15. Chapter 15

Carina had to admit that it felt funny walking through the halls of her department, hand-in-hand with her wife, dressed in their regular street clothes

To outsiders, they likely looked like worried parents on their way to the NICU. To Carina’s staff, they likely looked out of place, though no one said anything other than a friendly hello or how are you.

Maya walked quickly and if not for Carina’s long legs, she would’ve fallen behind. But like anything Maya set her mind to, she was determined and laser focused. Carina just couldn’t believe that all of that Bishop determination and laser focus was now on Jamie. It was like a dream. An exciting, somewhat scary, totally exhilarating dream.

Maya had barely let Carina make coffee let alone breakfast before insisting they go see Jamie. Visiting hours began at eight and although Carina had special privileges, they both wanted to see the baby as potential parents, not as a doctor and a firefighter who happened to be on her visitor’s list.

The NICU was busy as it always was in the morning – the residents performed rounds at seven and the nurses switched shifts thirty minutes later, so there was a flurry of activity as charts were reviewed and parents wandered in for their daily vigils.

Maya made a beeline to the back corner, reaching Jamie’s bed before Carina did, and part of Carina wanted to stand back, to watch her wife have this moment. But it was their moment, it belonged to her as much as it belonged to Maya and she didn’t want to miss a thing.

Jamie was just waking up when they arrived, her tiny face scrunched into a yawn. Maya reached for her and then paused, looking back at Carina.

“Can I…?” She asked, obviously concerned about Jamie’s IV line and wires.

Carina nodded, stepping closer to help.

Maya slipped one hand behind Jamie’s head and the other beneath her bottom and as she lifted her, Carina made sure all the tubes and attachments didn’t tangle. Instead of taking a seat in the nearby rocking chair, Maya stayed standing with Jamie in her hands and the two took each other in, studying each other.

“Hey, Jamie,” Maya said quietly, bringing Jamie closer. She kissed Jamie’s forehead, something Carina had never seen her do before, and then lay Jamie in the crook of her arm, freeing one hand.

“You’re safe now, Baby T-Rex,” Maya continued, giving Jamie her finger to hold, “we’re going to do everything we can to bring you home. You don’t have to be scared, Jamie, I’m here now. I’m going to protect you, me and Carina…”

Maya swayed with Jamie in her arms, nuzzling her nose against the top of Jamie’s head. She seemed so relieved, as if she hadn’t been sure whether she’d make it back to Jamie. Carina set her hand on Maya’s hip and cuddled up behind her, pressing her front to Maya’s back.

“You’re going to have your own room and I’m going to show you the fire trucks. You can go down the pole when you’re older and we’re going to roll hoses together,” Maya leaned against Carina but never stopped talking to Jamie, “Carina is going to teach you Italian. Both of my girls are going to speak Italian.”

Carina circled her arms around Maya’s waist, overwhelmed by how vulnerable Maya was being, how open and honest. Any pretense, any fear was gone and Carina couldn’t stop herself from pressing a light kiss to Maya’s neck before raising one hand to stroke Jamie’s cheek.

“We just need your little heart to get better, okay? Can you do that for us, Jamie? We’re going to do everything else. Sign all the paperwork and talk to all the people we need to talk to. We just need you to keep getting big and strong so we can bring you home,” Maya said, “You’re going to have such a good life, Jamie. I promise, you’re going to be so happy. I’m going to make sure you’re so happy, Baby T-Rex. You can take swimming lessons or learn how to draw. You can be exactly who you want to be, Jamie. We’ll never force you to be someone you’re not. We’ll never force you to do anything that will hurt you. I won’t let that happen. I promise, Jamie, I promise.”

Maya turned just a little, enough to pass Jamie to Carina who held her with one arm too. Carina picked up Jamie’s little hand and brought it to her lips, kissing her tiny first over and over.

They stood together in a tight hug, Jamie between them, and it felt as if they were gathering strength from the baby, strength for whatever lay ahead on what was sure to be a complicated journey. There were so many what ifs, so many hurtles, but Carina had never felt closer to Maya than that moment. She’d never been more in love with her wife.

“You’ll speak to her in Italian?” Maya asked, never taking her eyes off Jamie’s face.

“Sì, Bambina. Anche lei sarà italiana.”

Maya smiled and nodded. “Did you hear that, Jamie? You’re Italian now.”

“Maya?”

“Hmm?”

“Dammi un bacio.”

Maya raised her chin, just enough to brush her lips against Carina’s. They pressed their foreheads together, staring down at Jamie who looked up from Carina’s arms with her wide blue eyes.

Carina thought back to the moment of Jamie’s birth. She remembered curving her hands around Jamie’s head, she remembered how delicate Jamie had been, how delicate she still was. She remembered holding her breath as she cleared Jamie’s mouth and nose, as she watched Jamie inhale for the first time. She remembered turning to Maya, Jamie in her hands, and how Maya had tucked her into her jacket, how Maya had set Jamie right over her heart, how Maya had held Jamie against her skin, keeping her alive, breathing for her.

“I love you,” Carina said. To Jamie. To Maya.

“Ti amo tanto,” Maya answered back.

Jamie waved her arms before settling, taking one of Maya’s fingers again. She held Carina’s thumb in her other little hand.

As if she was saying I love you too. As if she knew that she was part of a family now. As if she knew that she was home.

~*~

The boardroom was cold, though Maya couldn’t be sure if it was the air conditioning or her own nerves. She sat next to Carina who looked as serious as Maya had ever seen her, but they sat hand in hand, taking strength from each other.

Across the table they both watched as Jamie’s social worker organized her papers. She quickly consulted with the lawyer sitting to her right, and Maya studied the two, willing them to be open and friendly and understanding. She really had no idea what to expect.

Finally, the social worker set down her pen and looked up at the DeLuca-Bishops with a smile on her face.

“Hi,” she said, reaching over the table to shake Maya’s hand, “I’m Nancy Lucas, Jamie’s social worker.”

Maya shook her hand. “I’m Lieutenant Maya Bishop and this is my wife, Dr. Carina DeLuca.”

Nancy took Carina’s hand too before settling back in her chair. She turned to the man next to her, waiting for him to make introductions.

“Simon Gillespie,” he said, pointing to himself. They all politely nodded in greeting.

“Dr. Hayes tells me that you’re thinking of adopting the Jane Doe baby?” Nancy asked, her gaze shifting from Maya to Carina.

“Her name is Jamie,” Maya corrected, “and we’re not thinking about it. We’d like to proceed.”

Nancy raised her eyebrow and returned to her paperwork, scanning the sheet.

“It’s a recent decision,” Carina explained.

“You’re both aware that this is a difficult, drawn-out, expensive process?” Simon leaned forward on his elbows, clasping his hands on the table. Maya wanted to snap at him, but she realized he was just trying to be honest and transparent.

“We are, Mr. Gillespie,” Carina said, squeezing Maya’s hand in reassurance.

“And am I correct that you two delivered her?” Nancy flipped a page, her dark eyes scanning Cormac’s report.

Maya nodded. “My wife delivered her.”

“Maya saved her life, she got her out of the burning building and made sure she arrived here safely,” Carina added.

“I will say, you two make wonderful candidates for adoption. Your jobs, financial stability, your marriage, it all looks very good on paper,” Nancy said, turning towards Simon.

“And they’ve found no next of kin?” He asked, glancing at the tablet in his hand.

“None. The mother, Jennifer Palmer, is deceased. We’ve had constant contact with child services in Florida, which turned up no one. Palmer’s mother died ten years ago and her father was never in the picture. We’ve found nothing about the baby’s biological father either. Florida Social Services will keep searching, but no one has stepped forward to claim Jennifer Palmer’s remains, let alone inquire about her baby. I can’t promise they won’t find someone, but it’s looking less and less likely,” Nancy read from her report, passing it to her left.

Simon read it quickly and nodded, his white eyebrows knit together in concentration.

“The other matter is, of course, the child’s medical situation,” he said, looking directly at Carina.

“We are aware. Dr. Hayes is monitoring her PAD closely, but otherwise she’s gaining weight and eating well,” Carina spoke with the confidence of a physician. It made Maya proud.

“You seem very determined,” Simon smiled at the DeLuca-Bishops, his serious face suddenly much more friendly.

“We are,” Maya said, leaning forward.

“Very well. Here is how I would proceed. We’d file an Emergency Minor Guardianship petition and a petition for Minor Guardianship at the same time. The Emergency order would give you guardianship for sixty days, but in the meantime, the paperwork for the non-emergent order could process and make the situation more permanent. You’ll both need a criminal background check and a CPS report. Dr. DeLuca, what is your immigration status?” Simon asked, again looking at his paperwork.

“I have a non-immigrant marriage visa,” Carina said, her voice wavering with nerves.

Nancy grinned, clearly pleased. “Excellent. That’s just fine. And Lieutenant Bishop is an American citizen. No problems there.”

“You’ve been married for over two years?” Simon was obviously going through a checklist, but Maya felt like she’d just walked into a pop quiz.

“Yes. Almost three,” she answered, trying to keep track of all the information.

“Great. We can request your background checks and the CPS reports immediately. Now, adoption is a bit trickier, but we’re also going to file that paperwork when we file the Emergency petition,” Simon began typing something on his tablet. Maya wished she’d brought a clipboard.

 “For adoption, you’ll both need to complete the orientation, although we may be able to bypass it given your jobs. A doctor and a firefighter likely do not need a course in CPR training,” Nancy said, still smiling, “We’ll need fingerprints, home assessment, financial and medical information, work-place assessments. There is not a corner of your lives that won’t be inspected.”

“How soon can we do all of this?” Maya asked. She wondered if Carina felt as overwhelmed as she did.

“Once you have legal guardianship and once Dr. Hayes gives his approval, Jane…Jamie, sorry…can come home with you immediately. She’ll need to live with you for at least six months before the adoption is finalized and during that time you’ll have multiple visits from a social worker, likely me in this case. I will warn you that during that time, the adoption can be contested should any relatives step forward, but the guardianship will give you some protection, as will the fact that none of Jennifer Palmer’s relatives or the child’s father seem to be in the picture.”

Maya turned to look at Carina who stared back at her with wide eyes. She nodded slightly and Maya nodded back, unable to keep her lips from turning up.

“Okay?” Maya already knew Carina’s answer, but she could see the joy spreading across Carina’s face and wanted to hear her wife say it out loud.

“Sì, Maya.” She reached out, curling her hand around the back of Maya’s head in a familiar, intimate touch.

Maya leaned in, adrenaline coursing through her body.

“Let’s bring our baby home,” she said, brushing a tear from Carina’s cheek with her thumb.

Carina sniffled, nodding again. “Our Jamie.”

Maya kissed Carina’s forehead and held her face in her hands.

“Our Jamie,” she breathed, unable to keep the laughter from her voice.

~*~

Maya had experienced an emotional hangover exactly three times in her life.

The day she’d won gold only to find out that Mason OD’d.

The first time she and Carina had been intimate after their breakup.

And their wedding night.

Standing in their apartment, watching Carina set out a plate of crackers, Maya felt like she was about to fall over.

Leaving Jamie was hard, especially because Maya would be away for another week. But they’d also made arrangements with the lawyer to file the Emergency Minor Guardianship petition as soon as Monday. There was a good chance that by the time Maya came home for good, they’d be Jamie’s official guardians and on their way towards legal adoption.

“Are you sure about this?” Carina asked, pausing near the table.

A large charcouterie board sat in the middle, Carina’s handiwork.

“Yes. They deserve to know. And we deserve to share the news on our own terms,” she said, carrying a stack of paper plates. She set them down next to a pile of napkins and had to admit, the DeLuca-Bishops knew how to host a gathering.

It wasn’t a party though. It wasn’t even a celebration, although they had every reason to celebrate. But the clarity Maya had gained on top of the mountain had not dissipated. She knew every step she needed to take. And this was one of them.

A knock on the door sounded minutes later and with a deep breath, Carina turned to answer it. Ben and Bailey walked in first, handing Carina a bottle of wine, and then Jack appeared too. Travis came with Theo and Vic. Andy was the last to arrive and while she greeted Carina warmly, Maya could see the tension all over her face.

Carina was a consummate hostess, effortlessly breezing between guests, filling glasses with wine or explaining the numerous cheeses she’d set out. She seemed to be in the midst of giving Travis a lesson on prosciutto when Maya cleared her throat, ready to get to business.

“So, I’m sure you’re all wondering why we asked you here,” Maya said, feeling a little unsettled when seven faces turned to look at her.

“We just assumed that Carina was pregnant,” Vic shrugged, laughing when Carina gestured to her own wine glass and shook her head.

Maya smiled tightly. “Close, but not quite.”

“You’re pregnant?” Vic looked genuinely shocked until Travis smacked her arm, pointing at Maya who was holding a half-empty beer bottle.

Carina took the momentary interruption to join Maya in front of the fireplace. She set one hand on Maya’s lower back and nodded at her.

I’m here

Let’s do this

“Carina and I are adopting a baby,” Maya said, surprised when the entire room burst into cheers. Jack was up and hugging Carina and then Vic was yelling firehouse baby and there was an endless stream of questions and laughter that touched Maya.

Because she hadn’t expected it.

She really didn’t know how 19 felt about her. Not anymore.

“Okay, okay,” she said with a smile, “we’ll answer everything in a second, but there’s more.”

The group took their seats again.

“Part of the adoption process will mean work-place visits,” Maya explained, nodding towards Warren who nodded back, “and we may need some character witnesses.”

“Well, we have tons of nice things to say about Carina,” Jack said, which led to more laughter and clinking beer bottles.

“I also wanted you guys to hear this from me, but I will be going to HR about my demotion. I…I just want…I deserve a fair hearing.”

Where moments before the room was full of boisterous voices, the crowd now stared back at Maya in silence. She felt her resolve weaken slightly, the concerned faces of her colleagues making her question whether or not she’d made the right decision.

But Carina seemed to sense her nerves because she stepped forward, taking Maya’s hand.

“I’m not trying to take your captaincy, Andy,” Maya said, finding Andy in the crowd, “I don’t even know if I’m going to stay at 19. I just want a fair hearing, which means some of you may be asked to testify on my behalf. Or against me. I’m not going to tell you what to do or say, but I didn’t want you to be surprised if you receive a subpoena. I…I hope you understand.”

“You’re leaving 19?” Jack furrowed his brow and again, Maya was surprised about his concern.

“I don’t know, Jack. But I have a family to think about. Carina and Jamie…”

“Jamie?” Vic raised her eyebrows, already smiling.

Maya couldn’t help but smile too. She looked at Carina whose grin was blinding.

“Our daughter,” Maya said, trying out the word for the first time. Carina squeezed her hand so tightly that Maya knew she was also marvelling at the fact that they were about to have a daughter.

“Nostra figlia,” Carina whispered, testing out the word herself.

Maya turned back to Jack. “I need to do what’s best for my family.”

“I get that. I’m really happy for you guys. And…whatever you need,” he said. It earned him a few surprised looks, but Maya just appreciated that she had at least one ally in the group.

“Agreed,” Warren stood, setting his hand on Bailey’s shoulder, “you guys need letters, testimony? You got it.”

“Just maybe keep out the part about masturbating in my MRIs,” Bailey added, though the look she shot Carina was all warmth.

There was an odd mix of people saying congratulations and people looking slightly shell-shocked. The prospect that 19 was potentially facing legal action was likely concerning, and Maya knew she was a divisive figure.

Still, she was warmed by Jack’s support and relieved to have Ben and Bailey onboard too. Vic shot her a thumb’s up and as the evening wore on, Maya felt more and more confident about her decision to proceed with filing a formal complaint.

It was only when she realized that Andy was sitting silently in the corner that Maya understood that things were likely about to get complicated.

After another thirty minutes of congratulations and drinks, everyone else left and then it was just Maya and Andy and Carina.

“I’m going to check in with Jo,” Carina said, gesturing to their bedroom with her thumb. Maya was relieved that her wife was so perceptive. With a quick kiss to Maya’s temple, Carina disappeared, leaving Maya alone with Andy who continued to stare back at her.

“Andy, I’m not trying to take your captaincy,” Maya said again, hoping Andy was in an understanding mood.

“No? Because it sure seems like you are.”

Not an understanding mood…

Maya jammed her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “I waited a year. You know I waited a year and for what? Ross tore a strip out of me while I was in the middle of cleaning the engine. No official hearing. No character witnesses. Nothing.”

“And you waited to do this until I was captain?”

“What? No! It’s like I told Jack. I need stability for my family and I can’t keep working with people who have no problem sending me away or using my wife against me.”

Andy rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes.

“Did you ever think that Ross was right?” She asked.

Maya took a step back. “What do you mean?”

“Maya, you’re a great firefighter. I’ve been by your side since the academy, but…you can’t leave an inspection. You can’t get involved with the FBI or…”

“So it’s okay when you run into an active scene when Sullivan is involved, but when I try to bring down an international sex-trafficking ring, I’m the bad guy?”

Andy stood and exhaled sharply.

“I earned this, Maya. You know I did,” she said and Maya thought there it is.

Princess Andy Herrera finally ascends to her throne.

“And so did I! I’m not taking this from you. I get that no one wants me to be captain of 19. Trust me, I get it.”

“Because it wasn’t yours to take!” Andy balled her hands into fists, her voice rising.

“I didn’t take it. Sullivan put me forward. I earned it, same as you. Don’t pretend like I didn’t.”

“Maya…”

“You know they’re sleeping together, right?” Anger forced the words, but Maya didn’t regret them.

Andy frowned and looked away.

“I’m not saying it to hurt you,” Maya said, trying to keep her voice quiet, “but you deserve to know, Andy.”

“I earned this,” Andy said again, though Maya didn’t miss the brief flash of hurt surprise cross Andy’s face.

Maya sighed heavily. “I know you did. I’m not saying you didn’t. But I earned it too. Despite what you think, despite what the rest of them say…”

“This will destroy 19 and you know it. You’re going to destroy my father’s legacy just because…what? You’re mad at me? Or…Robert? What exactly is your goal here, Maya? And don’t say it’s about your family. I’ve known you too long…this has eyes forward written all over it.”

Maya reeled back, fighting down the urge to demand Andy leave. Because is that really what Andy thought about her? That she was still the ruthless, cold person who didn’t believe in monogamy, who shunned love and rest and kindness. Is that what they all thought?

“I love my wife…” Maya began, her voice trembling with rage.

“I know you do.”

“Obviously you don’t. Because if you did, you’d understand that people can change. That I’ve changed. I have a baby, Andy. A real, live, perfect, beautiful baby. And I can’t go to work feeling unsafe. Feeling like I’m about to be abandoned by my crew or sent far away because I said the wrong thing. I can’t,” Maya said, wondering when she and Andy had shattered so badly.

“Listen, I’m happy for you. I really am. But you’re about to tear 19 apart. Don’t pretend you’re not.”

“Do you think I want to be in this position?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Andy sighed, “because when I was sent to 23, I didn’t complain. I followed orders even though I hated them. I spent over a year away from my home. And I did it because that’s what firefighters do. Except you don’t, Maya. You don’t care about any of that.”

“Of course I do! I know this may be hard for you to believe, but not everything is about you, Andy. This is about my family. Not yours. Mine.”

“You’re about to destroy Ross’s career! And Sullivan’s! Because you can’t accept the possibility that you were wrong. That you messed up.”

“You were there, Andy, you heard what she said about Carina,” Maya pointed to her closed bedroom door.

“She shouldn’t have said that…at least not the way she did. But it doesn’t matter, Maya. She’s the Chief. If you’d just kept your head down and waited your turn, you’d get promoted again.”

“Wait my turn? 19 isn’t a monarchy, Andy.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a hierarchy. And you skipped the line. You took something because you wanted it, even though you hadn’t earned it. That’s what you do. You take what you want, you always have.”

“What are you…” Maya trailed off, slowly realizing what Andy was referring to.

She shook her head in disbelief. “Jack? Is this really about Jack?”

“There’s a code, Maya…”

“You never change, do you?” Maya said, “That was years ago. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m married to the love of my life. I’ve moved on. You should try it sometime.”

Andy breathed heavily and ran one hand through her hair, pushing it back off her forehead.

“I think I should go,” she said.

“You were my best friend, Andy. I thought you still were.”

“You were my best friend too,” Andy said, so quietly Maya barely heard it.

Andy didn’t say another word. She picked up her jacket from the couch and walked past Maya, leaving with a quiet click of the door.

The feeling of being hungover returned.

Maya lowered her head and closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the day. She didn’t hear their bedroom door open, nor did she sense Carina nearby until two arms circled her from behind.

“What do you need?” Carina whispered, her lips against Maya’s ear.

Maya turned, pulling Carina closer. She nuzzled her cheek against Carina’s shoulder, inhaling the scent of her moisturizer, that unique Carina scent that instantly flooded her with calm and contentment.

“Should we drink?” Maya asked, leaning back and lightly holding Carina’s arms.

“Couldn’t hurt,” Carina shrugged.

There was no laughter, not when the pain was so fresh. But tired smiles and sad eyes and a bottle of wine lessened the sting.