Beginning

(???'s POV)

When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was the night sky, filled with countless stars and the luminous moon beaming moonlight above me, The view would have been quite beautiful if it weren't for my current situation.

I blinked "Huh...?" I said coming out unintentionally monotonously as I looked around in confusion turning my head a bit and noticing tall trees and bushes near me.

'Where the hell am I? It looks like I'm in a forest in the middle of the night.' I was lying down in the grass and then slowly sat up grass brushing my hand, 'I was just in my room-' Before finishing that thought I realized something was wrong when I sat up.

My body felt ...different. I looked down and raised my hands close to my face to see them, They were small and pale. I blinked in confusion before looking back at what I was wearing a gray dress and a ragged brown robe over it, I was wearing nothing for my feet. I'm just barefooted on the grass I'm sitting on. I pinched my arm to tell if I was dreaming or not. Because This... this isn't what I looked like. "What the fuck." I mumbled dullfully. When I pinched my arm I definitely felt the pain but it numbed out maybe it was due to stress? I was feeling perturbed, confused, and shocked (Was I? I'm not sure.) but some of the feelings felt numb...? dull? away...? I can't explain it but it feels like that. I feel... calm about my current situation.

I just sat there in the grass, trying to process what happened to me, before standing up, feeling the grass under my bare feet, trying to piece together what was happening to me. I calmly assess my situation. I was alone in a forest at night and seemed to be in a child's body for some reason. I think logically my first thought was to get out of this forest and get help.

Before doing that I was concerned, worried, and also curious about what I look like or what state I'm in right now. Coincidently I spot a nearby puddle of water near the trees and bushes I was lying on. Huh. Convenient.

I walked to the puddle, knelt, and stared at my reflection in the puddle of water. I looked and saw the expressionless face of a young pale brown-haired girl. Dead-looking purple eyes stared back at me.

[Reflection]

My hand touched my cheek as I confirmed what I already knew to be true and felt numbed-out pain like pinching my arm before. 'This... This isn't my face. My face doesn't look like... ' Then I pictured what I looked like before and... nothing came up.

I... I can't remember my face. 

Why can't I remember my face?

I know I was not this young before, I certainly know I wasn't a child. I know I didn't have pale brown hair. I know I didn't have purple eyes and I know that I don't make that kind of expression.

'Then... What did I look like before? Why can't I remember what I looked like yet know that this face and features are not mine?' I should probably be freaking out right about now and yet why am I so calm? I feel somewhat shocked, afraid, and alarmed right now but it feels... distant. 

I look around my surroundings before looking back at the puddle of water noticing something on top of my head. Two protrusions sticking out are those...

'Horns...?' I touched them slightly with one of my hands, and I felt them firmly on my head. I know- I should Really, really be panicking right now. Yet why am I... so calm...? The worry, fear, and panic that I should really be feeling right now feel so numb. It's like I physically can't bring them out. I looked back at my reflection again. My stoic expression stared back and it seemed vaguely familiar... Like I have seen this face before...

Wait. I know this face. It's that demon child from Frieren in a flashback. The one that ate one of the villager's daughters. The one that the village chief took in as their child and in return killed him, Burned the house down, and took his daughter as a tribute and a hostage—before dying not understanding. Not knowing what it did wrong. I remember that happening somewhat after finishing the anime. I was about to read the manga for more before coming here...

Oh... I am in the body of that demon girl's body.

I was a demon in Frieren.

A demon in the world of Frieren: Beyond Journey's End.

.

.

.

"Fuck." I said in a monotone yet shaky voice. My reflection showed my widened shaken eyes and shivering frame, I truly felt something instead of dullness or numbness of my emotions.

Fear.

_________________________

After I'd calmed down for a bit I sat near a tree my back leaning on the bark while holding my knees to my chest and staring at the night sky. It's been thirty minutes since I realized I was in the world of Frieren as a demon It feels surreal. From what I can tell I'm in the body of this demon child before she ate the villager mother's daughter which is good. I'm still slightly shaken by my situation here as well as my lost memories of my past life.

I can't remember what my face looked like before, my family, my friends, or my name either. But I remember what my life had been like and what I felt.

I was an introverted high school student with pretty decent grades for being an Asian girl studying health to be a doctor, I had a good family with a cute little sister that I loved dearly, and I had a small friend group where we do a bit of tomfoolery and we would probably have faced life imprisonment if they saw the group chat. I was content. I was happy back then. I held my knees tighter, closed my eyes, and lowered my head to my knees.

Now It's fucking gone. All fucking gone. Sure one time ago I wanted to be Isekai'd but I realized back then that It would kinda suck leaving your loved ones behind, I'm not someone else that I would just abandon their past life. I had family and responsibilities. I was content, happy, loved, and had a good life in my past life.

Now I can't even remember their faces or names anymore. The love I remember and felt feels alien to me now, It's like I can't physically feel the love I felt in during my past life yet I know and remember what it was like and felt like and now I'm fucking stuck in a world at this very time at war with psychopathic human-killing demons, And I fucking one of them.

Then I noticed that I was actually feeling frustrated over what was happening to me. It was not numbed out or dulled. Like my confusion for the first time happening to me and actually fear when I found out where exactly am I and what am I. But some of my emotions felt distant, dulled, 'artificial', or numbed out.

I know that the demons in Frieren are monsters that descendants of an unnamed species of monsters who could shout for "help" as a way to lure their victims that evolved into a humanoid form as well as the ability to mimic human behavior more accurately as a way to deceive better and trick humans.

"Wild beasts who imitate human speech but can't be communicated with." as Frieren described. (Someone I hope to never meet anytime soon If I want to live. Don't wanna get blasted and disintegrated like this demon's original fate.)

Demons are by their very nature liars and will talk to humans to manipulate them into dropping their guard and sparing them, though they only know how to use words without knowing their meaning. (Like what this original demon's body did in the future, it would cry for "mother" whenever cornered in an attempt to gather pity from humans that would kill her.)

While demons have been shown to feel emotions, they do not feel the same emotions as humans do (Which explains why some of the feelings I felt and remembered in my past life felt so alien and strange to me.) as a result they are incompatible with human ideas of morality. Intelligent creatures that are naturally proficient with magic.

I opened my eyes widening slightly and raised my head at the realization. Magic... Yes with magic could I create a spell that allows me to be myself again? Be able to feel my emotions freely? Get my memories back? Go back... home? Would that actually work?

The world of Frieren's magic system is about manifesting things into existence. As long as you can visualize and believe it would happen even if it's seemingly impossible.

I uncurled my knees and sat crosswise I closed my eyes again and focused. I felt something flowing dormant within me. I feel it circulating all around my body. Instinctively I activate my Mana out and a colorless aura courses around me. Surrounding my body.

I opened my eyes, raised my hand, and saw the Mana spreading and flowing around me. I smiled slightly feeling a hint of excitement and certainly pride of what I just achieved. (I can't tell if the pride I'm feeling is really from me or just my demon body reacting. Probably from both.) 

I had a chance. It's a chance to get everything back. To be able to feel my emotions again, remember what I have forgotten, And go back home. I had a chance to get it all back-

*Grumble*

Then there was a grumbling and growling noise made from inside of me. I looked deadpan at my stomach, frowning slightly as I felt hungry.

.

.

.

I sighed and stood up guess I have to find some food then. There's probably some wildlife in this forest, right? So berries or fruit as well?

...Now that I'm realizing it I'm probably near the village in the flashback. I don't think I want to have contact with the villagers right now. I also want to avoid eating humans for obvious reasons (I don't want to lose more of myself and my humanity.) and I don't know how I would react to meeting a human as a demon. I thought as I wandered to the forest, and my mana unconsciously flowed around me.