V-The Sorrowful Face of the Adviser

Chapter V : The Sorrowful Face of the Adviser

If there was one thing Amos hated, it was nightmares. Those were the only times when he was unable to control, or at least contain his delirious imagination. Those were the times when he was doomed to relive the worst experience of his life, chained by the wrists to the walls of a smelly dungeon, naked and broken.

However, this time it was different. He was still attached, but he was no longer the actor of this scene, he was the spectator. Standing in the hallway of the dungeon in which his prison was located, dressed in a crisp white shirt, black silk trousers, a navy blue and black aristocrat waistcoat, a pair of freshly shined shoes and a pair of leather gloves. The kind of clothes he hadn't worn since he had entered the cadet corps. He frowned at the pathetic face the youngest version of himself wore, a wave of disgust overwhelmed him to the point of feeling nauseous.

He staggered back after slapping a gloved hand over his mouth, before hearing a laugh as thunderous as it was cruel.

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Golden-tooth standing in a cell opposite to his own, holding Mikasa by the hair.

The first thing Amos did was to frown in confusion. He did not understand this scene, he did not see why his comrade was present in his worst nightmare. But his pupils widened in horror when he noticed the half-blood's gaze.

That look… he had fled from it when he had seen it in the middle of the woods. An impossible option right now, as were drugs or predation, he was doomed to stare into her jet black eyes. Those jet black eyes as empty and broken as the emerald eyes of the little boy chained behind him.

That's where it all came together, and that's where Golden-tooth pulled his pants down.

At this abominable sight, Nox felt an intoxicating urge to kill, seize his whole being, for the first time in his life, predation appeared in one of his dreams. A kyoketsu-shoge (kunai-chain) erupted from his sleeve to pierce the large belly of the human trafficker, the blade deployed itself into a grappling hook in the back of his victim who screamed his pain and horror, then, Amos pulled with all his strength to force Golden-tooth to press his limp body covered in sweat and blood against the bars of his cell. There, the tall blond drew a hunting knife from the inside of his shirt and emasculated the slaver without the slightest pity or the slightest hesitation. Golden-tooth screamed even more in the face of his executioner. Annoyed by these cries, and satisfied by the punishment he had inflicted on his victim, the young man took his kunai out of the mountain of flesh and fat, and tore off a good quantity of guts, as well as a kidney and several liters of thick blood due to years of unhealthy living.

Golden-tooth no longer screamed, he could only contemplate the abominable fate to which the Adviser had condemned him. He looked at the latter in the eyes one last time, before collapsing in the pool of hemoglobin in which the tall blond's shoes were bathing.

He didn't bother to wipe his blades, and opened the cell door to come and kneel beside Mikasa.

The Oriental had not moved an inch, she still wore the same look that Amos had worn from his tenth to his eleventh birthday. The fourteen-year-old he was, on the other hand, thoughtfully scratched his chin while frowning.

"What is my subconscious trying to tell me?" he asked aloud before glancing behind his back to observe his old self.

He returned to the half-blood.

"I didn't make a mistake… I couldn't have… I got you back on your feet in less than fifteen minutes…"

He put his index finger under the girl's chin to encourage her to raise her head, then he lost himself in her empty jet-black eyes.

"Why do I feel so bad?" he asked her without waiting for an answer.

He then noticed that she was burning with fever, he mechanically rummaged in his pocket to take out a bottle of pills which he opened, before widening his eyes in dismay.

"It will lower your temperature," he blurted out loud, "but it will not cure your disease ..."

He lost himself once more in the eyes of the oriental girl, and sighed in annoyance against himself.

"I made the symptoms disappear," he said, "however, the poison is much deeper... What I don't understand is why it worries me so much..."

He noticed an abandoned book near the girl and frowned when he deciphered the title; "Modern explosives."

"What the…?"

The next second, he was awake.

The boys' dormitory was as welcoming as usual: it reeked of sweat and was overrun with various and varied snores.

Amos sat up, rubbed his eyes, reached into his bag to pull out a metallic cylinder full of cream, which he spread under his nostrils to spare his nose of the terrible smell.

He yawned before watching the Moon through the window, judging by its position in the sky, it must have been around four in the morning.

His chronicle pain forced him to inject himself with a small dose from one of the syringes he hid under the mattress.

His dry mouth made him look for his water bottle, but he realized with displeasure that it was empty. He rolled his eyes in annoyance, Reiner and Bertholdt had much better hygiene than the rest of the boys, but their manners were similar.

Determined to quench his thirst, he removed his balls of cotton from his ears and stood up with his canteen in hand.

The sound of a rhythmic rubbing made its way between the snores to reach his eardrums, he immediately went into a state of alert and narrowed his eyes when he noticed a trickle of light escaping from under the door. He grabbed enough stuff to neutralize any potential threat, and crept out of bed to head towards the source of this strange, unidentifiable noise.

It came from the doorway of the dormitory, and judging by the intensity of the friction, there was nothing normal about it… Amos frowned, knelt by the threshold of the open door, and casted a discreet glance.

He nearly slapped his forehead in dismay when he identified the intruder. Mikasa was sitting on the edge of the landing, her back turned to the tall blond. She was vigorously rubbing an object she had put on her lap with an oil lamp by her side as a source of light.

With the delicacy of a cat, he closed the door which separated the entrance from the dormitory, and sighed in a low voice:

"What are you doing here?"

The oriental teenager jumped so violently that one of the boots on her knees fell to the ground, she widened her eyes in horror and turned her head to discover Amos, her pupils widened even further.

Nox frowned in confusion at the boot, until he realized that the problem was not the shoe, but its owner. He confirmed his theory when he realized that a very specific bunk was missing the pair of a very specific cadet, he let out a groan as stifled as exasperated:

"Are you polishing Eren's…"

He didn't have time to finish his sentence, he jumped back in reflex to dodge a punch that had been going straight to his temple. Completely taken by surprise by the sudden violent behaviour of the oriental, he was tackled to the ground by her and barely had time to raise his left arm to parry the right fist intended for his face. Dominated by her rival's physical strength and aggressive demeanor, he had no choice but to reach into his pocket as Mikasa armed another attack. Unfortunately, Amos did not have time to move his head, and he received an over-powerful blow to the side of his skull.

Once her victim was neutralized, the half-blood exhaled loudly to get rid of the dull terror that had seized her heart as soon as she had seen the tall blond. She gasped in deep breaths as she was relieved to have managed to neutralize a potential leak.

She took a moment to overcome her fears and realized that she was lying on top of Amos, even worse, she realized that she had knocked him out!

Ashamed, she straightened up to examine the damage on the tall blond's face, while feeling inwardly angry with herself for running her hands all over his person without his consent, knowing full well that he hated being touched.

"I'm sorry," she whispered sincerely.

An emerald gaze possessed by predation as well as a cold needle in her neck was the response to her apology. With his face creased with anger, Amos straightened up his neck to bring his face up to the level of the young girl whose features were contorted in horror.

"I'm not," Nox hissed before injecting the sedative into the oriental girl's veins. She tried to raise her arms to free herself, but her vision was already blurred, she opened her mouth but no sound crossed her lips. So she collapsed on top of the tall, grimacing blond, unconscious and devastated.

Amos withdrew the syringe and sighed in dismay.

"That girl is a bloody pain in the ass," he grumbled, patting the spot where she had hit him. "If I hadn't been on methadone, she could have put me in a coma."

A sudden dampness in his neck made him shiver, he sat up, and saw that Mikasa was crying on him.

This unexpected vision froze him for a few moments, then it brought up remorses that he hastened to bury. He gently freed himself from the girl's body and leaned her against the wall of the entrance to observe her.

Except for the few tears that ran down her cheeks, she seemed to be sleeping peacefully. The tears, however, were all Amos cared about.

"She was really terrified that Eren would find out she was shining his shoes… What the Hell…? How did I miss that detail for almost eighteen months?"

He shook off his annoyance at himself to refocus on Mikasa. He got up to find his jacket in his personal closet and took a handkerchief out of one of the pockets to wipe the face of the half-blood.

"Even though she's still overprotective of him, she hasn't stopped him from giving his all since I intervened … But this… She must have been doing this since training started. And she chose to continue doing it rather than let Eren get a cleat from Shadis… Although… Showing badly polished boots would be considered a serious fault at this stage of the training. While she only meant well, she trapped herself."

As a sizable bruise began to form on the side of his head, Amos put on his boots, threw open the door to the building, and carried Mikasa back to her bed. It was then that he realized that stepping into the opposite sex dorm with a sedated girl while everyone else was sleeping…was a really bad idea.

Resigned, he hoisted the half-blood onto his shoulder as he approached his destination, and picked up several pebbles from the ground as he walked. Then he settled himself in front of one of the windows which he hastened to bombard, until a disheveled, sleepy and exasperated blond head, emerged to discover the source of this racket under the light of the full moon.

Amos did not bother with formalities such as a gesture of apology, he motioned for the girl to come down to help him by pointing at Mikasa.

The latter gave him a dismayed grimace, before telling him that she was coming with a thumbs-up.

Nox appeared in front of the entrance to the dormitory and waited for her accomplice to open the door, which she did a few seconds later.

"What the hell is going on ?" Annie Leonhart grumbled while sporting a blond mane so tousled it could have passed for a giant dandelion flower.

Amos had all the trouble in the world to keep himself from laughing in front of the flower demon with a tank top, she looked like she had come out of a bad opera.

"I need you to put her back in her bed," he announced, handing Mikasa to the blonde girl.

The latter contemplated her for a few seconds before returning to the Adviser, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms.

"Did you knock her out?"

"No, I sedated her."

Leonhart couldn't believe his ears.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"Take her and I'll show you," Nox sighed nervously.

Once the oriental was in the arms of the blonde girl, Amos took his box of matches out of his pocket, struck three and lit up the pretty large bruise that the half-blood had left him before the wind extinguished his flame. Annie gave a slight smile.

"And what did you do to deserve this?"

"You don't want to know."

"Okay," she nodded, then she glared at him, "so do tell me how you know the exact location of my bed in the girls' dorm?"

Not at all worried by the barely concealed threat, Amos smirked as he pointed his thumb at the boys' dormitory.

"Bertholdt has been checking you out every night from our window since training started."

This revelation dismayed Annie much more than it embarrassed her, she let out a gasp of annoyance mixed with a hint of disgust.

"Need anything else?" she quipped, visibly in a hurry to get this over with.

"I found the perfect excuse to steal Eren from you," the tall blond informed her, taking a cigarette from his pocket, "Christa will send Armin to you in the morning."

He lit his cigarette under the disapproving gaze of the blonde and continued:

"As for Mikasa… She won't wake up until lunchtime, could you tell Shadis she's ill? He knows you don't like each other, so he'll know you won't try to cover up for her."

"Anything else ?" she grumbled even more.

"Good night Annie," he said, exhaling a puff of smoke as he turned on his heels.

The latter rolled her eyes, even if deep down she was grateful to him. She carried Mikasa back to her bed and went back to her own. And she promised herself that she would have a very serious conversation with Bertholdt right after breakfast.

(-)(-)(-)

Once back in the boys' dorm, Amos immediately went up to the bed that Armin, Connie, and Eren were sharing. The latter was his target.

Without the slightest pity, nor restrain, he grabbed him by the ear while placing a hand over his mouth. Jolted awake, Jaeger tried to struggle, but he took a knee to the stomach that blocked his breath and ended all resistance.

Amos dragged his victim unceremoniously to the dormitory entrance which was still lit by Mikasa's oil lamp. The native of Shinganshina widened his eyes when his torturer's face entered the light, and a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead when he saw the predation in his gaze.

"Hello there, Eren," the tall blond whispered as he let go of his ear to close the door.

Feeling that the pain in his stomach had subsided enough, Jaeger struggled to remove Nox's hand from his mouth, but the latter didn't flinch.

"I caught Mikasa polishing your boots," he informed him abruptly, "she must have been doing this since training started."

At those words, a clap of thunder erupted in Eren's skull as the information reached his brain. He stopped struggling and stared at the Adviser as if he had just grown a second head. Satisfied, the latter released him.

It took a good ten seconds for the native of Shinganshina to regain his senses, and when he succeeded, he winced in incomprehension, in shame, and Nox saw a hint of disgust. Jaeger seemed to have forgotten the pain in his stomach when he asked:

"Why… ?"

"The first few months, she probably did it to prevent you from being fired by Shadis for incompetence."

Eren let out a gasp of frustration which Amos ignored to continue:

"The problem is, if she had stopped doing that, you would have gotten beaten up by Shadis because of her. If she had told you about it, you would have been mad at her. So either she confessed to you what she had done, and in that case, you would have been really mad at her. Or she stopped as discretely as she had started and, you would have taken a memorable punishment for not being able to polish your bloody boots yourself after sixteen months of training. That's why she said nothing and continued to polish your boots to spare you from any punishment and save herself from your anger. She stuck herself between a rock and a hard place.

Nox's explanations weren't enough to calm Eren down, his whole being was shaking, the violent emotions he was feeling seemed about to drown his consciousness and take control of him; but Amos grabbed him by the ear and straightened him up despite the hiss of pain ripping through the Shinganshina native's teeth.

"Stop letting your pride control you," the tall blond chided, never diminishing the predatory aura that enveloped his body. "Look into my eyes."

That's what Jaeger did, and his eyes widened when he discovered the impressive bruise that surrounded the eye socket of the tall blond.

"Mikasa tried to knock me out when I caught her," he explained flatly and tapped his temple with his finger. "She was terrified that you would find out what she was doing."

Eren frowned and winced in incomprehension, he tried to say something, probably to express his confusion with words, but no sound passed his lips.

"Eren," Amos said in a more sympathetic tone, "get your boots, get your brush, your rag, and your shoe polish. Put on your civilian shoes and follow me outside, so we can talk away from any potential eavesdroppers."

Surprisingly enough, Jaeger nodded without protest, and did as he was asked. Nox assumed he was more concerned about Mikasa's situation than his own pride, which was reassuring. Once they were ready, Amos grabbed the oil lamp left by the oriental and walked out with Eren following him.

The two teenagers found themselves a quiet spot in the woods, far enough for the trees to hid their light. The Adviser sat on a stump and motioned for the native of Shinganshina to sit down facing him. Then he grabbed the latter's boots.

"That's a boot polished by Mikasa," he announced before grabbing the other, "and this is the one she didn't have time to polish."

The expression on Eren's face conveyed a strange mix between shame and disgust. To Amos, this was fascinating.

With patience and pedagogy, he explained to Jaeger what he should have learned months ago, and waited until he got to work to return to the real subject that had brought them here.

He heaved a light aching sigh and caressed his bruise, his comrade noticed it and froze for a few moments.

"Eren…Why do you think was Mikasa so terrified that you would find out that she was waxing your pumps?"

The concerned gasped softly and lifted his head, a slight annoyed grimace forming on his face.

"I think you know the answer."

"Yes," Amos confirmed, letting the predation resurface, "but I want to hear you say it. And don't stop rubbing."

Eren snorted slightly but complied with his 'superior's' instructions.

"I suppose…" he began, swallowing his emotions, "that she was afraid that I would come after her…"

"Good answer," the tall blond agreed, resting his chin on his clasped hands, "she wanted to help you without having to suffer your remonstrances. And she tried to knock me out because she was afraid you'd be mad at her. And probably because if Shadis got wind of your inability to shine your shoes on your own, he'd have to put it on your file. Said file would have, sooner or later, found its way onto Commander Erwin's desk. And I know from a reliable source that this guy pays attention to the smallest detail, believe it or not, but such a fault could have jeopardized your career as a scout.

Eren was flabbergasted by what he just heard, he slapped his forehead with his free hand and sighed in annoyance.

"Do not stop rubbing," Amos ordered before he continued: "The last point may startle you, but from my point of view, the first one is more worrying."

Jaeger frowned in confusion.

"Mikasa was afraid to stir your ire," the tall blond clarified. "She was afraid, she would rather polish your boots for three years than get told off by you."

Gradually, Eren's eyes widened in horror until they almost shattered his retina, but Amos didn't stop there.

"Do you realize how much your remonstrances hurt her?" he asked knowing the answer. "She is so afraid of suffering that she hides in the shadows to help you rather than having to bear your anger."

This time Jaeger had had enough, shame was consuming every fiber of his body to the point of making him shake. He dropped his brush and creased his features in rage at himself. Amos cuffed him to get him out of his spiral of self-loathing before he got too far, Eren clapped a hand to his temple and gave his friend an indignant expression.

"Finish brushing that damn boot," he ordered in a firm voice, "when it's over, we'll find solutions instead of moping uselessly."

There was a moment of hesitation, during which Jaeger stared at the glow of the oil lamp that shone in the imperturbable emerald eyes of his interlocutor. The confidence with which Nox had uttered these words found its way to the heart of the Shinganshina native, he took a deep breath to calm himself, picked up his brush, and went back to work under the watchful gaze of his friend.

(-)(-)(-)

"Fifteen minutes is far too long," the tall blond reprimanded gently while he was putting away his pocket watch, "you'll have to be more efficient in the future."

Eren nodded, accepting the criticism, but he was still glad he polished his boot, no matter how stupid it sounded.

"Now back to Mikasa," Amos said and crossed his legs.

Jaeger carefully placed his shoe next to the one his adopted sister had polished, steeled himself with a deep breath, and faced Nox.

"Be honest, Eren, what are your feelings towards her? How do you feel when she tries to help you or when she worries about you?"

The questions hit him in the stomach even harder than Amos had when he had dragged him out of bed, he had to swallow his saliva in order to find the strength to answer.

"I care about her," he said without hesitate, "I care a lot about her."

The conviction with which he had uttered these words left no room for doubt in Nox's mind.

"But…" Eren continued, clenching his teeth and fists. "I still feel like a fucking parasite whenever she treats me like a kid."

At that, the tall blonde raised his eyebrows in surprise. He himself had a well-defined idea of what a human parasite was, and the native of Shinganshina did not fall into this category in his eyes.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating?"

"That I'm exaggerating?!" Jaeger suddenly stormed, waking passing birds that flew away in terror.

He took a second to control himself and continued with barely contained rage but a much lower tone.

"Those fat pigs would have raped her hundreds of times if you and the others hadn't come to save us! And for what ?! Mikasa chose to become the toy of these animals to let me live! But for fuck's sake she should have let me die! She should have saved the others! She should have protected herself! What possessed her to do that?!"

Amos grabbed Eren by the shoulders and forced him to look at him to calm him down. But if Jaeger stopped declaiming, he did not lose his temper. Tears of rage formed in the corners of his eyes as his face contorted into a furious, devastated grimace.

"Fuck ..." he resumed in a breath. "Why is she doing this? Why does she sacrifice everything for me?"

"She's not sacrificing anything, because you're all she's got," Nox replied, almost apologetically.

At these words, Jaeger snorted in disgust and freed himself from the tall blond's grip.

A moment of heavy silence passed, Amos took the opportunity to light a cigarette.

"Eren," he continued as his friend was looking away, "do you realize that if Mikasa is so strong, it's thanks to you? You realize she wouldn't be here without you. Knowing that, how can you call yourself a parasite?"

Slowly, Jaeger met his friend's gaze again, blinking away his few tears of anger. He let out a very deep sigh, as if he was releasing a weight from his heart.

"The day I met her..."

He hesitated, met Amos' eyes again, and saw enough confidence to continue:

"When I saw her parents…when my dad told me what kind of person had done that…I was so beside myself…I ran after them without thinking…"

Eren was in a trance as he told his story, the rage in his eyes and the tremors of hatred in his body were fascinating to Nox. They were so intoxicating, that they seemed to contaminate him in turn.

"When I found them…I heard them talking about Mikasa…

In a flash, Eren's anger turned into the most genuine fury. He clenched his fists until his palms bled, his veins throbbing in his neck.

"They said Mikasa was valuable because she was oriental… They talked about her like she was a fucking mare!"

Amos had to make an inhuman effort to keep his predation from getting out of hand, he just puffed on his cigarette to calm himself down.

"How is it linked to you?"

Once again Eren steeled himself before facing his friend, the latter was very surprised to see guilt on his face.

"I-I…" he hesitated, exhaling loudly and continuing: "I have the feeling that in the end, I am… the slaver."

A cathedral-like silence fell on the clearing in which the two teenagers had gathered, only the heavy breathing of the native of Shinganshina was heard. For Amos was astonished to have heard such words.

Without warning, the image of a female slaver suddenly imposed itself in his mind, and the tall blond had to plunge his face into his hand to hide his own horror.

He took a few seconds to contain himself, and answered without raising his head. "Eren…it's not because Mikasa cares about you…"

Without warning, Jaeger grabbed him by the collar and forced him to face him, Nox was so surprised that he almost smashed his face in retaliation. But his friend yelled at his face a sentence that paralyzed him on the spot.

"If I asked her to spread her legs for me, what do you think she would do?!"

A clap of thunder erupted in Amos's skull, the figure he had imagined, the predation and anger disappeared in the space of a second. And for the first time in years, the tall blond had lost his words, he stared at Eren with eyes widened in horror.

"Answer me?" the latter asked weakly while he was shaking his friend slightly. "Do you think she would?"

The native of Shinganshina seemed exhausted, the violent emotions he had felt had drained him of his energy.

Amos blinked to recover some serenity, gently grabbed Jaeger's wrists so he let go, and heaved a deep sigh.

"Yeah…" he finally admitted, "I think she would. But she would do it out of fear of losing the only family she has left, and not out of pleasure. To ask her such a thing would be to destroy her psychologically."

For a brief moment, Eren wondered if he had confided in Nox for the one and only purpose of being reassured. Now that he had confirmation that his worst fear was justified, the young man no longer knew what to do or what to think.

"Well ..." he talked without thinking. "I think that settles... I'm a fucking..."

Amos silenced him with a devastating punch to the stomach. Jaeger was so surprised that he fell to his knees, pressing his hands against his abdomen.

The tall blond took a moment to rearrange his thoughts, swallow his personal torments, and focus on the issues he needed to fix. And this, even if he did not realize that he was not acting in his own interest.

"You're an idiot," he sighed, shaking his head. "Do you think the ability to hurt your loved ones makes you a slaver?"

The native of Shinganshina raised his head, his face grimacing and his eyebrows furrowed in incomprehension.

"It's the very principle of affection, you know?" Amos said as he crouched down. "Caring for someone is giving them the power to hurt you. That's why Mikasa's choices put you in such a state, you care about her, and you want her to take better care of herself. Which is quite ironic since she cares about you and she would like you to take better care of yourself."

Jaeger opened his mouth to respond, but no sound passed his lips.

Amos rolled up his sleeve, revealing scars from whippings and dog bites.

"Eren…I know what a slaver is," he revealed, staring him straight in the eye, "and a slaver doesn't care about his wares. How can you claim to be one since you would rather die than see your 'merchandise' destroyed?"

Jaeger didn't answer, he was obsessed with the marks etched into the tall blond's flesh.

"Eren," Amos continued, "a slaver doesn't call his merchandise or his toy by its first name, doesn't care about its feelings, and never questions the way he treats it. You don't own Mikasa, you never have, so stop tormenting yourself for nothing."

Within a second, the native of Shinganshina felt a huge weight disappear from his chest, he was so relieved that he gasped loudly.

"As for being a parasite," Nox continued, rolling up his sleeve, "you're just having a teenage crisis through which you're trying to claim more independence."

Eren frowned and put on a vexed face. Conversely, Amos looked stern.

"If you consider that caring about you makes you a parasite, then all you deserve is a couple of slaps and a night without supper."

This declaration plunged Jaeger into an abyss of perplexity, indeed, he did not know if his friend was serious or not. He got his answer when Amos grabbed him by the wrist to straighten him up, and put on a half-dismayed face.

"Why should Mikasa allow you more independence?" he continued in his stern voice. "You don't even know how to brush your teeth properly."

At these words, Eren blushed with shame.

"But what does that have to do with…?"

"Mikasa keeps running after you to make sure you're okay, because you don't know how to take care of yourself," Nox cut in sharply. "And the disregard you have for your hygiene is a glaring example of your constant need to have a mother figure by your side."

This rather unexpected criticism completely disarmed Jaeger, who tried in vain to find anything to complain about.

"I know how to brush my teeth," he ended up saying in a grumpy tone that almost made his interlocutor laugh.

"Rubbing each external dental wall three times is not washing your teeth, it's spreading toothpaste on them."

The stern tone with which Amos was speaking disheartened Eren quite easily. Indeed, the native of Shinganshina did not know how to react to the authority of the Adviser. The latter shook his head.

"Do you want more independence? Earn it instead of squealing."

With that, Nox grabbed the gas lamp, used it to light another cigarette, and left the clearing. Eren had just enough time to grab his boots and shoe shine gear before chasing after him.

"Wait," he gasped as he caught up, "what should I do?"

"Well, you could start by apologizing to Mikasa for being careless with your boots and rude to her."

He turned to the Shinganshina native and gave him a stern look that made the latter lower his head.

"I'm serious, Eren. She was afraid of your reaction. She should never be afraid of you."

At these words, Jaeger railed against himself and nodded, satisfied, Amos continued:

"If you want more independence, you have to prove to Mikasa that you know how to take care of yourself. Otherwise she will continue to worry more than she should."

He nodded again, and after a moment of silent walking through the woods, Jaeger asked the question that was burning his lips.

"Can you teach me how to survive?"

Amos froze for a moment, before turning to his friend, frowning.

"What did you just say?"

"Teach me how to survive," Eren repeated with more conviction.

This request destabilized Nox, the only person he had taught survival was his little sister. And to do that, he had to make her suffer.

"Why ?"

Jaeger didn't answer right away, instead staring at the Adviser's sleeve as if it was hypnotizing.

"There was nothing I could do against that bunch of pigs," Eren hissed as his face creased again, "if you hadn't been there..."

"I was not alone..."

"But you're the one who organized everything."

The gleam in Jaeger's eyes surprised Amos slightly, he knew that his friend had a lot of esteem for him, but he didn't expect the native of Shinganshina to admire him so much.

"I need you to teach me to be something mor than a drag," the latter said hopefully. "What happened during that fucking exercise...it must never happen again!"

The fear and contempt Eren had for himself was not lost on Nox, he hesitated.

"Listen…"

"Please!" Jaeger insisted. "I will do whatever you ask of me!"

This time Amos was shocked. Eren Jaeger, the great freedom lover, had begged him to put his fate in his hands.

A cathedral-like silence fell between the two friends, while the native of Shinganshina impatiently awaited the answer of the tall blond.

The latter hesitated again, what Jaeger was asking would require some investment on his part, and Amos hated wasting his time. Besides… he was unable to anticipate Mikasa's reaction.

"Eren," he continued, sighing a cloud of smoke, "you'll have to convince me here. I potentially have many things to teach you, but for that, I will ask absolute obedience from you. I am not your father nor your brother, I will not be patient if you make my life difficult. And excuse me for telling you this, but I find it hard to believe that you are willing to give up your precious freedom for months."

At those words, Jaeger stared blankly at him for a few seconds.

"My freedom?" he muttered dazedly. "I am not free."

Amos raised a doubtful eyebrow.

"I'm not free," he repeated, gritting his teeth, "I'm locked in a cage surrounded by all those fucking titans. I'm just a sheep, like all the others... But not like you."

With those words, Eren lifted his head to pierce Nox's gaze. "You're not like us," he said with conviction and admiration, "someone took away your freedom..."

His eyes fell on the sleeve of his interlocutor who felt a slight uneasiness seize him.

"…And you got it back. I can't do this...no matter how badly I want to…I'm just… not capable of this. But there is much worse..."

Eren had to take a deep breath, before saying his last truth:

"As long as I'm weak, I'll be Mikasa's cage… She'll never be free… She'll stick to me without ever caring about herself… Never living her life… This… I can't stand it. Please...I need your help..."

Once his tirade was over, Jaeger let out a long sigh, as if to finally relieve himself of the weight that had weighed on his conscience. Then he looked at Nox and for his verdict.

For seconds that felt like hours, the native of Shinganshina carefully watched the adviser's face, and looked for any clue in his impassive expression that would allow him to guess his decision.

Finally, Amos let out a smirk, and gently patted Eren on the head much to the latter's confusion.

"You know, this is the second time I've underestimated you," he smiled with a hint of nostalgia in his voice.

Voice that returned to its full sternness even before Jaeger had time to ask him what he meant by that. Amos seized him by the ear and glared at him with predation

"Listen to me very carefully, Eren," he said in the most sinister tone Eren had ever heard, "For I will not repeat myself. In order for you to mature, I will use all the means at my disposal, this obviously includes suffering. For the next twenty months, you will do what I tell you to do, no matter how absurd it seems to you. If you complain, I'll beat you up, if you give up, not only will I lose interest in your fate completely, but I'll break you in two. Have I been clear?"

Despite the pain radiating from his ear, Eren nodded without flinching, much to Nox's satisfaction.

In the distance, the sun was beginning to rise, the tall blond took the opportunity to throw away his cigarette and look at his watch.

"Perfect, so let's start by improving your hygiene."

"Uh ?!" Jaeger exclaimed, not believing his ears.

His reaction was the wrong one, the predation overwhelmed all the questions he was about to ask.

"You heard me right," the Adviser gritted, "your negligence towards your hygiene is one of the first things I'm going to correct. You're lucky Mikasa doesn't share the showers with us, otherwise she would insist on washing you herself given your negligence.

This argument flushed Eren in the second and scandalized him in the next.

"What do you know about it?" he defended himself. "You never take your shower with us!"

"I know I have eyes, and every morning you show up at the refectory with dirt under your fingernails, yellow teeth and sticky hair."

Jaeger felt shame slowly shake every fiber of his body, being scolded about his hygiene by someone he admired was incredibly humiliating.

"Let's hit the shower!" Nox announced while he was dragging him by the ear.

(-)(-)(-)

When Armin woke up that morning, he was relatively surprised not to see Eren by his side and immediately feared an overreaction from Mikasa. However, he was quickly reassured when he left the dormitory, as he saw his best friend undergoing the relaxation exercises to which Amos subjected him. This surprised and worried him at the same time, because judging by the pained expression on his friend's face, he was putting in a lot of effort early in the morning.

Out of reflex, Armin turned his head in the direction of the girls' dormitory, expecting to see his oriental friend rushing out of the building to interrupt Amos' torture session. But to his great astonishment, the oriental was the only girl not to leave the building. Although curious, the little blond was called to order by Reiner and went to take a shower before joining the refectory. However, he wasn't able to spot Mikasa who used to be there before them since the beginning of their classes.

On the other hand, he saw Eren and Amos sitting with Ymir and Christa, and chose to join them in order to obtain some answers as to the already unusual morning they were experiencing.

He was very surprised, as he sat down, to discover that the Adviser was educating his best friend on good table manners.

But he was even more surprised to see that Eren made the effort to listen to the tall blond, under the amused and curious looks of the two girls in front of them.

"Straighten up, damn it," Amos sighed as he forced Jaeger to align himself with the back of his chair, "do you bow down to food like Sasha does?"

Armin had to slap a hand over his mouth to keep him from chuckling at the annoyed and embarrassed look on his friend's face. Ymir had no such modesty and burst into a cruel laugh.

"Don't worry," she said, wiping her nose with her index finger, "he's going easy on you, with me he had to threaten to kill me several times."

"Ymir!" exclaimed Christa outraged.

"Don't exaggerate," replied the tall blond as he smiled, "the jaw and the fingers are not part of the vital points of the body."

"Amos!"

"What are you saying?" replied the tall girl as she tapped her lips with her fingertips, "Can't you imagine how vital they are to Christa..."

"Ymir!" exclaimed the little blonde, flushing in the second.

This was also the time it took for a murderous aura to surround the Adviser's body, Armin rushed to defuse the situation.

"Uh… Amos?" What happened to your face?"

"Mikasa's fist," he replied, placing Eren's elbow back to prevent the latter from encroaching on his territory.

He sighed before Christa had time to question him further.

"Eren…? Do you know what good manners are for?"

A shiver crossed the body of the native of Shinganshina who let out an embarrassed grimace.

"It's so humiliating," he whispered to his mentor, who answered in an almost apologetic tone:

"I know, but tell yourself that it was even more humiliating when you ate like an oaf, without listening to Mikasa's advice... in front of everyone should I add."

Eren swallowed in shame hearing this and tried to follow the instructions of the tall blond who continued:

"You still haven't answered me; what are good manners for?"

"I don't know," Jaeger said, much to Armin's surprise.

Indeed, the little blond was used to seeing his best friend try to guess the answer to such a question or invent an excuse, he very rarely admitted his ignorance, so to see him do it so naturally was relatively… shocking.

"Well, for starters, know that by eating cleanly you stain less. Which will not be negligible for Mina and Marco, who will be on laundry duty tonight."

Eren's eyes widened realizing what that entailed, Nox didn't stop there.

"Plus you put fewer crumbs everywhere, which is not negligible for Armin and Bertholdt who will be cleaning the refectory tonight."

The little blond had the impression that with each word uttered by the Adviser, his friend curled up a little more on himself. Many would have stopped there, but Amos was the efficient type.

"Eren, our manners are a reflection of our upbringing. By behaving appropriately we honor our parents."

At these words, the native of Shinganshina heard a clap of thunder erupt in his skull, and to his shame was added a host of memories that stormed his head. He remembered all the times his mother had scolded him for his bad behavior at the dinner table, and his old remorse resurfaced… along with the bloody images of the day everything had changed.

It was then that Nox slapped him on the forehead which brought him out of his trance.

"Calm down," he ordered in a firm voice, "I didn't say that to piss you off. I told you this so that you realize the importance of your education, it is not only you that you represent."

A glimmer of realization lit Eren's eyes, and immediately, he straightened his back and lowered his elbows so he could focus on his food.

Armin was speechless at this scene. Eren's efforts to mature for the first time since Maria's fall warmed his heart, to the point of pulling a hopeful smile out of him. On the other hand, there was at his side, a little blonde who didn't let a certain detail being brushed away.

"Amos?" she hissed in a menacing voice. "When did Mikasa hit you?"

"Last night," the adviser replied, raising a wary eyebrow at his sister.

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that we couldn't wake her up this morning? No matter the amount of water we poured on her face, she wouldn't move an inch."

"Even if you had thrown her in the lake, it wouldn't have made any difference," Nox sighed as he wiped his mouth, "I had to sedate her with acepromazine maleate."

While Ymir, Armin, and Eren exchanged confused glances, Christa opened her mouth in dismay.

"Are you bloody insane?!" she nearly screamed. "She is going to sleep for days!"

"Calm down," the Adviser urged as he rose his index finger, "she'll be up for lunch..."

He turned to Eren.

"…And you will apologize to her." Once the native of Shinganshina nodded under the astonished gaze of Arlet, Amos stood up with his tray and was immediately followed by his new protege.

"By the way, Armin?" he said in a monotonous voice. "Since Eren will be training with me in hand to hand combat from now on, I asked Annie if she could take care of your training."

At these words, the little blond widened his eyes in terror.

"A-Annie?!" he stammered in fear as Christa started to protest.

"But Armin was training with us sinc…"

"Good luck, Armin," Ymir said after covering Lenz's mouth with her hand.

Eren gave his friend a sorry look before following Amos out of the dining hall, Arlet watched them leave before saying out loud:

"I haven't seen Eren like this in a long time.

Ymir rolled his eyes in dismay.

"Like What ? Quiet?

"Yes," the little blond admitted as he scratched his cheek, "but above all, ambitious."

"What are you talking about?" asked the tall girl. "Hasn't he always been like that?"

"No, before he was just angry," Arlet explained quickly as he ate his breakfast. "But now… it looks like he really wants to get better."

"I don't get it," Ymir admitted, shrugging.

"What Armin means," Christa said in her usual compassionate voice and angelic smile, "is that Eren used to be destructive. Now he cares about himself."

"Yes, that's it!" confirmed the little blond.

The tall girl glared at him.

"And you couldn't just say it?" she grumbled annoyed as her interlocutor felt himself shrinking as she raised her voice.

"Ymir," Lenz reprimanded gently, "leave him alone."

The concerned snorted but refocused on her food, Armin thanked his fellow blonde with a nod.

"By the way, Christa," he asked politely, "do you know what's going on between Amos and Eren? I mean…Amos teaches a lot to everyone…but manners?"

The girl gracefully wiped her mouth, which made Arlet blush slightly.

"Well…" she began, scratching her chin. "I think Amos is bored."

At that, Ymir and Armin frowned simultaneously.

"What are you talking about, princess?"

"Amos is bored," she insisted, "he's been trying, since the beginning of training, to improve everyone's skills in order to have worthy rivals. But apart from Mikasa in the ODM and in the physical department, it is impossible for him to find real competitors. Amos started training when he was five and he's a genius. No one can come close to his level here."

Armin's eyes widened when he heard that and almost choked on his porridge, Christa had to pat him on the back to get his coughing fit over.

"He…he's been training since he was five?" repeated the flabbergasted little blond.

Lenz realized her mistake and grimaced at her own stupidity.

"Can you keep this to yourself?" she asked, clasping her hands and wearing a pleading look that instantly melted Arlet's heart. "Amos would be mad at me if he found out."

Powerless against the charm of the latter's sister, the young man nodded his blushing head under the dazzling smile of Christa.

Ymir was very tempted to snap at Arlet on that one, but since she was not afraid that he was encroaching on her toes, she contented herself with bringing the conversation back to Nox:

"Okay, so why did your brother take Eren under his wing?"

"Your brother?" Armin mused in surprise.

If Christa noticed the slip, she chose to ignore it.

"Probably because he needed to have a project that kept him busy during our classes," she explained, cleaning her plate with a piece of bread planted on her fork. "And I guess that Eren's education and training is his new project."

Armin raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise, and glanced in the direction of the mess hall door through which the two boys had exited.

"I wonder what Mikasa will think of that," he mused aloud.

At those words, the expression on Christa's face darkened abruptly.

"I bet Amos already prepared his answer," she gritted with cold anger.

This time it was Ymir who raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Wow," she said, impressed by the little blonde. "I've never seen you so mad at him, what did he do to get you like this?"

"He sedated Mikasa with acepromazine maleate," Lenz growled hotly. "It's a tranquilizer for horses, it was incredibly dangerous to use something like that on her."j

Ymir and Armin's eyes popped out of their sockets.

"Uh ..." The tall hesitated for as second. "Not to defend him, but she still punched him in the face."

"And knowing them both, do you really think it was undeserved?" quipped the little blonde.

Ymir couldn't find anything to answer to that, and she didn't want to upset her interlocutor any further anyway"

"Usually I tolerate Amos' fantasies," she growled as she cracked her fingers, "but now, I think he clearly deserved a punishment."

Armin let out a nervous chuckle seeing the demonic smile that had just appeared on the little angel's face. Whatever fate she had in store for the Adviser, he really wouldn't like to be in his shoes.

(-)(-)(-)

When Mikasa awoke, she felt, for the first time since her early childhood, that her muscles were stiff and that her body was possessed by fatigue. She yawned so hard that her jaw hurt her a little and she scanned the surroundings despite her still cloudy mind and heavy eyelids.

It was then that she noticed that there was no one but her on the floor she shared in the girls' dormitory. She frowned, yawned once more, and straightened up with great effort. Which shocked her, for it had been years since she had felt so physically weak. Standing on her wobbly legs she realized that she was alone in the building, and that the Sun must have been up for hours. Panicking at the idea of being late, she wanted to rush to the entrance to get her clothes and slip into the shower. But her numb legs played a nasty trick on her, the ground disappeared under her feet and she almost broke her skull. Fortunately, she was caught by Christa who intercepted her in her fall by wrapping her arms around the waist.

"Wow!" the small girl exclaimed as she was almost dragged down by the weight of the oriental.

"Mikasa! Pull yourself together !"

The half-blood blinked several times despite her heavy eyelids and raised her head to discover the worried-looking face of Amos' sister.

"Christa…" she stammered in confusion before yawning again, "where did everyone go?"

Her benefactress did not answer her, she installed her against a wall, took a bottle of pills from her pocket, and handed three to the oriental.

"Swallow this," she said in her soft voice, "it will help you stay awake."

"What is that?" Mikasa stammered thickly.

"Methylphenidate; a powerful stimulant."

Normally, the half-blood would have been suspicious, but Christa had never shown the slightest bad intention towards anyone, her own condition worried her more than enough for her to agree to take a slight risk. So she swallowed the pills with a sip of water to wash it all down.

"What happened?" she asked, feeling her lucidity slowly resurface.

"Amos dosed you with a horse tranquilizer," the little blonde growled angrily. "Since he calculated that you would wake up around noon, I came to check on you during the lunch break."

Those words sent a shock through Mikasa's brain, her eyes widened in terror as memories of last night came flooding back to her in a series of flashes.

Without warning and under the flabbergasted gaze of Christa, tears flowed down the cheeks of the half-blood.

Listening to her instincts, the petite blonde hugged the oriental in her arms and let her cry on her shoulder.

"There, there, it's going to be fine...

"N-no," Ackerman said between sobs. "Eren…he's going to be mad at me…"

At those words a flash of realization crossed Lenz's gaze, who tightened her embrace.

"Don't worry about it," she reassured, patting her back, "I think Amos took care of explaining things to him."

Mikasa slowly raised her head, the thin hope visible in her jet black eyes split Christa's heart.

"Listen," she continued, taking out a handkerchief to wipe her cheeks, "go get ready to join the afternoon training. I'm sure Eren will only have good things to say to you."

The Oriental looked dubious, however, her only other option was to avoid her adoptive brother for the rest of their classes. So she let Christa help her up, gathered her clothes, and headed for the shared bathroom. But she froze on the spot as soon as she exited the dormitory, because Eren was waiting for her at the corner of the building.

Mikasa was so startled that she nearly let go of her clothes, and she stopped so abruptly that the petite blonde on her heels bumped into her back.

There was an awkward moment of silence, before the native of Shinganshina cocked his head to the side to address Christa:

"Could you please leave us alone?"

She glanced in the direction of the half-blood to ask for her agreement, but the latter was entirely focused on Eren, and if the little blonde believed the tremors of the body of the oriental, the Ackerman was puffed up by the stress.

Lenz heaved a small sigh, before glaring at Jaeger to the latter's surprise.

"Be nice," she warned as she mimicked a pair of scissors with her index and middle finger, "otherwise ..."

The young man was very surprised by the warning of the little blonde, but having no intention of acting as she feared, he just nodded to obtain the desired privacy. Although a little annoyed, Christa came down from the porch of the girls' dormitory, and saw Amos watching the scene, leaning against a tree with a cigarette in his mouth.

Despite the fact that she was still mad at him, she went to lean back right in front of him.

No words were exchanged between the siblings, because both were waiting for the outcome of the discussion between the adoptive siblings.

It was Eren who spoke first, obviously more worried than anything.

"Mikasa… am I scaring you?"

She looked down quickly in response, but Jaeger moved forward to grab her by the shoulders so that she met his gaze.

"Answer me, please," he pleaded, almost swallowing his emotions. "Am I scaring you?"

"No," she said weakly as she shook her head.

"But you're afraid to upset me," Eren snapped as he repeated Amos' deductions, "you really don't want to make me angry… You don't want to hurt me even if it would be beneficial to me. And for that… you're ready to take it all for me… Just to keep me from feeling bad… Fuck…"

The swearword hurt the half-blood more than the rest, because she believed it was the result of her adoptive brother's frustration with her.

But he had not reasoned like this, he hastened to hug his adoptive sister as hard as he could while the latter widened her eyes in surprise.

"Stop," he almost begged, his face distorted with anger towards himself, "stop hurting yourself so much for me! Especially for such stupid stuff! Fuck… Mikasa…you don't deserve this…! You don't deserve to suffer so much… I don't want you to suffer so much!"

These words struck the heart of the oriental like an explosive in the wall of a fortress. All her defenses lowered in a second and she buried her head in Eren's chest to get some comfort for all her efforts.

After a moment he resumed:

"I asked Amos to teach me how to do things myself," he admitted, loosening his grip. "I don't want you to do so much for me anymore, I want you to live for yourself."

These words… pulverized her heart and drew a horrified expression on her face. An expression which did not escape Amos' vigilance from the trunk on which he was leaning, and which drew from him a sigh as annoyed as smoky.

"What's bothering you?" Christa asked quietly.

"I was wrong ..." his brother growled. "Mikasa's problem is related to Eren… but it's still her problem."

The little blonde's response was cut off by Jaeger's statement:

"Please, I will do my best to take care of myself… But I want you to take care of yourself too. I don't want you to lead your life glued to my coattails... You will never be happy doing that..."

This confession widened the wound in the heart of the oriental who clung to her adoptive brother like a shipwrecked woman clinging to a lifeline. To the point where her fingernails slightly tore the Shinganshina native's jacket. Amos thought he had seen enough. He left without listening to the rest of the exchange between adoptive brother and sister. Christa rushed after him to extract as much information as possible from him in order to better understand the role of his elder in this situation.

"You knew that I would come to help Mikasa when she woke up," she guessed without letting go of his trail, "that's why you mentioned the acepromazine maleate. I was the only one who knew what it was."

"Bingo," smiled his eldest as he glanced briefly in her direction, "but that doesn't matter anymore."

"Why?"

"Because I went around in circles," the tall blond squeaked as he clenched his own fists, "worse still, I encouraged Mikasa's whims unintentionally. I didn't realize... I..."

He let out a gasp of frustration that raised Christa's eyebrows, for she had rarely seen her brother like this.

"Why do you care so much about it?"

"Because Mikasa is infuriating," he growled almost furiously. "She is an amazing person who..."

Suddenly, he froze in place and spun around. Eren was still holding his adoptive sister by the shoulders and continuing to try to reason with her. But she had taken refuge behind her scarf and was content to nod soberly...

"Who refuses… to live…"

In a flash, all the anger, frustration, and confusion on Nox's face evaporated, giving way to a haggard expression caused by the magnitude of the realization his mind had just obtained. Before his sister could even question him, he smashed his forehead with the flat of his left hand.

"I'm such a fucking moron," he growled outraged by his own slowness in discovering the crux of the puzzle, "Eren was never the problem… He's an ignoramus, but an ignoramus full of good will… No… Everything has always revolved around Mikasa."

He did not wait for his sister to answer him, he accelerated his pace in order to isolate himself to continue to carry out his reflections. Unfortunately for him, he didn't realize that he had only further annoyed his younger sister by doing so. When the latter found herself stuck halfway between the girls' dormitory and the training ground, she promised herself to put the plan she had in mind into execution much sooner than she had originally planned. And for that, she was going to need an accomplice.

(-)(-)(-)

Amos kept his thoughts and their fruit to himself for the rest of the training. Eren joined him when it was time for Shadis' ODM exercises, and as the tall blond had anticipated, the native of Shinganshina seemed relieved, as he had naively believed that the message had passed on to his adoptive sister. However, Nox knew that was not the case, as the approach had not been the right one. Mikasa's problem didn't come from Eren, it came from her, and her only.

It was by reflecting on the consequences of this conclusion and the various possibilities available to him that the Adviser spent his afternoon. Surprisingly, the oriental girl did not appear during ODM training. No doubt she was too shaken by her discussion with her adoptive brother to show herself. Amos had enough to do with Jaeger to fill his day anyway.

If he was being honest with himself, Nox had always been relatively impressed with Eren. Indeed, despite his lack of talent and his naivety on many subjects, the latter was so motivated that he was able to overcome all obstacles with his efforts, no matter how long it took to do so. The important thing was that he was able to achieve a lot.

The native of Shinganshina offered a more than correct performance when it was time to chase the titan-shaped dummies. But "more than correct" wasn't enough in Amos' book, and when Eren landed in front of him after completing the course, Nox took advantage of the absence of instructors around them to pull him aside as the other recruits looked at them puzzledly.

"You did pretty well," he judged as he took a sip from his canteen.

Jaeger grimaced in advance as he felt the huge "but" coming.

"However," he said mockingly, as if reading his thoughts, "you're just replicating the moves you've been taught. I don't see any personal initiative taken in your maneuvers."

Eren frowned puzzled.

"What do you mean by that?"

"That you're an ordinary, above-average soldier," he answered without putting gloves on. "Others like Annie or Reiner show imagination when they fly, they improvise maneuvers to succeed in obtaining a score that the basic maneuvers alone can't make you reach. You will have to expand your repertoire."

Hearing that, Eren just nodded, but inside he was barely holding on. Admittedly, it pissed him off to know that other recruits had managed to correct a problem that he himself hadn't been aware of. However, the discovery of this weakness was largely overshadowed in Jaeger's eyes by the prospect of learning the maneuvers of the best cadet in their class.

The latter took another sip of water, and waited for Shadis to give them free time to continue his lesson on the way to the dormitory.

"During the next training sessions, I want you to be among the last to start, in order to observe the maneuvers of the other cadets and to develop your own tactics which you will implement immediately."

At that, Jaeger's eyes widened.

"But ... if I do that ... I won't obtain a good enough grade..."

"You learn by failing," Amos reasoned as the two teenagers headed for the locker room while keeping a distance from the other cadets.

"Who cares if you mess up one or four sessions trying new moves? You're more than good enough to graduate. Focus more on your skills rather than your grades, you don't care about the Top 10 anyway.

Alas, that wasn't exactly true, and Eren let out a barely concealed protest that made the tall blonde's eyebrow rise.

"What?"

Jaeger hesitated for a long time, almost too much, Amos was on the verge of threatening him.

"I don't want to end up behind Horse-face," Eren finally admitted as he looked away in embarrassment. Nox had to hold back a laugh when he heard this, but he accepted this justification. Rivalries are exciting for excellent reasons.

"Then surpass him in subjects other than ODM," the Adviser replied. "ODM is not just a class subject, it is your survival. When you join the scouts, you will need to have an excellent theoretical level to stay alive during your first expeditions and gain as much experience as possible. If on top of that, you really want to stay ahead of Jean, then you're going to have to put in a lot of effort in class and in teamwork, especially in teamwork."

Eren didn't seem thrilled with the option Amos offered him, but he'd rather choose it and work harder out of pride, rather than rejecting the Adviser's advice and lessons. Because he knew that it was by listening to him that he would manage to move forward without harming Mikasa.

Nox suddenly stopped, and put a hand on his new apprentice's shoulder.

"You know ... I'm proud of you. You have made a lot of effort today, you have been able to swallow your pride, admit your many mistakes, show humility and protect Mikasa. All without ever flinching in training or even speak the slightest complaint. Which is frankly impressive given recent events."

At that, Eren had to take a deep breath to contain himself and heaved a deep sigh to release his excess emotions. He was happy to have cleared things up with his adoptive sister, and he now hoped that she would succeed in choosing her own path. Thanks to this, he was going to be able to fully concentrate on his training with Amos in order to realize his dream and achieve his revenge. He was glad to have this page turned, and more than happy to follow a path that would lead him to become an accomplished and independent scout. A man who wouldn't need Mikasa in order to stay alive, in a life where Mikasa could live without feeling the constant need to watch over him. In short, a life without real worries apart from titans and walls.

These thoughts made him smile of personal satisfaction that he wanted to show to his mentor to prove his gratitude and motivation. However, he was challenged by the dilated pupils that the tall blond sported, and the furious look he threw at his canteen.

"Fuck…" he stammered, staggering back slightly. "My mouth is dry... and my head is spinning..."

Alarmed, Eren put his hand on Amos' shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong with you? Are you ill?"

"No," the Adviser growled, "I was drugged."

With these words, he staggered even more, then he lost his balance and collapsed backwards. Jaeger grabbed him by the jacket and barely heard him mutter "Historia" before he passed out.

(-)(-)(-)

It was in the infirmary that Amos regained consciousness, his eyelids heavy and his body stiff, but more than that, he was very upset that he had been tricked so easily by his little sister.

He straightened up slowly, and was a little surprised to discover that he had been put in a single room, as these were reserved for serious cases. The darkness of the room told him that night had fallen for quite a while. Surprisingly, a small smirk appeared on his face. He was really annoyed to have been tricked by Christa, but he was nevertheless proud of her audacity and her ingenuity. He didn't know what she had drugged him with, but the simple fact of knowing that she was equipped to deal with all eventualities was enough to reassure him about his sister's future... and comforted him in his decisions regarding her.

His smile disappeared quickly, when the smell of a detergent that no one used except a certain oriental invaded his nostrils. Indeed, she had saved hard when she worked in the fields to afford the meanings to take care of her scarf.

He got up without saying a word, went to search his jacket, took out his reserve of rubber syringes, his pack of cigarettes and his box of matches. He injected himself. Then he opened his window, stuck a cigarette in his mouth, but had it snatched before he could even light it.

"Mikasa…" he growled in exasperation as he lit up his match to light up both of their faces, "did I ever tell you how much of a pain in the ass you are?"

The half-blood really didn't seem in the mood to be mocked and insulted, her look and her face expressed no particular emotion, the tall blond didn't know if she was impassive or simply inexpressive.

"No," she replied dully, "you never told me that."

The light from the match danced in the oriental girl's jet-black eyes, she seemed to have fully recovered from the injection that the tall blond had given her less than twenty hours ago. However, her impassiveness fueled Amos' wariness, he didn't know if this empty expression was the result of a very real confusion, or a mask to hide murderous feelings.

In any case, caution was in order, but he could not ignore his own feelings, those inspired by the girl. Tired, he took out his pack of cigarettes without putting out his match.

"Look," he sighed, relaxing to show that he had no bad intentions, "I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I."

Nox inwardly cursed the Oriental's neutral tone, her ability to hide her feelings was the main reason that had misled him about her.

"And I won't talk to you if you stop me from smoking," he added, ignoring his own childishness.

Surprisingly, the half-blood simply nodded without adding anything. Amos frowned and stared at the door for a few seconds.

"Did anyone get hurt today."

"Nope."

"So, there is no one else in this building."

As the Ackerman did not answer, he lit his cigarette and blew a long stream of smoke towards the window while throwing his match before his fingers were burned. A floating silence settled, but the young girl ended up breaking it:

"I wanted to thank you."

Amos rose his eyebrows in surprise and wariness.

"Thank me for what?"

"For helping Eren grow," she continued, keeping her gaze neutral, "from what Christa told me, you spent the day and part of last night with him. He understood a lot of things thanks to you… thank you."

Once this declaration was completed, the young girl turned on her heels and headed for the exit without adding anything. But Amos caught her by the arm.

During one abominable moment, Mikasa had to exercise the utmost composure to keep herself from breaking the Adviser's arm. However, she controlled herself, and returned to him.

"I don't like being touched either," she informed him coldly.

Amos ignored him to throw his cigarette out the window and pulled her hard to face her.

"You're a wimp," he said as he glared at her, "you didn't sit by my bed waiting for me to wake up to thank me. You had another idea in mind, but you realized that no one would approve of what you were planning to do and you found an excuse. You have something to tell me, so stop hiding and say it to my face."

Twenty long seconds of silence followed this provocation, however, it was not until the end of the seventeenth that Mikasa dropped the mask. Possessed by anger, she freed herself from the grip of the Adviser, grabbed him by the collar and pinned him to the ground without giving him time to resist in any way.

She had expected her opponent to struggle or protest at their forced contact. But he remained perfectly still as the oriental teenager clapped the young man's arms above his head.

She was panting like an ox and growling with rage as she let out her fury for the first time in four years. However, Amos didn't move an inch, he just let out a very long sigh.

"There you go," he taunted as he held back a laugh, "was it really that hard to let yourself out of your cage?"

Out of her mind, the Ackerman cocked a devastating punch and aimed it at the bruise she had caused less than twenty hours earlier. But memories of the warnings given by Eren and Christa during the day stopped her inches from her target. Nox rolled his eyes shamelessly at her restraint and struck another match with his thumb so she could see his gaze. His gaze devoid of predation but filled with frustration.

"If you're not going to beat me up, maybe you'll tell me what's on your heart."

Mikasa did not answer, the violent emotions she felt prevented her from doing so. And as she clenched her teeth without loosening her grip on Amos' wrists, he saw her eyes fill with tears. The impassive mask she had worn until now cracked all over.

"That's enough," Amos whispered softly as he relaxed his muscles, "stop hiding, you're not fooling me anymore. And you won't be able to silence me by force."

This time the moment of silence was not as long as the previous one, Mikasa let out a burst of strangled sobs before she released her victim to lay down beside him. She then let her tears run down her cheeks as she contained her tremors and hid her face behind her scarf.

Nox shook his head at the ceiling and sighed after half a minute:

"I confess, with great shame, that your little performance misled me for almost a year and a half. Personally, I find that very upsetting."

These words curbed Mikasa's sadness with anger, she gritted her teeth once more.

"I mean," the tall blond continued in an amused tone, "I believed for so long that you lived for Eren, Armin and you to have a future… But I screwed up badly."

These words made the oriental hiss through her teeth, she turned her furious and tearful gaze in the direction of the Adviser who kept smiling.

"You don't give a shit about yourself," he concluded, almost bursting out laughing, "and that's not even altruism. You only live to ensure the survival of those you love."

He shook his head, extinguished his match and sighed contemptuously:

"That's so sad..."

Mikasa had had enough, she straightened up to slam the tall blond on the ground with her right forearm on his throat, but once again, she couldn't hit him. She could only let her tears fall from her eyes into those of the Adviser and run down his cheeks.

"You say Eren is your family," he continued as his own tears mingled with those of his interlocutor without him or her noticing, "but it goes further. He is your lung, you cling desperately to him to keep breathing despite all the reasons that push you to go further or to give up. You are not living, you are not building your happiness... You have given up on all that... Why?!"

Amos raised his voice at those last words, because the frustration and sadness he felt were real. Mikasa gasped in grief… but managed to contain herself.

The tall blond continued when he understood that she would not say anything, he grabbed her by the shoulders and raised his head to pierce her gaze.

"What about your happiness in all this?" he asked confused. "What are you doing about this?"

No answer.

"You're not happy," Amos insisted, "what I don't understand is why you don't care? Why do you refuse to give yourself the slightest importance?"

The oriental looked at him with a very long empty look, slowly, she finally realized that she was totally unmasked. She couldn't run away anymore.

But instead of answering, she released him, and rushed towards the exit.

Impulsively, Amos pike upright and locked his arms around the girl before she reached the door. The latter immediately struggled by hitting the ribs of the young man with her elbows, but he took it in silence. Fortunately for the tall blond, the oriental girl did not put the necessary force in her blows to break his bones.

After long minutes spent struggling, they both ended up exhausted, and both fell to their knees panting without Nox loosening his grip.

Another moment of silence passed, but Amos refused to release Mikasa.

"You're not happy," he finally said, "yet you want to be, so badly…why are you doing this to yourself?"

And finally, after another long silence, Mikasa confessed:

"My happiness… doesn't matter."

"Bullshit."

"Eren… if he gets happiness then it will be enough for me."

"It's so little!" Nox protested outraged. "You think you're a lost cause? That you'll never find happiness no matter what you do?"

As Mikasa refrained from answering once more, the tall blond continued:

"People like you should be glorified. Eren understood it, that's why he snaps at you, he wants to see you happy. But what he and I failed to notice was that you refused to be happy."

"Why do you care so much?!"

Mikasa wanted to scream her anger and frustration, but only a weak complaint escaped her lips.

This time it was Amos who made the silence last.

"I do not want you to be unhappy," he finally said.

A clap of thunder burst in the skull of the oriental when she heard these words, she very weakly stuttered unintelligible words. Before her face darkened with rage. With the strength of her two arms, she freed herself from the tall blond's embrace, grabbed him once more by the collar and pulled him towards her to press her forehead against his and set him on fire with her gaze.

"You really are… a fucking bastard!" she nearly roared. "When I'm at my worst, you crush me like an insect on your way! However, you say that you admire the person I am… And when I try to satisfy myself with little, you tear it away from me by forbidding me to be unhappy?! Where! oh! Where does this need to denigrate everything I do, come from?!"

These accusations shattered Amos and left him speechless, unable to collect his thoughts to formulate a clear and concise answer, he contemplated the girl who stared at him with her eyes filled with tears, glaring at him with a look filled with anger.

"I…" he hesitated, "I never disparaged you…Mikasa…"

His tone wasn't sure, because he himself didn't know whether he believed those words or not.

"I've always admired the person you are," he said sincerely, "but you're not cut out to be a soldier. You are not a good soldier..."

This feverish admission was not enough to satisfy the oriental, who straightened up to leave, but once again Amos restrained her. Only by the arm this time.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "I… the pragmatic part of me disparage the soldier you are, it's true, but everything else admires you and envies you for who you are. You are a wonderful person..."

This most sincere compliment drew a violent blush from the half-blood who was forced to take refuge behind her scarf. The Adviser continued:

"Why do you refuse to be happy?!" he finally asked after letting his frustration boil over. "Eren is trying so hard…Armin is trying so hard…you're trying so hard, but never for yourself! You know you are missing something but you decided to reject it… Why?! Why do such a thing when you need so little to be happy?!"

Mikasa suddenly stopped crying, and carefully examined his emerald eyes with her blank gaze, as if to make sure of the sincerity of his question. As if to be sure that her interlocutor was really concerned about her feelings and nothing else. Her hesitation was nevertheless intense, but the weariness of having dragged such a burden for so long ended up weighing on her. So she confessed in a breath:

"Because every time I allow myself to feel happiness, every time I tell myself that everything is going to be okay. Something horrible happens... and takes everything I love from me."

Abominable flashes of her parents' murder, of Carla's death, and of Golden tooth's laughter echoed through her skull and assaulted her mind. Causing her a headache that forced her to let go of Amos to lay her head against his chest.

"I can't be happy," she repeated frantically, "this world is beautiful… but it's too cruel… I can't be happy… Or I'll end up all alone…"

Nox didn't answer, he did the only thing he could; he wrapped his arms around the girl's back to comfort her, and somehow try to make her realize that the world hadn't collapsed yet. He didn't realize he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince her.