A deep feeling of guilt

Juan hurriedly got up from his bed but because his body was still too weak, Juan almost fell, but Robin quickly helped him.

"Sir, what are you trying to do?"

Juan looked at Robin then asked.

"Hey kha, where is hey kha? I want to meet her,"

Juan asked Robin to let go of his hand and he continued walking.

Robin was very worried seeing Juan's condition, he tried to calm Juan down.

"Sir, calm down."

Mrs Yin who heard the commotion from outside entered Juan's room and saw Juan's attitude like that, she felt annoyed.

"Why do you make it difficult for yourself ?? Are you feeling disappointed? Or do you feel guilty for killing the mother of your own child?!" Mrs. Yin said offended Juan's attitude like that.

Juan was very shaken to hear what his grandmother said to him.

"No, she's not dead," Juan said incredulously. Even Juan's body began to shake.

"No ... no way!"

The grandmother who saw Juan like that felt a little sad but grandma was also very angry and disappointed at what Juan did to hey kha.

Mrs. Yin went outside carrying her grandson.

A few hours later Juan began to wake up and called Robin.

"How's the search??" Juan asked Robin with great hope.

"Sorry, Sir, we have searched the entire island and also a small island nearby. But we did not find any traces of Miss Hey kha," Robin said.

"You didn't check whether there were ships or boats sailing around this island?"

Robin answered again.

"We didn't pick up any signal, maybe the bad weather was so bad the transmitter couldn't work properly."

Juan was very anxious thinking about hey kha's current situation.

"Continue the search! Until you get a clue. She must be alive, I'm sure," Juan said.

Robin was very sad to see Juan's condition, who looked so miserable.

"Love is sweet when you pay attention, but love can also be bitter when ignored, what should I do sir," Robin thought.

It's been a month of searching, but they couldn't find any results.

All family members have started to give up including Hey Kha's Grandpa, Mr. Tan. Although sometimes Mr. Tan was often alone in a corner of the room looking at photos of his son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter (hey kha), and cried.

"I must have been cursed for my sins in the past, because my son's life is so heartbreaking, especially my grandson. Hey kha, I'm sorry, hey kha," Mr. Tan said while looking at his family photo.

***

Juan slowly entered the room of his son, who until now has not had a name.

Juan saw his son was fast asleep and he touched his hand.

"Forgive father, you lost your mother because of my selfishness! I am useless," Juan said regretfully.

"Hy Ju, that is your name."

Finally, Juan gave his son a name.

Juan walked into hey kha's room, Juan sat on the bed, then touched the pillow and also the blanket that hey kha used.

"I still smell your body today. Don't forgive me! I don't deserve your forgiveness."

Juan's tears slowly fell down the bolster pillow in his hand.

A few moments later, Juan asked the servants to arrange to move all his work tools into hey kha's room, now that room was his room.

As Juan arranged all his tools, he saw a book in the corner of a cupboard drawer. He also took the book and opened the book slowly.

Dear Mr Juan.

* I keep thinking, where am I lacking? Until you even have the heart to cheated on me!

Have you ever thought about my feelings??

I'm trying to convince myself that I'm fine, in this place I can calm down.

At least in this place I can sleep soundly without a doubt, without fear of what I will see tomorrow.

About the news I'll hear tomorrow.

Do you know??

I was even very scared to see the TV and the newspaper. I do not let them play TV, radio and even newspapers that contain news about you are near me.

But those days are starting to become commonplace for me.

I think of myself as a person who cannot see and hear.

So that I don't get sick, and my child will be fine.

I thank you for everything Juan.

I'm sorry if I'm selfish, I'm sorry I don't know myself.

Maybe our soul mate only ends here.

Despite all this, I beg you to spare me.

And be happy! *

Felt like a bolt of lightning in Juan's heart when he read all that, his tears began to drip.

Juan felt that he could no longer read the next page. But he still tried to finish to read everything.

Juan turned the sheet of paper to read the next page.

Dear Mr. Ice.

"You came into my heart .....

Every time I breathe ... from the path of your heart that I pass every day.

You move like the wind and I fly like the sand,

Do you know how I love you ?? That's asked by my heart.

The journey of my vision stops only on you, my eyes belong to yours.

What else should I say?

I have said everything I wanted to say, But what do you know ??

You don't even notice ....

I hide only from you and read your eyes.

I always ask, do you love me ??

When you come to me

My dreams are crazy

Until I can't hold it in my hand and now is my time to wake up from this dream.

Do you know??

That my smile comes from you,

My happiness comes from you,

But you don't know that, you don't even care.

Do you know Juan ???

The days I didn't see you

I run like crazy and that's what my heart does. But I always try to hide in my shadow.

Even dream knows what it wrote, Then how can I change it ??

Once again I want to convince myself to ask, Do you love me .. ?? As much I love you,

Tear marks that fall on paper indicate how painful it was to write all this.

Juan who read the contents of hey kha's notes. feeling devastated and crying silently.

"You must be very tortured all this time for my treatment to you," Juan said while hugging the notebook. His tears continued to flow.

"You want to know? But, I also don't know. Is my love for you as big as your sacrifice to me all this time. My love is definitely not worth what you've felt so far, don't forgive me. I ... Hey kha."

Juan fell asleep and in his sleep Juan kept calling the name of hey kha.

The grandmother who entered and saw Juan who harbored great guilt approached and covered her.

"This is not entirely your fault, this is all a game of destiny. It is fate that always plays tricks on this family," Mrs. Yin said, who also felt Juan's sadness.

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