8. Motivation

"I don't owe you anything, do I?"

We were facing each other, both in equal height so none of us would have the advantage of an intimidating posture.He looked ready to bite, frustrated probably by the idea of breathing the same air as me.

"No you don't. However, if we are going to get out of this mess together, I'd rather know why someone who despises us took that much risk. How did you even heard about my plan?"

He sill managed to look down on me, disdain beaming out under his thin clear lashes. He was considering the answer, shewing it thoughtfully, hesitating rather he should tell me or not. I sighed, a little annoyed by the time he was taking to answer. My head was still bouncing hurtfully. I wished to avoid conflict but my nerves were already tensed.

"It doesn't matter if you tell me or not. We'll simply have to separate our ways. I don't want to do anything with someone like you, even less if I don't know your intention. I don't trust you and it's probably the same for the other, but I don't care if you go on your own and something bad happens to you." I left a small silence settle in. I wasn't saying the complete truth, rather than not caring at all, I just felt uncomfortable with the idea that he might die because he followed us."Though I'm sure you're not idiotic enough to run all the way to a situation more complex."

"Fine." He finally said. " My father is not missing. I heard your conversation three days ago and followed you, with the harsh idea of what could be your plan. I did not plan to follow you at first, it was stupid and incredibly risky. But here I'm. I guess I'm not all that clever."

I raised a brow, not convinced at all. I wouldn't state thate he wasn't stupid, to me bullying people because they look slightly different is stupid, but he was a clever boy. Shrewd, he knew how not to get into trouble, how to blame others for his misdoing, how to have the favors of grownups, he was never willing to throw himself in danger. Like his parents, he liked his comfortable life,was ready to throw his friends so he could preserve it. It made even less sense, he didn't miss a single thing, loving parents, a clean and pleasant place to live, higher quality food, on top of it, no missing parent. Compared to us he had no reason to follow up my crazy idea.

"Now I really don't trust you at all."

I could see his ears slightly turn red of anger. He had a bad temper, but I was not in the mood to let him be just so easily.

"Alright, if you don't want to tell me more, let's just stop here, I'm going back-"

"Do I really need to tell you all the reason?"

"Enough for me to trust you."

Marco tortured his lower lips, cheeks now red because of what I could guess was embarrassment.

"I...I just couldn't stay there anymore"

I had my two brows high, arms folded over my chest. Marco read the incomprehension on my face and added.

"My father, My mother, the neighbors, those stupid kids following me around, I couldn't take it anymore. I was suffocating, the walls were already something but, their eyes, rules and expectation... I already had planned to run away, in a way or another, but I...I was too much of a coward? But then I hear you talk, and somehow I just couldn't accept..That you would live this shitty place and not me. "

I was astonished, chuckle of surprise slipped out without my consent. Marco's face was all red, frowned by humiliation, lips pinched so had their contour looked awfully pale in comparison of the rest of his face. His fists were clenched, all so tense I could see the slightly protruding veins bounce.

I seriously was tempted to add a mockery, but I refrained, not so certain of what he would have done to me.

I waited for him to calm down, for his reddish face to turn back to his pale tone.

"So, you did not choose to put your safety on the line, to save anyone?No noble reason."

He said nothing at first, simply giving me a glare of disdain et hatred.His voice turned cold, sharp like metal shards in winter.

"Fighting for freedom is as noble cause, which deserves all sacrifices. I though you knew better"

He was surprising, like a shifting balance, jumping from a state to another like nothing happened, more then that I was just surprised at how fast he moved on from anything that was too unpleasant. His face that was a feew minutes ago all disfigured by shame, came back smooth and cold pale, and his slightly teary eyes, looked once again down on me. If I didn't have my temper, I would have felt so upset that I would probably have punched his annoying face. Instead I felt a beam of intrigue, a slight insecurity sitting on the bottom of my belly. There was this sick,very light-after-taste in his phrase, allusion to something I did not get but that I probably should have. I thought for a moment before coming enthusiastically with all I could think of.

"You read it!, the book I gave you!"

Wave of something I didn't quite get, passed through his eyes, discrete film that I could have missed, if I was not so focused on his fresh cucumber like iris. I flinched, but ignored it, I may have dreamed, I thought, after all what else would he mean?

"Yes.... I wish I didn't. Not knowing would have saved me from feeling so distressed. Let's go, we shouldn't waste more time on sentimentalism. Unless you still don't trust me."

"I still don't. But I believed you said the truth, so I'll put away my distrust."

We made our way to our reconnaissance mission. Looking diligently for something specific without knowing what exactly. We did not find a single thing, or at least nothing in our favors. More then that every information around us made our situation look worse. All the buildings looked the same, only differentiated by the clothes hanging from some balcony. Dirty grey walls were standing up dangerously up to the sky, it felt suffocating, never did I realized high up those building where. They were oppressing, smashing my small self up with their imposing presence. I felt insignificant, and the world felt bland. When I dreamed of freedom, never did I thought of how depressed being on the ground could have been. And the Fans, more obnoxious than ever were making my head bouncing all more fiercely. I felt dizzy, because the world around us looked like an endless prison.

I had to stop, holding myself on my knee.

"Wait a bit I-"

"Tell me. It's been a bit more then Ten minutes but... Why the heck is there no door?"

His voice was once again sharp, filled with a anxious tone. Breath short, not because of the small walk we had, - he was too strong for that, to used to climb numbers of stairs, but more because of the apparent anxiety strike he was slowly having. He was paler than usual, his face distorted by frustration, anger, hysteria climbing bit by bit on his, that he was trying his best to repress.

"Tell me huh!! why the fuck is there no goddamn doors???Why are the windows blocked?88 How the fuck is that even possible, just how-"

-I don't know I don't know...It was not supposed to be that way.. I never heard about it... I don't know why...There is no direct access to the building! and aren't you supposed to know? You should know! Don't ask me, you live the closest to the floor. You climb fifty floors up just to pick fight with us, you should have got down already!You told us that,all proud of your stupid red-headed ass.Did you...Lie?!"

His face turned red my nerve got tenser as I laughed. I knew for long how he was always lying in order to put himself higher than us, but never did I thought he would take his anger on me without a single drop of shame."

"Listen. I don't know. My father never told me about it, and I never got close enough to the ground to see it ever. I live way too high in the air to see rather there's direct access to the building. Don't make me think that you never tried to go down by the stairs, so how about YOU tell me why there is no dams doors of windows?"

He owed me more explanation than he wished to admit, and I knew why he didn't tell anything. I laughed even harder.

"Aha! You foolish brat...You already knew right? You knew! I don't get it! if you knew...Why did you....ahaha"

I fell on my knee, even more desperate.

"I don't get you Marco...I really don't. You are crazy, more than us..Ahahaha, You know what? don't say anything yet. Let's just go back, you'll have to explain what you know. "