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From The Smoke (Ben Reilly Marvel SI)

Darkness. Light. Oblivion. Life. Memories spin like universes. Explode like suns. Chaos becomes order. Formlessness. It becomes form. The urge to know rises from the silence, becoming a shout of being that echoes into consciousness. There are no words. There is no language. One question resounds in the dark abyss. Who am I? Peter Parker? Spider-Man? Or someone else?

DragonField · Anime et bandes dessinées
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65 Chs

Chapter 46

Sitting at home, trying to distract myself from all the shit that has been barraging me lately, I keep looking at the television. But no matter how much I try, I can't bring myself to focus on whatever nonsense is being broadcasted right now, more troubled by thoughts of my current problems. Problems, past, present and future, because I just can't catch a break. When one thing seems to be resolved, another pops up to bite me in the ass, and I am constantly just rolling with the punches.

When I was a girl, my father was taken away and arrested. Everyone knew, and instead of being the popular spoiled princess I was, they turned on me like a pack of wolves. It was then I realised that people only care about themselves, and if they could get a sliver of cake for rolling over on you, then they would use a steamroller. The older I got, the older I realised you have to look out for yourself and your family if they deserve it. That's what my father did.

People reviled him, insulted him and called him the scum of the earth, but he was just doing what the rest of them were, except better. Instead of using roundabout methods like the law, my father took it directly and used it to support his family and give us everything we wanted. And they vilify him because they were all chickenshit to do it themselves, cowards.

With my epiphany, I grew up, and I became just like my daddy, and then they all wanted me again. When you are on top of the world, when you are popular, they all want to be in your shadow, but that is just so that they can be in the optimal position to drag you down and try to take your spot in the light. It was foolish, but I let my guard down. I started to trust people, and the things my mother, a lawyer, was telling me wormed their way into my head.

I started to think the world wasn't so bleak that maybe I was only looking at the dark side and not the light. That was a mistake. In college, I let people in, and I had friends that I cared about. I started to trust people. I trusted a guy, I liked him, and he took advantage of that. I shouldn't have let anyone in because all they want to do is use you. After that, I grew angry, so I tracked down the man who trained my father and made him teach me.

I was so angry, so furious. I worked my bones brittle, I didn't rest because I wanted to kill him, but I also wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of ruining my life. I was going to kill him in the most painful way possible and get my revenge, and then I would move on with my life and forget about him entirely.

He died. The same day I was on my way to kill him, the fucking bastard was run over by a car. He died in the middle of the street, getting away with what he did for me and not truly paying for it. Fate played a cruel trick on me and left me with all this frustration and nowhere for it to go. With nothing left to do, I moved on, and I never let my guard down again. I learnt my lesson correctly this time, and I was never going to forget it. Look out for yourself above all else, take what you want and don't care who it hurts because if you don't take it first, someone else will.

I haven't forgotten those lessons, and I never will. But it becomes a bit more complex and complicated when the thing you want is another living, breathing human being. I didn't mean for it to start out this way. I was just doing what I always had. When I first met Ben, I thought he was Spider-Man, given that he was dressed as him. And since I always knew exactly how to deal with him, I acted as I usually would. But, since Spider-Man is so gullible and naive, it is actually sweet, not hard to lay on a bit of the charm and get away scot-free.

But then this one stole my hard-earned spoils and then ran away, which was when I got the inkling that he was different somehow. A clone of all things, it would not have been my first guess. But seeing him, I realised that I could use him and so easily at that. He was isolated and alone, left with nothing and nowhere to go. He was looking for some direction for anyone because he was suddenly left out in the cold in an unfamiliar world. Even with his powers, loneliness and purposelessness can be damming.

So I helped myself and, in a way, helped him as well. I could use a helper for some of the more significant scores as well as someone to be a scapegoat in case I ever needed it. It took some work, and he even quickly clocked on to what I wanted, but I got there eventually. Because he also followed my ideology, he was also looking out for himself, and in that situation, that meant sticking with me and becoming a thief to survive. It was going well. I even stopped with my seduction because we got along and had fun, but I never let my guard down, but then it took a turn at Fisk's warehouse.

I never told Ben, but I was there to steal something priceless even Fisk was unaware he had in storage, and I did. But then Ben burnt down the warehouse, and I knew I had to lay low. It didn't matter, however, as it was only a short time later that Fisk showed up, having taken receipt of the goods damaged in the warehouse fire and realised what he had in stock. He showed up and took it back and then, as reparation, ordered me to work for him. Feeling a bit sad but knowing this is what I kept Ben around for, I offered him up as a scapegoat, but Fisk wasn't dumb and refused.

What I didn't count on was Ben listening in, apparently at the ready to protect me if I needed it and got the whole show up close. It hurt, for some reason, that he didn't trust me anymore. Knowing that I couldn't use him anymore, I gave him the identification I had prepared for him, something I had planned to give him as a present to get him to trust me even more. It was useless now, and so I gave it to him and prepared for him to leave.

But he didn't. He stayed for some reason that was beyond me. He chose to stay and help this villainous woman that just wanted to use him and take him for all he had. The tears I cried after that were real; I don't even know why I was crying. I felt terrible, especially when he started to come home injured from his night out as 'Batman', which he was only doing to help me.

I started working extra hard for Fisk, wanting to finish all the jobs he gave me until there were none left so Ben wouldn't have to keep hurting himself. But then I realised without Fisk, Ben would have no reason to stay and would go, which I didn't want, and not even because I wanted to use him anymore. Especially after that trip to the mall, something changed, and I am not sure how to feel about it.

I didn't feel particularly averse to working for Fisk anyway, and I would be happy as long as I was paid, and as long as I did the jobs, he will leave my family alone. This is why I started to do my jobs slower because the faster I run out of jobs Fisk wants me to do, the quicker Ben will leave.

Even though I am working to keep Ben here, I am not quite sure how to handle him and move forward. I can't bring myself to trust him fully, and I don't think I will ever trust anyone, but I want him all the same. It isn't love; I don't believe so. I am not even sure if I am capable of that anymore. But I want him. However, I know I can only have him if I let him in, and I can't bring myself to do that.

Quite a problem, and I don't know how to handle it, so I have just been avoiding it. Instead, I go out and do all the jobs that I couldn't when I was working with Ben to distract myself, finding it easier to waste time as Black Cat. The costume empowers me. It is always so calm and straightforward being the Black Cat, though a new addition to my outfit in the form of the cat's paw earing Ben got me is always around.

Every time I feel it jump and skim against my neck, I think about Ben, and all it does is confuse me. I know it would be better if I ditched the thing and just chucked it in a draw somewhere, but I can't bring myself to do it. Instead, I have worn it ever since he gave it to me. It just feels right in my ear: the weight, its sway, everything.

"Haaah." Looking to my left out of the balcony window and to the bright moon, I couldn't help but sigh. Because as if things were not worse enough, I had received some news from Fisk in regard to my current employment and my future from now on with him. Honestly, I was worried after stealing that ancient tablet thing for him that it would stop because then Ben would have no reason to stay here.

Still, I tried to push past that and tell him earlier about the news, but he blew me off and pushed past me and rushed away off to some dangerous, stupid thing which he is only doing for me. The thought makes me want him even more. The fact he is out there kicking in some poor fuckers teeth for me makes me hot under the collar.

Watching the lone bird flapping its wings in the distance with the moon as its backdrop, I make my decision. As much as I want him, I know in the end, it will just end in disappointment and one of us trying to kill the other. I am better alone, and I don't work well in a group. So I will just tell him that Fisk- why is the bird getting bigger."

*Crash*

"H-Hey, Felecia..." Ben says, crashing through the glass railing onto the balcony, unsteady on his feet and with way too much blood pouring out of him. He wobbles and then slips on a shard of glass, tilting back and-

"BEN!" I bolt up and dash towards him, terrified.

"Oh, b-bye, Felicia." He falls, and I jump forward to catch him, glad that I am still wearing my enhanced suit with servos inside, increasing my abilities. It allows me to catch his hand, saving him from certain death.

Pulling him back up onto the balcony, I get a good look at his injuries. Now it is time to save him from his looming death.

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