground-up elephant tusks was a Dark potion: the Alive Inferi potion. A person who drank this potion would become as stupid as a dog, and would become completely obedient to the person to whom the potion was keyed. The alive inferi would ignore pain and injuries, while relentlessly carrying out his or her master's

orders. Whenever the alive inferi died whilst obeying his/her owner's commands, he or she immediately became an inferi, still in thrall to his owner.

Every magical nation had passed laws that banned the importing of Alive Inferi potion— except for Magical Haiti. But in practice, Magical Haiti's exception did not matter, because Magical India refused to brew the evil potion, and Magical Bangui refused to export it.

But now, Magical Haiti wanted to overturn the resolution that banned the importing of ground-up elephant tusks. The argument that Bertrand Gauthier of Haiti was using on the other ICW-conference delegates was "Why should Magical India and Magical Bangui have a worldwide monopoly on Erection Potion? If importing of ground-up elephant tusks is allowed, each country can brew its own Erection Potion, and the price of that potion will drop for wizards."

But Bertrand Gauthier was a voice crying in the wilderness; so far as Albus knew, Magical Haiti had no allies.

On the other side, and wanting to keep the 1965 importation-ban still in force: Magical India, Magical Bangui, and Magical USA. Magical USA's stated reason for their position was that they did not want any more elephants being killed, which is what would happen if the worldwide demand for elephant tusks increased. But Albus believed that the real reason for the Magical USA government opposing the Magical Haiti measure was that the Magical USA government feared that if ground-up elephant tusks could be imported into the USA, evil Americans soon would be dosing other Americans with Alive Inferi potion.

****

But Albus was not working so hard, here in Bern, because of the resolution that Magical Haiti was pushing. No, Albus was here because Magical Australia and Magical USA jointly were pushing a resolution to make NEWTs in Wizarding Britain conform to ICW standards. (Right now, Wizarding Britain NEWTs were much easier than ICW NEWTs. Australia and the USA said this was unfair to businesses outside Britain who hired British magicals for positions, then had to spend their own money teaching the "ignorant" British magicals.)

Right now, every country in the ICW except for Wizarding Britain sat NEWTs that were up to ICW standards. This meant that, at worst, every country at the ICW conference except for Wizarding Britain would vote for the Australia-USA resolution, and this vote would exceed 90 percent. Then either Wizarding Britain would be forced to change its laws (for which, Albus would be blamed), or Wizarding Britain would leave the ICW (and Albus would lose his Supreme Mugwump position).

But Albus, whilst concerned about the Australia-USA resolution during this Monday morning in Bern, was not panicked. Whom were the other ICW-conference delegates going to listen to, Mick Carter and Pete Joplin, two delegates from former British colonies, or to Albus Dumbledore, the Defeater of Grindelwald?

****

But just to make sure that Delegate Mick Carter (Australia) and Pete Joplin (USA) did not succeed with their resolution, Albus took a walk over to the ICW Bureau of Reports and Records—now, before regular office hours. Because Albus was the Supreme Mugwump, he could open the door and could walk in, when neither the Chief Archivist nor any of the clerks were there.

Back in Britain, when Albus had been Chief Warlock, he had had the authority to seal documents—such as James and Lily Potter's wills. Not so, here in Bern. It was quite inconvenient now, that Albus could not decree as Supreme Mugwump, "You may not read such-and-such document, or read it aloud, or quote from it. If you do any of these things, you shall go to prison."

Not only was Albus not permitted to seal any report or record here in Bern, but every page of every ICW document was marked with runes at the bottom of the page that prevented the page from being vanished, erased, altered, or bespelled with a Notice-Me-Not Charm. ICW documents could not be carried beyond the Bureau door. Only Angelique, the ICW Chief Archivist, could do these things, and only Angelique could copy documents, but she could do all these things only in her office. Too bad for Albus, the Chief Archivist's office was behind a Fidelius, and only Angelique's clerks ever were told the Secret to finding that office.

Now to work, Albus thought. Mick and Pete needed certain ICW reports, that compared NEWT-examination results between countries, to make their case that the Wizengamot's current standards for NEWTs were hurting Wizarding Britain students. Albus could not seal these reports, vanish them, blank out the pages, alter the text, make those reports be not- noticed, or carry the documents away—but he could hide the reports.

Albus used a fancier version of Accio that made the relevant file-cabinet drawers open, and made every report about NEWT testing that the Bureau of Reports and Records possessed, fly up out of its file drawer and towards Albus. Once Albus was holding all of the ICW reports about NEWTs, he levitated all of the reports so that they were behind a certain file cabinet, between that file cabinet and the wall.

With the reports hidden, Albus shut all the file cabinets, left the Bureau of Reports and Records, and went to breakfast.

****

After a leisurely breakfast (that was mostly spent talking with other ICW-conference delegates), Albus went to the conference Hospitality Suite, where he could get snacks, drinks and recreational potions.

Albus saw Bertrand Gauthier (Haiti) and Mick Carter (Australia) glad-handing and working the room, just as Albus intended to begin soon.

But Albus did not see the USA delegate, Pete—

Pete Joplin walked into the Hospitality Suite right then, and walked towards Mick Carter.

"Pete!" called out Mick Carter, before Pete Joplin had taken more than two steps into the room. "G'day, mate, welcome to Switzerland."

"Hey, buddy, good to see you too," Pete Joplin replied with a wide grin. Once the two wizards got close, they threw themselves at each other, fiercely pounding each other's backs.

Then Pete asked his Australian friend, "Do they only have Pepper-Up on the tables here, or can I maybe get some coffee? My body clock says it's bar-closing time, not mid-morning."

By then, Albus had walked over. "In past years, I have discouraged the ICW from serving Muggle snacks and drinks at its conventions; I think it is unseemly. We here all are magicals, so we should support magical vendors. Anyway, good morning, Mick and Pete."

Mick barely nodded his head. "Supreme Mugwump Dumbledore," he said, his voice flat.

Pete, likewise speaking with no friendliness in his voice, said, "Supreme Mugwump Dumbledore, hello."

Then Mick grinned a smile at Albus that reminded Albus of the Look out, we're about to do mischief! smile of James, Sirius, Fred or George. "So, mate, lately Harry Potter has been in the newspapers a lot. But you haven't been in the newspapers at all, except for Harry Potter saying bad things about you. Harry Potter killed Voldemort this month, whilst you ... were on holiday, I guess."

Pete announced cheerfully (and loudly), "I've got shrunk-down newspaper clippings in my pocket. Harry Potter has told much to the New York Wand."

****

Meanwhile in Scotland

Dobby elf-popped Harry, Hermione and Sirius outside the gates of Hogwarts. Minutes later, Hagrid had brought the three into Hogwarts Castle, and the three were knocking on the door to the Deputy Headmistress's office.

Professor McGonagall's first words, upon seeing the teenagers, was "So you've heard about the prefect badges?"

Sirius asked, "What about prefect badges?"

The old witch looked like she had just drunk a nasty-tasting potion. "Mr Potter, Miss Granger, I chose you two to be the Gryffindor fifth-year prefects. It was an easy choice. But the headmaster overruled me in the case of Mr Potter."

"Typical," Harry said.

Hermione asked, "If not Harry, who's the Gryffindor fifth-year boy prefect supposed to be?" Professor McGonagall sighed. "Mr Weasley."

"What?" said Hermione. "The most argumentative boy in Gryffindor House, the most Slytherin-hating boy, the laziest in the entire school, and the boy with the worst table manners in the entire school—he's the prefect instead of Harry?"

Harry said, "Did Stumblebum explain why he won't give me the prefect badge I've damned well earnt? Or is it more 'Blah-blah, Greater Good.' "

"Mr Potter! Show the headmaster respect!"

"Why? The pompous fool is a meddlesome kidnapper bell-end, and deserves no respect." Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, undoubtedly to take points or to assign detentions

—but then realised that during the summer hols, she couldn't. Instead, she said, "The headmaster feels that Voldemort has tricked the entire Wizarding World—that he has tricked you, Mr Potter. The headmaster is sure that Voldemort is still alive."

Harry said, "Even after Hermione chopped his head off, and someone else shot him twice through the heart? Wow, what a cunning and clever Dark Lord."

McGonagall continued, "This year, Mr Potter, when you aren't taking classes and aren't studying for your OWLs, you'll be—the headmaster is vague about this, but you'll be finding and destroying abominations that somehow are keeping Voldemort alive."

Harry and Sirius shared amused looks. Hermione looked angry enough to kill someone with a long beard.

Harry said, "That's disappointing, but since I'm emancipated now, I can plan all my Voldemort-related activities however I want, and go anywhere, anytime I want, right?" Harry's voice sounded so trusting and unwary, Sirius was smirking.

Professor McGonagall said. "No. The headmaster will insist, Mr Potter, that you make an oath of personal obedience to him."

Harry looked at Sirius. "I can't keep the joke up any longer. Hit her with the parchments."

Sirius pulled three shrunken-down parchments from his pocket, and was using his wand to unshrink them, when Hermione said, "Hold on, Sirius."

Hermione turned to Professor McGonagall and said formally, "I decline the 'honour' of being fifth-year Gryffindor girl prefect, opposite Ronald Weasley. Furthermore, I do not recommend anyone to replace me, because there is no Gryffindor girl I hate enough to saddle her with not only her own prefect duties during her OWL year, but also with doing the prefect work that Ron should do, but will not do."

Before Professor McGonagall could reply to Hermione's words, Sirius handed the parchments to the old witch. McGonagall blurted out, "You two are leaving Hogwarts for MMA?"

****

Before Minerva even thought about the situation, her knee-jerk response was to refer any document that was Harry Potter-related to the headmaster. Minerva began, "The headmaster will be back—"

Then she caught the trio's looks. Mr Potter was looking at Minerva as though she were an idiot. Sirius was scowling, as he reached in his pocket and pulled out a gold galleon coin. Miss Granger's left hand was moving sideways, towards Sirius's galleon, and Miss Granger looked triumphant.

Then Minerva realised: Once again, Albus has you playing the fool. Aloud, she said, "Everything seems to be in order. We'll miss you two. Good luck in your new school."

Miss Granger looked surprised; then she dug a galleon out of her pocket and handed it to Sirius (who now was beaming).

Minerva asked Sirius, "If you or James or Fred or George were in my place, when would you tell Albus that Mr Potter and Miss Granger have withdrawn from Hogwarts?"

Sirius answered Minerva's question, grinning mischievously all the while. Minerva said, "Sirius, I like your idea. I'll use it."

****

Professor McGonagall looked surprised when Harry said, "Besides the school-transfer parchmentwork, we've more business with you, ma'am."

"Oh?"

"Tomorrow morning at nine, the goblins will show up here to chop up the basilisk I killed two years ago. They need a Parselmouth to open a tunnel and a door. The goblins either can borrow a human Gringotts employee from Gringotts Delhi to be their Parselmouth, or I can come here tomorrow and open the Chamber of Secrets for them. Do you have a preference?"

Before Professor McGonagall replied, Sirius remarked, "The bearded blighter keeps forgetting to tell Harry that the rights to the basilisk's corpse belong to my godson, since it was Harry who killed the basilisk. Fortunately for Harry, Hermione did the right research. Otherwise, Mumble-More-Platitudes would've waited till Harry left school, rendered the basilisk, and all of the money from the sale of basilisk parts would've gone to the Sherbet Lemons and Ridiculous Robes Fund, not to Harry."

Professor McGonagall nodded. "Very likely."

Professor McGonagall said, "Mr Potter, if it's not too much trouble, I ask that you, not a Gringotts employee, open up the Chamber of Secrets tomorrow. I hope you'll show me what you did down there."

Harry shrugged. "I did what needed to be done, that's all."

Sirius said, "Minnie, speaking of goblins coming tomorrow, I did something that you might become angry at me for. Whilst Harry has hired one group of goblins to render the basilisk tomorrow morning, I hired a different group of goblins, all of them curse-breakers, to go into Hogwarts tomorrow morning, to track down the 'DADA Curse,' and to wipe it out. Don't worry about how much all this costs—I'm paying the goblins out of my own vault."

"Why would you do this?"

"Because I plan to propose to Amelia soon, and I hope to have little Blacks at Hogwarts within fifteen years. Minnie, DADA was poorly taught back when we Marauders were at Hogwarts; but the DADA education that Harry and Hermione got was so awful, except for Remus teaching, you should feel embarrassed as a Hogwarts professor! So the bearded bloviator chooses to sit on his arse? I refuse to put my future children's education at risk."

McGonagall said, "I'll accept your goblins here tomorrow, Sirius, especially since this doesn't cost the school anything. But even if the goblins remove the Curse, it won't matter till next year. Madam Bones is loaning us Senior Auror Nigel Grenwick of the DMLE, to teach Defence. He'll be here for a year."

****

An hour later, in Bern

Elena, the witch who was representing Brasil Mágico, walked up to Albus in the Hospitality Suite. "Harry Potter telled the American newspaper that you stealed 107 thousand galleons from the Potter vaults."

Albus smiled his most grandfatherly smile. "Perhaps the American newspaper made up the story because their government told them to. If Harry indeed said those words, it is because he is turning Dark. I deny that I have stolen any money from Harry."

Elena the Brazil-delegate witch looked relieved, but then Mick and Pete walked up.

Pete said, "I don't know Harry Potter, but I've met you, Dumbledore, and I've been interviewed a few times by Kenneth Clark. Did you know he grew up in Kansas? He's a straight-up guy. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't quote a guy if he thought the guy were spewing slanders. Based on that, Dumbledore, if the New York Wand says that Harry says you stole a bunch of galleons from him, I believe it."

Then Mick said to Albus, "Easy problem to fix, mate. Whip out your wand and make an oath on your magic that you never stole G107 000 from Harry Potter, either directly or through a helper. If Harry Potter is lying or if that New York newspaper is mistaken, you've got nothing to worry about."

Albus puffed up. "I am the Supreme Mugwump. My word should be accepted without question, without me needing to go make silly little oaths all the time!"

Pete said sarcastically, "Of course, exalted Supreme Mugwump sir."

Mick said, "Maybe the rules are different for you magical Poms. But Down Under, making an oath is an easy thing—that is, if you're telling the truth. Only dodgy blokes try to invent excuses why they can't or won't give an oath."

Albus noticed that Elena from Brasil Mágico now was looking at Albus with a raised eyebrow. Well? Are you going to give the oath? But Albus's wand stayed up his sleeve, and he spoke no oath.

****

When Bertrand Gauthier spoke with Albus in the Hospitality Suite, it was an awkward talk for both of them. Bertrand tried to convince Albus to support Haiti's resolution; Albus was uninterested. Albus tried to weave a rainbow-coloured coat of pretty words to convince Bertrand to vote against the Australia-USA resolution; Bertrand replied with, "Why should not students in Britain learn as much magic to score high grades on their NEWTs as do students in Haiti? Do the students in Britain think they are better than everyone else, are they lazy, or are they stupid? Or are they all three?"

Bertrand then mentioned that he was throwing a party that night, beginning at 7 p.m; Bertrand promised good food, good drinks, and "good entertainment." After Bertrand told Albus the suite-number where his party would be, Albus promised he would "stop by."

Given the leering way that Bertrand had said the words good entertainment, Albus had a strong guess what exactly the "entertainment" might be.

****

Monday noon in Bern

The ICW conference officially started at noon, Bern time, and ran for six hours, the first day.

There were speeches given by Albus and by others. ICW bureaucrats gave reports. Votes were held on noncontroversial measures.

The two controversial measures of this year's session—namely, the Haiti resolution about importing ground-up elephant tusks, and the Australia-USA resolution about Wizarding Britain NEWT examinations—each would get its vote held Wednesday night.

The rest of the delegates were not allowed to come to the lectern and to speak about either of the two measures, until and unless the Supreme Mugwump called for debate. On Monday, Albus did not do this.

However, this did not stop Albus, whilst Mugwump-ing, from remarking to the conference delegates, "Australia and the USA claim that Wizarding Britain students from longstanding magical families insist on easier NEWT examinations because they score poorly when tested to ICW standards." Now Albus let his eyes twinkle: "Australia and USA claim this, but they show no proof."

****

Monday evening in Bern

Albus briefly visited Bertrand Gauthier's party, as he had promised Bertrand. In the suite, there was, as expected, food, drinks and a dance floor all available. What was unexpected was a table that was set aside for vials of Erection Potion, with a sign by the vials saying, "Imported from Magical Bangui and Magical India at great expense."

Presumably for wizard-delegates to enjoy the Erection Potion with, were about ten or fifteen young Haitian Muggles, both men and women. All the Haitian Muggles spoke English with authentic Haitian accents, all of the young Haitians were beautiful/handsome, and the young Haitians all had Muggle sunglasses sticking-charmed to their faces.

Albus suspected that the young Haitians all had been Confundused—but if a wizard could not see his partner's eyes when he were using him/her for sex, the wizard with a potioned erection could convince himself that the sex was consensual.

Albus could not get away from the party fast enough.

Not because Albus objected to sex with Confundused Muggles—Albus had freely experimented with this very thing in the 1900s—but because Albus expected that every "free" vial of Erection Potion in Gauthier's suite also came with an unadvertised blackmail threat. Albus preferred to be the blackmailer, rather than the blackmailee.

****

Albus rushed straight from Bertrand's party suite to the ICW Conference Hospitality Suite— only to find Mick and Pete already there, talking to the Magical India delegate.

Albus briefly greeted Bhaskar (the Magical India delegate), then said to Mick and Pete, "I'm surprised you two aren't at Bertrand's, enjoying his party."

Pete said, "You missed us, sounds like. We both went there, drank a Firewhiskey each, and talked with Gauthier long enough to seem friendly. Then we left."

Mick said, "We had no interest in putting ourselves in a situation where we could be

blackmailed."

Albus said with grandfatherly assurance, "Nobody has told me that Bertrand plans to blackmail anyone who came to his party."

Mick gave Albus a fishy stare. "It's not Gauthier I think would blackmail me if I rooted a mind-whammied Muggle."

****

Albus spent the next five minutes in the Hospitality Suite eating free chocolate, drinking water and watching Mick and Pete work the room.

Twice Pete pulled out some shrunken-down newspaper pages from his pocket, enlarged them, and let whomever he and Mick were talking to, read the newspaper pages. Both times, the

immediate result of such reading was that the delegate whom Mick and Pete were talking to, glared at Albus from across the room.

Albus's original plan, before he had come here to Bern, had been to touch base back at Hogwarts whenever things here got boring. But now it was obvious, Albus would be a fool if he left Bern, even briefly, for Hogwarts.

But Albus did not worry about any problems popping up at Hogwarts that required his presence. He was sure that these three days that he would be away from Hogwarts, Minerva would be bored, bored, bored.

****

The next day (Tuesday, 22nd August), 9:30 a.m Hogwarts time In the Chamber of Secrets, HSOW&W

A half-hour ago, Harry had led a group of goblins into the Chamber of Secrets. Also brought down: Hermione, all of the Hogwarts professors except for Dumbledore, and new-hire Potions Professor Andromeda Tonks.

(Sirius had entered Hogwarts Castle with Harry and Hermione, but he had split off with his own team of goblins, to track down the DADA Curse.)

The goblins in the Chamber of Secrets had acted matter-of-fact when they had seen the dead sixty-foot basilisk. All the witches and wizards, however, had stared in shock at the slain monster.

Now, after a half-hour of Harry telling his story, Hermione was clinging to Harry like a leech.

Harry concluded his tale with "...But I'm sure any of you would've done the same things, if you'd known Parseltongue."

The professors looked at each other. After seconds of silence, McGonagall said, "No, Mr Potter. Attacking the basilisk with the Sword of Gryffindor, it's—I've no words. What you did—at twelve!—is the bravest thing I've ever heard of."

****

Meanwhile in Bern, in the ICW Bureau of Reports and Records

Mick Carter and Pete Joplin, aided by the Chief Archivist and her clerks, looked for reports about NEWT-examination comparisons within the ICW. There were no such reports to be found.

The problem was, both Mick and Pete had read such reports, so the pair knew such reports existed. One report, which both delegates recalled, analysed twenty-four British students who, for unspecified reasons, had sat ICW NEWTs after attending school in Wizarding Britain. The conclusion of that report: Magical Britain students finished school two years behind schools in the rest of the ICW.

Yet today, Mick and Pete could find no sign of this report, and no sign of similar reports.

The Chief Archivist mentioned to the two delegates that Albus Dumbledore, the Supreme Mugwump, had entered the Bureau rooms yesterday before regular office hours, but the Chief Archivist would swear on her magic that Dumbledore had destroyed no documents.

But if the documents that Carter and Joplin were seeking were not destroyed and they were not removed, where were they?

Pete said to Mick, "According to the Wand quoting Harry Potter, Dumbledore refuses to kill people; but other than this, there is nothing he won't do, if he can convince himself he's acting for the 'Greater Good.' So figure that the only rules he follows are what Magic itself commands."

Mick nodded. "So how would he deny documents to us, if he can't vanish them, erase them, alter their text, make us not notice them, or carry them out the door? What are we overlooking that Dumbledore didn't overlook?"

Pete suggested, "Maybe Dumbledore Disillusioned the reports, or otherwise made them invisible?"

It took an hour of trial-and-error, but the Chief Archivist invented a way to make invisible documents visible. The problem was, there were no invisible documents in any of the file cabinets; so Mick and Pete had not yet solved the problem of the missing NEWT reports.

****

Meanwhile in Bern, in the ICW Conference Hospitality Suite Before the start of Tuesday's session of the ICW conference

Charles, the Magical New Zealand delegate, said to Albus, "According to the newspaper, Harry Potter says that British Purebloods are inbred. Is this why you don't want British NEWTs to conform to international standards, because you know that too many British magicals are too stupid and magically weak to pass?"

Albus replied, "There is no proof that Mr Potter's statements are true, though he is entitled to his opinion."

Then Albus made his face look concerned and grave. "No, I oppose the resolution because I have grave reservations about the process by which the ICW writes the NEWT examinations." Naturally, Albus did not say what his "grave reservations" were, nor did he give even one example of how ICW NEWT questions wrongly tested students who had completed their magical education.

Charles scowled, rather than nodding his head in agreement with Albus's words, like most British magicals would do. Then Charles said, "Harry Potter publicly has said that back in Britain, you abused your position as Chief Warlock, to seal his parents' wills so that the wills could not be read or probated, then you put Harry the toddler with relatives whom his

parents' wills said Harry was never to be put with. Harry Potter calls you a kidnapper and a child-abuser by proxy."

"What I did with young Harry in 1981," Albus replied, looking wise and grave, "I did for the Greater Good of Wizarding Britain. I have no other comment except to say, I fear Harry is going Dark."

Charles gave Albus a disgusted look. "Yet Harry Potter has killed Voldemort, whilst you

have done nothing against the Dark Lord. It seems to me, this makes you Dark."

****

The next day (Wednesday, 23rd August), morning In Surrey County, England

After Vernon Dursley has missed two days of work, Grunnings Drills reported him missing. The Little Whinging police went to Dursley's house on Privet Drive. The policemen noted the Grunnings Drills company car parked in the driveway. The police knocked on the front door and rang the doorbell. Nobody answered the door, and the police heard no sounds inside the house. The police went to the back door—same results. Examination of the doors and windows found no signs of forced entry. Once the police themselves forcibly entered the house, they found lights on in two bedrooms upstairs and in the kitchen, but no bodies.

The Little Whinging police briefly considered the Dursleys' nephew, Harry Potter, to be a "person of interest" in the disappearances, until the police were visited by a no-nonsense MI- 5 agent who was unusually short. Then the police's theory became that Vernon Dursley had owed money to Russian mobsters, who had kidnapped the entire family (without any of the criminals leaving fingerprints).

****

Meanwhile at Hogwarts

Harry and Hermione walked into Professor McGonagall's office. After exchanging pleasantries, Harry asked, "Is Madam Hooch here at the castle? I didn't see her here yesterday."

McGonagall said, "No, during summer hols, she works as a flying and Quidditch tutor for pre-Hogwarts children."

Harry said, "Would you mind sending a house-elf to fetch her? I need only five minutes of her time."

When Madam Hooch, looking curious, was in the same room as Harry, Hermione and McGonagall, Harry pulled a shrunken-down Gringotts moneybag out of his pocket, placed the moneybag on McGonagall's desk in front of Madam Hooch, then enlarged the moneybag to proper size.

Madam Hooch opened the moneybag, looked inside, then reared back in surprise. "Merlin!"

Harry said, "Inside the bag is eighty thousand galleons. I ask you to buy twenty new student brooms with the gold. Hopefully you can do this before 1st September."

"Erm, thank you," said Madam Hooch, who still looked shocked. "But why are you doing this?"

Harry answered, "Remember what happened to Neville, four years ago? I truly don't want anything frightening like that to happen to some future firstie. Plus, I can give you the money, but I know that Dumbledore won't."

****

Wednesday afternoon, in Bern

The conference-delegates were debating the joint Australia-USA resolution to require Wizarding Britain NEWTs to match ICW NEWTs. The resolution required only the upgrading of Wizarding Britain NEWTs, but in practise, Albus knew, the resolution would require Wizarding Britain's Ministry to upgrade its OWLs too.

Albus wanted to sabotage the resolution so that it would not meet the 90-percent threshold, but because there were several hundred faces in the conference room, and because the Elder Wand still was acting clunky, Albus could not do what he wanted.

Mick Carter and Pete Joplin both were standing now, waiting to be recognised. Pete, alas, liked to pull out pages from that Merlin-cursed American newspaper and liked to quote Harry Potter saying things that Albus did not want the delegates to hear. So instead of recognising Pete, Albus said, "I recognise Mick Carter, the delegate from Magical Australia."

Pete sat down. Mick, still standing, reached his hand into a pocket of his trousers and pulled out shrunken papers—many shrunken papers.

Albus started to get a bad feeling.

Mick drew his wand, pointed it at the papers, incanted "Engorgio" to return the papers to normal size, then restowed his wand. In the twenty seconds since he had been recognised, Mick had spoken only this one word.

Finally Mick spoke. "Honoured delegates, I call your attention to the part of the room set aside for ICW employees. I ask Mrs Angelique Weller, the Chief Archivist, to stand."

As the witch stood—and glared at Albus—Albus felt panic.

Mick said, "I'm about to cite ICW reports that, without fail, support our resolution. I revised," reviewed, "these reports last week, in the offices of the ICW Bureau of Reports and Records. Correct, Mrs Weller?"

The Chief Archivist nodded.

Mick continued, "But Monday, when the delegate from Magical USA and I went to get copies made of those reports, they were nowhere to be found. Eventually Mrs Weller,

Delegate Joplin and I discovered that the only other unusual thing to happen in the Bureau offices since Friday was that our Supreme Mugwump, Albus Dumbledore, visited the Bureau offices Monday at 7:53 a.m, before office hours. Happily for Delegate Joplin and me, today a clerk who works for the Chief Archivist figured out where the reports might be; sure enough, the reports were found less than a minute later. Mrs Weller, please tell the delegates where the missing reports were hidden."

Albus thundered, "Angelique, I do not give you permission to speak!"

Mick Carter's smile was pure Gotcha. "But you've already given me permission to speak, and you may not take away this permission till I sit down. Mrs Weller, please nod or shake your head: Were the missing reports found behind a file cabinet that was standing up against a wall?"

Albus saw Angelique nod.

"Could these reports possibly have been put there accidentally, by a distracted clerk?" Angelique shook her head.

Mick looked over at Pete. Albus saw Pete mouth Do it. Mick said, "I accuse our Supreme Mugwump, Albus Dumbledore, of abuse of office. I now make a privileged motion that Delegate Dumbledore be removed from his Supreme Mugwump position."

Pete jumped up and said, "I second the motion!"

Alas for Albus, Elena from Brasil Mágico and Charles from Magical New Zealand also seconded Mick's privileged motion.

Fourteen minutes later, Jorje from Magical Argentina was the Supreme Mugwump, and Albus was not.

Albus began planning how he was going to explain all of today's disasters to the Daily Prophet, once he returned home.

At least Albus still controlled Hogwarts. Which meant, come 1st September, Albus still controlled Harry Potter.

****

Wednesday evening

Greengrass Manor, Dorset County, England

Harry was meeting with Lord Cyrus Greengrass, in his house, to discuss Lord Greengrass's proposed betrothal between Harry and Daphne Greengrass.

Before the meeting, Sirius had dragged Harry to Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Sirius had not let Harry walk out till he had formal robes that a) fit; b) were made out of acromantula silk; c) were the green colour of Harry's eyes; and d) had the Potter crest on the left breast.

Now Harry was in Greengrass Manor, dining with Lord Greengrass, with his wife Opal— whose sister Arthur Weasley once had fancied, and now Harry could see why—and dining with cute daughter Astoria and gorgeous daughter Daphne.

What was odd for Harry was that, this evening, Daphne's normal aloofness would sometimes slip for a moment, and she would show she was nervous. Clearly Daphne wanted this betrothal, and she was scared she might not get it. Harry could not figure out her thinking; after all, he was just Harry, whilst she was the "Ice Queen," one of the great beauties of the school.

The entire Greengrass family acted surprised when Harry told them that, as Lord Malfoy, he had disowned Draco and had carved "an unflattering word" on Draco's forehead. Astoria, to Harry's surprise, acted disappointed. Daphne, however, smiled viciously and said, "I'm sure Draco more than deserved his punishments."

But whilst Harry enjoyed the talk with the various Greengrasses about life in Gryffindor (Harry) v. life in Hufflepuff (Opal) v. life in Slytherin (Cyrus, Daphne and Astoria), eventually the time came to discuss the proposed betrothal contract.

Harry said formally, whilst he eyed both father and daughter, "Cyrus Greengrass, Lord Greengrass, I respectfully decline your request for a betrothal agreement between your House and mine, about betrothing Daphne Greengrass to me."

Daphne sighed, and her shoulders sagged.

Before either Lord Greengrass or Daphne Greengrass spoke, Harry raised his hand and said, "But no matter what you imagine is my reason is for saying this, you're mistaken."

"Go on," Lord Greengrass said. Daphne looked hopeful.

Harry said, "I look at Wizarding Britain now, two months after Voldemort returned and ten days after I killed him again, and everything seems the same as it was in 1981. Death Eaters run free, 'Purebloods are superior' attitudes are enshrined in our laws, Muggle-borns and half-bloods are treated terribly—and I can't escape the feeling that my parents' noble sacrifice was for nothing."

Harry actually pounded his fist on the table.

Opal Greengrass asked, "What do you have against the Purebloods? Besides you not being one."

"Blood-purity doctrine is stupid, because it ignores facts. In Daphne's and my year, the smartest student is a Muggle-born. Purebloods' theories say this can't happen. I've Merlin- level magical power, and I'm a half-blood. Blood-purity doctrine says this can't happen either. Both Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle are stupid and they're magically weak, but this supposedly can't happen because they're Purebloods. And only Pureblood couples give birth to Squib children; if either parent is a half-blood or a Muggle-born, Squib children don't happen."

Daphne said, "You're saying that Purebloods are on top, but Purebloods don't deserve to be on top."

"More than 'Purebloods don't deserve to be on top,' the Purebloods are ruining Wizarding Britain. Who are Wizarding Britain's judges and legislators? All Purebloods. Who are the Death Eaters? With the exception of Severus Snape, half-blood, they're all Purebloods. What happens when a Pureblood Wizengamot member looks over and sees Cousin John in the chains-chair? Is Cousin John, a Pureblood Death Eater, convicted and Kissed? No, the Wizengamot looks for any excuse to let Cousin John go free, and so what if this means a murderous Death Eater escapes punishment?"

Lord Greengrass nodded. "It's a defect in our system."

"It's more than a 'defect,' sir, when you consider that Cousin John, and his Death Eater ilk, sooner or later will come after Hermione Granger, who's my Muggle-born betrothed, and they'll come after her Muggle parents. I don't like killing; but I've killed thirty-nine Death Eaters who, so far as I know, never ever attacked me first, just to make Hermione and her parents safer."

Daphne said, "You kill 'innocent' Death Eaters, before they try to kill you, because you figure the Ministry won't."

Harry nodded. "Ten points to Slytherin."

Lord Greengrass said, "Lord Potter has a point. I was at his trial eleven days ago, and the trial was an evil farce. We Purebloods in the Wizengamot dishonoured ourselves."

Harry said, "Anyway, I really hate killing people, despite my being good at it, so I've come up with a Plan B."

Daphne said, "Which somehow relates to you turning down a betrothal with me."

Harry nodded. "The more Death Eaters I kill, the more Houses I become Head of, by Right of Conquest. Right now I am Head of fourteen Dark Houses, though I've claimed the Lord rings for only two of them. What I plan to announce, sometime between now and 1st September, is that I'll declare all Houses except Potter to be extinct."

Daphne gasped. Lord Greengrass stared. Astoria said, "I thought when a House is 'extinct,' it has no more living people in it. Like House Hufflepuff is extinct."

Harry said, "What the word also can mean is that the Head of House declares, 'This House will end when I die.' Lord X will not name anyone as Heir or Heiress X, after Lord X dies; and nobody may step forwards and say 'I'm a close blood-relative of deceased Lord X, so I'm the new Lord X.' When I die, all the money and property that House Malfoy has, and House Crabbe, and House Goyle, et cetera, will become merely more money and property to disperse in my will, however I want."

Lord Greengrass said, "Right now, you or your proxy can vote the Potter seats, the Malfoy seats, the Slytherin seats, and so on—but when you die, those other seats and votes vanish."

Harry nodded. "Either way, for fourteen Dark families, the Death Eaters in those families whom I haven't killed yet, and the sons of Death Eater Heads of House, no longer have a voice in this government. If I can make every wizard or witch who wears the Stupidity Stamp become a corpse or at least politically impotent, I will."

Harry then looked at Daphne. "Since I'll never name anyone to be 'Heir Malfoy,' I don't need a wife to give birth to Heir Malfoy. I plan to marry no witch except Hermione, whose title will be 'Lady Potter,' period."

Daphne shook her head ruefully. "You are truly a Gryffindor, Lord Potter, but you are the most Slytherin Gryffindor I have ever met."

Harry grinned. "Funny you should mention that. Let me tell you about two meetings I had with Draco Malfoy, back in '91, and what happened afterwards at my Sorting."

After Harry told the story, Daphne said, "When I repeat those stories about Malfoy, people in Slytherin might treat you better."

Harry shrugged. "Come 1st September, what the people in Slytherin think about me won't matter—but you'll need to wait till 1st September to find out what I mean by this."

****

Meanwhile in Bern

Only five ICW delegates voted for Bertrand Gauthier's resolution to overturn the ICW ban on importing ground-up elephant tusks. All five delegates were blushing red as they voted; Albus was sure that Gauthier was blackmailing them, in order to get them to vote yes on his resolution.

But Gauthier did better than Albus did. The Australia-USA resolution received exactly one dissenting vote: Albus's. The "Make Wizarding Britain make their NEWTs harder" resolution met the 90-percent threshold by a fat margin.

Albus thought, I should have stayed in Hogwarts Castle and been bored for three days.

****

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Suppose that in canon, the ICW had an annual conference in August 1995, and that Magical Australia and Magical USA put forth the same resolution about Wizarding Britain NEWTs as is described here. So why did JKR never mention it? Because the novels are told from Harry's point of view, and ICW politics never has been on Harry's radar in canon. Also, suppose that in canon, Dumbledore charmed, sweet-talked and bamboozled enough delegates, and called in enough favours, that the resolution did not pass with 90 percent of the vote, so the resolution's effect on Wizarding Britain was only advisory

—and when the Wizengamot formally received the text of the ICW resolution, they ignored it. Similarly, suppose that if in canon there were a motion to remove Dumbledore as Supreme Mugwump, Dumbledore persuaded enough people to vote against the motion that the motion failed. However in this AU chapter, the bad things that Harry Potter told the New York Wand

about Dumbledore, and that the Magical USA delegate gleefully shows to the other ICW- conference delegates, destroy Dumbledore's reputation, so that the Australia-USA resolution gets more than the threshold 90 percent of the vote. For the same reason—Dumbledore getting so much bad press—in this chapter, the "remove Dumbledore as Supreme Mugwump" vote passes.

I enjoy figuring out ways to alter canon events—can you tell? I also enjoy thinking up events that might have happened in canon but that Harry never would have heard about, then altering those events too.